Update on joemetz

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Comments

  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member
    joemetz said:

    wow!!! thanks everyone!!!

    I was learking around tonight and commenting on a few posts... and came across this string.

    wow! I am humbled by the wonderful notes.

    Just for this, I am going to change my profile pic to a more recent smile (that I doctored up in a photo editing app, just to make my teeth whiter).

    I was "released" from the hospital on Sunday night. It was 7 days... and 7 days of learning more about myself, my family and this cancer fight. It was another "wake up call" to say... This sh#t is serious, take it easy and enjoy every moment and celebrate the special people in your life.  Laugh more. And, share the love more. When you love someone, tell them. If someone brings you down, avoid them. And, circle ourselves wtih the best of the best friends and family.

    If we haven't connected outside of CSN yet... please

    find me on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joe.metzger.142

    and check out my caringbride blog: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/joemetzger

    Hugs to ya'all and thank you for your friendship (however so virtual it might be).

    my best to each of you.

    Joe

     

    Great pic-

    and a wonderful bright smile!  After 30 years of drinking cofffee, I need to do that too...

  • fatbob2010
    fatbob2010 Member Posts: 467 Member
    HI Joe

    Good to see you back on the post.  Great picture of you as well.  

    You are so right about the philosophy of self care.  This sh%t has been sobering for me, and many others, as well.  

    Another member of long standing commented abiout his chooice to work full time and not make the most of the time he has.

    Glad to see you back on the board Joe.

    Art

  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    joemetz said:

    wow!!! thanks everyone!!!

    I was learking around tonight and commenting on a few posts... and came across this string.

    wow! I am humbled by the wonderful notes.

    Just for this, I am going to change my profile pic to a more recent smile (that I doctored up in a photo editing app, just to make my teeth whiter).

    I was "released" from the hospital on Sunday night. It was 7 days... and 7 days of learning more about myself, my family and this cancer fight. It was another "wake up call" to say... This sh#t is serious, take it easy and enjoy every moment and celebrate the special people in your life.  Laugh more. And, share the love more. When you love someone, tell them. If someone brings you down, avoid them. And, circle ourselves wtih the best of the best friends and family.

    If we haven't connected outside of CSN yet... please

    find me on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joe.metzger.142

    and check out my caringbride blog: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/joemetzger

    Hugs to ya'all and thank you for your friendship (however so virtual it might be).

    my best to each of you.

    Joe

     

    Hey Joe,

    Nice to see you back. We all worried about you, but rooted for you.

    Great point on focusing on others. This life has never been about us, but seeking out, finding and appreciating some special people around us. If we found even one, we are blessed beyond belief. Life is too tiny and limited if you concentrate on yourself. Our illness, pain, discomfort tend to shrink our world into a tiny space in our head without any reference and that's when bad thought creap in. Share your thoughts, worries, fears with others and your world will expend, also you will get some feedback to see if your thoughts, ideas are realistic or distorted.

    So let's talk!

    Wish you some relief and some great days ahead.

    Laz

  • steveandnat
    steveandnat Member Posts: 886
    joemetz said:

    wow!!! thanks everyone!!!

    I was learking around tonight and commenting on a few posts... and came across this string.

    wow! I am humbled by the wonderful notes.

    Just for this, I am going to change my profile pic to a more recent smile (that I doctored up in a photo editing app, just to make my teeth whiter).

    I was "released" from the hospital on Sunday night. It was 7 days... and 7 days of learning more about myself, my family and this cancer fight. It was another "wake up call" to say... This sh#t is serious, take it easy and enjoy every moment and celebrate the special people in your life.  Laugh more. And, share the love more. When you love someone, tell them. If someone brings you down, avoid them. And, circle ourselves wtih the best of the best friends and family.

    If we haven't connected outside of CSN yet... please

    find me on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/joe.metzger.142

    and check out my caringbride blog: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/joemetzger

    Hugs to ya'all and thank you for your friendship (however so virtual it might be).

    my best to each of you.

    Joe

     

    So glad to hear

    Being home is the best after a stint in the hospital. I had to get 4 units of blood which took a long time, over night..but no rest because they have to take vitals all the time so just about the time you fall asleep someone is wanting your arm for blood pressure. You are exactly correct about enjoying the good moments and surround yourself with positive people.  Bless you and every else fighting this fight. Jeff

  • pepebcn
    pepebcn Member Posts: 6,331 Member

    HI Joe

    Good to see you back on the post.  Great picture of you as well.  

