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Scan tomorrow - religious content -UPDATED

Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011

EDTomorrow at 12:45pm is the first scan since SBRT in October with results at 3:00... I know I don't have to tell any of you everything that is going through my mind or that that Husband seems very far away today. I'ts miserable wondering what he is thinking and feeling - not bringing it up because I don't know if he wants to talk about it. I have this over whelming sense that God has the power to stop this cancer and praying that he chooses to.

I will update as soon as possible...

God's blessings

Brenda

Well, I sat in the waiting room yesterday and typed a lengthly message to you all but with one swipe of a finger I erased it, got disgusted and decided to wait until I could get to my labtop. We didn't have any results at the time but I just wanted to thank everyone for their comments and to let Jeff know I understand the point he was trying to make about Dennis' being distant. I can only imagine where his mind goes at those times and I don't resent how he chooses to deal with it. I guess it becomes the white elephant in the room the couple weeks leading up to the scans and I have learned to take my fears and thoughts to my God and speak to him like a Father; that is how I survive and find peace.

The scan results were awesome... they showed us the scan from September before the SBRT that showed the 3.6 cm tumor next to the one that showed no tumor. The radiology onc told us that he felt that if he were to biopsy the area, it would be dead cancer cells. He stated the radiologist report was not in but that he felt that is was a success. He also showed us how the tumor was pressing on the hepatic artery in september (it was narrow and elongated) and how it was no longer being pressured (looked more like a triangle). The radiologist called this morning to congratulate him (in a message) that he deleted with out me hearing it! I just wanted to hear the darn message, but I guess it was his to do with as he pleased.

While we were there yesterday, they filmed Dennis as he was one of the first patiients to receive treatment at UW Madison and will be the video on their website once it's edited. It was really neat because I got to talk to the team that has worked so hard on getting the SBRT machine to Madison, there is so much excitement about this treatment and it shows in their faces. I asked if it were similar to cyber knife and their eyes got big and said it's much more sophistcated and powerful. That they are able to give much larger doses with out bothering tissue or arteries. They also said that it is easier to use near the arteries as they use them as a guide (to dose everything in the area of tumor but the artery).

We have been at this for four years now and I know that colon cancer has a tendancy to rear it's ugly head over and over. I asked if it was possible to use it again if it reoccurs and the ocolgist said yes. I am so thankful and been praising God over and over and giving him the glory every chance I get.

I'm sorry for the long post but I wanted to hopefully give some of you hope with this new treatment. The only hospital to do it before Madison was St Louis and UCLA is in the progress of setting up their SBRT machine as we I speak. This tumor has been haunting us from the beginng and we were always given the sad news that it was too close to the artery to get too... I'm just so excited that they have something to go after the more difficult tumors ( I believe it's a blessing from God through the medical world. I just want to pass along some hope, I pray that it helps.

God's blesssings

Brenda

 

 

jen2012
Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

hope you get good results 

LivinginNH's picture
LivinginNH
Posts: 1458
Joined: Apr 2010

Best wishes for good results tomorrow, and peace from your worries.

Please let us know how everything goes tomorrow, we'll be thinking of you both.

Cyn

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6691
Joined: Feb 2009

Praying for you and know the fear that is going on.  Glad you will be able to get the results fast as people that have their doctors make them wait weeks for the results is torture.  Please let us know.

Kim

Fight for my love
Posts: 1530
Joined: Jun 2009

Pray a good result for you.

impactzone's picture
impactzone
Posts: 542
Joined: Aug 2006

Prayers from me as  you go through scanxiety... Proverbs 24:16 ( fall down 7 but stand up 8).

Chip

Easyflip's picture
Easyflip
Posts: 588
Joined: May 2013

Good Luck! 

Easyflip/Richard

UncleBuddy
Posts: 1019
Joined: Aug 2013

I hope it comes back clear!

Lin

janderson1964
Posts: 2215
Joined: Oct 2011

I will keep you both in my prayers. You and Dennis sound just like my wife and I. I have become more distant the last couple of months and it upsets her. she is always asking me if I am ok or in pain. I am distant because I dont like to talk about it, and I dont like to talk about scans. I just feel that it is better to suffer in silence a lot of the time since it just makes her worry more and feel more helpless about the situation.

We had a serious talk about it all a few weeks ago so now I am making a conscience effort to be more talkative and cheerful. This disease had made me so distant lately. I just don't want to talk to anyone at times and feel like I am in another world.

I often find myself staring right at the tv but not comprehending it. We watch a lot of sports together and many times she will ask me a question about a play and my response is so often "I don't know", and she will say "You are watching the tv what do you mean you don't know".

My point is I know it is absolute torture for the spouce/caregiver as well as the survivor so try to keep that in mind when Dennis is distant at times.

Fight for my love
Posts: 1530
Joined: Jun 2009

Jeff, thank you for your post and for being understanding. We caregivers go through all the pains and fears as much as you guys do. Please remember we caregivers need you guys as much as you guys need us. Sometimes my husband gets annoyed if I ask how he is doing too many times or too often, but I check on him as often as possible anyway. Keep praying for all of us.

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

He might just be sick and tired of having this cancer that he really doesn't want to think about it much.  I know that's how I've been feeling lately, I just had a scan Monday and wasn't anxious for the first time, it's what will be will be attitude has taken over, not that I'm not fighting, I'm just not letting it rule every moment, which is hard to do when your breathing sucks, and tumors are hanging in there, 

It's funny the TV thing, apparently Jeff, your hubby and I are all the same there at times, my husband will ask me what I'm watching and I quite honestly have to tell him "I don't know, push the info button and we'll find out together."

its you the caregivers that write here that help us be more com unitive to our spouses, by opening our eyes up to how you feel, we forget.  Thank you.

Winter Marie

Brenda Bricco
Posts: 579
Joined: Aug 2011

I'm sure you are right Winter Marie, I too get so sick and tired of all that this cancer has taken and I think we get to the point where we just don't want to let it rule our every thought or moments.

It may sound a little crude but I did have to tell my husband that I wanted him to know that his illness has taken an ugly toll on me, that I have made him my number one priority in my life and that I am scared to death of him leaving me behind and it's always on my mind too. I didn't tell him those things to make him feel that he has caused me so much sorrow but that we are in this together. We lean of each other until the moment comes that we are both weak at the same time and then we cling to one another to keep from falling completely over the edge. I'm not going to pretend that it's all been this beautiful testiment to our love because the truth is, that we have had some tough times and  had moments when the gloves came off because well, we are human. The thing that matters is that when we said in sickness and in health, until death we do part; we both meant it. I have actually told him " I can't believe that I spend my life praying and doing what ever I can to keep him healthy and alive, to wanting to kill him on some days" he laughed and told me that I couldn't live with out him (is he trying to send me over the edge?). It's ugly but it's part of the torture we endure because of the evil disease.

I don't think of one of us as the survivor and one of us the care giver, I think of us going through hell on the heart together.

Thank you Marie for your comment... it's good to know that we can all be of help to one another.

God's blessings

Brenda

 

 

janderson1964
Posts: 2215
Joined: Oct 2011

That is awesome news Brenda. I think there 5 or 6 of us who all had good scan results this. We shoul ALL celebrate. Its about time this community had a run of blessings or good luck. I am feeling very thankful right now.

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6691
Joined: Feb 2009

Yes Praise God for the awesome news.  So glad to hear of the improvements and glad that there is now no tumor.  Time to just sit back and enjoy one another as this disease takes a toll on a marriage terribly.  We all need some good news and you just got it so congratulations to you both.  May God continue to Bless you both.

Kim

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