Anxiety and Upcoming Scan
Comments
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Drugs.Srashedb said:Texting
texting is gfs only way my kids communicate and only rarely speak on the phone. It's fine for many things but subject to misunderstandings.
We did see our sons a few times and this morning, he called to congratulate me on on the birth of my first grandson. We saw the baby (beautiful) and will stay until Wednesday.
no inquiries at all on his dad's health situation, however.
my husband texted his friend who congratulated him and noted Robin Williams' passing. Again, texting can lead to misunderstandings but my first thought was why would he be so stupid. He probably meant well.
Sarah
Todd. I honestly dont think there is any way you can avoid being anxious over the scans. There is a good freaken reason to be nervous. I refuse to deal with it anymore and just take valium for a couple of days. I dont take it regularily. None of my Doctors have a problem with it so screw it. I am a litigator so I stay away from the Courthouse for the week so as not to mess anything up. I realize alot of the folks on the board will jump all over me but the fact is it works pretty well.
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I for one won't be jumpingDonMiller said:Drugs.
Todd. I honestly dont think there is any way you can avoid being anxious over the scans. There is a good freaken reason to be nervous. I refuse to deal with it anymore and just take valium for a couple of days. I dont take it regularily. None of my Doctors have a problem with it so screw it. I am a litigator so I stay away from the Courthouse for the week so as not to mess anything up. I realize alot of the folks on the board will jump all over me but the fact is it works pretty well.
I for one won't be jumping all over you. I use Xanax when the anxiety gets to be too much.
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DrugsDonMiller said:Drugs.
Todd. I honestly dont think there is any way you can avoid being anxious over the scans. There is a good freaken reason to be nervous. I refuse to deal with it anymore and just take valium for a couple of days. I dont take it regularily. None of my Doctors have a problem with it so screw it. I am a litigator so I stay away from the Courthouse for the week so as not to mess anything up. I realize alot of the folks on the board will jump all over me but the fact is it works pretty well.
My doc has given me some Xanax and some Ativan. I use them when I need them (usually once or twice a week but not every week). On my scan day, I take the whole day off and cancel whatever I had in the evening. My work tried to get me to do a conference call at 9pm on my scan day next week. I said no (and I didn't offer any excuse, just that I had a conflict). I just didn't want a meeting hanging over me on top of the results of the scans. I'm either going to be celebrating or bummed out. In either case, a work meeting is not where I want to be!
Stress can be difficult to manage. This does add to it and I agree that there's a reason to be anxious.
I also talk to people- whoever will listen. I feel better. I'm sure they are tired of it, but I figure we're friends/family and I listen to your crap, now when I have something important going on you're going to listen to me!
Do whatever works, is what I say.
Todd
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What ever workstodd121 said:Drugs
My doc has given me some Xanax and some Ativan. I use them when I need them (usually once or twice a week but not every week). On my scan day, I take the whole day off and cancel whatever I had in the evening. My work tried to get me to do a conference call at 9pm on my scan day next week. I said no (and I didn't offer any excuse, just that I had a conflict). I just didn't want a meeting hanging over me on top of the results of the scans. I'm either going to be celebrating or bummed out. In either case, a work meeting is not where I want to be!
Stress can be difficult to manage. This does add to it and I agree that there's a reason to be anxious.
I also talk to people- whoever will listen. I feel better. I'm sure they are tired of it, but I figure we're friends/family and I listen to your crap, now when I have something important going on you're going to listen to me!
Do whatever works, is what I say.
Todd
Hey Todd and Co., I use xanax on occasion too, but only at night. Otherwise, I'm too sleepy to do my job...at just 0.5mg. It doesn't take much. Then again, I tend to be a light weight in terms of the effects of drugs and alcohol. I can pull a good drunk on 4 Coronas
Todd, I'm glad that, in the absence of your kids, you at least have other friends and family to talk to. I do think it is so important. Yet, I tend to be the opposite. Though I'm surrounded by family and friends, I don't really talk to anybody about my situation, whether cancer, finances, marital or whatever else I may be dealing with on the inside. When people ask how I'm doing, I just say "fine thank you". And other than the snippets I've shared on CSN, I don't air my dirty laundry on social media. It's not that I'm all that private and don't want anyone to know, it's just that, I don't think people really care as much as they let on. I think people feel obligated to ask and I never want to be someone's obligation. I have always been the listener, the supporter, the person other people come to talk to when they need an ear or a shoulder. I can give advice, i just don't practice what I preach.