    You are so right about the philosophy of self care.  This sh%t has been sobering for me, and many others, as well.  

    Another member of long standing commented abiout his chooice to work full time and not make the most of the time he has.

    Glad to see you back on the board Joe.

    Art

    There I go!
    Hugs Joe!
  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    Glad your home

    I've not been on in awhile but I'm glad to see that you are home and improving.  Just wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about you since you posted about your throat issue and I'm glad that you're doing better.   By the way, love the new picture. 

    Kim

  • joemetz
    joemetz Member Posts: 493
    FolFuri has made for a difficult June and July

    The FolFuri with Avastin is one heck of a combo for me.

    It's been kicking my butt, but i truly feel like this stuff is working.

    My CEA level was under 3.0 during most of 2012, but Jan thru June, my CEA went from 3.0 to 29.5.

    well, in July it has come down to 16.5. (so that's "some" good news).

    I had a treatment this past Wednesday with the 5fu pump for Thursday and Friday. I didn't realize how sick I was getting again... but i wasn't able to hold food down and just wanted to sleep alll day.  My wonderful wife, Dana told me... get on the phone and call the doc... remember he said last time, don't wait too long for dehydration. Get in there and ask for some fluids.

    anyway, i called my nurse at the oncologists office... they are just down the hall from the Hickman Cancer center at Flower Hopsital here in Toledo and they asked if I could be there within 15 minutes.  After nearly two years of seeing these wondeful nurses, they jumped as soon as I got in there, and tossed me in a chair, connected to my port and they began flowing the basic i.v. into me. Brought in a steroid and a big shot of ativan and two hours later, I felt like a different guy.

    Next treatment is still set for August 7th. PET scan the week of the 13th, and a visit with my oncologists on August 21st to see if this stuff is growing and spreading still... or if we by chance have stoped it from growig or spreading.   

    No matter if we get good news or bad news, I have scheduled a 5 night stay for my wife and I in Cancun, Mexico. Never been there, but plan to ask for a 'chemo-vacation" so I can take her away that week, as all four kids will be back to school.

    It was real hard yesterday about 11:30am, i was sitting in my laZboy and reading. All a sudden, i jumped up and ran to the bathroom across the living room and tossed my cookies for awhile.  It's so disturbing for me to walk out of that bathroom, after sitting on the floor and gathering myself (wiping the tears and anything else while washing up, to cool dow)...  walk out to see my 12 year old daughter with puppy dog eyes and ask... "are you okay dad?"  as she hugs me.  my wife watching as my 17 year old son says... I'll drive you to the doctors.

    i often wonder what they are thinking and what they are learning from watching their dad go through this. I was a rock of a man, with somewhat strong arms and was their solid rock...but I feel as if i'm turning into a week old man, at an early age. But, while I go through this I also become like the physophical old man always wanting to "teach a lesson" or "share an experience".  I hate what its doing to me, but we're always trying to make the best of this.

    so, I pray that the PET scan shows that the cancer spread and growth has slowed down or at least remained the same. 

    I asked my doctor about what he thinks... and he said after 21 months of treatments, this next PET scan will tell us a lot. Its a real big day that day, but I'm so excited to have a vacation get away ON THE CALENDAR wtih pictures... as "my eye on the prize" to have something even more to fight for!

    just wanted to share an update

    hugs

    Joe

     

  • steveandnat
    steveandnat Member Posts: 886
    Get well soon

    Hope your infection heals fast.  It seems that there is always something going on.  Jeff

  • herdizziness
    herdizziness Member Posts: 3,624 Member
    joemetz said:

    FolFuri has made for a difficult June and July

    The FolFuri with Avastin is one heck of a combo for me.

    It's been kicking my butt, but i truly feel like this stuff is working.

    My CEA level was under 3.0 during most of 2012, but Jan thru June, my CEA went from 3.0 to 29.5.

    well, in July it has come down to 16.5. (so that's "some" good news).

