Calling all caregivers! Advice needed!

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KathiM
KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
edited March 2014 in Colorectal Cancer #1
I just talked to my friend whose hubby is stage IV, colorectal...you know the story...can't do surgery, in liver, etc...on chemo...infusion number 5...just sunk in...scan due on Thursday to see progress...
He is really having bad mood swings...and is on TPN to help keep his weight on...and the care nurse is expecting my friend to do all the shots, etc..even tho SHE has a fight brewing with skin cancer...
What can I tell her? I am feeling like laying down the law to hubby...tell him how lucky he is, and to grow up...but should I? She mentioned anti-depressants (she is already on them) for him, but he is hesitant to take them...sigh...what a pickle!!!

Any and all advice would be helpful...

Thanks and hugs to all,
Kathi

Comments

  • changing
    changing Member Posts: 134
    #2
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    Hi, Is your friend involved with an area church or does she know someone who is involved, that could hook her up with a "Parish Nursing" program?They may be able to help her with doing the shots and giving her some additional help through social services and/or volunteers to help them through this tough time. Just a thought, Ginny
  • MarksKerry
    MarksKerry Member Posts: 34
    #3
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    Do they have any kids (big ones, that is)? This is the time to pull out all the stops -- counseling if hubby will go, and a succint coverstation with onc and care nurse. I would bet she's busted her butt forever meeting his needs and it's his 'due'. Unfortunately, it sounds as if she's about all in. Mark has been easy to care for in the scheme of things, but as I'm being diagnosed with either lupus or mixed connective tissue disease -- I've gotten to the point where I do what I can, and then I'm done. Is hospice any kind of an alternative? If a doc says 6 months or less, it's all covered -- my Dad was with hospice for 3 years! The doc was wrong!
  • midnte0708
    midnte0708 Member Posts: 166
    #4
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    Hi Kathi,

    Your story sounds a little famililar. I remember when my dad was first diagnosed my mother would tell me about his mood swings although he always was cheerful when he talked to me and acted like everything was fine. My mothers story was that he was a complete bear to be around and never knew what to expect from him. This eventually got better .....
    I don't know any words of wisdom to suggest you tell your friend ...it's a very difficult situation and I hope things improve for them. Good Luck,
    Sue
  • JustAnne
    JustAnne Member Posts: 13
    #5
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    My husband (also stage IV) had many mood swings while he was on chemo so I am very sympathetic. His moods are not quite as volitile since he has been off chemo, but he still has his moments. (Like you said, Grow up!) I have had some luck with "laying down the law" but I try to be sensitive since he is going through so much. He refuses to admit that he is depressed. I asked him after one of his tirades if he wanted our son (13) and me to move out since we seemed to make him so mad. He was very taken aback and has never lost it quite as much since then. Also, I try not to jump at every whim he has but let him think through what he has said or asked. Sometimes he realizes that he was out of line without me having to say anything.
  • oneagleswings
    oneagleswings Member Posts: 425 Member
    #6
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    ok...Am I missing something..a person with terminal- inoperable cancer told to grow up because of mood swings....you all must be joking..can you not put yourself in that persons shoes for even a pico second and feel what it must be like to know you are going to die and know HOW most likely you are going to die (dieing with cancer is not a pretty sight)...my husband has horrible mood swings, is miserable alot of the time, not alot of patience but I treasure every rant or miserable comment he makes BECAUSE HE IS ALIVE...I know all too well that when he is gone..I would give anything for him to be back even for 5 minutes of bitching...
    Bev
  • Patrusha
    Patrusha Member Posts: 487
    #7
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    Take it from me, the Prozac Queen. Mood swings can be signs of depression. Kathi, perhaps you can convince your friend and her husband to talk to the doctors about this. They see it all the time and often prescribe anti-depressant meds. It's all a part of fighting the beast.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #8
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    changing said:

    Hi, Is your friend involved with an area church or does she know someone who is involved, that could hook her up with a "Parish Nursing" program?They may be able to help her with doing the shots and giving her some additional help through social services and/or volunteers to help them through this tough time. Just a thought, Ginny

    Thanks, Ginny....she has checked that out...no go, but I am going up there tomorrow to have dinner, and lend a hand!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #9
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    MarksKerry said:

    Do they have any kids (big ones, that is)? This is the time to pull out all the stops -- counseling if hubby will go, and a succint coverstation with onc and care nurse. I would bet she's busted her butt forever meeting his needs and it's his 'due'. Unfortunately, it sounds as if she's about all in. Mark has been easy to care for in the scheme of things, but as I'm being diagnosed with either lupus or mixed connective tissue disease -- I've gotten to the point where I do what I can, and then I'm done. Is hospice any kind of an alternative? If a doc says 6 months or less, it's all covered -- my Dad was with hospice for 3 years! The doc was wrong!

