Do I or Don't I..?

GSRon
GSRon Member Posts: 1,303

OK, this is a bit of a difficult subject.. but I have a hunch I m not alone on this one...   So here I am a single guy... and of course I would like to start dating again.  I am also on a specialized dating site...  

So, the question is... when should I tell "her" about RCC..??   This was brought up on that dating site by a gal in the medical profession.. her suggestion was do not talk about it for several dates.   To me that is a bit dishonest..   To me, if the gal runs, well no loss.. at least I was open and honest.   But if I wait until there is advanced feelings towards each other.. well...  it just seems wrong to me...  Am I wrong..?

Be Well All...!!

Ron

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Comments

  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    Do

    My feeling is that your instincts are right, Ron, and they do you credit anyway.   Even just at a practical level, it makes sense.

    I'd like to add something, though, that I hope you'll think about.  We're all heavily pre-occupied here with RCC because, by definition, it's the one and only common interest we know for sure we all have but it's NOT all that our lives are about.   Many of us here share a gallows humour that keeps this forum lighter and we can joke about all sorts of subjects.  You're in the thick of that.  We also share talk about a wide variety of topics outside of health.  Your TT  passion is something you communicate strongly to many of us and a lot of your friends here will be keen to know how your bike fares but also about your whole upcoming Manx adventure.

    So, do be open and honest but put your little health problem in the context of everything else you're about and don't fall prey to what sociologists used to (still do, anyone?) call labeling theory - reducing you to being thought of as just someone with cancer, as if there was nothing else to you.  You've got a lot to offer a lady (hush, Alex!) so do make sure that RCC comes over as only part of the bigger picture.  Good luck Ron - in the TT and the romantic stakes.

     

     

     

     

     

  • Djinnie
    Djinnie Member Posts: 945
    Hi Ron, 
    I think first date

    Hi Ron, 

    I think first date is often awkward, you are both a little nervous and wary. I don't feel that is a time to be discussing RCC, it can be too much too soon. The second or third date you are more at ease, and some reference could be made then. If she knows that you are happy to answer any questions or concerns she may have, that keeps it open and honest. I expect there will be many differing opinions but that is what would work for me.

    Hope you enjoy your trip to IOM, I can't remember when you were leaving but I know it's soon.

     

    Djinnie

     

  • Gordon Charles
    Gordon Charles Member Posts: 91
    the best laid??? layed ?? plans etc.....

    Ron:  Everytime I try to work out a plan of attack for something it seems to stray off course... or as the old saying goes:  The best battle plan rarely survives the first bullet.  It takes too much energy to be cute and coy.  The first date will I'm sure provide a moment, should you choose to use it, to bring up how you got to this point in your life and Oh, by the way.....You're on the survivor network Ron.... live like one...whether you speak of romance or health... you have a "do-over" so do it your way this time!

  • icemantoo
    icemantoo Member Posts: 3,358 **

    the best laid??? layed ?? plans etc.....

    Ron:  Everytime I try to work out a plan of attack for something it seems to stray off course... or as the old saying goes:  The best battle plan rarely survives the first bullet.  It takes too much energy to be cute and coy.  The first date will I'm sure provide a moment, should you choose to use it, to bring up how you got to this point in your life and Oh, by the way.....You're on the survivor network Ron.... live like one...whether you speak of romance or health... you have a "do-over" so do it your way this time!

    Play it by ear

    Ron,

     

    Part of the problem is the stigma attched to the words Kidney Cancer. The bark is worse than the bite. If you are interested in the lady pick the right time and tell her about this fantastic board where everyone take the RCC diagnosis with a grain of salt after they realize they can in most cases do everything they could do before. And if it turns out to be a deal breaker find someone better.

    What do I know. I haven't been on a date in ages, but I was thinking of starting a dating column. How does dear Iceman sound?

    Icemantoo

  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    icemantoo said:

    Play it by ear

    Ron,

     

    Part of the problem is the stigma attched to the words Kidney Cancer. The bark is worse than the bite. If you are interested in the lady pick the right time and tell her about this fantastic board where everyone take the RCC diagnosis with a grain of salt after they realize they can in most cases do everything they could do before. And if it turns out to be a deal breaker find someone better.

    What do I know. I haven't been on a date in ages, but I was thinking of starting a dating column. How does dear Iceman sound?

    Icemantoo

    Agony aunt column!