    I had a treatment this past Wednesday with the 5fu pump for Thursday and Friday. I didn't realize how sick I was getting again... but i wasn't able to hold food down and just wanted to sleep alll day.  My wonderful wife, Dana told me... get on the phone and call the doc... remember he said last time, don't wait too long for dehydration. Get in there and ask for some fluids.

    anyway, i called my nurse at the oncologists office... they are just down the hall from the Hickman Cancer center at Flower Hopsital here in Toledo and they asked if I could be there within 15 minutes.  After nearly two years of seeing these wondeful nurses, they jumped as soon as I got in there, and tossed me in a chair, connected to my port and they began flowing the basic i.v. into me. Brought in a steroid and a big shot of ativan and two hours later, I felt like a different guy.

    Next treatment is still set for August 7th. PET scan the week of the 13th, and a visit with my oncologists on August 21st to see if this stuff is growing and spreading still... or if we by chance have stoped it from growig or spreading.   

    No matter if we get good news or bad news, I have scheduled a 5 night stay for my wife and I in Cancun, Mexico. Never been there, but plan to ask for a 'chemo-vacation" so I can take her away that week, as all four kids will be back to school.

    It was real hard yesterday about 11:30am, i was sitting in my laZboy and reading. All a sudden, i jumped up and ran to the bathroom across the living room and tossed my cookies for awhile.  It's so disturbing for me to walk out of that bathroom, after sitting on the floor and gathering myself (wiping the tears and anything else while washing up, to cool dow)...  walk out to see my 12 year old daughter with puppy dog eyes and ask... "are you okay dad?"  as she hugs me.  my wife watching as my 17 year old son says... I'll drive you to the doctors.

    i often wonder what they are thinking and what they are learning from watching their dad go through this. I was a rock of a man, with somewhat strong arms and was their solid rock...but I feel as if i'm turning into a week old man, at an early age. But, while I go through this I also become like the physophical old man always wanting to "teach a lesson" or "share an experience".  I hate what its doing to me, but we're always trying to make the best of this.

    so, I pray that the PET scan shows that the cancer spread and growth has slowed down or at least remained the same. 

    I asked my doctor about what he thinks... and he said after 21 months of treatments, this next PET scan will tell us a lot. Its a real big day that day, but I'm so excited to have a vacation get away ON THE CALENDAR wtih pictures... as "my eye on the prize" to have something even more to fight for!

    just wanted to share an update

    hugs

    Joe

     

    Glad to see your smiling face

    But try and keep it out of the hospital for awhile.  Glad you called and went in, as you said nothing to fool around with!

    Children are resilient and adapt well, of course they're going to be concerned over what you are going through, but this helps them learn a lot of empathy, your children will be stronger for it all.

    As their Dad and the rock of the family, no matter how ill you get you will always be their Rock.

    Here's wishing good news! And the vacation sounds like the most wonderful of things to do with your wife!  You'll love it!

    WiNter Marie

  • lp1964
    lp1964 Member Posts: 1,239 Member
    joemetz said:

    FolFuri has made for a difficult June and July

    The FolFuri with Avastin is one heck of a combo for me.

    It's been kicking my butt, but i truly feel like this stuff is working.

    My CEA level was under 3.0 during most of 2012, but Jan thru June, my CEA went from 3.0 to 29.5.

    well, in July it has come down to 16.5. (so that's "some" good news).

    I had a treatment this past Wednesday with the 5fu pump for Thursday and Friday. I didn't realize how sick I was getting again... but i wasn't able to hold food down and just wanted to sleep alll day.  My wonderful wife, Dana told me... get on the phone and call the doc... remember he said last time, don't wait too long for dehydration. Get in there and ask for some fluids.

    anyway, i called my nurse at the oncologists office... they are just down the hall from the Hickman Cancer center at Flower Hopsital here in Toledo and they asked if I could be there within 15 minutes.  After nearly two years of seeing these wondeful nurses, they jumped as soon as I got in there, and tossed me in a chair, connected to my port and they began flowing the basic i.v. into me. Brought in a steroid and a big shot of ativan and two hours later, I felt like a different guy.

    Next treatment is still set for August 7th. PET scan the week of the 13th, and a visit with my oncologists on August 21st to see if this stuff is growing and spreading still... or if we by chance have stoped it from growig or spreading.   

    No matter if we get good news or bad news, I have scheduled a 5 night stay for my wife and I in Cancun, Mexico. Never been there, but plan to ask for a 'chemo-vacation" so I can take her away that week, as all four kids will be back to school.