I think that's why I'd love to see a therapist. I wouldn't feel like I was imposing on a therapist. They'd have to listen and interact with me. And I wouldn't care so much about what they thought about me. I've wanted to see one for years, long before my cancer. But, to see a therapist, I'd have to, 1, stop denying myself and admit to myself that I no longer want to go it alone. And 2, share my innermost thoughts about it, with my husband. He is the epitome of supportive, no question. But, still, I don't share my private hell with anybody...ever. And, I certainly don't want to appear fragile and weak. So, I stay strong and stay private, keeping it all in. Been this way since I was 7 yrs old. It's worked for me thus far. I haven't gone off the deep end, am not depressed (other than getting the blues from time to time) and I have never turned to hardcore drugs and alcohol to self medicate.
Hubby, kids, co-workers, friends, family...none of them have ever heard me use the word "scanxiety" or "NED". Nor have they witnessed my anxiety prior to scan day and, in fact, don't usually know when I have scans. I just do it on my own.
Anyway, Next Wednesday will be here before you know it and you'll be celebrating, come Wednesday evening. Good for you for declining work on that day! It's something you can feel in control of and since we can't control the outcome of the scans, we gotta take control in anyway we can. So, kudos!
Hope you all have a great day!!
Patches (fox dubbed me patches and I kinda like it
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Patchestwinthings said:What ever works
Hey Todd and Co., I use xanax on occasion too, but only at night. Otherwise, I'm too sleepy to do my job...at just 0.5mg. It doesn't take much. Then again, I tend to be a light weight in terms of the effects of drugs and alcohol. I can pull a good drunk on 4 Coronas
Todd, I'm glad that, in the absence of your kids, you at least have other friends and family to talk to. I do think it is so important. Yet, I tend to be the opposite. Though I'm surrounded by family and friends, I don't really talk to anybody about my situation, whether cancer, finances, marital or whatever else I may be dealing with on the inside. When people ask how I'm doing, I just say "fine thank you". And other than the snippets I've shared on CSN, I don't air my dirty laundry on social media. It's not that I'm all that private and don't want anyone to know, it's just that, I don't think people really care as much as they let on. I think people feel obligated to ask and I never want to be someone's obligation. I have always been the listener, the supporter, the person other people come to talk to when they need an ear or a shoulder. I can give advice, i just don't practice what I preach.
I think that's why I'd love to see a therapist. I wouldn't feel like I was imposing on a therapist. They'd have to listen and interact with me. And I wouldn't care so much about what they thought about me. I've wanted to see one for years, long before my cancer. But, to see a therapist, I'd have to, 1, stop denying myself and admit to myself that I no longer want to go it alone. And 2, share my innermost thoughts about it, with my husband. He is the epitome of supportive, no question. But, still, I don't share my private hell with anybody...ever. And, I certainly don't want to appear fragile and weak. So, I stay strong and stay private, keeping it all in. Been this way since I was 7 yrs old. It's worked for me thus far. I haven't gone off the deep end, am not depressed (other than getting the blues from time to time) and I have never turned to hardcore drugs and alcohol to self medicate.
Hubby, kids, co-workers, friends, family...none of them have ever heard me use the word "scanxiety" or "NED". Nor have they witnessed my anxiety prior to scan day and, in fact, don't usually know when I have scans. I just do it on my own.
Anyway, Next Wednesday will be here before you know it and you'll be celebrating, come Wednesday evening. Good for you for declining work on that day! It's something you can feel in control of and since we can't control the outcome of the scans, we gotta take control in anyway we can. So, kudos!
Hope you all have a great day!!
Patches (fox dubbed me patches and I kinda like it
)You just described me to a T. Glad to know I'm not alone. I'm a retired nurse, so I guess it's my nature to give to others and keep myself to myself. I've considered therapy but never acted on it.
connie, from the uterine board
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Scanxiety
Todd, thank you for this posting. I have been away and not had access to the computer, but I have been thinking of everyone, and missing everyone. And your posting hit home as to whyI love this group so much.
Firstly, I was also stage 3, but grade 2. I have my next scan late in October....which brings me to one year since the cancer was discovered. The doctor said they will then just give me an ultrasound once a year. I don't feel comfortable with that.
