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Posts: 41
Joined: May 2018

Anybody  going through  depression  even though scans show no new growth  no problems. Husband is in denial of cured. Anybody  else having this  from spouse.


Mmoses25's picture
Posts: 139
Joined: May 2020

Well my problem is I read everything and I look for the bad stuff your husband is just very scared I feel the same way my wife is always telling me to stop reading I'm fine but do I listen no I wish the best for your husband

Posts: 567
Joined: Nov 2013

My husband is also Stage 4 with bone mets.  You wrote your husband is in denial of being cured.  We have been told there is no cure...you just live with it, scan to scan.  

What are you being told?

It just sounds to me that you and your husband are thinking differently.  

Its really difficult being the wife, caregiver, trying to do everything right for our husbands.  I cant even put it into words ...

I will offer up that we took advantage of visits from clergy and social workers while in the hospital.  Our family doctor talks to both of us.  Some oncologists have support staff or programs that help families.  I thought my husband needed this, but I was the one that wanted to talk, the one that assumed he needed help.  So, it turned out to be good for me...and in turn, that helped him.  He copes by staying busy.  Thats his way, and it works for him.

I suggest you try to talk more, and perhaps go to his doctors visit with him, and bring up the subject of depression.  Maybe he needs to take some medicine for a little while.  It certainly is quite common for patients and their caregiver to need some help.

I know what you are going through, and I wish the very best for you and your husband.  

CRashster's picture
Posts: 241
Joined: Mar 2017

but, I think when most people are told they have cancer they mentally prepare for the worst, which of course is death. you grieve for yourself. Give him a while to get used to thinking about living again.

jazzgirl's picture
Posts: 203
Joined: Nov 2017

All the folks ahead of me have offered wisdom and reality. I'm not clear if depression you mention is about your husband or you or both. Would make sense in any case. It was an issue for me in the beginning (4 years ago) and periodically crops up. I turn to many of the support systems mentioned by others. My wife and I talk about it (cancer, NED, living life) quite openly, including fears and plans. It's really hard to do, but it helps. Take care -

APny's picture
Posts: 1998
Joined: Mar 2014

I have anxiety more than depression but every now and then I have a good pity party for myself. It's natural, I think.

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