    It was real hard yesterday about 11:30am, i was sitting in my laZboy and reading. All a sudden, i jumped up and ran to the bathroom across the living room and tossed my cookies for awhile.  It's so disturbing for me to walk out of that bathroom, after sitting on the floor and gathering myself (wiping the tears and anything else while washing up, to cool dow)...  walk out to see my 12 year old daughter with puppy dog eyes and ask... "are you okay dad?"  as she hugs me.  my wife watching as my 17 year old son says... I'll drive you to the doctors.

    i often wonder what they are thinking and what they are learning from watching their dad go through this. I was a rock of a man, with somewhat strong arms and was their solid rock...but I feel as if i'm turning into a week old man, at an early age. But, while I go through this I also become like the physophical old man always wanting to "teach a lesson" or "share an experience".  I hate what its doing to me, but we're always trying to make the best of this.

    so, I pray that the PET scan shows that the cancer spread and growth has slowed down or at least remained the same. 

    I asked my doctor about what he thinks... and he said after 21 months of treatments, this next PET scan will tell us a lot. Its a real big day that day, but I'm so excited to have a vacation get away ON THE CALENDAR wtih pictures... as "my eye on the prize" to have something even more to fight for!

    just wanted to share an update

    hugs

    Joe

     

    You are teaching your kids...

    ...the most important lesson of life that is:

    No matter how bad things get you have to maintain optimism, positive attitude, gratitude for the people and things you have. And if you fall on you **** a hundred times, you get up the hundredth time and straigten up and keep going with a smile as soon as you can plaster it on your face.

    Especially boys also have to learn that it's ok to show their vulnerability along side their strength for a balanced life. We men are stupid. Our pride doesn't let us listen to others, mainly to women and that's when we get in trouble.

    We pay a big price to be in a situation where we can teach these lessons, but a lot of men never realize the importance of this, ever. 

    And isn't parenting about getting our children ready for their independent lives?

    Be proud Joe, you are exceptional.

    Laz

  • danker
    danker Member Posts: 1,276 Member
    joemetz said:

    FolFuri has made for a difficult June and July

    The FolFuri with Avastin is one heck of a combo for me.

    It's been kicking my butt, but i truly feel like this stuff is working.

    My CEA level was under 3.0 during most of 2012, but Jan thru June, my CEA went from 3.0 to 29.5.

    well, in July it has come down to 16.5. (so that's "some" good news).

    I had a treatment this past Wednesday with the 5fu pump for Thursday and Friday. I didn't realize how sick I was getting again... but i wasn't able to hold food down and just wanted to sleep alll day.  My wonderful wife, Dana told me... get on the phone and call the doc... remember he said last time, don't wait too long for dehydration. Get in there and ask for some fluids.

    anyway, i called my nurse at the oncologists office... they are just down the hall from the Hickman Cancer center at Flower Hopsital here in Toledo and they asked if I could be there within 15 minutes.  After nearly two years of seeing these wondeful nurses, they jumped as soon as I got in there, and tossed me in a chair, connected to my port and they began flowing the basic i.v. into me. Brought in a steroid and a big shot of ativan and two hours later, I felt like a different guy.

    Next treatment is still set for August 7th. PET scan the week of the 13th, and a visit with my oncologists on August 21st to see if this stuff is growing and spreading still... or if we by chance have stoped it from growig or spreading.   

    No matter if we get good news or bad news, I have scheduled a 5 night stay for my wife and I in Cancun, Mexico. Never been there, but plan to ask for a 'chemo-vacation" so I can take her away that week, as all four kids will be back to school.

    It was real hard yesterday about 11:30am, i was sitting in my laZboy and reading. All a sudden, i jumped up and ran to the bathroom across the living room and tossed my cookies for awhile.  It's so disturbing for me to walk out of that bathroom, after sitting on the floor and gathering myself (wiping the tears and anything else while washing up, to cool dow)...  walk out to see my 12 year old daughter with puppy dog eyes and ask... "are you okay dad?"  as she hugs me.  my wife watching as my 17 year old son says... I'll drive you to the doctors.

    i often wonder what they are thinking and what they are learning from watching their dad go through this. I was a rock of a man, with somewhat strong arms and was their solid rock...but I feel as if i'm turning into a week old man, at an early age. But, while I go through this I also become like the physophical old man always wanting to "teach a lesson" or "share an experience".  I hate what its doing to me, but we're always trying to make the best of this.

    so, I pray that the PET scan shows that the cancer spread and growth has slowed down or at least remained the same. 