I have found that I am worrying a little more about my health- but say nothing to anyone. I have conflicting feelings that I am a bit of a fraud as cancer was all contained and no other treatment was needed (I know a lot of RCC survivors have the same feeling about that). My sons have never even asked what stage my cancer was. But I chalk that up to lack of experience and knowledge about cancer. My oldest has really done more about being involved in my life. My youngest, well, he has his own problems. But things have improved with him, I am happy to say. But who knows why children of this generation are the way they are. I also carry guilt for destroying their traditional family unit because of divorce. My new husband has 4 sons (from ages 16 to 22) that he never sees due to the parent alienation that his ex has been instigating. We have gone through years of legal battle that, so far, has been futile - not to mention financially crippling. My husband's salary mainly goes to his ex (that is what we are trying to change - he lost his job and his new job only pays 2/3 of his former salary, but he is still paying according to his original higher salary). However, the youngest son showed up at our doorstep a couple of months ago, and we hope that is a sign that things are turning around for us. I keep trying to be strong, try to be optimistic, and keep a sense of humour, surround myself with good people - and you are all a part of that group of people.
Now I am in the final days of summer holidays, and I am finding myself more stressed, worried and anguished than ever. Driving home from the campsite (I was driving alone) I sobbed all the way home, and I cannot pinpoint what exactly I am so sad about. I wonder if it is time to see a therapist. I am dreading going back to work. I have a new boss coming in who is very intimidating and he reminds me of my ex-husband - not a good thing! hahaha! So I am applying for a couple of jobs that have come up. Not sure if that is the answer, but I am a big believer in if it is meant to be, it will happen.
As usual, I digress. But you people always make me feel better and it is good to just let it all out!
Here's to better days ahead for all of us!
Hugs
Jojo
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Snap!twinthings said:What ever works
Hey Todd and Co., I use xanax on occasion too, but only at night. Otherwise, I'm too sleepy to do my job...at just 0.5mg. It doesn't take much. Then again, I tend to be a light weight in terms of the effects of drugs and alcohol. I can pull a good drunk on 4 Coronas
Todd, I'm glad that, in the absence of your kids, you at least have other friends and family to talk to. I do think it is so important. Yet, I tend to be the opposite. Though I'm surrounded by family and friends, I don't really talk to anybody about my situation, whether cancer, finances, marital or whatever else I may be dealing with on the inside. When people ask how I'm doing, I just say "fine thank you". And other than the snippets I've shared on CSN, I don't air my dirty laundry on social media. It's not that I'm all that private and don't want anyone to know, it's just that, I don't think people really care as much as they let on. I think people feel obligated to ask and I never want to be someone's obligation. I have always been the listener, the supporter, the person other people come to talk to when they need an ear or a shoulder. I can give advice, i just don't practice what I preach.
I think that's why I'd love to see a therapist. I wouldn't feel like I was imposing on a therapist. They'd have to listen and interact with me. And I wouldn't care so much about what they thought about me. I've wanted to see one for years, long before my cancer. But, to see a therapist, I'd have to, 1, stop denying myself and admit to myself that I no longer want to go it alone. And 2, share my innermost thoughts about it, with my husband. He is the epitome of supportive, no question. But, still, I don't share my private hell with anybody...ever. And, I certainly don't want to appear fragile and weak. So, I stay strong and stay private, keeping it all in. Been this way since I was 7 yrs old. It's worked for me thus far. I haven't gone off the deep end, am not depressed (other than getting the blues from time to time) and I have never turned to hardcore drugs and alcohol to self medicate.
Hubby, kids, co-workers, friends, family...none of them have ever heard me use the word "scanxiety" or "NED". Nor have they witnessed my anxiety prior to scan day and, in fact, don't usually know when I have scans. I just do it on my own.
Anyway, Next Wednesday will be here before you know it and you'll be celebrating, come Wednesday evening. Good for you for declining work on that day! It's something you can feel in control of and since we can't control the outcome of the scans, we gotta take control in anyway we can. So, kudos!
Hope you all have a great day!!
Patches (fox dubbed me patches and I kinda like it
)I have nothing else to add - sounds just like me! You have articulated so much better than I ever could have. I have also been thinking about some form of counselling but not sure whether it would be helpful as I saw a psychologist once after mets discovered but thought it was a fruitless exercise.
Cindy, hope you are feeling much better after your surgery.
Sue
PS Todd hope your scan is a good one.
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Jojo, you’re doing the smartJojo61 said:Scanxiety
Todd, thank you for this posting. I have been away and not had access to the computer, but I have been thinking of everyone, and missing everyone. And your posting hit home as to whyI love this group so much.
Firstly, I was also stage 3, but grade 2. I have my next scan late in October....which brings me to one year since the cancer was discovered. The doctor said they will then just give me an ultrasound once a year. I don't feel comfortable with that.
