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Stunned, crushed and numb
Literally just hung up the phone with the oncologist. Jim's cancer has all grown, the remaining mets in the liver, the tumor in the colon and now there is big time lymph involvement and a nodule on the lung NO ONE TOLD US ABOUT the last scan has also grown. I want to be angry, I want to cry I just am too shell shocked at this moment. We are being referred to another cancer institute thank God she can fast track an appoinment for us. My kids are in the pool swimming with their friend right now, they are having such a wonderful time.......they know the call was coming in and I just can't tell them, I have to but I am just gonna watch them have a little more fun before I crush them. Cancer SUCKS it sucks your hopes away, it sucks your dreams away, I just sucks all around. 
Comments
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I am so sorry to hear this news
You are in shock, and rightly so. It is all bad news, no fluffing over it.
I am glad that you are allowing your children their pleasure moments. Time enough to share the news later.
We continue to support and pray for Jim, you and the children, as you move forward with the next step. May you get in with the new Cancer institue.
And go ahead, cry, and be angry. Let it out so that you can regroup and have the energy you need to support Jim through the next step.
Tru
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Thank you all so much!
It did occur to me shortly after posting this, all of the stories here, while it is not good, so many have indeed come back from so much worse news. For now we will think of this as a hiccup until the next scans. He had several months of no infusions of the dreaded Folfri so that was a nice reprieve for him. So onto the next strong drug..or maybe the institute has a trial. I did do a few searches last night they do seem to have many clinical trials for late stage. Hopefully he can be included in one of them.
I told the kids only after they asked and after their friend went home. Funny how they are twins and so opposite, one stayed quite and sulked off to his room the other....God bless him....asked me if I was okay how did Dad take the news! He was worried about us! I told him we were all going to be fine, that if there was something out there to help Dad we would find it and if not we will worry about it then. He then replied...."Mom, if they don't Dad will be in good hands, Papa is in heaven waiting for all of us" 13 years old and he said it best. Yup if we can't find the answers, then it will still be okay.
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Praying they can find something to help
There are so many treatments beyond the standard initial lines of therapy. I had Y90 and ablations for my liver and there is also radiation available for lung tumors.
I don't know what all he has been on, but don't give up until he has tried every last possible treatment.
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Cancer is a relentless foe.
So hard to keep fighting sometimes when you are more beaten up than a screen door in a hurricane--your hubby has been a warrior and I know he will continue to fight!! Praying that the new treatment center will be a better fit and they can offer better treatment options--never give up!
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What a wonderful young man!Twinzma said:Thank you all so much!
It did occur to me shortly after posting this, all of the stories here, while it is not good, so many have indeed come back from so much worse news. For now we will think of this as a hiccup until the next scans. He had several months of no infusions of the dreaded Folfri so that was a nice reprieve for him. So onto the next strong drug..or maybe the institute has a trial. I did do a few searches last night they do seem to have many clinical trials for late stage. Hopefully he can be included in one of them.
I told the kids only after they asked and after their friend went home. Funny how they are twins and so opposite, one stayed quite and sulked off to his room the other....God bless him....asked me if I was okay how did Dad take the news! He was worried about us! I told him we were all going to be fine, that if there was something out there to help Dad we would find it and if not we will worry about it then. He then replied...."Mom, if they don't Dad will be in good hands, Papa is in heaven waiting for all of us" 13 years old and he said it best. Yup if we can't find the answers, then it will still be okay.
What a wonderful young man! Kids can have such clarity, it's great. I'm sorry you got this news. I hope for the best outcome for this. I got some bad news the other day and at first I get all sad and rail against cancer and then I get over it and just think about how I'm going to get through this latest crap, too. But it's so hard, isn't it. It's hard not to let it crush you.
Hugs,
Jan
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