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didnt make it through work

janaes
Posts: 799
Joined: May 2016

went to work today but told my boss i wasnt feeling well and left after a half an hour.  I told her i would try tomarrow.  Im feeling depressed and sad and sick. Im feeling angry that i have cancer and i have to do all this stuff.  It wasnt my plan to get this.  Sorry this is such a downer post.  Any encouraging words would help.

Kvdyson's picture
Kvdyson
Posts: 789
Joined: Jan 2016

Janae, please don't beat yourself up. Today is just one battle in a very long war. You will win some battles and you will lose some. There is no getting around that. Go home, eat nourishing food, stay hydrated, get some rest and then kill it tomorrow. You can do this! You are such a warrior!!

txtrisha55's picture
txtrisha55
Posts: 685
Joined: Apr 2011

It will get easier.  I did go back to work but on the days I felt bad I stayed home in bed, resting, make sure I stayed hydrated.  You are stronger than you think you are.  You will get through this....one day at a time.  Praying for you. Nobody said life would be easy but it is doable. trish

BC Brady's picture
BC Brady
Posts: 70
Joined: May 2015

Janae,

I don't know what you do for a job, and maybe this isn't an option, but I found that if I only planned on a half day, I could make it. Mornings are better for me, so I even went in early and left before noon. Maybe you could see about doing this job thing in smaller doses? It's very tiring on a good day for me, but I just feel more mentally prepared for half days for the first weeks after surgery and then for the week after chemo. Kvdyson is right, today is just one battle! My husband says it's a marathon NOT a sprint. Give yourself time to heal - head, heart, and body - it's something only people who have been there can understand, so don't be afraid to let your boss in on the after effects of the surgery - he/she doesn't want you there collapsing for heavens sake!

Deep breaths - one day and even one hour at a time. Seek out people who are good to you and ask for their support. Glad you're on this blog.

YOU WILL GET BETTER!

Billie

janaes
Posts: 799
Joined: May 2016

Thank you guys so much.  I will win this war.  I think i said this before but i will share again just so you guys that dont know will know.  I am cook at a local school and its a stand up job.  My boss said i could sit down if i needed to and i did a bunch today.  probably 3 times in a half an hour.  I dont want to beet myself up for this.  I want to feel stronger.  Ive been laying here just getting all my feelings out so i can decide what to do next.  I dont know about others on this forum, but i am a religious person and i pray and feel like thats what i can do right now.  I guess i am having a hard moment.  I tend to feel guilty for not being able to do my job.  There is only about 8 people i work with and they can do the work with out me, but it gives every one extra work when i leave even my boss.  I guess i fear im going to loss my job.  I do appreciate you guys support its so helpful. please keep it comming.

brissance's picture
brissance
Posts: 192
Joined: May 2016

You felt bad and you went home to recover.  Everyone has done that and will do that.  Take it at face value.  I bet that happens all the time at your work, someone goes home early cause they feel ill.  Rest and try again.. if you don't feel well come home.   Take care of yourself first.  I am so proud you.  Just please assure you are well enough to continue.  Kisses, hugs and best wishes.

beccabtown's picture
beccabtown
Posts: 234
Joined: May 2016

You did the right thing by going home to rest when you needed to. I hope you're feeling better soon.

MAbound
Posts: 1008
Joined: Jun 2016

I had my 5th infusion a week before your 4th and I'm still dealing with the aftermath. I tried to make mashed potatoes this weekend and it made me dizzy just moving between the range, sink, and counter to make them. Dizziness hasn't been that big of a problem for me so far, but probably because I don't have kids at home making demands on me and I'm retired so I can take it easy when I'm like this.

This isn't getting any easier with each treatment and maybe you need to plan on giving yourself some more time off from work, if you can, after a treatment. You could work those 2 or 3 days after the infusion before the effects hit, but don't beat yourself up if you need a week off after that to get through till you're feeling better again. You're on the same chemo drugs as I am and odds are that your red blood cell count has been steadily going down and that's going to have a big impact on how quickly you tire out. I was worn out just by going to get lab work done this morning and that's not nearly as physical as what you're doing at work. Have your eye on the prize at the end of treatment and do what you have to to get through it. Under these circumstances you have to put your needs first!

