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Stupid Things People Say to Cancer Survivors

24

Comments

  • GOOFYLADIE
    GOOFYLADIE Member Posts: 232
    I can beat all those
    This beats all of those and it came from my MOTHER! We had to drive about an hour and a half to my chemo treatments so after my first chemo treatment my mom was starved. We went to a restaurant and we ordered our drinks while deciding what to eat. They brought my ice tea and I was waiting for the girl to bring honey to put in my tea. So my mom just tossed me a packet of sweetnlow and she said yep "you know they say that could give you cancer" I just looked at her. I knew it wasn't registering with her what she had just said. Finally,we both fell apart laughing. She had been so upset all day and worried, that it wasn't sinking in. I am the youngest of 5 children and the only girl and she just lost it. We cracked up!!! It seemed to be a great release for her. Thanks for being here you guys, all these years with so much unsaid, well I have a mouth and I say it. But not nearly enough to get the word out, so thank you. I love this bunch!!! Goofyladie (Cass)
  • 2bhealed
    2bhealed Member Posts: 2,064

    I have one more
    My husband called from work and I told him about this thread and he said "you didn't tell them what your first doctor said" So here it is:
    "I'LL MAKE YOU AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE" he had me on my death bed no questions asked. What a damn dork! 11 years!LOL
    Goofyladie (Cass)

    In what way??
    Too bad he didn't mean FINANCIALLY comfortable....hey doc, how 'bout spreading some of that wealth you make off our disease, hey?!

    If we live long enough we should get a part of their kick backs don't you think???

    HA!

    peace, emily
  • thready
    thready Member Posts: 474
    2bhealed said:

    In what way??
    Too bad he didn't mean FINANCIALLY comfortable....hey doc, how 'bout spreading some of that wealth you make off our disease, hey?!

    If we live long enough we should get a part of their kick backs don't you think???

    HA!

    peace, emily

    Funny Funny!!!
    Wow are people that, well you know!!!

    My surgeon said I did not need to have any CT scans before surgery because his eyes and hands were better than the CT Scan. He said he "could save us a couple thousand bucks"! (I did not have time to find another surgeon because I was close to obstruction, surgery went well)

    My Dad did not ask if I was o.k. or anything, he just wanted to know if I would loose my hair. I told him if I did it was just hair. I would rather save my life than my hair.

    One friend said that after chemo was over I would never have to diet again because chemo will make me really skinny forever. Wow the benifits of Chemo!!!!!!

    One friend asked the hair question, another chimmed in and said that Farrah did not want chemo that would cause her to loose her hair, so her delay in getting the hairloss treatment was the reason she died. (I thought she died because of cancer, silly me it is all about the hair!)
  • lesvanb
    lesvanb Member Posts: 905
    great thread!
    "Cancer is a journey"
    yah, you go buy the ticket, I'll pass thanks.
    My good pal and fellow cancer survivor pass each other in the halls at work here whispering that in a mincing voice to each other and then just howl.

    This is more gallows humor but this same friend, who works in IS, saw me in the kitchen at work and had heard I was getting a laptop to replace the desktop I had so I could work from home. He said. "Gee, people will do anything to get a laptop." i spit out my tea on the flor at that one.


    Leslie
  • thready said:

    Funny Funny!!!
    Wow are people that, well you know!!!

    My surgeon said I did not need to have any CT scans before surgery because his eyes and hands were better than the CT Scan. He said he "could save us a couple thousand bucks"! (I did not have time to find another surgeon because I was close to obstruction, surgery went well)

    My Dad did not ask if I was o.k. or anything, he just wanted to know if I would loose my hair. I told him if I did it was just hair. I would rather save my life than my hair.

    One friend said that after chemo was over I would never have to diet again because chemo will make me really skinny forever. Wow the benifits of Chemo!!!!!!

    One friend asked the hair question, another chimmed in and said that Farrah did not want chemo that would cause her to loose her hair, so her delay in getting the hairloss treatment was the reason she died. (I thought she died because of cancer, silly me it is all about the hair!)

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • kristasplace
    kristasplace Member Posts: 955
    Dumb doctor
    I think we've all experienced stupid comments from people, mostly based on ignorance, but the worst question i ever got was from an ER doctor after they had finished putting in an emergency catheter after radiation had caused WBC and crystals to block my urethra.

    He came in after they were done and i was relaxed. He sat down next to me and said, "you're the same age i am...How did you get this?"

    I thought it was a very odd question, but i knew what he was swimming for. I gave him an answer, but it wasn't one he liked, and left it at that.

    That, "you're so brave" comment is said to me by another cancer survivor friend of mine constantly. I think she is much braver than me. When i told her that i wasn't nearly as brave as her (she lost a breast, has horrible vascular problems, and is going to volunteer her healthy breast for removal), she told me she couldn't imagine anything worse than being blocked up and having to go to the bathroom a million times a day. Then i understood why she was saying that to me. She never sees me sulk and get depressed though what i'm going through is unimaginable to her. When i tell someone i think they're brave, i mean i think they're facing it better than most would, or better than I would. The comment can mean different things, but i was never comfortable with it, so i'm not going to use it anymore, even though i believe it, they may take it as i do.

