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"Let your Faith be bigger than your fear"

johnnybegood's picture
johnnybegood
Posts: 1122
Joined: Oct 2008

the title of my post was sent to me from my daughter yesterday,im not doing so good these days.let me back up4 months ago...i had been taking 1600mg of xeloda+avastin and developed severe hand and foot syndrome.while on this cocktail i showed growth in my lungs(small growth)so even though it became toxic to me it also had stopped working.i knew it was just a matter of time before i had to go back on irinatecan,but onc wanted my hands and feet to get better.so for the last 2 months my hands and feet have gotten 70-80% better(not 100%)so that means for 2 months i have not had any chemo.i new there would be growth but what my onc said to me next was a blow.i have another met on my liver.I will be starting irinatecan tomorrow,will do every other week for 2 months have a scan and then see how the liver spot is and if it hasnt gone away from the chemo then we will talk about ablation.i know i have been there done this before and i guess that is where my fear stems from.overall i did fairly well on irinatecan compared to some of you but it is just knowing going on the systemic chemo is not what i call good quality of life.for those of you who are in my shoes or have been in my shoes,Are you not tired? im just so exhausted from fighting and fighting and fighting.for those of you who have the Faith will you please join me in a prayer tonight(there is power in prayer)not just for me,but for everyone on here,who has to just keep fighting,with no end in sight to chemo treatments (only small breaks)thank you i not only get my strength from my Lord but i also get strength from my family here on this site....Godbless...johnnybegood

Trubrit's picture
Trubrit
Posts: 5222
Joined: Jan 2013

bow, sword but most of all my prayers (guess whose a Lord of the Rings fan). 

I am so sorry to hear of your struggles, even though I've known for ages that those of you with stage 4 are in a constant battle. 

I can imagine a little bit, how tired of the fight you must get at times. I will pray for strength for you and for all out there who battle on. 

Blessings!

Lovekitties's picture
Lovekitties
Posts: 3348
Joined: Jan 2010

Dear JBG, I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time and that it is so wearing on you physically and emotionally.

May you and all who continue to put one foot forward find something which works well and easily on you.

Hugs and love,

Marie who loves kitties

maglets's picture
maglets
Posts: 2596
Joined: Jun 2006

johnny I am crying here in the cold north reading your post.  You and I have been together all the way through and it breaks my heart to read the troubles you are having.  My sweet girl....you have all my prayers and thoughts and wishes tonight.  I too believe in the power of collective prayer and energy.....holding your hand tonight johnny....love you,

mags

jen2012
Posts: 1607
Joined: Aug 2012

So sorry JBG....I'm praying with you and for you.

Cathleen Mary
Posts: 827
Joined: May 2011

JBG, my heart aches for you and is swelling with prayer for you this night. 

Hugs, 

CM

Annabelle41415's picture
Annabelle41415
Posts: 6550
Joined: Feb 2009

You have my prayers and will continue to.  I'm sorry that they have found a new spot and can understand that it can be very discouraging.  Hearing the news that you have cancer has to be the same as hearing that you have a new spot or new lesion.  It has to be hard road to live.  I'm so sorry that you are going through this again.  You have always been in my prayers.

Hugs!  Kim

Chelsea71
Posts: 1170
Joined: Sep 2012

JBG

So sorry that you're having a hard time.  When Steve started his fight he was full of such positivity and energy.  He was just starting out and had no idea what he was in for.  He did maintain a really good attitude thought his battle.  But, over time, the chemo and the surgeries and just all the energy it takes to live with stage four cc started to wear him down.  It became very hard for him to keep such a positive attitude.  Harder to fight.  He was just so tired of it all.  I just don't know how you guys keep going....  I think you are all heros.  I am very proud of Steve and also of all my friends here at CSN who are living life with MCRC.

danker
Posts: 1256
Joined: Apr 2012

I will certainly add you to my prayer list tonight.!!

UncleBuddy
Posts: 1019
Joined: Aug 2013

and all the wonderful people on this site. You are all my heroes. 