EZLiving66's picture
EZLiving66
Posts: 1399
Joined: Oct 2015

Jana, I don't know how you do it!  I was so sick with chemo I was lucky I could work a couple of hours one or two days a week.  Just to walk from one end of our house to the other was sometimes more than I could do without having to sit down and rest.  Yes, some women breeze through chemo but I think MOST of us don't.  (((Jana)))

Love,

Eldri

brissance's picture
brissance
Posts: 192
Joined: May 2016

Eldri I absolutely agree.  I feel like maybe I have been a weakling but I have had no energy since radiation/brachytherapy.  I sometimes think I will never make it to the bathroom without a rest stop.  Before radiation I would get fatigued but would pretty well bounce back withing a couple of weeks after chemo. Now I am just totally used up and I could not hold a job unless it was testing the seat cushion on a couch.  I fight it as we all do but right now I am limited in what I can do because of fatigue. 

 

Kaleena's picture
Kaleena
Posts: 1980
Joined: Nov 2009

I know it seems real hard right now but it will get better.   I had surgery in December and then started a new job mid January.   It took me until August 1st not to feel exhausted!   I felt down because I felt I should be doing this and that.  But don't fight it.   I just told my husband the same thing.  He just finished radiation last week.  He is feeling real tired now.  I just told him go to bed. You can't fight the tiredness.   It is normal but oh so annoying!

With me I was lucky enough to have a job when I was on chemo that I could work half days.  Also, I knew two days after chemo I would be exhausted so I never planned anything then.   I wasn't on chemo with this surgery so I thought I shouldn't be tired.  Boy was I wrong!

I started taking photos of sunsets and sunrises and rainbows.  Then any birds or animals that I saw.  It really helped me to get out of that funk.  Try to find something that you enjoy that doesn't take up too much energy.   Sure I still get down now and then.  Its normal.  Start baking some stuff.  I started doing puzzles too.

And as much as you probably don't want to be around people, force yourself out for a few hours.  Once you get out of the house, you will feel better.

Sending you hugs,

Kathy

janaes
Posts: 799
Joined: May 2016

You guys are truely amazing. Im still laying on my bed not doing anything but trying to let go of all the emotional pain i feel.  My daughter came home from school.  It took her a litttle while but she asked me how work was.  I was accually able to cry and tell her i didnt make it.  In her sweet 10 year old voice she said thats okay mom.  Its just what i needed to here.  She doesnt really understand im sure but it was still a wonderful thing.  I dont know what i am going to do for tomarrow yet but i hope things go the way they need to.  This work thing is really a hard thing to deal with.   

CheeseQueen57's picture
CheeseQueen57
Posts: 904
Joined: Feb 2016

Hang in there doll!  We're with you. 

Lou Ann M's picture
Lou Ann M
Posts: 996
Joined: Feb 2015

You have to take it easy and take care f yourself.  Being fatigued is part of this monster. But it will get better.

Sending hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

janaes
Posts: 799
Joined: May 2016

I love you guys so much.  it means so much to me to get so many replies.  I truely feel loved no matter what happens.  Thank you thank you thank you thank you.  I can feel your prayers. 

 

TeddyandBears_Mom's picture
TeddyandBears_Mom
Posts: 1631
Joined: Jun 2015

Janaes, please stay home tomorrow if you are still feeling weak. Your body needs time to recover.

I agree with MAbound... fatigue is difficult to deal with and there is no way I could have worked after chemo 3 and beyond. So, please give yourself credit for pushing as hard as you have been doing.

As others have said, you will get through this and be able to put it behind you in a few month.

Take care Janaes.

