some thoughts on the "battle" metaphor...and goodbye to this board

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  • flyerette65
    flyerette65 Member Posts: 65
    #22
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    daylady said:

    Hang with us!

    Hang with us... I read the posts on this board, and sometimes posted/replied, a lot did not.  It was hard to reach out and touch something I was trying so hard to knock out of my life.  It was as though just being here sometimes gave energy to the very thing I was trying to avoid!  I am better, but it has taken time.  Sometimes I need to be away from "all things cancer" and that incudes the boards.  Other times I need to reach out, or have someone to share good news with who really, really understands how incredible good news is.  I never worry if no one responds.  I just tell myself that there may be someone out there who needs to hear my news and on that day I am speaking in a dialect they happen to hear.  It's all good.  I am sending you best wishes for a brighter place, a lighter time, and a speedy healing journey.  Warm hugs. - Helen

    Caedmon

    I know we all go to "that dark place" and we all have difficulties.  It has been a difficult year for me--October 2014-2015.  Just in the past 4 months I lost my mom to metatastic breast cancer, found out my estranged husband has prostate cancer and that he has gained about 75 pounds from whatever type of treatment he is receiving for whatever type of cancer he has, it may not be prostate but kidney or bladder. I don't know because he won't answer my texts or phone calls. One of my best friends has a recurrence of lymphoma.  Eight years ago she had a anogulous (sp) stem cell transplant after chemo and radiation didn't get rid of the lymphoma.  She will now have more chemo and IF she goes into a good remission she can then have a donor stem cell transplant which comes which a whole slew of potential problems.  She will need immuno suppresant drugs for 6-8 months and will have to wear a mask during that time whenever she goes out in public.Three year Survival rate for her aggressive lymphoma is only 30-40%. I was diagnosed with a pubic bone stress fracture 8 months ago which still bothers me, some days it hurts so much I can barely walk.  Of course, my mind goes to that dark place wondering if it's bone cancer since I had Stage 3A, Grade 4 UPSC 4 years, 5 months ago. I had a weird hemmorage back in December  forwhich I had to have cystoscopy under anesthesia to rule out bladder cancer, and life still must go on and sometimes gets complicated with problems my kids, grandkids or friends are having. I don't respond to a lot of posts because most of the replies have all ready covered whatever I would have said, and said it much more eloquently. Plus I have not had near the problems that a lot of you have had or have, but I feel for all of you and think you all are some of the bravest women I know. (At least not yet but sometimes feel like I'm sitting on a keg of dynamite). We don't want you to feel neglected or ignored or "left out".  We don't want you to leave even if you are a loose canon (me too)! Hang in there, girlfriend!

     

  • molimoli
    molimoli Member Posts: 514
    #23
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    caedmon22 said:

    thank you and sorry

    hi beautifuls -- thank you all for your heartfelt responses. i am so sorry if my post made any of you feel bad. somebody messaged me and said "you're in a dark place and i think you've misjudged the ladies on this board." she is right. i am in a dark place right now. and "excluded" was not the right word. probably more accurate would have been to say "i feel left out" -- which is MY feeling and not a judgement on you all. good grief. we're experiencing cancer. some of us way more intensely than others. i am so sorry to have added even a smidgin to that burden for any of you. i was just expressing my feelings and the truth is, i would have done better to keep it to my journal. because it isn't a judgment on you all at all. anyway. i'm blathering again. truth is i am in a very dark place right now. and actually shouldn't be on social media at all. i'm a bit of a loose cannon. so instead i'm hiking mount shasta every day and signed up for natural horsemanship classes at a nearby ranch. i think i need to put the subject of cancer on the shelf for a bit. that is not a judgment on you all. it's just what i need to do. bless you all and thank you for the graciousnesses of your responses. lots of love and hugs -- caedmon

    Thanks for the forgiveness.

    Happy to see you some-what back , Thanks for not holding us to perfection.If you had left your feelings in that journal ,how would you have known that we  care? We really do care and wish you well, and I so  love your countenance. Sorry about the darkness,don't hug it or let it tarry too long , don't worry about the locked doors, open windows,the darkness will crawl away from you a little piece at a time.For you that's my prayer ,my hope, my wish.

    You ain't  heavy sister,Nuff nuff love. Moli.

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