Tips for Caregivers?

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  • 8colon8
    8colon8 Member Posts: 40 Member
    #22
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    In sickness and in health, to love and to cherish

    I am relatively new on this. The day after I join this page the web crashed... so I hope I am not jinking this.lol

    Like most caregiver, we are placed into this position very unprepared.  I am aware that not every cargivers are married spouses. I do believe that the role of a caregiver is to walk with his or her patient in love. There is no time to prepare a caregiver in cancer care, unlike the care given to the other disability patient like alzheimer, visually inpaired, or the physically challenged.  We are "volunteered" into the position, we either learn to swim very quickly or sink very quickly.  

    It took me closed to 9 months to finaly find this network, between researching the disease itself, going with my wife to treatments, lab work, scans, doctors appointments, and countless other essential task.  We caregiver often sinked very quickly despite every effort not to. I find myself sinking, mind you, my wife and I have attended and completed a caregiver training through the Alzheimer Association because we were preparing to care for father-in-law who had Alzheimer. I thought that with the training I have received, I have got it.  Boy was I wrong.

    Like most of you pointed out, shower them with love and understanding. Know that the "cruel and unappreciative reaction" from this very same person you have known all these years are the effects of the poison that they are taking to fight the cancer.  My pastor told me that in no way can we ever understand or feel the pain and suffering that the patient goes through, words just cannot do justice.  We should not take it personally and let it just roll off our back. It is easier said than done.  I know, at time, it hurts. 

    I don't know where I am going with this... I guess, what I am saying is that it is alright for us caregiver to get mad, upset, angry and all those other stuff, but not to dish it back at our love ones.

  • Her_big_sister
    Her_big_sister Member Posts: 12
    #23
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    My third time as primary care

    My third time as primary care giver and what I have learned is that if it doesn't cost me to dearly, she gets it her way. She doesn't want to talk about it, research it, etc, so we don't. I do all that on my own. I work with a hospice grief therapist. She wants to not see a therapist, she wants to travel, eat unhealthy and occasionally party with her girlfriends and that's cool with me. She doesn't do anything the way I think I would, but it's her journey. I am grateful she allows me to be a part of her life and I am grateful for what time we have.

    When the attitude gets to be too much, I go for a walk. 

    I walk a lot ❤️

  • mojogirl67
    mojogirl67 Member Posts: 306
    edited March 2019 #24
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    Hug Them Close and Let Them Cry

    I have been there. You are desperately trying to do anything to "save" the life and soul of the person you love most while juggling basic needs, medical treatments, medications, hospital procedures and stays as well as the financial dynamic as well. They are literally fighting life and death every day..pain...medication side effects...body changes. Mingled in with that is the guilt of knowing what your significant other is trying to cover while you are sick. Hold em' close and smother them with love. I knew I was losing my husband and that he wouldn't be with me thru the years to come. I let him vent, say and do whatever he felt like because I knew he would be gone before I could turn around. In the darkest hours of so many nights, I woud lay on a hospital recliner watching him sleep feeling as terrified,exhausted and helpless as I ever have. I kniew if the roles were reversed, he would be right there with me. It is what you do for the person you love. Sometimes, more oft than not thru this hell of a disease, all you can do is wrap your arms around them and let them know you will hold their hand every step of the way. My husband used to say "this too shall come to pass"...and it will. 

  • Grampa2017
    Grampa2017 Member Posts: 6
    #25
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    My wife and I have been on

    My wife and I have been on here for 18 months or so. I’m her partner in crime, have beeen for almost 39 years. From diagnosis, to now. We are now looking for a last straw to grasp. Through it all, she hasn’t changed a bit. Always has been the most patient, loving wife I could ever hope for. I’ve set aside every personal hobby I had, and share everything with her. I can’t imagine growing old without her. She’s taught me to care for our home, grocery shop, you name it. And praises my slow progress, or subpar outcomes. She encourages me to take care of myself often. when she apologizes for the long waits we all experience at the Drs offices, I tell her there’s no place I’d rather be. We live on a small hobby ranch, and it’s the only thing that’s suffwring from neglect. The animals she dearly loves, are still cared for daily. We just don’t fuss too much about the weeds and slightly longer grass. I guess I’m saying, don’t sweat the small stuff, and enjoy every day we have together. 

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