    I nearly choked on my morning coffee!  A heart-warming, intimate, romantic counselling column  called "Dear Iceman" ... just too much.  Laughing

    icemantoo's on good form - can't say better than  "if it turns out to be a deal breaker find someone better" - the perfect attitude.

    [RCC can be a bit of a pain, so in the context of our topic here, it gives a whole new meaning to the term "Agony Aunt" doesn't it?]

  • anmazon
    anmazon Member Posts: 144
    icemantoo said:

    Play it by ear

    Ron,

     

    Part of the problem is the stigma attched to the words Kidney Cancer. The bark is worse than the bite. If you are interested in the lady pick the right time and tell her about this fantastic board where everyone take the RCC diagnosis with a grain of salt after they realize they can in most cases do everything they could do before. And if it turns out to be a deal breaker find someone better.

    What do I know. I haven't been on a date in ages, but I was thinking of starting a dating column. How does dear Iceman sound?

    Icemantoo

    Dear Iceman

    Can't find a single man to save my life, but am beseiged by married men.

    What to do?

    Annie Landers

  • icemantoo
    icemantoo Member Posts: 3,358 **
    Advice

    Dear Annie,

     

    Private message GSRon. He is only 2 states away.

     

    Icemantoo

  • Djinnie
    Djinnie Member Posts: 945
    anmazon said:

    Dear Iceman

    Can't find a single man to save my life, but am beseiged by married men.

    What to do?

    Annie Landers

    Advice from Ice

    Haha!! You have started something now Iceman.lol! My bet is to play it cool! 

     

    Djinnie

  • anmazon
    anmazon Member Posts: 144
    icemantoo said:

    Advice

    Dear Annie,

     

    Private message GSRon. He is only 2 states away.

     

    Icemantoo

    Dear Iceman

    Oooooh!

    Dear Ron:

    Any interest in an Amazon Goddess with only one kidney?

    Annie

  • MDCinSC
    MDCinSC Member Posts: 574
    anmazon said:

    Dear Iceman

    Can't find a single man to save my life, but am beseiged by married men.

    What to do?

    Annie Landers

    I can call my Brother! LOL

    Ron,

    As with everything, I am a proponent of honesty always being the best policy, though not always the most popular nor comfortable.

    Are you looking for an assignation or a meaningful relationship? 

    A quick toss in the dark and moving on? Well, there are likely lots of things YOU'RE not being told too!  

    A meaningful relationship starts with honesty.

    Choose, then let your conscience be your guide!

    Michael

  • garym
    garym Member Posts: 1,647
    icemantoo said:

    Advice

    Dear Annie,

     

    Private message GSRon. He is only 2 states away.

     

    Icemantoo

    WOW ICY!!!

    You ARE good Smile

  • GSRon
    GSRon Member Posts: 1,303
    garym said:

    WOW ICY!!!

    You ARE good Smile

    Oh My long one..

    I am glad that there are some good replies here... plus I had no idea that some of you really were interested in my little excursion next month.. therefore I must elaborate on several areas...

    The dating scene.. with an interet flair...   Here I am, now 60 years old.. seeking a similar aged woman... for the long term.. what ever that is... be it a year or 30 years..  I am old fashioned in that "Death do us Part" schtick means something...   I will digress and tell you that my parents did that.. they had their ups and downs, but one time my Mom told me they stayed together for us kids.  Well my Mom was a special person in many ways.. you could say that God tested her big time.  She had a somewhat rare diseased called Tickdellaroo or Tick for short, or Trigeminal Neuralgia.  I was about 10 years old at the time.. looked it up in a medical book... the first line.. "The most excrutiating pain known to man...".  Can you imagine somone on powerful pain meds banging their head against the wall in shear pain..?   She then had one of the first uses of lazer brain surgery to relieve some of the pain... then some 20 years later it was Cancer... I am sure it was RCC, but that was in 1983, so not much known back then.  Until then, I never saw that side of my Dad.. he was so loving and caring.. it was amazing to see how he cared for Mom up until that last day...   My Mom made him promise to remarry.. and he did.. he met another wonderful woman... and she cared for him until his last day... sigh...

    OK, so you can see my point of reference and what is really important, besides the normal "love"..   So I read all these ads..  So many have a "mandate" in the first line... "Must love Dogs or  Must love Cats, or Must make me laugh"..  gosh such pressure before you even read anything about that person... yes I tolerate cats, although most cats love me..  and for dogs, yes, I like dogs, but  a 1 pound yappy little **** is NOT a dog... 

