Emotional

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  • Jparra48
    Jparra48 Member Posts: 28
    #22
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    foxhd said:

    how about

    info in your bio so we can keep up?

    As adults we face many life changing events. Family member death, driving license, sex, children, mortage, car accidents, injuries and more. We also learn to move on after adjusting to the changes. Like it or not. But being dx'd with cancer is like knowing you are being hunted. Normal people don't want to die, and we feel there is nothing we can do about it.

    Everyone knows they will die someday, but being shot at is a warning call that some will never be ready for. John Lennon said, "Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans." And right now you need new plans. If you believe in yourself, gather your information and you and your caregivers will do everything possible to ensure a good outcome.

    At this early stage allow yourself a breakdown to lighten the load. But you have to then pull it together and go to work. To feel your best, give it your best. Be proud of your effort and enjoy life. This is something we all work at. Every day. Learn positive thinking and make it a way of self improvent. It can be better.

    Thanks fox. I’m actually

    Thanks fox. I’m actually going to copy your post and keep it with me so I can read it again when Im feeling like I need to breakdown and then pick myself back up 

  • Jparra48
    Jparra48 Member Posts: 28
    edited January 2018 #23
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    kiwi68 said:

    Two Partial Nephs

    Two big ops in a few months is a bit of a doozy to take in.   It has consumed a lot of your time and emotional energy wondering what next, what will you be able to do, what won't you, what will the results be, what if they are bad, what if they are good, what if there is complications, who am I now?   If you had a sense of naievity before - if you haven't lived through major crisis or illness then this is the first time you have had to confront all these emotions.  You may have had to negoitate a medical system, insurance system, negotiate with employers, family about support, you may be trying to understand and define who the new you is?

    I went through the whole diagnosis, operation, recovery and found out my RCC was benign, not an RCC at all, so the person I was starting to define myself as wasn't the person I was at all.  IcemanToo let me stay on the Kidney Cancer board though and keep the beanie though. Cool  

    If you think you need to talk with someone, then that is an excellent idea. A friend of mine who is a counsellor tells me that most of her patients know what they need to do, the problem is they don't do it.  If you think it is a good idea, it probably is. There isn't really a down side.  An awful lof of issues you can sort out with people who know how to guide your thinking and help you with constructive ways to manage your emotions.  Not to deny them, but to ensure you can see when you are getting anxiety or a bit too sad and ensure you take action to acknowledge and move on where practical.   I am a bit of a fatalist, if I find myself anxious about something, and it isn't anything I can do something about I just block it.  Put it in my mental filing cabinet for 'later'. 

    My advice is don't get ahead of yourself, try not to catastrophise, look to the positives not the negatives and look to live as much of normal as you can.  Then move onto whatever your 'next step' is. 

    Good luck. 

    You’re absolutely right. I

    You’re absolutely right. I know I need to talk to someone but I “just don’t” I can’t explain it. Maybe I’m ashamed. Maybe I’m embarrassed or maybe I’m just not ready to truly express my feelings. I somehow can’t find the strength inside to speak about everything I feel. 

  • Jparra48
    Jparra48 Member Posts: 28
    #24
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    ImNotDeadYet said:

    Definitely normal

    You've been through a lot, and it's normal to have emotional responses to that trauma - sometimes when they're not expected. Be kind to youself. Allow yourself to go through these moments and acknowledge that the feelings are real, and legitimate, and that there's nothing wrong with you for feeling emotional about this. Hang in there. It's only been a few months. It takes a while for mind and body to get to your new "normal," whatever that will end up being. In the meantime, let yourself feel emotions without guilt. 

    If I’m being honest with

    @I’m not dead yet. If I’m being honest with myself I’m trying to rush things. I keep saying I just want to be “normal” again but I’m not even sure what that is anymore 

  • Jparra48
    Jparra48 Member Posts: 28
    #25
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    Abunai said:

    The Big C

    Any diagnosis of cancer or surgery on internal organs is scary, life-changing stuff!

    Don't compare your case against others who you think have had it worse.

    It would be surprising if you WEREN'T emotional. The best thing for me has been to vent my fears, anger, self-pitty (nothing to be ashamed of), etc. to my wife and, semi-anonymously, here.

    Keep coming around.

    I haven’t even told my

    I haven’t even told my husband how truly upset I feel. I figured I would post here first to see if I was normal or just overwhelmed or even over reacting 

  • stevez
    stevez Member Posts: 51
    #26
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    Fully Understand!

    I think we all fully understand and relate to you on your emotional rollercoaste ride.  That is the hardest part I think; at least for me.  I can handle the surgery, the healing, the rest and physical recovery. The hardest part is the transition through the "cancer process".  First just being told you have that insidious disease.  Like being hit with a sledge hammer.  As said here at some point you will settle in and realize you have to progress and it's better to do so with a positive attitude.  This place helps you maintain that because you aren't alone.  I'm 5 weeks post surgery and each day seems better as long as I remember I'll have anxiety at different stages and its normal.  It doesn't have to be debilitating.  Saying prayers for you and all of us in this journey and transition to a new normal. 

  • ImNotDeadYet
    ImNotDeadYet Member Posts: 244
    #27
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    Jparra48 said:

    If I’m being honest with

    @I’m not dead yet. If I’m being honest with myself I’m trying to rush things. I keep saying I just want to be “normal” again but I’m not even sure what that is anymore 

    And that's OK!

    You don't have to know what it is, or what it will be. You'll know when you get there. And normal can change along the way. What might end up the new normal for a few years, could change at some point. The important thing is to try not to judge any "new normal" by comparing it to the "old normal." I know it's hard, but if you can learn to just accept what is new and different without comparing it to how you were before, especially lamenting the loss of the old normal, you will likely be in a better place emotionally. And also remember, emotions ebb and flow. Some days we're riding high, and other days, for no apparent reason, we're down. Ride the coaster and look for ways to enjoy the ride where you can. The ups and downs don't end until we decide we're done going back up. I can only speak for myself personally, but I'm not close to wanting to stay down forever. Allow yourself time to be emotional when  you need it; rely on friends and family, if you can, as shoulders to cry on and to help support you emotionally. And consciously make time to head back up again when you've been through those emotional grinders. It's not always easy. And if you can find ways to find those silver linings in places where maybe you weren't looking before, you might find a whole new way to look at things. You can do this, and we're all here to help you navigate these confusing waters.

     

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