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Lying to children: a funny true story

lindaprocopio's picture
Posts: 2022
Joined: Oct 2008

My 8 year old granddaughter saw my dilator and lubricant lying on my bed stand this afternoon, and asked "What's this, Grammy?"

I answered "It's for my cancer, honey", hoping she'd let it go. No chance.

"What do you do with it?" Channelling my own grandmother, (who told me as a child that the big box of Kotex and little box of tampons in our bathroom were "First Aid supplies" that I must not touch so that no germs would get on "the big bandages"), I said, "I use this applicator" (picking up the dilator) "to apply this special cream to my belly scar. You can't get that stuff on your fingers."

I know; I KNOW, you all probably think I should have just told her the truth, but I wouldn't want to answer to my son and DIL if she went home with a decription of how I REALLY use the dilator! HA!

She's a precocious little thing. Last week she asked me what "puberty" was, telling me that she knew it must be something that happened to you when you were 13 because the neighbor girl told her that puberty was why she was so hungry all the time. I dodged that question, too, knowing that her mother would prefer to talk with her personally and I would be overstepping me bounds. I just said "I think it's when you start to get breasts." She replied. "That WOULD make you hungry!", and seemed satisfied.

As for my own grandmother, she backed up her story of what Kotex was, by using the pads, soaked in her own homemade poison ivy solution, to dry up our poison ivy. My brothers, sisters, and I would run around the neighborhood playing with our little friends with Kotex pads tied around our scrawny legs and arms. ARGH! No wonder I am so warped! HA!

daisy366's picture
Posts: 1493
Joined: Mar 2009

I think you did a FINE job. You are lucky to have grandchildren!!!

kkstef's picture
Posts: 706
Joined: May 2008

Linda....I am still chuckling. You handled the situation very well. I don't think I could have kept my composure!

This did remind me of a story my dear Mother told. Her "Homemaker's club" met every month and the women always brought their non-school age children along as there were no sitters. The ladies had had their lesson and were just having their coffee and dessert when the hostess looked out her window and saw all of the little kids out playing football in the yard with kotex tied around their elbows and knees for pads......Mom said, the poor thing nearly died of embarrassment. Luckily it was on a farm so not a lot traffic!

Aren't kids wonderful?!!!


Gunhild's picture
Posts: 37
Joined: Jul 2009

What a cute story. I have 12 grandchildren so have had many questions that I wasn't quite sure what I should give as an answer. You did a great job.

My poor Mother in law almost fainted when my four year old told her that her pocketbook looked pregnant. I remember her looking at me like what in the world are you teaching these kids. She was a wonderful mother in law, just conservative.

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