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Surviving and looking back

Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5504
Joined: Jan 2013

While searching old posts, looking for information that will help us track down Ron, I came across a thread by our dear friend, Craig - The Lion - long gone but not forgotten.   https://csn.cancer.org/node/253494  .  

I read MY reply, and was quite chuffed, as I was a newbie and still qutie shy.  

I would have just started chemo at this point, and I say how much I long for the day when Cancer doesn't invade my every thought.  I am happy to say I have found that day.  BUT, even though I am seven years NED, Cancer still dogs my thoughts at some point during the day. I have reconciled myself to the fact that this will be the case, while enjoying the joy of being NED. 

Across the years, I continue to be strenghtened by those who fight the fight. Those who will NOT give up. Those who have loved and lost, (our caregivers). And those who left memories and words when they passed the torch and took their journey to the other side. 

Lots of memories looking back. 

Just musing. 



Annabelle41415's picture
Posts: 6720
Joined: Feb 2009

Oh yes, dear Craig.  He signed a copy of a magazine that he was in when they were doing that robotic surgery.  He helped explain a lot to me when first getting here too.  He had long, but very informative posts and always with a sense of humor.  Being here since 2009, I've seen a lot come and go.  It's sad, but they leave such valuable information behind.  I'm glad that CSN quit deleting the posts from people that passed, as their information is so helpful to newbies here.


beaumontdave's picture
Posts: 1170
Joined: Aug 2013

I was still spotty about reading here in Jan. 2013, I hadn't been told mets had come back again, and Cindy was steady as they couldn't see specific regrowth for the fluids around the brain tumor area. We were holding our own and I didn't want to read anything about similar diagnoses and cancer coming back a third [or more] time. I don't recall reading Craig's soul-bearing thread then, but it was something to read it now. He really put it all out there. I too had all those questions and feelings, most of us will or did share his very human feelings regarding where he was, and what was to be hoped for. I look back now and see that he nailed so much of what was and is true for me. I'll never be ''passed'' cancer, it's altered far too much in me, and I don't feel the need to ''get beyond it'' in any sense. I'm in a very stable place with little anxiety about things, but what I went through, and Cindy's absence in this later season of my life are daily truths I hold as part of my life's path. In Stoicism, a constant reminder is the phrase "Momento Mori'', ''Remember You Will Die'', they even have a medallion you can carry, lol. The idea being that you need that reminder to guide your choices. If today is your last, or if all may be taken soon, that you hold dear, are you making choices that serve your goals and real needs? Stoicism and Mindfullness have helped me with many of Craig's questions. I'm much stronger in some ways, yet tender verging on raw in other ways. I really do take it a day at a time, staying mostly in the moment, and given the path I'm on, I enjoy my time,I enjoy not having to be the workhorse, bound to the grinding wheel, six or more days on some weeks. [I have no clue how I turned on Italics, lol]. I still enjoy hard work at times but my worn out ankles and feet impose sitting/lying about on alternate days, as an average. I enjoy that ''freedom too, in the sense that I can read, explore the internet, or just watch TV, while trying to do little chores as a healthy nod to moving around...................................I didn't mean to make this about me, but this is how I deal with those hard questions Craig asks. That my original dreams were shattered, or at least altered dramatically, doesn't preclude my finding meaning and whatever peace or satisfaction I can in what is left to me. Cat Steven's song "Moonshadow" says it very well, as do the books "Tuesdays With Morrie" and the one I'm currently re-reading, "Man's Search For Meaning". I regret not joining the conversations more with Craig, Jeff, and the others, who had the courage to express  their fears, doubts, and experiences, some even when they were at the end of their paths. I'm grateful to have read their words, and to learn what I've learned, including opening my thoughts and feelings to others, something I did very sparingly before this blog came to me. I'm grateful for all who share here.........................................................Dave

Trubrit's picture
Posts: 5504
Joined: Jan 2013

.I didn't mean to make this about me, but this is how I deal with those hard questions Craig asks. 

That is the idea, Dave.  You have to talk abuot you, that is how experiences are shared.  

You are SO eloquent.  Your posts are always pure gold. Thank you! 


NewHere's picture
Posts: 1340
Joined: Feb 2015

I had a chance to see some friends I had not seen in years over the weekend.  Different coasts, etc.  Had a couple of conversations about these things. Craig was one of my first friends here.  Amazing how quickly we can build those relationships with all of this.  I still remember breaking out crying when he passed away.  About 3 months after I joined....

Tueffel's picture
Posts: 310
Joined: Feb 2020

I cannot imagine how it is to be here for several years, still encouraging people to never give up and giving hope. Sometimes the bad newshere are just too much for me and I need a break from cancer but cancer still invades my thoughts. 

You are here and people who encourage you to never give up, loose the fight. At the beginning of the year a youtuber with the disease died and I didnt know her, still it was so different from other deaths I experienced and as a med student I do encounter them. 

I dont know Craig, and many here on this forum you are talking so foundly about. This is why it is encouraging to be here. 

But whatever happens, I will try to stay here over the years and help people as best as I can. Having long term fighters here is encouraging!


SnapDragon2's picture
Posts: 582
Joined: Nov 2019

You were very welcoming when I first joined.  Thank you!

I am approaching 2yrs of a IIIC dx and doing very well.  Strong body, strong mind goes a long way.

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