    I asked my doctor about what he thinks... and he said after 21 months of treatments, this next PET scan will tell us a lot. Its a real big day that day, but I'm so excited to have a vacation get away ON THE CALENDAR wtih pictures... as "my eye on the prize" to have something even more to fight for!

    just wanted to share an update

    hugs

    Joe

     

    vacation

    Enjoy your week at Cancun. The white sand isn't really sand, so doesn't get so hot you cannot walk barefoot on it.  You need and deserve a great time with your wife. Good luck!!!

  • Deena11
    Deena11 Member Posts: 199 Member
    Way to go

    Keep hanging in there!  You have a great, positive attitude. 

    Hugs.

    Deena

  • jen2012
    jen2012 Member Posts: 1,607 Member
    joemetz said:

    FolFuri has made for a difficult June and July

    The FolFuri with Avastin is one heck of a combo for me.

    It's been kicking my butt, but i truly feel like this stuff is working.

    My CEA level was under 3.0 during most of 2012, but Jan thru June, my CEA went from 3.0 to 29.5.

    well, in July it has come down to 16.5. (so that's "some" good news).

    I had a treatment this past Wednesday with the 5fu pump for Thursday and Friday. I didn't realize how sick I was getting again... but i wasn't able to hold food down and just wanted to sleep alll day.  My wonderful wife, Dana told me... get on the phone and call the doc... remember he said last time, don't wait too long for dehydration. Get in there and ask for some fluids.

    anyway, i called my nurse at the oncologists office... they are just down the hall from the Hickman Cancer center at Flower Hopsital here in Toledo and they asked if I could be there within 15 minutes.  After nearly two years of seeing these wondeful nurses, they jumped as soon as I got in there, and tossed me in a chair, connected to my port and they began flowing the basic i.v. into me. Brought in a steroid and a big shot of ativan and two hours later, I felt like a different guy.

    Next treatment is still set for August 7th. PET scan the week of the 13th, and a visit with my oncologists on August 21st to see if this stuff is growing and spreading still... or if we by chance have stoped it from growig or spreading.   

    No matter if we get good news or bad news, I have scheduled a 5 night stay for my wife and I in Cancun, Mexico. Never been there, but plan to ask for a 'chemo-vacation" so I can take her away that week, as all four kids will be back to school.

    It was real hard yesterday about 11:30am, i was sitting in my laZboy and reading. All a sudden, i jumped up and ran to the bathroom across the living room and tossed my cookies for awhile.  It's so disturbing for me to walk out of that bathroom, after sitting on the floor and gathering myself (wiping the tears and anything else while washing up, to cool dow)...  walk out to see my 12 year old daughter with puppy dog eyes and ask... "are you okay dad?"  as she hugs me.  my wife watching as my 17 year old son says... I'll drive you to the doctors.

    i often wonder what they are thinking and what they are learning from watching their dad go through this. I was a rock of a man, with somewhat strong arms and was their solid rock...but I feel as if i'm turning into a week old man, at an early age. But, while I go through this I also become like the physophical old man always wanting to "teach a lesson" or "share an experience".  I hate what its doing to me, but we're always trying to make the best of this.

    so, I pray that the PET scan shows that the cancer spread and growth has slowed down or at least remained the same. 

    I asked my doctor about what he thinks... and he said after 21 months of treatments, this next PET scan will tell us a lot. Its a real big day that day, but I'm so excited to have a vacation get away ON THE CALENDAR wtih pictures... as "my eye on the prize" to have something even more to fight for!

    just wanted to share an update

    hugs

    Joe

     

    I'm praying with you and for
    I'm praying with you and for you Joe. I read your post last night after our first full day on vacation...and my birthday. We rented a cabin on a lake ...very remote area. No cell service but we have Internet. Was a overcast and rainy day so we spent the day on the road and I kept thinking to myself how crazy the last yr has been. Last yr at this time we were vacationing on another lake not far from here. Shortly after that vacation was my husbands diagnosis ...then chemo...then surgery. He just now is looking and acting like his old self again...seems impossible that the last year is true...like a bad dream we are just waking up from. Then we get back to the cabin and have dinner. He calls me in the bathroom ...has blood on his underwear. I'm sure I had a look of horror on my face. He was in tears apologizing for ruining my birthday. I emailed the onc who said she'd forward to the surgeon...havent heard back. Thinking it may be from his dilation procedure last week. Hopefully...but life is not the same and never will be. We've gone away two other times this yr...long weekends. First time he couldn't get off the couch...turned out he had blood clots. Tried again couple months later and the 15 yr old and the baby both had a stomach bug and were vomiting all weekend. Just hard to believe.