    So, then there are the motorbikes..  That is a big part of my life.. and right now, thinking about my race bike is getting me through a lot of this... especially last year right after surgery.. there I was bump starting my race bike 6 weeks post surgery... (bump start is when you push the bike to start it).    The IOM is special to me...  last year when I got off of the Ferry boat, I knelt down and kissed the ground...  just months before I did not know if I would ever get back to the IOM again.. and here I was...  It was a spiritual moment for sure..!  There is a lot to be said about this little island in the middle of the Irish Sea...    Now the races there.. they have two main events each year.. well almost each year.. but that is another story..  The TT is in June and the Manx Grand Prix in last August.  (The silly Government renamed it the Classic TT for this year... enough of that for now).  They have lots of other smaller events during the year.. but these two are the biggest.. with the TT being the absolute biggest.  The TT is a big time Professional money race with all the factory support and such.. it is by invitation only...   The Manx Grand Prix (MGP) has been mostly a privateer event in which anyone qualified can enter.  The TT is all modern bikes but does include the side cars.  The MGP is mostly classic bikes, no side cars and some modern bikes.. a pleasant mixture.. something for everyone..!  The MGP is a more open event, more family oriented, etc.   Plus there are a bunch of early bikes and less modern bikes visiting the IOM.   I have been dubbed an "Olde School" guy.. my bikes are all old and so am I..!  Anyway..about 8 years ago, I got taunted in to building up a race bike for the IOM.   And so I did.. yet in preparing for the IOM, my bike has raced at Daytona a bunch of times and other less well known tracks.  Every time I made improvements and it went faster and faster until it started to win races.  But the IOM is an unforgiving place.  My bike raced there twice and broke down both times... this should be THE time it finishes.. we will see...  if there is enough interest I will post from the IOM, as I will have internet access...  For those really interested, if you go to YouTube and search for Manx Grand Prix there are lots of videos.. I have a couple there as well.  I guess I must ad.. that the IOM folks in 2010 made me the U.S. Ambassador to the Manx Grand Prix, and honour that I truly am not worthy of... and I got reinstated this year..!  I am humbled by this honour...

    My other main hobby is amateur radio...  a fun hobby that fills in voids and allows me to make friends all over the world, (long before the internet)..

    Guess this takes me back to the dating part..  so it would be helpful if the woman I meet has at least an interest in motorbikes.. or does not mind being a bike widow several times a year...  And as I am of Jewish persuasion, that too would be highly desirable.. anything else is wide open..  I do try to keep an open mind.. sometimes it takes a crowbar to open it...  heh...  

    Oh yes then there is this little issue called RCC or really mRCC...

    So, does that frame me well enough..??

    My thinking is that IF that first date is going well, I will tell her about the KC... if not, then no need to go there... 

    Thank you all for your kind thoughts... caring... etc...  AWESOME people  you are..!!!  :)

    Ron

  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798
    icemantoo said:

    Advice

    Dear Annie,

     

    Private message GSRon. He is only 2 states away.

     

    Icemantoo

    Advice

    Yes, and look what state he's in!

    Let's hope he's soon in the state of euphoria!!

    [This post was supposed to appear below iceman's, up above, where it makes a bit more sense.]

  • anmazon
    anmazon Member Posts: 144
    icemantoo said:

    Advice

    Dear Annie,

     

    Private message GSRon. He is only 2 states away.

     

    Icemantoo

    Thanks Iceman

    Doesn't sound like Ron is looking for a recovering Catholic.

    I'm still thrilled to be a member of Uncle Iceman's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

    Annie

  • Djinnie
    Djinnie Member Posts: 945
    GSRon said:

    Oh My long one..

    I am glad that there are some good replies here... plus I had no idea that some of you really were interested in my little excursion next month.. therefore I must elaborate on several areas...