I have found that I am worrying a little more about my health- but say nothing to anyone. I have conflicting feelings that I am a bit of a fraud as cancer was all contained and no other treatment was needed (I know a lot of RCC survivors have the same feeling about that). My sons have never even asked what stage my cancer was. But I chalk that up to lack of experience and knowledge about cancer. My oldest has really done more about being involved in my life. My youngest, well, he has his own problems. But things have improved with him, I am happy to say. But who knows why children of this generation are the way they are. I also carry guilt for destroying their traditional family unit because of divorce. My new husband has 4 sons (from ages 16 to 22) that he never sees due to the parent alienation that his ex has been instigating. We have gone through years of legal battle that, so far, has been futile - not to mention financially crippling. My husband's salary mainly goes to his ex (that is what we are trying to change - he lost his job and his new job only pays 2/3 of his former salary, but he is still paying according to his original higher salary). However, the youngest son showed up at our doorstep a couple of months ago, and we hope that is a sign that things are turning around for us. I keep trying to be strong, try to be optimistic, and keep a sense of humour, surround myself with good people - and you are all a part of that group of people.
Now I am in the final days of summer holidays, and I am finding myself more stressed, worried and anguished than ever. Driving home from the campsite (I was driving alone) I sobbed all the way home, and I cannot pinpoint what exactly I am so sad about. I wonder if it is time to see a therapist. I am dreading going back to work. I have a new boss coming in who is very intimidating and he reminds me of my ex-husband - not a good thing! hahaha! So I am applying for a couple of jobs that have come up. Not sure if that is the answer, but I am a big believer in if it is meant to be, it will happen.
As usual, I digress. But you people always make me feel better and it is good to just let it all out!
Here's to better days ahead for all of us!
Hugs
Jojo
Jojo, you’re doing the smart thing looking for other jobs than the one you have with an intimidating boss. On top of everything we have to deal with the last thing we need is stress on the job. So I hope you find a good job with a nice boss. I also hope that the legal battle over your husband’s support of his ex is resolved so that’s one less thing to be anxious over. Hugs!
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psychologist?Suekub said:Snap!
I have nothing else to add - sounds just like me! You have articulated so much better than I ever could have. I have also been thinking about some form of counselling but not sure whether it would be helpful as I saw a psychologist once after mets discovered but thought it was a fruitless exercise.
Cindy, hope you are feeling much better after your surgery.
Sue
PS Todd hope your scan is a good one.
Hi Sue, I am about 75% recovered from my June surgery and it looks like, I'll be having more surgery (same reason) this fall. Tough pill to swallow, still trying to choke it down. Not sure how much more my stomach can take. Thank you for inquiring about me. I hope you are doing good too. Any recent girlfriend retreats?
I wondered what kind of therapist one sees for issues like mine (I have more issues than tissues, it seems). I guess unless one NEEDS a psychiatrist, they would see a psychologist, but are there different types of psychologists? I wouldn't even know where to start. Once there, I'm not even sure I'd know what to talk about or where to start. It all seems kinda scary. And, call me crazy but, my fear of being labeled "crazy" keeps me from seeking help.
They say time heals all so, maybe I'll just wait it out.
Happy Friday!!
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your'e not aloneConnieSW said:Patches
You just described me to a T. Glad to know I'm not alone. I'm a retired nurse, so I guess it's my nature to give to others and keep myself to myself. I've considered therapy but never acted on it.
connie, from the uterine board
Connie, I guess the phrase "I'm gald to know I'm not alone" translates to, misery loves company. It's strange because I know you'd (we'd) never wish emotional or physical ill-being on someone but when we find ourselves battling such afflictions, we hope we aren't alone. It's a bit twisted when you think about it.
I am not a nurse but the mom/nana in me dictates that I take care of everyone else first, before myself. I think it's just how us women are wired. Maybe moreso when you've been a caretaker your whole career. It's almost easier to put yourself on the back burner. Kinda like people who clean houses for a living, don't want to go home and clean their own house after dealing with someone elses mess all day.
I wouldn't mind finding a support group that meets on a weekly or monthly basis. I've looked around my area but have'nt found anything that suits my needs. There are plenty of survivor groups and technically, cancer didn't kill me so, that makes me a survivor but, I sure don't feel like I am worthy of that title. I'd feel like a bit of a fraud, trying to fit in with those that fight the cancer battle every day. My battle is all in my head and likely self induced.
Food for thought, I suppose.
Hope you have a great weekend!
Sindy
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Hi jojo! So good to see youJojo61 said:Scanxiety
Todd, thank you for this posting. I have been away and not had access to the computer, but I have been thinking of everyone, and missing everyone. And your posting hit home as to whyI love this group so much.
Firstly, I was also stage 3, but grade 2. I have my next scan late in October....which brings me to one year since the cancer was discovered. The doctor said they will then just give me an ultrasound once a year. I don't feel comfortable with that.