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3642
Joined: Apr 2010

here we are, states apart and thinking of the same thing.  I had the liver resection in May, and they got rid of 4 mets, then was told that last months scan showed three new mets, turned out it was really 4 new mets, but whose counting.  So had my first Itinotecan last week in five months, worn out, tired, and wondering really do I keep doing this, and for me, yes, because I still have the strength to keep fighting, and so will you my dear, so will you, we will give you the "extra" oomph you need to keep on going, after all everyone keeps me going as well.  You're right, we can get that extra strength from each other because family will always be there for you, through thick and thin.

hugs and extra prayers for you,

Winter Marie

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 480
Joined: Oct 2009

JBG, I am so sorry you are having to go through this.  You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight and holding you in the Light for strength to continuee the fight.  I don't know what it is like to be on chemo for so long and suffering with all those side effects; I can only imagine.  And I hope that you gain and keep the strength that you need.  Hang in there, my Friend.  And feel the virtual hugs sent your way to help you to carry on. ~Aud

Sundanceh's picture
Sundanceh
Posts: 4408
Joined: Jun 2009

I'm sharing your sentiments tonight....Winter's too...

Joining in with you this evening...

-c

 

Hooley's picture
Hooley
Posts: 156
Joined: Aug 2012

Jbg am praying for u tonight.  Remember where two or more are gathered!   Intercessory prayer is ON,    He holds u in the palm of his hand.  Take care,    

janderson1964
Posts: 2215
Joined: Oct 2011

Your are in my prayers. You have a very strong faith which is great. I don't think I could have made it this far without my faith in the Lord.

johnnybegood's picture
johnnybegood
Posts: 1122
Joined: Oct 2008

for you replies and prayers.as i sit here this morning reading posts and drinking my coffee i feel a calmness over me and many of you know that feeling im talking about.we all need to stick together especially in the tough times.i truly believe in the quote"Where two or more are gathered"i will get thru this today with all the strength you all have given me.words can not express how much you peeps mean to me...Love to all...Godbless...johnnybegood

hippiechicks
Posts: 509
Joined: Sep 2012

Hi JBG ..

Your in my prayers and will continue to send strength to you.  Wishing you peace and comfort as you begin your treatments.  I don't know all of the feelings you are having, but I do know recurrence and years of continued treatements.  It is not for the weak that is for sure.  What we endure each day is hard.  In and out of treatment.  But I believe we are in good hands and there is a plan for us, all of us.  I also believe this fighting we do makes us see things differently in this world, a way we can not share with anyone other than those who have gone through it .. so with that know that you have support here.  Praying for you on your journey.

PatchAdams
Posts: 271
Joined: Nov 2011

Agreeing and praying 'in faith'.

lp1964's picture
lp1964
Posts: 1240
Joined: Jun 2013

Allow me to share your pain along side my own. I too believe in the power of collective human spirit, for this world is nothing but the summary of our thoughts. 

I want to support you and channel you the strength you will need to keep on living. Even though pain and low energy are great masters and often suppress our positive attitude, don't forget that to every bad thing there are a thousand good. That morning cup of warm coffee, that sunrise, fresh air, your heartbeat, nutritious food, the support of family and friends etc. are all God sent blessings that are still there to notice and to be grateful for.

With all the love,

Laz

annalexandria's picture
annalexandria
Posts: 2573
Joined: Oct 2011

and hopes for the future.  May the chemo do its job and make surgery possible, and may your faith keep you strong even in the hardest of times.

Many hugs~AA

lilacbrroller's picture
lilacbrroller
Posts: 412
Joined: Jun 2012

Sorry you're having such tough time. Hang in there!

Karin

marbleotis's picture
marbleotis
Posts: 706
Joined: Mar 2012

I will join you and send my prayers and a blessing for extra strenth to keep fighting this fight.

dorookie
Posts: 1736
Joined: Jul 2007

Hi

i always pray for everyone on this board and their caregivers and families. There is power in prayer!

 

hugs

Beth

merrysmom's picture
merrysmom
Posts: 51
Joined: Jun 2011

You don't know me but I have been following your story since I came on board. I love your pics with the horse. I am mule and donkey crazy. I want you to know how amazingly special you are and what a blessing you are. My husband and myself are holding you up in our prayers. You hang in there and try to stay strong. Go kiss that horse on the nose and feel the love. ha!

Just know you are being held in the arms of the Lord. He is with you! Take care, Lots of hugs and love from Barbara

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