Long term depression

You've been lurking for over

You've been lurking for over 6 years? Wow! Glad you finally posted! Anyway, are you specifically feeling depressed about the cancer or could it be something else and cancer is part of what's bothering you? Are you feeling like as time goes by you might be getting closer to having a relapse? Like your odds are getting slimmer? I'm not trying to put ideas in your head, I'm just trying to imagine how I'd feel in your shoes.

Congratulations on your long term health! I'm very aware that the only way to know if you'll never have cancer again is by getting old and dying of something else. That's pretty depressing when I think about it. That there never comes a time when they can tell you that it's gone and you're fine and you don't need to worry anymore. Most of the time I find that I can get past the worry and live my life normally, the new normal. But then something happens and I have a day or several where I just think I can't do this, live with the fear and being so different. Worrying about every little difference in how I feel. Fearing tests and oncologist visits when they have results. I have a CT scan on Monday because I had three spots in one lung earlier this year and two came up positive with a PET scan and the other one didn't test positive. But the last CT seemed to show that the third one is getting bigger. The other two have been blasted out by radiation. The CT on Monday is to see what's upwith that thrd one. So I'm scared it's a met even though it wasn't positive before. It's not treatable if it is. So I've been pretty down for about a week and will be right up until I get the results a week after. I find all of this depressing. And when I hear about someone being diagnosed with cancer or passing from it I get really depresed and enraged, I don't have to know them to feel that way. I think I'd like to have a punching bag that looks like a cancer cell or just something I could destroy.

Anyway, you're looking for something positive. How about my grandma who I've posted about on here before who had colon cancer in her fifties and died at 84 from failed kidneys but never had cancer again. And had no additional treatment beyond surgery and a colostomy. No chemo or radiation. It gives me hope and I hope it gives others hope as well.

I'm thrilled to hear of your long term success and pray you continue on that road.

Jan  

Age

I have to wonder how old you are. 

We talked in another thread about mid-life and how that can affect our state of mind.   Its really no joke, getting old (or is it, Danker? Our oldest member.), and we start to think about what our life has been and will be. 

Also, people think that getting years and years out from a diagnosis makes it easier; but I think it makes it harder. It's almost as though you start thinking 'when will the other shoe drop?'

NewHere has some great ideas (which of course, you may already be doing). Eating well, exercisingm having some good clean fun. 

Have you tried meditation? It works wonders for me, but is not for everyone. 

Welcome to the forum. We look forward to walking the walk with you and getting you through this funk. 

And of coruse, any real concerns shuold be run past your GP. Maybe a couple of tests to help calm your mind. 

SUE

mokomapa said:

Sue,

Sue,

I will be 59 in three months.  You may be correct.  I have started to think about retirement lately and it kind of scares me.  I just hope I stay healthy to enjoy my golden years and hopefully have some grandchildren to play with!  I don't think meditation is the best form me.  I can't seem to sit still that long.  The exercising really seems to help.  Unfortunately while at the gym last week I learned that the husband of one of the girls that works there was recently diagnosed with cancer.  You just can't seem to hide from it.

Thank you for the encouraging words.  God bless you.

Tom

And thats why you should try it

 I don't think meditation is the best form me.   I can't seem to sit still that long.

I too am a little over-active. In fact, I can't stand to be in the house if I can be outside hiking; BUT, surprisingly enough, I can keep still long enough to meditate and it really, really helps.

I would never have thought I could meditate had I not been basically forced to find something to calm my exploding head during chemo. I was totally shocked that I could slip into a meditative state. 

Worth a try, I'd say. 

59 is a great age. Well, not GREAT as in old, but great as in nice to be there. I'll be 58 soon enough, and I certainly count it a blessing to be there. 

I do so hope that you are able to get a grip on the depression. As you well know, life is too short to miss a moment of joy.  Talk to your Doctor if you can't find your peace. Either way, we're here for you. 

SUE    - P.S. its so sweet that you have posted replies to everyone. You're a good man!

 

mokomapa said:

Forgot

All,

One thing I forgot to mention that has been weighing on me is that when I was diagnosed in 2005 I did the genetic testing that revealed I have Lynch Syndrome.  A few months ago my 27 year old son learned he had Lynch Syndrome.  Not the kind of thing you want to pass on to you children.  

Tom

I had to look that up. Yes,

I had to look that up. Yes, that would be scary and would make you feel bad about it being hereditary. Definitely not something you want to pass on, I'm sorry.

I have a 27 year old daughter. I worry about her health because she's phobic about needles and hasn't had a blood test of any kind since she was a child. She refuses to get herself checked out and says things like she'd rather die of cancer than go through what I went through. Quite upsetting.

I made my husband go and get checked out a few months ago. He had a couple of precancerous polyps removed during a colonoscopy. Thank goodness.

Jan