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Family Members Depression

Posts: 319
Joined: Jan 2003

Hi gang Iam still here, I was referred to a Liver specialist named Dr, Koneru of University Hospital in Newark New Jersey. Yes I'm a Jersey girl. This Doctor was on the team of surgeons for the first Liver Transplant,not that I have been told I need a transplant. There are procedures I have to go thru before the team determines my type of treatment. My problem is it hurts so bad to see my husband mother and father struggle with my diagnoses. I see the pain and suffering in their eyes and it hurts just as bad as being diagnosed with the 3rd Cancer I have. My Mother and father as I have mentioned are a old stroke Stroke victims. I try to take it easy on them with any news I get at times I lie some about things. My Mother I just took to the Doctor and was placed on Paxil. My father doesn't say to much but the eyes tell the story. I take care of both of them since their strokes. My Husband just started Paxil and Xanax as a result of my last diagnoses. The pain I have for them really hurt to see them like this. I try to stay up beat with them. The pain I have hurts just as bad as finding out that I had the Liver Cancer. I try to stay strong I guess I wish no one has to go thru this time after time. I guess You-all know what I mean about family its very hard. Livin

Btrcup's picture
Posts: 287
Joined: Jun 2004

Hi Livin, sorry to hear about your dilemma. From one Jersey girl to another. I live in Maryland now, but am from Belleville, NJ (right outside Newark). My hubby was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in Feb 2004. There are times I get so depressed, but I try not to let him see it. I know it would only bring him down.

You just hang in there. Our prayers are with you and everyone else on these boards.

Linda (still a Jersey girl at heart!)

kangatoo's picture
Posts: 2115
Joined: Feb 2004

Hiya Livin--hey--pretty natural response. I am a bit that way with my Jen. I tried not to let her see when I had a bad day and fell apart but she saw it in my eyes I think. Sometimes I think that it is hardest on family and carers. Somehow we all get thru it. I have an eldest son who has a hard time coming to terms with my cancer but I try to get across to him that things will be ok.
Hang in there--kanga n Jen

Anonymous user (not verified)

Livin, the pain you see in their eyes is only the scary and most sorrowful thought that the possibility exists that they may loose you and more importantly, they want to help so very, very much and don't know what to do to make it all go away and be better. I know...I am a caregiver but I will tell you, it's not so much pain as it is sheer frustration and anger. On some days it's so bad that I could just scream as what goes through my mind is total, absolute negativity (which I term devil's thoughts because GOD would never place such thoughts into my head). For a long time, my biggest fear was, quite frankly and honestly, who am I going to bury first...my mom or my husband. Both have cancer, as you know, and both are not old, and I love them both so very much. I too am on Meds to help me cope somewhat and things have gotten much better. Mom is stable, Bert is NED, and yet, I still carry the anger, anxiety, and worry with me. It's just part of loving someone, as your family loves you, and not being able to fix it. And it's also something that we as caregivers must come to grips with...as hard as it may seem for us to do. Some take a little longer than others; some see immediate doom and gloom with every little setback that this damn cancer can throw your way.

Please don't feel guilty...it's not YOU causing the look in their eyes, it's this damn disease. And I know you hurt more because you feel you are causing them pain. You're not...believe me, you're not. Cancer claims many victims...and not necessarily those affected by it physically, but also those who deal with it mentally.

Take some time for yourself, to "digest" this new bump in the road, and to look out for your best interests. Your family will make it through this, as WILL YOU!!!!!


Posts: 319
Joined: Jan 2003

Thank You all that replied. May God Bless you, Thank You. Montiel(a.k.a.) Livin

Posts: 5
Joined: Jan 2005


I am trying to get by as usual after the news of my brother's liver cancer. He went to a specialist Dr. Koneru. He offered him chemoebolization. Without treatment he has approximately 12 months. Is it worth going through it? Has anyone been through this? I can only do so much before I can't think and need to rest. My mother is so upset. The two of us go through this mixed emotions. He just got married two months ago. I was so excited, gave him a last minute wedding. She is doing her best to help him. I live so far and drive 250 miles or more one way to Newark for his Dr. visits. If he needs to stay for surgery where can the family stay overnight by University of Newark? please contact katzpur@aol.com

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