    Wow! 3 years! That was quite a present for you to have your dad for so much longer. Yes, they have big kids...but they have been dx'ed this year with some health troubles, too....
    I'm going to try to help....thank you so much for the advice!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #10
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    midnte0708 said:

    Hi Kathi,

    Your story sounds a little famililar. I remember when my dad was first diagnosed my mother would tell me about his mood swings although he always was cheerful when he talked to me and acted like everything was fine. My mothers story was that he was a complete bear to be around and never knew what to expect from him. This eventually got better .....
    I don't know any words of wisdom to suggest you tell your friend ...it's a very difficult situation and I hope things improve for them. Good Luck,
    Sue

    Thank you, Sue....just to know that others have had the same thing will be a help to her....

    Hugs, kathi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #11
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    JustAnne said:

    My husband (also stage IV) had many mood swings while he was on chemo so I am very sympathetic. His moods are not quite as volitile since he has been off chemo, but he still has his moments. (Like you said, Grow up!) I have had some luck with "laying down the law" but I try to be sensitive since he is going through so much. He refuses to admit that he is depressed. I asked him after one of his tirades if he wanted our son (13) and me to move out since we seemed to make him so mad. He was very taken aback and has never lost it quite as much since then. Also, I try not to jump at every whim he has but let him think through what he has said or asked. Sometimes he realizes that he was out of line without me having to say anything.

    I agree, Anne...I remember I was quite the bear on chemo...maybe he just doesn't realize how much pain he is causing, since HE has so much.... Thank you for the advice...I will pass it along!

    Hugs, kathi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #12
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    oneagleswings said:

    ok...Am I missing something..a person with terminal- inoperable cancer told to grow up because of mood swings....you all must be joking..can you not put yourself in that persons shoes for even a pico second and feel what it must be like to know you are going to die and know HOW most likely you are going to die (dieing with cancer is not a pretty sight)...my husband has horrible mood swings, is miserable alot of the time, not alot of patience but I treasure every rant or miserable comment he makes BECAUSE HE IS ALIVE...I know all too well that when he is gone..I would give anything for him to be back even for 5 minutes of bitching...
    Bev

    Bev, you have an excellent point, which is why I posted this thread! I really only know from the survivor side...I guess my struggle is that she, too, is under a heavy burden, and it would break my heart to see her go under...thanks for the sobering up!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #13
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    Patrusha said:

    Take it from me, the Prozac Queen. Mood swings can be signs of depression. Kathi, perhaps you can convince your friend and her husband to talk to the doctors about this. They see it all the time and often prescribe anti-depressant meds. It's all a part of fighting the beast.

    Grand idea, my dear! She is having me to dinner tomorrow night, so I hope I can help a little. My fight was so straightforward...but I have 'Silver Boxed' some of it...chemo brain can be a GREAT thing!

    Hugs, Kathi
  • finner
    finner Member Posts: 230 Member
    #14
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    KathiM said:

    Grand idea, my dear! She is having me to dinner tomorrow night, so I hope I can help a little. My fight was so straightforward...but I have 'Silver Boxed' some of it...chemo brain can be a GREAT thing!

    Hugs, Kathi

    Well said Bev. i have a scan next Thursday and yesterday started to feel very scared and downbeat. I was thinking about it last night and womdering, if the news is bad, how the f**k am I going to manage to stay sane, never mind civil.
    Bev, got a number for that other place so don't worry about it.

    Margo
  • nudgie
    nudgie Member Posts: 1,478 Member
    #15
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    Hey Girl!!! I am soo sorry for your friend and the situation she is in. This type of situation is very hard to help with, but what helped me through my difficult times was turning back to church and God. If they belong to a church, have her speak with them. They have people that are really willing to help in times of need. When it comes to giving the shots, if she is NOT comfortable have her speak with his Onc Nurse to see if the hospital has any programs and check with his insurance company to see if it would cover a care nurse to give the shots.

    Believe it Kathy, GOD does not give us more than what we can handle and he REALLY hears our prayers.
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #16
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    finner said:

    Well said Bev. i have a scan next Thursday and yesterday started to feel very scared and downbeat. I was thinking about it last night and womdering, if the news is bad, how the f**k am I going to manage to stay sane, never mind civil.
    Bev, got a number for that other place so don't worry about it.

    Margo

    Yup, Margo...I have seen the light...the miracles do happen, but I think I will volunteer to go with them to HIS scan on Thursday....I'm sending strong vibes that yours turns out well!

    Hugs, kathi
  • KathiM
    KathiM Member Posts: 8,028 Member
    #17
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    nudgie said:

    Hey Girl!!! I am soo sorry for your friend and the situation she is in. This type of situation is very hard to help with, but what helped me through my difficult times was turning back to church and God. If they belong to a church, have her speak with them. They have people that are really willing to help in times of need. When it comes to giving the shots, if she is NOT comfortable have her speak with his Onc Nurse to see if the hospital has any programs and check with his insurance company to see if it would cover a care nurse to give the shots.

    Believe it Kathy, GOD does not give us more than what we can handle and he REALLY hears our prayers.

    Thank you, my dear! They are VERY active with their church, and many people are involved. I will know more after tonight, but it sounds like they REALLY need to get on HERE! (I have been 'suggesting' before this, but NOW I will INSIST!!!).
    There is so much good here, and I WILL get them involved, at least sit them down, and get on tonight!

    Thank you all for your help!!!! To quote another "semi-colons ROCK!!!"

    BIG hugs for all......

    Hugs, Kathi

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