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New to this monster they call Cancer

Mo67
Posts: 17
Joined: Jun 2004

I have been reading so many of your emails and have been touched by the lot of you. My boyfriend has been fighting colon cancer for over 2 years now with some but little results. He has received his limit of chemo and is back to radiation treatments 3 times a week,while also taking a multitude of drugs. He finally went for a second opinion and the doctor told him that right now they are simply maintaining the cancer from spreading but that surgery (removing half his stomach) will get rid of the cancer in it's entirety. My boyfriend says that he will only consider this course of action as a last result. He is afraid that with 1/2 his stomach gone (& with a colostomy) he will not be able to lead a fulling life.

He is a very strong man (both emotionally & physically) the doctor even told him that he didn't look like a man with cancer, however the fact of the matter is he does have cancer and I am afraid that as time goes by, and without the surgery I may lose him.

I know it is his choice but I wish there was something I could say or do to make him change his mind about the surgery...

Thank you for listening - you truly are an incredibly strong & passionate group.

God Bless you ALL!
Mo67

bryancarson's picture
bryancarson
Posts: 47
Joined: Jan 2004

I can relate to him...I am 31 and dealing with cancer for the second time. Tomorrow I am having hald of my liver removed...It's risk, but they are using the word cure. That is more important to me. I hope everything will get better. bless you.

StacyGleaso's picture
StacyGleaso
Posts: 1249
Joined: Mar 2003

Hi Mo,

Sorry to "meet" under such circumstances. Tell your boyfriend to stay strong. Don't lose hope. I was stage 4, as mine spread to two lymph nodes as well as my liver. They took 40% of my liver as a result, and have been clear ever since. My surgery will have had its 3 yr anniversary on Jan 22nd (Saturday!). People who knew me couldn't believe I was sick, as I had no side effects, and was SO blessed to land on my feet throughout everything.

Maybe get a second opinion regarding such a drastic surgery. What about any clinical trials in your area? In all reality, I think everyone here is really working at maintaining to keep the cancer away...either through active treatments, change in diets, or whatever. Maybe try to e-mail "2bhealed", real name is Emily, on this site. She fought her battle with alternative methods, no chemo. Maybe her diet choices will benefit your boyfriend...

Please keep us updated on the progress, no matter how great or small!

Stacy

slammer
Posts: 120
Joined: May 2004

Hello Mo, sorry for the news but like others have said things are possible even w/ 1/2 of organs, I really don't know, I don't have a coloscotmy but the say I have this reoccuracne & all and I don't act sick or feel sick with cancer eihter. Go figure! He'll be strong & tough & fight it! We have too, Best of luck to you all, my thoughts are with you
Amy

kangatoo's picture
kangatoo
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hiya Mo. Welcome, it is unfortunate that we have to meet under these circumstances.
I am not sure that the way to approach this is to try and make him change his mind. Rather, I would be more concerned with looking at his options more closely. I do not know how much detail of his options you have been told, or weather he is forthcoming-or wants to be--with those details.
Maybe you are able to discuss it with him further and with his doctors(with you present)
It is possible that you may not be able to be included in discussions with his doctor as you are not married(doctor/patient confidentiality).
Some cancer patients also find it difficult to discuss details with family/spouses/friends---and in your case, girlfriend. Approach him in an open AND supportive way. Understanding how he is feeling is almost impossible but understanding that listening to him talk about his cancer is very important, if he wishes to do that.
His choice of treatment will always be his--as long as he knows the options and the benefits/non-benefits. Most important of all..no matter how he feels..no matter which treatment option he chooses..you must respect HIS wishes.
Let us know how things go...we are here for you both,
luv n huggs from OZ, kanga n Jen

Kanort's picture
Kanort
Posts: 1275
Joined: Jan 2004

Hi Mo,

I am so sorry for your boyfriend's diagnosis and for you as his partner. If surgery would provide a cure, I certainly would try that route, but it does have to be his decision.

Please keep us posted on his progress.

Stay strong,

Kay

taunya's picture
taunya
Posts: 392
Joined: Jul 2002

I am sorry to hear about the difficult decisions your boyfriend is facing. Hang in there and get all of the information you can. Sometimes it is a matter of knowing all the possible options. Stay strong.
Taunya

bsrules
Posts: 296
Joined: Mar 2004

Hello!!! I see that you also call this a monster as I did and still do!! I can relate only to well how you are feeling!!! My husband just passed away due to this monster 4 weeks ago.

You want to do everything you can to help but unfortunately even though it si REALLY tough you have to let him decide what treatments he wants to do. I felt the same way so what I did was get as much information for every angle I could as they all say knowledge is power!!!!

The Dr.'s also told Bob how good he looked even though his was so advanced. That surgery is extreamly tough. I friend of mine had it done as a last resort it was a tough road to go but he didn't have a colostamy. Just get a second or even a third opinion and get all the info both for and against this so that you know every side of this!!!

Hang in there and keep supporting him with whatever way he chooses to go. It will be a VERY hard road for you but you will get through it!!!

Bob fought with everything that he had and when he realized that there was nothing else that could be done he still fought until he wasn't able to get around anymore and then he decided that he didn't want to fight anymore. It was the toughest things that I had to do to agree with him but I can't even imagin how tough it was for him!!! I just supported him with whatever disicion he made!!!

Hang in there and just take one step at a time!!! Live life to the fullest and enjoy every moment of every day even the rough ones!!!!

If you ever need to talk just email me and I will try to help you!!!! I have days when I can log on and then there are days when I can but I will try to check everyday to see if you need anything.

Hang in there!!! Hugs coming your way!!! Stay stronge and you will make it through this!!

Best Wishes!!!!

Sue

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