Love and Hugs,

Cindi

janaes
Posts: 799
Joined: May 2016

I  just had a wonderful talk with my dad.  I was hard to talk to right when i got off work but we talked to him tonight and he reminded me how much worth i have.  He reminded me about how important my health is right now.  He has told me he will come with me to talk to my bosses boss to see if i can just take some time off if i need to and still get a job back when its over.  He kept telling me to know this isnt your fault and its okay to take care of yourself first.

brissance's picture
brissance
Posts: 192
Joined: May 2016

Just listen to your dad...  He not only sounds smart but kind and wonderful.  Now, you have a plan.  

Soup52's picture
Soup52
Posts: 903
Joined: Jan 2016

I can't imagine how difficult it was for you to go back to work. I know for me the chemo was cumulative and it took me a little longer to bounce back and even now I realize that I'm not the person I used to be, but I am here:) So much good advise from your father and the ladies on here. Rest up and take your time recovering. We are all here for you!

TeddyandBears_Mom's picture
TeddyandBears_Mom
Posts: 1631
Joined: Jun 2015

Janaes, It is illegal for them to fire you due to your illness. Please check with your HR department. You may want to consider going on short term disability while you finish up treatments. I'm not sure if you have to file using FMLA or something else. But your HR dept. will know. I'm thinking this will give you the ability to concentrate on getting well without the stress and fear of losing your job.

Love and Hugs,

Cindi

janaes
Posts: 799
Joined: May 2016

Well i get some time off work and they are going to hold my job for up to three months.  Im sitting at home feeling relieved and feel i made the right choice.  My dads not perfect and i love him but when we went into talk to the director of my company and after i said what i wanted to, he kept talking and talking.  He told her things i would have rather not have her know abour my personal life.  I even left the room and he wouldnt come with me.  Hopefully what he said doesnt effect much.  I will have to learn from that one.  I really just wanted him to sit there and say nothing.  Im really glad i can focus on my health now.

Lou Ann M's picture
Lou Ann M
Posts: 996
Joined: Feb 2015

I am so happy that you are going to get this time off.  You can heal and not worry about getting up every day and working.  There is more to life than working. You and your kids come first.

Hugs and prayers, Lou Ann

txtrisha55's picture
txtrisha55
Posts: 685
Joined: Apr 2011

I know in my heart had my mother been alive when I started my journey she would have stood up with me at my job and going to the dr.  As it was I did have my daughter and my sister when I had the surgery for cancer and when I did the hernia and gallblatter surgery.  They went to the appointments and surgery days.  My daughter stated with me at the hospital and at home.  They went to every appointment after for the first 3 years.  Yes I was ready for them to stop but I really appreciated them being there.  Yes my sister spoke several times to my dr about things she thought they should hear whick I would not have mentioned but it came from a place of love not butting in.  It does take time to get use to our families but they are really all we have and they do mean well.  Glad to hear that you have the time off.  Rest and get your strength back.  Take the time to heal.  Praying for you. trish

ConnieSW's picture
ConnieSW
Posts: 1469
Joined: Jun 2012

i really think you will find yourself much stronger in 3 months.  I'm so glad you've given yourself time to complete your treatment without the struggle to work.  I don't think I could have done it.  Like you, I had a very physical job but was recently retired when diagnosed.  Now, go lie down on the couch.

Editgrl's picture
Editgrl
Posts: 903
Joined: Jun 2015

This was definitely the right thing for you right now.  Worrying about your job performance wasn't going to help you deal with chemo and healing.  I'm glad that you can use your energy for YOU.  So, yeah, hit that couch!

brissance's picture
brissance
Posts: 192
Joined: May 2016

I am so jazzed as I know this is a great success for you!  How lucky you are and you deserve it. I bet you were embarrassed by your father's gushing but he did it out of love for you and his desire to protect his little one.  Not everyone has such an advocate (even if they talk too much).  God bless and take time to let your pops know how much his crazy support means to you.  He is suffering as well, as he sees you dealing with this terrible disease.    

Love and hugs and everything nice to you and your family.

Patty

Diya
Posts: 93
Joined: Apr 2015

Dear janae,

I hope you recover quickly and get all your strength back soon. Cancer is not anyone's fault. It is a misfortune! Please get some rest and focus on what your body needs to recover. In 3 months you will be a lot stronger and have much better days at work.

 

Love,

Diya

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