I have found that I am worrying a little more about my health- but say nothing to anyone. I have conflicting feelings that I am a bit of a fraud as cancer was all contained and no other treatment was needed (I know a lot of RCC survivors have the same feeling about that). My sons have never even asked what stage my cancer was. But I chalk that up to lack of experience and knowledge about cancer. My oldest has really done more about being involved in my life. My youngest, well, he has his own problems. But things have improved with him, I am happy to say. But who knows why children of this generation are the way they are. I also carry guilt for destroying their traditional family unit because of divorce. My new husband has 4 sons (from ages 16 to 22) that he never sees due to the parent alienation that his ex has been instigating. We have gone through years of legal battle that, so far, has been futile - not to mention financially crippling. My husband's salary mainly goes to his ex (that is what we are trying to change - he lost his job and his new job only pays 2/3 of his former salary, but he is still paying according to his original higher salary). However, the youngest son showed up at our doorstep a couple of months ago, and we hope that is a sign that things are turning around for us. I keep trying to be strong, try to be optimistic, and keep a sense of humour, surround myself with good people - and you are all a part of that group of people.
Now I am in the final days of summer holidays, and I am finding myself more stressed, worried and anguished than ever. Driving home from the campsite (I was driving alone) I sobbed all the way home, and I cannot pinpoint what exactly I am so sad about. I wonder if it is time to see a therapist. I am dreading going back to work. I have a new boss coming in who is very intimidating and he reminds me of my ex-husband - not a good thing! hahaha! So I am applying for a couple of jobs that have come up. Not sure if that is the answer, but I am a big believer in if it is meant to be, it will happen.
As usual, I digress. But you people always make me feel better and it is good to just let it all out!
Here's to better days ahead for all of us!
Hugs
Jojo
Hi jojo! So good to see you again. I've been MIA from the boards for a while but think about you all everyday.
First and most importantly...an ultrasound once a year??? Are you kidding me?? Are those people crazy?? I'm not a doctor and even I know that is not sufficient screening for someone with stage 3, regardless of the grade. I'd demand better care! If you don't, know one will on your behalf. No one will ever be as concerned about your health as you are so you have to fight, bite, scratch and claw your way through the medical hoops if you want the very best care medicine has to offer. If you don't feel comfortable with that (and why would you), there's a reason for it. Listen to your intuition.
As for your other son, I'm so happy to hear he's in a better place. I know how you worry about him! You sound like an awesome mom. As for the guilt of divorce...you gotta let it go. I am a firm believer that kids would rather be from a broken home than to live in an unhappy, tension filled home. Probably easy for me to say, having never been divorced but I do know what it feels like to come from divorce so, I am somewhat experienced with it, just not as a parent. That said, even with a relatively happy 33 year marriage, I still find plenty of things to feel guilty about, in terms of how I raised my kids. Things I didn't do but should have. Things I wish I'd done differently. Things I wish I'd never done at all. Pretty sure that makes us normal. And, to say that you destroyed their traditional family unit implies you did it alone. I highly doubt that. It takes two to tango. So, don't be so hard on yourself. And don't let that excuse your sons behavior and poor choices. He's a grown man, right?
I wish you luck in finding a new job. Someone will be very fortunate to have you...then you can tell your other boss to suck it!! That ought to relieve a little stress, huh?
Hope you have a good weekend, jojo!!
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Misery Loves Companytwinthings said:your'e not alone
Connie, I guess the phrase "I'm gald to know I'm not alone" translates to, misery loves company. It's strange because I know you'd (we'd) never wish emotional or physical ill-being on someone but when we find ourselves battling such afflictions, we hope we aren't alone. It's a bit twisted when you think about it.
I am not a nurse but the mom/nana in me dictates that I take care of everyone else first, before myself. I think it's just how us women are wired. Maybe moreso when you've been a caretaker your whole career. It's almost easier to put yourself on the back burner. Kinda like people who clean houses for a living, don't want to go home and clean their own house after dealing with someone elses mess all day.
I wouldn't mind finding a support group that meets on a weekly or monthly basis. I've looked around my area but have'nt found anything that suits my needs. There are plenty of survivor groups and technically, cancer didn't kill me so, that makes me a survivor but, I sure don't feel like I am worthy of that title. I'd feel like a bit of a fraud, trying to fit in with those that fight the cancer battle every day. My battle is all in my head and likely self induced.
Food for thought, I suppose.
Hope you have a great weekend!
Sindy
Thanks for the supportive posts.
