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Where did my life go?

Posts: 19
Joined: Oct 2005

Hi. It has been almost a year since my surgery, and 4 mos since my last chemo. I don't know if this is the forum I should be on, but my husband walked out on me a month ago. Literally, without an explanation or clue why and I have not heard from him since. The day before he told me that he was used to me being happy and laughing and then my mom passed away so I was sad, and then I got cancer. I almost feel guilty for getting cancer. I am no kid here, (46), and understand that this is horrible behavior and a spoiled selfish man that I am married to, but it still hurts. Our 2 yr anniversary would be tomorrow. I just feel like why did I survive cancer to live like this?

reinstones1's picture
Posts: 92
Joined: Feb 2006

Shame on him. But you don't deserve to be with someone as selfish and unkind as that-- so you'll have to be strong and believe that better things are in store for you. If he's the type to walk out, then he would have done it at some point anyway.

I don't mean to sound harsh. My heart aches for you-- it's a horrible thing to be going through, and I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling.

Try to remember that you've survived the death of your mother and a diagnosis of cancer for a REASON. Maybe that reason isn't to spend the rest of your life with your husband, but YOU ARE MEANT FOR BETTER THINGS.

You're grieving and in shock right now-- but just like you survived cancer, you will survive this. It just takes TIME and DISTANCE.

My best to you, and I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Posts: 19
Joined: Oct 2005

Thank you so much. I know you are right and as you stated, I am in shock. I can't believe that he would do this, but perhaps there is a reason for everything. I certainly am not having a pity party, but sometimes I just feel alone and needed to vent. Your reply meant alot to me and I appreciate it. Cancer, as horrible as it is, has opened my heart and eyes to many wonderful people and a whole new attitude. Thank you.

lbinmsp's picture
Posts: 266
Joined: Jun 2006

I am so sad to hear that this has happened to you. He sounds like a spoiled little child who likes being the center of attention. Your cancer and your mother's death took the focus off of him for too long so he bailed. He's got a lot of growing up to do and you didn't marry him to be his mother. You've survived some of the worst things - your own cancer and the death of your mother. You'll find you'll not only survive this coward's departure - you'll grow and thrive and continue on your own road to health (we pray) and sharing your amazing life and story with others who may need your strength and insight somewhere in the future.

God bless!

Posts: 9
Joined: Jul 2006

dreamrer - wow, what a harsh pill to swallow. I have no answer (doubt he has a true, valid one, either) -- but, this is about YOU. I know it is easy to say "let the guy go and move one" -- but, that isn't reality. So, first, focus on yourself . . . he'll always be there . . . no need to run back to him, worry about him. Take care of yourself. You can always email me if you'd like. Surround yourself with GOOD and TRUE . . . everyone/everything else is just baggage . . . and, for me, cancer is baggage enough without a grown-up adding to it. Can I hear an "amen"? *smiles*

Posts: 19
Joined: Oct 2005

Laurie...first of all, AMEN!!! And yes, this is one hard pill to swallow. I am having such a hard time, it's like I am in such a depression over such a thoughtless man. Thank you for writing and write me anytime.

Posts: 1
Joined: Nov 2004

Boy do I understand you. My husband didnt leave but he gave me very little support (at one point he even called me a hypocondriac. I am sure he cares but he is also afraid and wont admit it. SoI fill my life my by refusing to give in. I do all the things I love to do and attend all family functions. just this year I flew to Las Vegas for my son's wedding, attended my grandsons first communion and my grandaughters high school graduation (all things I thought I would never be ble to do when I was diagnosed with lung cancer. Thats what you live for. Dont give up. Keep doing the things you want and love to do. And keep fighting to get well. I truly believe that your attitude means a lot. If you can accept the diagnosis of cancer and learn how to live with it you can learn to live with the departure of some man who probably didnt deserve you in the first place. Good luck and let us know how you are doing.

Posts: 20
Joined: Jun 2006

My heart goes out to you. My family has been so supportive of my father, I can't imagine where he would be without us. You must be an amazing, strong woman and you should be very proud of that.

Posts: 11
Joined: Jul 2006

Okay guys.. I'm not supporting this buffone..but as a Husband and a caregiver I can tell you it's tough hanging in there on this side. I can't tell you the number of times I have wanted to do extactly the same thing... What stops me... I think back to the better times and have faith we will have times like that again. Yes shame on him for leaving you but.. And stop the guilt trip. You had absolutely no control on aquiring this infliction. I mean really.. My dad has always said.. Life is what happens while you are making plans...

My colleauge always says.. Ya gotta pull up your boot straps and and get on with the fishing...

either way... I know it hurts to loose this guy but... what was he worth if he didn't stay with you.. I guess he missed that part about for better or worse, in sickness or health..

Let hope he is never inflicted with such a disease.. unlikely aynone will stay around to help him.. then will he be...

Hang in there.. you will find a better person of greater quality down the road...

Plymouthean's picture
Posts: 264
Joined: Jan 2004

Hi. First, - you did nothing to deserve his leaving. But the fact that he did leave says volumes about him, and none of it is good. Of course it hurts. But the hurt will pass, and you will move on to better things. You say that you're no kid. Actually, at your age, your in the prime of your life, and you can have a great future. You have, indeed, survived cancer for a reason. Take good care of No. 1! Who deserves it more? Keep in mind that every day is the first day of the rest of your life. Go for it!

Posts: 9
Joined: May 2006

Hi dreamer...this man does not deserve you and your heart and soul will heal in time and you will find Mr. Right. I have SCLC and still in treatment, last Chemo on 8-9..Yeah...hang in there, I know it`s a rough road but you are a strong woman...you made it through some rough cancer treatments...Take care Kerstin

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