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Tachilders obituary missing in post

ketziah35
ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145
edited December 2013 in Colorectal Cancer #1

Was removed by the administrators under the post. Just wanted to let you know. This seems unfair if information is published on a public site, but cest la vie.  I would have sent his family a card.  Removing information like this   interferes with the ability to support each other In my opinion. 

Comments

  • Chelsea71
    Chelsea71 Member Posts: 1,169
    I agree!
     
    Chelsea

    I agree!

     

    Chelsea

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364
    Finding information

    You can find published obituaries at legacy.com.

    While this info is available on the public media, it is against the rules here to give this personal information.

    I was not aware of this rule until it was pointed out by the administrator.

    Marie who loves kitties

  • devotion10
    devotion10 Member Posts: 623
    I find this hypocritical because …

    this past year when my husband was dying and I was under a great deal of stress ... my personal messages were being copied and posted on the blog of one of our members who has a rather controversial history with the board.

    I objected to this and I complained to the moderators that this seemed to violate the terms of agreement that we acknowledge when we sign up for the message board.

    Even though this is a public site ... I never wished my very personal thoughts to be linked or posted on another person's site especially in the context they were used.  

    Unfortunately, the situation was never resolved or fully clarified.

    My question is why can my personal information be used elsewhere without my permission ... but a publically accessible obituary cannot be posted here?

    Puzzled and rather miffed. ~ Cynthia

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571

    I find this hypocritical because …

    this past year when my husband was dying and I was under a great deal of stress ... my personal messages were being copied and posted on the blog of one of our members who has a rather controversial history with the board.

    I objected to this and I complained to the moderators that this seemed to violate the terms of agreement that we acknowledge when we sign up for the message board.

    Even though this is a public site ... I never wished my very personal thoughts to be linked or posted on another person's site especially in the context they were used.  

    Unfortunately, the situation was never resolved or fully clarified.

    My question is why can my personal information be used elsewhere without my permission ... but a publically accessible obituary cannot be posted here?

    Puzzled and rather miffed. ~ Cynthia

    I am in agreement with Cynthia...

    I too sent a message to a mod, pointing out that pm's were being posted in a blog by a CSN member, without the permission of the person who had sent them (I also pointed out the name-calling, and the pushing of questionable treatments).  ALL of this is against the terms of service, but I was told that we had to sort things out amongst ourselves.

    When a member has posted his/her first and last names, I really don't think there should be any problem with posting an obituary that is readily available online.  In Tedd's case, he had already provided his personal information (user name "tachilders" for those who would like to find his obit), so I really don't think removing these things was necessary.

    But once again, it's a good reminder to provide someone, a family member or friend, with log-in information if we want to let people know how we're doing.

  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,712 **
    Member

    It seems that his member status is gone from CSN as well as his account doesn't even show up anymore.  It's almost like he didn't even exist from previous posts.  I'm wondering if a family member deleted his account or what happened but always thought that previous posts wouldn't get deleted in hopes that a certain post could help a future member.  I'm confused.

    Kim

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,536 **

    Member

    It seems that his member status is gone from CSN as well as his account doesn't even show up anymore.  It's almost like he didn't even exist from previous posts.  I'm wondering if a family member deleted his account or what happened but always thought that previous posts wouldn't get deleted in hopes that a certain post could help a future member.  I'm confused.

    Kim

    Doc Hawk

    I saw a post from Doc Hawk just the other day, and he left us back in July, so I don't think the members are deleted when they pass. Unless its something new. 

    I too think its sad that we are unable to post/read obituaries of our friends. It is hard when they just disappear from the forum. We think we know they've gone, but we're never quite sure. 

    I remember how glad though sad I was when Marie linked Vickilg's obit. 

    Is it OK for members to post the link and not the obit? 

  • jen2012
    jen2012 Member Posts: 1,607
    Just another view from a

    Just another view from a paranoid and (not always) private member.  I think it's easy for us to forget that we aren't just one big happy (and too many times sad and scared) family and there are many people reading what we post that never post here.    It could have been the family was concerned about so many people knowing that mom and the kids were now alone, when the house would be empty for services, etc. 