After posting a few times about others with similar problems, I've been thinking abou that saying "Misery Loves Company" and noticing it made me feel better to hear from others. That saying is really pretty non-judgemental. So I was wondering why it makes me feel better, and it seems to be clear for me that part of my feeling really down when I have a problem is because I tell myself that I'm the only one like that, and then I feel lonely and maybe even weird or cursed. Of course I don't wish those bad things on others, but it does help me feel like I'm just part of the human race when I know others have similar problems and those people aren't weird, cursed, or crazy: they're good people that have just had bad things happen to them.
I've been seeing psychologists for many years. I started about 15 years ago. I'm on my third one, but this one I've been with for like 12 years. He's really good. I have to say, that I tried to find another (because I have to drive 1 hour each way to see this one) and I had a hard time finding one that was ok. It can be difficult to find a healthy, ethical, well adjusted, and competent psychologist. It's not to say they aren't there, but you do have to try them out and if it's not working, move on. There are so many kinds, too. It's a daunting task.
I did try some support groups. The one I found was very far away, so I didn't stick with it. The best thing that came out of going, was I met another RCC survivor and we became friends. Now we have lunch every 2-3 weeks. He's very different than me. He doesn't know his type of RCC, what stage it was, etc. In fact, he didn't read his pathology report. He says he knows it was pretty serious and he's just letting the doctors handle it. In a way, I admire that.
Anyways, I plan to be ok with "misery loves company" and not add guilt into the mix.
That's my plan anyways.Todd
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Psychologisttwinthings said:psychologist?
Hi Sue, I am about 75% recovered from my June surgery and it looks like, I'll be having more surgery (same reason) this fall. Tough pill to swallow, still trying to choke it down. Not sure how much more my stomach can take. Thank you for inquiring about me. I hope you are doing good too. Any recent girlfriend retreats?
I wondered what kind of therapist one sees for issues like mine (I have more issues than tissues, it seems). I guess unless one NEEDS a psychiatrist, they would see a psychologist, but are there different types of psychologists? I wouldn't even know where to start. Once there, I'm not even sure I'd know what to talk about or where to start. It all seems kinda scary. And, call me crazy but, my fear of being labeled "crazy" keeps me from seeking help.
They say time heals all so, maybe I'll just wait it out.
Happy Friday!!
More issues than tissues? That's funny.
I've a friend who is a psychologist. He says about some people/clients among his peers, "That guy/gal has really big shoes". That's how they refer to it.
A little crazy never killed anybody. Can be kinda fun. Lol.
Happy Friday to you all too!
Todd
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ScansJojo61 said:Scanxiety
Todd, thank you for this posting. I have been away and not had access to the computer, but I have been thinking of everyone, and missing everyone. And your posting hit home as to whyI love this group so much.
Firstly, I was also stage 3, but grade 2. I have my next scan late in October....which brings me to one year since the cancer was discovered. The doctor said they will then just give me an ultrasound once a year. I don't feel comfortable with that.
I have found that I am worrying a little more about my health- but say nothing to anyone. I have conflicting feelings that I am a bit of a fraud as cancer was all contained and no other treatment was needed (I know a lot of RCC survivors have the same feeling about that). My sons have never even asked what stage my cancer was. But I chalk that up to lack of experience and knowledge about cancer. My oldest has really done more about being involved in my life. My youngest, well, he has his own problems. But things have improved with him, I am happy to say. But who knows why children of this generation are the way they are. I also carry guilt for destroying their traditional family unit because of divorce. My new husband has 4 sons (from ages 16 to 22) that he never sees due to the parent alienation that his ex has been instigating. We have gone through years of legal battle that, so far, has been futile - not to mention financially crippling. My husband's salary mainly goes to his ex (that is what we are trying to change - he lost his job and his new job only pays 2/3 of his former salary, but he is still paying according to his original higher salary). However, the youngest son showed up at our doorstep a couple of months ago, and we hope that is a sign that things are turning around for us. I keep trying to be strong, try to be optimistic, and keep a sense of humour, surround myself with good people - and you are all a part of that group of people.
Now I am in the final days of summer holidays, and I am finding myself more stressed, worried and anguished than ever. Driving home from the campsite (I was driving alone) I sobbed all the way home, and I cannot pinpoint what exactly I am so sad about. I wonder if it is time to see a therapist. I am dreading going back to work. I have a new boss coming in who is very intimidating and he reminds me of my ex-husband - not a good thing! hahaha! So I am applying for a couple of jobs that have come up. Not sure if that is the answer, but I am a big believer in if it is meant to be, it will happen.
As usual, I digress. But you people always make me feel better and it is good to just let it all out!
Here's to better days ahead for all of us!
