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Just curious

Posts: 119
Joined: Jan 2007

I'm having a hard time with the phone calls, questions, etc., etc., regarding my diagnosis. All I talk about is "cancer". Just wondering if anyone anyone else has gotten tired of talking about it and rehashing the past events? I do know this is normal for people who care to want to let me know they are there for me but I feel I don't have a real life right now. I know part of it is that I'm not working and I miss the happenings of real life at the office and life!!

Am I an awful person???

Posts: 120
Joined: Apr 2004

Your not an awful person at all. My husband feels the same way. I don't blame you for wanting the normal part of your life back.

valeriec's picture
Posts: 350
Joined: Oct 2006

Nope, not awful at all. My mom feels the same way. When I am at their house they(my parents) have asked me to handle all the phone calls and neighbors. My mom has said the same thing....All i ever talk about is CANCER!! And I know she would love to have her real life back. I struggle with it too, and have a hard time excepting that this is our life now. I handle it by saying at the end of every day....today is over and tomorrow will be better!
God bless-

Posts: 1961
Joined: Aug 2003

I can empathize! Although I find it useful to discuss stuff with one or two close friends, I really don't want to rehash with every friend and acquintance. Of course I understand that friends care about me and I appreciate that. When people call me, I try to turn the conversation as quickly as possible to THEM -- sometimes I even tell people I am desperate to talk about anything other than my own health! It can be useful to have someone 'field' calls, or to be a 'point person' (you tell one person, and then any others can check in with that person). Right after diagnosis and when treatment is being planned that can be particularly useful. The love and support of friends and family is invaluable, but I believe we also have to protect ourselves emotionally -- we sometimes know what we need and what we don't.

Posts: 1048
Joined: Jan 2007

Nope your not awful. Everybody handles this in their own way. There is nothing awful about wanting to have a sense of normalcy in your life and certainly nothing wrong with not wanting it to take over every aspect of your life. Tara's advice is right on - turn the conversation around when you don't want to talk about it. They'll get the hint. Keep the faith!

katefm's picture
Posts: 112
Joined: Oct 2006

Just a suggestion: my husband got sick of talking about it FAST, so we set up a blog where everyone can view his progress online. That way people don't have to ask us about his health. It also stopped the phone from ringing off the hook. We love hearing from people and like to know that they care...but...sometimes it's nice to talk about something other than cancer. The blog allows us to do that since we also post other happenings in our lives.

I think one of the hard things is that sometimes when you're not talking about it you're thinking about it. And the minute you don't think about it someone brings it up in conversation and you're thinking about it again! Wouldn't it be great if there was a cancer on/off switch? At least in people's brains (if not in their bodies!) so that you could enjoy a moment's peace.

Best wishes to you-

chynabear's picture
Posts: 483
Joined: Jul 2005

You are feeling totally normal. It can be exhausting to repeat the same story over and over again.

I recommend Kate's suggestion. I thought about this after my father-in-law was in the hospital and the hospital offered web space and directions on how to set up an information page because they realized how exhausting it is for the patient and family to keep repeating the information.

I'm 2 1/2 years from dx and I am still tired of talking about it, for the most part. I mean, I don't mind old friends popping in to ask me how I'm doing and how my tests have been, but I HATE when there is a new nurse at the doctors office and I have to go through the whole, "OMG you were so young" thing again (dx day after I turned 27 with stage III)... or the whole story to them and the looks you receive. Typically, I don't usually even tell new friends just because I'm so tired of talking about it.

Funny enough, it is very hard for my husband to talk to me about my having cancer... but he's usually the one to tell other people that I had cancer and talks to them about it.


Posts: 719
Joined: Feb 2005

You are not awful at all. It might help to have a set thing to say - maybe more-so if you are tired and frustrated. I am not saying to not speak frankly to your friends, but sometimes, it is okay to just tell them a little...
It is funny, though...either people are super curious, or they are scared to death to even mutter the C-word...
Hang in there...it will get easier. All the best - Maura

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