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364
    jen2012 said:

    Just another view from a

    Just another view from a paranoid and (not always) private member.  I think it's easy for us to forget that we aren't just one big happy (and too many times sad and scared) family and there are many people reading what we post that never post here.    It could have been the family was concerned about so many people knowing that mom and the kids were now alone, when the house would be empty for services, etc. 

    I could better understand

    I could better understand this view, if not for the fact that the obituary was published in a paper local to their home and the information were not available for the world to see on the internet.

    I am truely sorry if posting it offended any member of his family.

    Marie who loves kitties

     

  • ketziah35
    ketziah35 Member Posts: 1,145

    I could better understand

    I could better understand this view, if not for the fact that the obituary was published in a paper local to their home and the information were not available for the world to see on the internet.

    I am truely sorry if posting it offended any member of his family.

    Marie who loves kitties

     

    You shouldn't feel sorry. If

    You shouldn't feel sorry. If the information was on a website which is accessible to everyone including prisoners in Russia, then is fair game to share. If it was in a PM or email then I wouldn't feel comfortaBle about sharing details. It's not like it is a breech of national security.

    It seems as though the policy should be amended to exclude information and links on public websites. I mean heck, if the Taliban has access to it and no one has an issue with them distributing it why shouldn't we be able to distribute this information in good faith?

    Somehow this situation seems similar to situations in WWII.

  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624

    I could better understand

    I could better understand this view, if not for the fact that the obituary was published in a paper local to their home and the information were not available for the world to see on the internet.

    I am truely sorry if posting it offended any member of his family.

    Marie who loves kitties

     

    Especially

    Since Tachilders fan page on Facebook SPECIFICALLY asked that the page be shared so that all of those that knew Ted could come and comment and leave memories for the family, and still his page info was removed, and obits are public knowledge, which seems odd to refuse to allow us to post them yet allow another member to take bits and pieces of our posts and post them on their blog and say it is okay.  I don't get it either.

    Winter Marie

  • devotion10
    devotion10 Member Posts: 623
    I am unsure about how to ever resolve the issue of ...

    someone cutting and pasting messages to another site or blog ... it does feel like permission should be obtained even if the site doesn't specifically require it.

    Greta always tries to moderate fairly in my opinion, so in the instance of Tedd ... perhaps a family member made the request to have all information removed.  I think that after a passing there is this feeling that all those private thoughts be erased as they are too painful for the family ... even if they might help others.  I thought about this myself after my husband passed, you know ... just erase everything as a way to not be reminded of the intense emotions. Maybe this is what happened.

    With regard to privacy ... I suppose we should all remember that we have no guarantees that anything that we say here stays on the site.  It can be read by anyone at anytime.  One does not have to sign in, be a member, one can copy and paste whatever they wish to other sites without reprimand it seems. I just hope that folks have the decency not to cut and paste private messages in the future as that is simply not right.

    Peace. ~ Cynthia

     

  • lilacbrroller
    lilacbrroller Member Posts: 412

    Especially

    Since Tachilders fan page on Facebook SPECIFICALLY asked that the page be shared so that all of those that knew Ted could come and comment and leave memories for the family, and still his page info was removed, and obits are public knowledge, which seems odd to refuse to allow us to post them yet allow another member to take bits and pieces of our posts and post them on their blog and say it is okay.  I don't get it either.

    Winter Marie

    Not specifically forbidden

    Hi, all.  I think we should be able to post obituaries, particularly if the individual has given his or her real name on posts.  I had posted Ren's obit and that was completely deleted also without my consent. There is no trace of the conversation, and his obit had no personal identifying data at all other than his name and accomplishments. Gee whiz!  All of Tedd's posts are not gone, btw.  I checked. Someone just cut his obit. 

    Members have posted comrades' obituaries in the past on our site, and I surfed through other CSN forums (breast cancer, for instance) and found obituaries posted outside of the MCRC section that seem not to have been touched.  Why us?