Hugs
Jojo
Hi JoJo,
Glad to hear from you.
I'm pretty sure with Stage 3, an ultrasound once a year after year is not minimum standard of care. The national cancer instituce/nhi has standard of care guidelines I believe online. I'll try and remember to ask my oncologist when I see him next week. I've seen him look them up and show them to me on the web. If you can, see an oncologist with some experience with RCC (or even minimal RCC experience, or a good medical oncologist willing to look into it).
I know people around me don't understand this cancer (or most cancer, really). So I need to be understanding of that.
My sons have issues with our divorce. I certainly wasn't a perfect father, but I'm ok with myself. At least I wasn't abusive like my father was. I know I only meant my sons good, and I didn't do the constant name calling, threatening, physical violence, and constan belittling that my step father infliced on my brother, sister and I. I did a lot of good things for my kids. I suppose I thought they might be grateful, but that's not up to me and I can't control it. So I let it go. Try to. Lol.
Wow. Step mother to 4 boys. That's a challenge. Parents can really turn their children against the absent parent if that's what they want to do. In the long run, kids grow up and I think most figure out what happened if they are interested. I'm reconnected to my birth father after not talking to him for 35 years and realize he's not as bad as my mom always made him out to be. So it's possible that things can heal, even after that long.
Glad to see you back on board.
Todd
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Scanstodd121 said:Scans
Hi JoJo,
Glad to hear from you.
I'm pretty sure with Stage 3, an ultrasound once a year after year is not minimum standard of care. The national cancer instituce/nhi has standard of care guidelines I believe online. I'll try and remember to ask my oncologist when I see him next week. I've seen him look them up and show them to me on the web. If you can, see an oncologist with some experience with RCC (or even minimal RCC experience, or a good medical oncologist willing to look into it).
I know people around me don't understand this cancer (or most cancer, really). So I need to be understanding of that.
My sons have issues with our divorce. I certainly wasn't a perfect father, but I'm ok with myself. At least I wasn't abusive like my father was. I know I only meant my sons good, and I didn't do the constant name calling, threatening, physical violence, and constan belittling that my step father infliced on my brother, sister and I. I did a lot of good things for my kids. I suppose I thought they might be grateful, but that's not up to me and I can't control it. So I let it go. Try to. Lol.
Wow. Step mother to 4 boys. That's a challenge. Parents can really turn their children against the absent parent if that's what they want to do. In the long run, kids grow up and I think most figure out what happened if they are interested. I'm reconnected to my birth father after not talking to him for 35 years and realize he's not as bad as my mom always made him out to be. So it's possible that things can heal, even after that long.
Glad to see you back on board.
Todd
JoJo
OK I'm a bit jealous of your grade 2. Seriousily, I agree with Todd and have never heard ultra sounds in lieu of a CTScan with contrast after such a short time. I was scanned every three months for the first year and now every six for life. I am techcially a patient at Sloan but have my scans done here in New Jersey. I would speak with a renal oncologist when you have a chance.
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kids, scans and therapists
Todd, I'm so glad I'm reading your post and all your replies today. I don't come here too often any more, but I could sure relate to all these issues! In early 2012 I was diagnosed and had a nephrectomy for Stage 3 RCC. I get scanned every 6 mos and thank goodness my dr sees me right afterwards to tell me the results. 'Cuz I have 'Scan-xiety' big time. It's always a Xanax day. I had Stage 2 breast cancer 5 yrs ago and was prescribed Xanax for the 'bad days' and it's been my best friend ever since. I don't take it often, but it sure helps when I need it.
My kids are in their early 40s and live relatively close to me. I had back surgery (which is how they accidentally found the kidney mass), live by myself and can't do much bending or lifting, but it seems difficult for them to break away from their busy lives and families to offer to come help, unless I ask. My daughter quit talking to me shortly after my surgeries and I had a really difficult time dealing with it. (Apparently, her husband told her I had the wrong tone of voice, when I called for her once!) Anyway, I found a psychologist through the American Cancer Society. She was great as she was experienced in leading cancer support groups and even had cancer twice herself. I saw her for a few mos and it really helped. So there are counselors out there who specialize in helping folks deal with health issues.
I agree that this generation of kids just aren't the same as when we were growing up. I seem to be criticized for the smallest infractions, while other family members get away with murder with no consequences. It makes me so sad. Hearing all of your stories though has really helped me though. We tend to think that the issues are all our fault (my personal repetition is: how could I raise such a heartless kid??) Both my parents died before I was 12 and I'd have anything to have a few additional minutes with them!
So thank you all for sharing!!