    The dating scene.. with an interet flair...   Here I am, now 60 years old.. seeking a similar aged woman... for the long term.. what ever that is... be it a year or 30 years..  I am old fashioned in that "Death do us Part" schtick means something...   I will digress and tell you that my parents did that.. they had their ups and downs, but one time my Mom told me they stayed together for us kids.  Well my Mom was a special person in many ways.. you could say that God tested her big time.  She had a somewhat rare diseased called Tickdellaroo or Tick for short, or Trigeminal Neuralgia.  I was about 10 years old at the time.. looked it up in a medical book... the first line.. "The most excrutiating pain known to man...".  Can you imagine somone on powerful pain meds banging their head against the wall in shear pain..?   She then had one of the first uses of lazer brain surgery to relieve some of the pain... then some 20 years later it was Cancer... I am sure it was RCC, but that was in 1983, so not much known back then.  Until then, I never saw that side of my Dad.. he was so loving and caring.. it was amazing to see how he cared for Mom up until that last day...   My Mom made him promise to remarry.. and he did.. he met another wonderful woman... and she cared for him until his last day... sigh...

    OK, so you can see my point of reference and what is really important, besides the normal "love"..   So I read all these ads..  So many have a "mandate" in the first line... "Must love Dogs or  Must love Cats, or Must make me laugh"..  gosh such pressure before you even read anything about that person... yes I tolerate cats, although most cats love me..  and for dogs, yes, I like dogs, but  a 1 pound yappy little **** is NOT a dog... 

    So, then there are the motorbikes..  That is a big part of my life.. and right now, thinking about my race bike is getting me through a lot of this... especially last year right after surgery.. there I was bump starting my race bike 6 weeks post surgery... (bump start is when you push the bike to start it).    The IOM is special to me...  last year when I got off of the Ferry boat, I knelt down and kissed the ground...  just months before I did not know if I would ever get back to the IOM again.. and here I was...  It was a spiritual moment for sure..!  There is a lot to be said about this little island in the middle of the Irish Sea...    Now the races there.. they have two main events each year.. well almost each year.. but that is another story..  The TT is in June and the Manx Grand Prix in last August.  (The silly Government renamed it the Classic TT for this year... enough of that for now).  They have lots of other smaller events during the year.. but these two are the biggest.. with the TT being the absolute biggest.  The TT is a big time Professional money race with all the factory support and such.. it is by invitation only...   The Manx Grand Prix (MGP) has been mostly a privateer event in which anyone qualified can enter.  The TT is all modern bikes but does include the side cars.  The MGP is mostly classic bikes, no side cars and some modern bikes.. a pleasant mixture.. something for everyone..!  The MGP is a more open event, more family oriented, etc.   Plus there are a bunch of early bikes and less modern bikes visiting the IOM.   I have been dubbed an "Olde School" guy.. my bikes are all old and so am I..!  Anyway..about 8 years ago, I got taunted in to building up a race bike for the IOM.   And so I did.. yet in preparing for the IOM, my bike has raced at Daytona a bunch of times and other less well known tracks.  Every time I made improvements and it went faster and faster until it started to win races.  But the IOM is an unforgiving place.  My bike raced there twice and broke down both times... this should be THE time it finishes.. we will see...  if there is enough interest I will post from the IOM, as I will have internet access...  For those really interested, if you go to YouTube and search for Manx Grand Prix there are lots of videos.. I have a couple there as well.  I guess I must ad.. that the IOM folks in 2010 made me the U.S. Ambassador to the Manx Grand Prix, and honour that I truly am not worthy of... and I got reinstated this year..!  I am humbled by this honour...

    My other main hobby is amateur radio...  a fun hobby that fills in voids and allows me to make friends all over the world, (long before the internet)..

    Guess this takes me back to the dating part..  so it would be helpful if the woman I meet has at least an interest in motorbikes.. or does not mind being a bike widow several times a year...  And as I am of Jewish persuasion, that too would be highly desirable.. anything else is wide open..  I do try to keep an open mind.. sometimes it takes a crowbar to open it...  heh...  

    Oh yes then there is this little issue called RCC or really mRCC...

    So, does that frame me well enough..??

    My thinking is that IF that first date is going well, I will tell her about the KC... if not, then no need to go there... 

    Thank you all for your kind thoughts... caring... etc...  AWESOME people  you are..!!!  :)

    Ron

    Manx

    Ron, I hope your bike does you proud this year, but either way you obviously love the experience. I am sure you would not have been made US Ambassador to the Manx Grand Prix if you did not deserve it, you have a passion for it. It is an exciting event, and the sun will be shining for you, always a bonus. 

    The story about your parents was so touching, it must have been hard on all of you. The life you have lived has made you what you are though. You are a lovely, caring and compassionate man, with a sense of humour, always a plus. That is who you are! RCC is what you had!