    The terms of service do not specifically forbid the posting of obituaries.  I read through the site to look for rules and guidelnes and this is all I found: 

    "Please remember that these discussion boards are a public forum, which means open to the public (i.e. non-CSN members) and the content can be found via internet search engines. Members are strongly advised not to share personal identifiers such as real names, email address, telephone, street address, etc. can be used to identify you and link you to the content you provide. Other areas of CSN are restricted to members only and cannot be found by search engines."

    So I'm not sure where the "no posting of obituaries" rule is coming from.  I suspect that a new administrator might be interpreting the rules very tightly could be a bit overzealous in the policing of our site.  

    CSN Profiles of deceased individuals do get deleted.  I'm not sure by whom, but perhaps the system administrators do this, or the families. But posts are not automaticaly deleted once one of us checks out for good.  I'd be mad if this happened to me - a lot of what i post is for the record and to share with others.  

    -Karin

  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624

    I am unsure about how to ever resolve the issue of ...

    someone cutting and pasting messages to another site or blog ... it does feel like permission should be obtained even if the site doesn't specifically require it.

    Greta always tries to moderate fairly in my opinion, so in the instance of Tedd ... perhaps a family member made the request to have all information removed.  I think that after a passing there is this feeling that all those private thoughts be erased as they are too painful for the family ... even if they might help others.  I thought about this myself after my husband passed, you know ... just erase everything as a way to not be reminded of the intense emotions. Maybe this is what happened.

    With regard to privacy ... I suppose we should all remember that we have no guarantees that anything that we say here stays on the site.  It can be read by anyone at anytime.  One does not have to sign in, be a member, one can copy and paste whatever they wish to other sites without reprimand it seems. I just hope that folks have the decency not to cut and paste private messages in the future as that is simply not right.

    Peace. ~ Cynthia

     

    No Cynthia

    I'm pretty sure his family did not request his thoughts be gone, they have invited everyone to share his Facebook Fanpage so they could hear from others about him, from people he knew on the internet to share stories with them about him.  Which is why I'm puzzled they won't allow it to be posted here even after family requests the info to be shared not hidden or deleted.

    Winter Marie

  • devotion10
    devotion10 Member Posts: 623

    No Cynthia

    I'm pretty sure his family did not request his thoughts be gone, they have invited everyone to share his Facebook Fanpage so they could hear from others about him, from people he knew on the internet to share stories with them about him.  Which is why I'm puzzled they won't allow it to be posted here even after family requests the info to be shared not hidden or deleted.

    Winter Marie

    Do we have a new moderator?

    I was assuming that it was still Greta ...

  • lilacbrroller
    lilacbrroller Member Posts: 412

    Do we have a new moderator?

    I was assuming that it was still Greta ...

    likely a minion

    I don't think it's Greta..

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571

    Do we have a new moderator?

    I was assuming that it was still Greta ...

    I was contacted by a mod,

    and it was not Greta.  Although I don't know for sure, the feeling may be that in the past the mods were a little too hands-off.  So maybe now things are swinging a little too far in the opposite direction.

    I think it's reasonable to say that if a person here is posting "incognito",  and the family shows no desire to have info made public, then it's reasonable for a mod to remove content.  But in a case like Tedd's, I think the mod could also make a judegment call and leave the info up, since Tedd was posting here under his own name, and his family clearly wanted people to know what was going on.

    But maybe that's too complicated...I don't know.

    BTW, the mod who removed my comment did send me a very nice, polite email about doing so, and offered to write up an explanation.  I don't agree with the decision in this case, but I don't have a problem with how it was carried out.

  • Chelsea71
    Chelsea71 Member Posts: 1,169
    I think they made an error.

    I think they made an error.  Likely an over zealous new moderator.

  • devotion10
    devotion10 Member Posts: 623

    likely a minion

    I don't think it's Greta..

    Aside from the fact that this is a serious and sad topic ...

    it sort of made me smile that somehow we have discussed minions, Russians, the Taliban and WWII all within one thread ...

    I certainly don't wish to diminish the topic or be insensitive ... it just sort of caught my attention.

    Peace. ~ Cynthia (who needed a bit of a smile tonight)