Hugs,
Linda
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You guys are so wonderfultwinthings said:Hi jojo! So good to see you
Hi jojo! So good to see you again. I've been MIA from the boards for a while but think about you all everyday.
First and most importantly...an ultrasound once a year??? Are you kidding me?? Are those people crazy?? I'm not a doctor and even I know that is not sufficient screening for someone with stage 3, regardless of the grade. I'd demand better care! If you don't, know one will on your behalf. No one will ever be as concerned about your health as you are so you have to fight, bite, scratch and claw your way through the medical hoops if you want the very best care medicine has to offer. If you don't feel comfortable with that (and why would you), there's a reason for it. Listen to your intuition.
As for your other son, I'm so happy to hear he's in a better place. I know how you worry about him! You sound like an awesome mom. As for the guilt of divorce...you gotta let it go. I am a firm believer that kids would rather be from a broken home than to live in an unhappy, tension filled home. Probably easy for me to say, having never been divorced but I do know what it feels like to come from divorce so, I am somewhat experienced with it, just not as a parent. That said, even with a relatively happy 33 year marriage, I still find plenty of things to feel guilty about, in terms of how I raised my kids. Things I didn't do but should have. Things I wish I'd done differently. Things I wish I'd never done at all. Pretty sure that makes us normal. And, to say that you destroyed their traditional family unit implies you did it alone. I highly doubt that. It takes two to tango. So, don't be so hard on yourself. And don't let that excuse your sons behavior and poor choices. He's a grown man, right?
I wish you luck in finding a new job. Someone will be very fortunate to have you...then you can tell your other boss to suck it!! That ought to relieve a little stress, huh?
Hope you have a good weekend, jojo!!
Sindy, you always know exactly what to say. Your words brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for your undying support. And thank you for pointing out that I am not the only one at fault for a failed marriage. I literally escaped from him in the middle of the night with only my clothes. I guess that is why I take the blame - forgetting his abusive nature was the reason that I fled!
And Todd and all you others, thank you as well for your care and concern. It certainly is great to have you to share with.
I finally made the jump and booked an appointment with a therapist. My first appointment is tomorrow. I also have a job interview tomorrow morning.
I go to a Uro-oncologist - the best in the province. But I live in Ontario, Canada. We have paid medical care and they have their guidelines. BUT when I go for my next scan I willl talk to him about it. I also might bring my girlfriend instead of my sister. She can be a dog with a bone, while my sister and I are made of the same timid cloth! Note: I was scheduled for an ultrasound for my next scan instead of a CT scan but since there was a lesion found on my liver, they decided to do one more CT scan. This is absurd. Another note: I live in Ontario, one of the richest provinces in Canada - but guess what? I found out that if my cancer spreads, the meds are not covered here. They are in a lot of other provinces, but not Ontario. (thank you Neil for making giving me a heads up). That has upped my anxiety about the cancer coming back. I have decent insurance through work, but I plan to retire in 2 1/2 years....no insurance then. My hubby has insurance through his work, but it is not a very good one. When I went to the first urologist when they first discovered "Arnold" the tumour, he said to me, if it is stage 4, you are done. I was floored and thought he was mistaken, but finding out what our health care is in Ontario, I am beginning to see the validity in his statement.
Again, thank you from the bottom of my heart for all your kindness and support.
Hugs
Jojo
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My scans were good
Doctor said everything looked great. Nothing interesting.
I didn't get the result at the doc visit as I usually do. Sometimes they are busy and the radiologist didn't get a chance to read it by the time I have my appointment. I wanted to wait until I had the report in hand before I shared the news. Just got it today via email (Friday).
Of course I'm happy about it. Thanks everyone.
Todd
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YES!!!todd121 said:My scans were good
Doctor said everything looked great. Nothing interesting.
I didn't get the result at the doc visit as I usually do. Sometimes they are busy and the radiologist didn't get a chance to read it by the time I have my appointment. I wanted to wait until I had the report in hand before I shared the news. Just got it today via email (Friday).
Of course I'm happy about it. Thanks everyone.
Todd
Todd:
so glad you got good news; we had to wait a bit for the chest scan because the radiologist had to read a lot of them.
enjoy the weekend,
Sarah
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GREAT!!!todd121 said:My scans were good
Doctor said everything looked great. Nothing interesting.
I didn't get the result at the doc visit as I usually do. Sometimes they are busy and the radiologist didn't get a chance to read it by the time I have my appointment. I wanted to wait until I had the report in hand before I shared the news. Just got it today via email (Friday).
Of course I'm happy about it. Thanks everyone.
Todd
Glad to here it, Todd.
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