    My aunt and Mother are guilty of constantly telling me to be positive. I hate this comment more than ANYTHING!! During my symptomatic years; especially towards the end, i was certain i had cancer. Everyone kept telling me to think positively, and that i was too young to have this cancer, so i kept denying it was cancer, and thought positively that it was something minor. Boy did it help!! Stage IIIc! I think the "thinking positively" statement is different from the "great attitude" statement, though i no longer believe that either will save us from dying if we're going to.

    My best friend was angry with me for choosing traditional treatment as well. But he didn't say much, or pressure me to harshly. I could just tell when i talked about how the treatments were affecting me that he didn't approve. I was scared because my cancer was advanced. I figured i'd give them a shot at it, and if they couldn't cure it, i'd go alternative. They didn't cure it, and the cancer not only further advanced, i developed a plethora of NEW illnesses as a result of the treatments. Now i'm doing alternative, and most of my secondary problems have vanished. Hopefully the cancer will too!

    Great thread, Em!

    Krista
  • Shayenne
    Shayenne Member Posts: 2,342
    maglets said:

    not mean
    Donna I did not mean to imply you were being mean....I just meant...is it not funny that we really all have heard these things

    and you are right donna....I have probably said them myself lol

    mags

    OH!
    I know that mags, I wasn't offended or anything, I was just saying...lol...

    Hugsss!
    ~Donna
  • thready
    thready Member Posts: 474

    Dumb doctor
    I think we've all experienced stupid comments from people, mostly based on ignorance, but the worst question i ever got was from an ER doctor after they had finished putting in an emergency catheter after radiation had caused WBC and crystals to block my urethra.

    He came in after they were done and i was relaxed. He sat down next to me and said, "you're the same age i am...How did you get this?"

    I thought it was a very odd question, but i knew what he was swimming for. I gave him an answer, but it wasn't one he liked, and left it at that.

    That, "you're so brave" comment is said to me by another cancer survivor friend of mine constantly. I think she is much braver than me. When i told her that i wasn't nearly as brave as her (she lost a breast, has horrible vascular problems, and is going to volunteer her healthy breast for removal), she told me she couldn't imagine anything worse than being blocked up and having to go to the bathroom a million times a day. Then i understood why she was saying that to me. She never sees me sulk and get depressed though what i'm going through is unimaginable to her. When i tell someone i think they're brave, i mean i think they're facing it better than most would, or better than I would. The comment can mean different things, but i was never comfortable with it, so i'm not going to use it anymore, even though i believe it, they may take it as i do.

    My aunt and Mother are guilty of constantly telling me to be positive. I hate this comment more than ANYTHING!! During my symptomatic years; especially towards the end, i was certain i had cancer. Everyone kept telling me to think positively, and that i was too young to have this cancer, so i kept denying it was cancer, and thought positively that it was something minor. Boy did it help!! Stage IIIc! I think the "thinking positively" statement is different from the "great attitude" statement, though i no longer believe that either will save us from dying if we're going to.

    My best friend was angry with me for choosing traditional treatment as well. But he didn't say much, or pressure me to harshly. I could just tell when i talked about how the treatments were affecting me that he didn't approve. I was scared because my cancer was advanced. I figured i'd give them a shot at it, and if they couldn't cure it, i'd go alternative. They didn't cure it, and the cancer not only further advanced, i developed a plethora of NEW illnesses as a result of the treatments. Now i'm doing alternative, and most of my secondary problems have vanished. Hopefully the cancer will too!

    Great thread, Em!

    Krista

    Where do they come from?
    I probably have been guilty of saying stupid things in the past, I just can't or do not choose to remember them, but right after I got home from the hospital after surgery my neighbor came over, she was being supportive but had to tell me the story about her sisters fiance who was having his spleen removed because his white count would not come back up, she said he has colon cancer.
    Yea more wonderful news!!!

    Krista I also really hate the "thinking positive" thing.
    Jan
  • patsy1954
    patsy1954 Member Posts: 85
    Just Finished Round 12 Of Folfox
    Just finished round 12 of Folfox just an hour ago. Came home and had a card from my sister-in-law. States, "Yahoo, your all done chemo, call me when you plan your party, we want to come." WHAT! All done chemo, she must know something I don't know! Guess she has a crystal ball and knows that next weeks CT scan will be negative. If I had a party, she wouldn't be invited!

    Pat
  • GOOFYLADIE
    GOOFYLADIE Member Posts: 232
    patsy1954 said:

    Just Finished Round 12 Of Folfox
    Just finished round 12 of Folfox just an hour ago. Came home and had a card from my sister-in-law. States, "Yahoo, your all done chemo, call me when you plan your party, we want to come." WHAT! All done chemo, she must know something I don't know! Guess she has a crystal ball and knows that next weeks CT scan will be negative. If I had a party, she wouldn't be invited!