    Try not to stress about the kids too much..it does make then stronger and more compassionate. My mom was really sick when I was a teen. It kept me out of trouble..I didn't want to stress her anymore!

    I hope you have the most wonderful vacation and will keep praying for you.
  • annalexandria
    annalexandria Member Posts: 2,571 Member
    joemetz said:

    FolFuri has made for a difficult June and July

    The FolFuri with Avastin is one heck of a combo for me.

    It's been kicking my butt, but i truly feel like this stuff is working.

    My CEA level was under 3.0 during most of 2012, but Jan thru June, my CEA went from 3.0 to 29.5.

    well, in July it has come down to 16.5. (so that's "some" good news).

    I had a treatment this past Wednesday with the 5fu pump for Thursday and Friday. I didn't realize how sick I was getting again... but i wasn't able to hold food down and just wanted to sleep alll day.  My wonderful wife, Dana told me... get on the phone and call the doc... remember he said last time, don't wait too long for dehydration. Get in there and ask for some fluids.

    anyway, i called my nurse at the oncologists office... they are just down the hall from the Hickman Cancer center at Flower Hopsital here in Toledo and they asked if I could be there within 15 minutes.  After nearly two years of seeing these wondeful nurses, they jumped as soon as I got in there, and tossed me in a chair, connected to my port and they began flowing the basic i.v. into me. Brought in a steroid and a big shot of ativan and two hours later, I felt like a different guy.

    Next treatment is still set for August 7th. PET scan the week of the 13th, and a visit with my oncologists on August 21st to see if this stuff is growing and spreading still... or if we by chance have stoped it from growig or spreading.   

    No matter if we get good news or bad news, I have scheduled a 5 night stay for my wife and I in Cancun, Mexico. Never been there, but plan to ask for a 'chemo-vacation" so I can take her away that week, as all four kids will be back to school.

    It was real hard yesterday about 11:30am, i was sitting in my laZboy and reading. All a sudden, i jumped up and ran to the bathroom across the living room and tossed my cookies for awhile.  It's so disturbing for me to walk out of that bathroom, after sitting on the floor and gathering myself (wiping the tears and anything else while washing up, to cool dow)...  walk out to see my 12 year old daughter with puppy dog eyes and ask... "are you okay dad?"  as she hugs me.  my wife watching as my 17 year old son says... I'll drive you to the doctors.

    i often wonder what they are thinking and what they are learning from watching their dad go through this. I was a rock of a man, with somewhat strong arms and was their solid rock...but I feel as if i'm turning into a week old man, at an early age. But, while I go through this I also become like the physophical old man always wanting to "teach a lesson" or "share an experience".  I hate what its doing to me, but we're always trying to make the best of this.

    so, I pray that the PET scan shows that the cancer spread and growth has slowed down or at least remained the same. 

    I asked my doctor about what he thinks... and he said after 21 months of treatments, this next PET scan will tell us a lot. Its a real big day that day, but I'm so excited to have a vacation get away ON THE CALENDAR wtih pictures... as "my eye on the prize" to have something even more to fight for!

    just wanted to share an update

    hugs

    Joe

     

    Thanks for the update, Joe!

    Hoping for nothing but great results on that scan.  I can understand your feelings about your kids.  I remember one time coming out of the bathroom after a particularly horrible episode, and my oldest daughter asked if she could hug me.  I had to tell her no, because I felt so terrible, I couldn't stand to be touched.  That was a real low point for me, as I realized how much cancer was impacting my ability to be the parent I had been before getting sick.  I guess I just hope that all of our children can get something positive out of this experience.  My youngest, who was just going into kindergarten when I got diagnosed, is the sweetest, most tender-hearted boy I've ever met...I have to wonder if this has something to do with his going on the cancer journey with me.  And my nephew, who was 13 when my sister died, has grown up into a wonderful, kind young man, who is doing great at the age of 21, so I have hope that, however our journeys end, we will have done the hard work laying a good foundation for these kids, and they will be ok.  At least, that's my hope and wish for all of us.  AA