     

     Djinnie xx

     

  • I am alive
    I am alive Member Posts: 315
    Sounds like fun

    Ron, 

      I don't know why, but I found your tutorial on bike racing FASCINATING! And that reminded me what I love about this site - we talk about our lives, part of which includes cancer. There's room here for a rich sense of community. Reading about your passion for racing and radio, and dating!, reminds the rest of us to get on with it, get out there and keep swinging (is that a baseball  metaphor? I dunno. But it sounds good, doesn't it?) Anyway, you're making me feel like a slug - I don't race, I don't know anything about radios, and I haven't dated for 34 years! I'm putting on my straw hat and getting out of the house this very minute!

  • Texas_wedge
    Texas_wedge Member Posts: 2,798

    Sounds like fun

    Ron, 

      I don't know why, but I found your tutorial on bike racing FASCINATING! And that reminded me what I love about this site - we talk about our lives, part of which includes cancer. There's room here for a rich sense of community. Reading about your passion for racing and radio, and dating!, reminds the rest of us to get on with it, get out there and keep swinging (is that a baseball  metaphor? I dunno. But it sounds good, doesn't it?) Anyway, you're making me feel like a slug - I don't race, I don't know anything about radios, and I haven't dated for 34 years! I'm putting on my straw hat and getting out of the house this very minute!

    The fun in our lives

    No surprise to find you welcoming this Peg, considering the manifesto name you chose to appear under here -  'I am alive' and I remembered the last line of your Profile, viz  "Just get up, get out and live your life happily."

    We all have other sides - I keep waiting for Alex to talk to Ron - not about sex, surprise, surprise - but about other passions of hers, since, apart from being a prodigious computer geek, she is an expert (professional) on all things automotive.

    I was interested in Ron's run-down on the TT too.  I know the IOM and many of my big biker crazy friends will doubtless be making the relatively short hop from Scotland to be there.

  • MDCinSC
    MDCinSC Member Posts: 574
    anmazon said:

    Thanks Iceman

    Doesn't sound like Ron is looking for a recovering Catholic.

    I'm still thrilled to be a member of Uncle Iceman's Lonely Hearts Club Band.

    Annie

    I haven't heard that in a long time!  It is an apt description for many though.  It sounds like dogma is leaving you cool and experiential spirituality is more your cup of tea!  There is a reason New Mexico is refered to as "The Land of Enchantment."  An interesting topic for discussion some time. 

    Consenting adults only, please!

     

     

  • MDCinSC
    MDCinSC Member Posts: 574
    Some sage advice from one of my heroes!
    "Perfection is inhuman. Human beings are not perfect. What evokes our love — and I mean love, not lust — is the imperfection of the human being. So, when the imperfection of the real person peaks through, say, 'This is a challenge to my compassion.' Then make a try, and something might begin to get going."

    Joseph Campbell, Pathways to Bliss
  • alice124
    alice124 Member Posts: 896

    Sounds like fun

    Ron, 

      I don't know why, but I found your tutorial on bike racing FASCINATING! And that reminded me what I love about this site - we talk about our lives, part of which includes cancer. There's room here for a rich sense of community. Reading about your passion for racing and radio, and dating!, reminds the rest of us to get on with it, get out there and keep swinging (is that a baseball  metaphor? I dunno. But it sounds good, doesn't it?) Anyway, you're making me feel like a slug - I don't race, I don't know anything about radios, and I haven't dated for 34 years! I'm putting on my straw hat and getting out of the house this very minute!

    Wow Peg, I’m with you on

    Wow Peg, I’m with you on that. I love the members of this Board, and this thread is just one of many reminders of why. This one thread has made me LMAO and fill up with tears , all within about ten seconds.  It’s so much more than facts and figures and statistics about kidney cancer, it’s about the lives of the people experiencing it.

    Iceman – I think you’d rock as a dating columnist; I’d subscribe. What a parody! A lonely hearter writing “Dear Iceman.”   PERFECT!

    Ron –  Your question is a matter of the heart. And on matters of the heart, I say practice  heart speak. Let your heart tell you when to open up.  The heart doesn’t lie (at least that’s what the song says).  My guess is you’ll modify your decision to tell or not tell based on the person you’re meeting. I say no canned, preconceived response.  Canned, preconceived responses come off as canned, preconceived responses.