    Pat

    LOL
    I understand that one completely!! I had one of those too!!!
    Make it a great day!!!!
    Goofyladie (Cass)
  • Betsydoglover
    Betsydoglover Member Posts: 1,248
    Stupid things people say...........
    So, back in 2005 when I was diagnosed a friend - actually a good one - said "Well, at least you know what you're going to die of - most of us don't." Yikes! I mean she does have a point, but please give me a break - that's not exactly the most supportive thing I've ever heard!

    Betsy
    (Stage IV, long story, NED for 3+ years (and 3 off chemo), solitary lung nodule detected 11/08, removed 4/09. did another 6 cycles of Xeloda and Avastin, continuing on Avastin only, still NED (again) since surgery and most recently based on CT and PET scans in the last 3 weeks.)
  • amyboston
    amyboston Member Posts: 91
    KathiM said:

    GREAT thread!!!!! Let's see......
    Now that I'm almost 5 years out..."Well, it's like you never had cancer at all" (Come to my house, after dinner, almost every night, and count the trips to the toilet).

    Another recent one - "Well, don't you think you should clean out your colon each month, since you already know you can get cancer from a dirty colon?" (WHAT???????? Is that like sitting on a public toilet seat?????)

    From another colon cancer survivor (of all people...) "Can't you just stop thinking about it? After all, what's in the past is in the past". (I hugged her...offered her some popcorn just to see her 'past' - she polite refused, and then appologized).

    During treatment "Oh, you are so brave!" (Brave? Do you think I CHOSE to get cancer, just to battle it and show my strength and bravery?)


    I can remember many of the ones from you guys' other posts...sad, really, that the world shows such ignorance and lack of compassion....

    Hugs to you all, and keep on keepin' on...and, if you have nothing better to do some night, I sell tickets for the entertainment....my beau just shakes his head...

    Hugs, Kathi

    stupid things
    I was told to "be strong."

    Another one," don't cry."

    And, "You're feeling ok now, aren't you."

    I am sure there will be others.

    Amy
  • kristasplace
    kristasplace Member Posts: 955
    Robo Krista
    I forgot to mention a co-worker called me Robo Krista when i first started the 5FU pump because of the weird electronic noise it makes.

    I thought it was hilarious, and made me feel less like someone who had one foot in the grave. I remember in the beginning what bothered me more than anything was that "look" people would give me when they found out i had cancer. I think we all know that "look". Their expression suddenly changes to, "i'm looking at the walking dead...poor thing!"

    Hugs,
    Krista
  • Patteee
    Patteee Member Posts: 945
    robinvan said:

    Great Thread!!

    What happens in Stage 5? :):)

    Rob; in Van

    OMG

    OMG
  • dianetavegia
    dianetavegia Member Posts: 1,942
    Beth Moore said...
    Many of our ladies will know who Beth Moore is, well she tells the story of how she was working in a health club as a very young woman and an obese woman came in to be measured. The lady was very ashamed of her measurements and weight so to make her feel better, Beth said 'Well at least you have a nice tan!' The woman answered that she had cancer that had spread to her liver. Beth said she told the woman 'Wall it looks good on you'. She said she's never gotten over how bad she felt for saying that.
  • cowman
    cowman Member Posts: 61
    This is Nothing
    My brother told me "this is nothing" I know of so and so and he had the same thing and he's fine now.
    Such ignorance.....10 dr's probing my butt, 6 weeks of radiation and chemo before surgery, extreme pain every morning when I sit on the pot....blahblah blah - I don't have to tell you guys but all that and then painful sugery that I wasn't prepared for, blood clots, colostomy, etc- I don't call that "nothing"!

    I know his intent was to encourage but when they really don't have a clue of what we are dealing with......it's a little stupid! I don't hate people for what they say if their intent is good.

    kevin
  • jillpls
    jillpls Member Posts: 238
    funny/stupid response to cancer
    I had a lady at my church come up to me, tug on my hair and say "well you still have your hair!".
  • 2bhealed
    2bhealed Member Posts: 2,064
    PhillieG said:

    That's good
    Things happen in three's so John's safe!

    AH HA!
    So you're the one behind the crash today! Figures! Playing hooky again from work stirring up trouble. Uh huh. Don't hide. We know.
  • 2bhealed
    2bhealed Member Posts: 2,064

    Robo Krista
    I forgot to mention a co-worker called me Robo Krista when i first started the 5FU pump because of the weird electronic noise it makes.

    I thought it was hilarious, and made me feel less like someone who had one foot in the grave. I remember in the beginning what bothered me more than anything was that "look" people would give me when they found out i had cancer. I think we all know that "look". Their expression suddenly changes to, "i'm looking at the walking dead...poor thing!"

    Hugs,
    Krista

    OMG! The Look!
    Yes, the "look". I pray I never give anyone the "look" ever in my life so help me God!


    Honey, you never had one foot in the grave....that was Bab's sister's friend at the wedding that had one foot in the grave.

    (sorry, I couldn't resist).
  • lizzydavis
    lizzydavis Member Posts: 893
    jillpls said:

    funny/stupid response to cancer
    I had a lady at my church come up to me, tug on my hair and say "well you still have your hair!".

    I can certainly relate to most of these especially the look.
    I can certainly relate to most of these especially the look. So what do YOU say to someone who has cancer that is comforting?