Not the Day or the Way I Wanted to Mark 9-Years:(

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Comments

  • Cathleen Mary
    Cathleen Mary Member Posts: 827
    Joy1216 said:

    Not the Post I Expected

    I was expecting an upbeat celebratory post.  Boy was I disappointed to read your post.   I'm so sorry that you got that kicked in the stomach feeling.  Just hang in and see what the MRI and CT show.  I'll be praying for you.

    Joy

    Nine years is worth

    Nine years is worth celebrating as is getting published!  Congrats on both counts. Don't let thoughts of another cancer take this from you.

    I am sorry you even have the anxiety of thinking about another bout let alone if it turns out to be so. Know you have my prayers and the support of a lot of people who care for you.

    Cathleen Mary

  • barbebarb
    barbebarb Member Posts: 464
    KathiM said:

    sigh.....

    Sending big hugs to my gentleman cowboy....

     

    Knuffels, Kathi

     

    (My beau was put on the heart transplant list on Friday....this was NOT a good day, it seems, for any of us!!!)

    Long day

    Dear Craig I am so sorry to read your posts with this recent cea report. Please know your 9 year accomplishment whipping this insidious disease has been an inspiration for all of us. Your writing accomplishment is awesome and so well deserved. This disease does not let allow us to let our guard down as Chelsea, said I believe. Its is so hard to live on call. Will be waiting to know what is happening and hoping for the best. For every downfall we envision there can be a victory. The lion roars and I am rooting for you. Fondly. Barb

  • Dyanclark
    Dyanclark Member Posts: 296
    Sundanceh said:

    Yes It Is, Tedd....

    I've gotten a couple more than I should have been given...though it wasn't handed to me...

    Friday, I was talking with my onc and I was bringing up 9-years and 2 years of it finally continuously remissive...and what it all meant?

    He looked away and wistfully replied.....the 9-years.

    And this morning, I understood that a little bit better than I did three days ago when I last saw him.

    It's a lifetime in the colorectal world, which was why I had decided to originally post (lots of new folks here).

    Thanks for your post and will hope right along with you that this is erroneous.  Hope all is still going well with you too.  Best of luck with the results you've been waiting on as well. 

     

    Lifetime

    My husband is in a remission for about 3 months and Dr. feels it will last at least 2 years, his original cancer was stage 2 in 2008.  It just becomes a lifetime battle and then in some cases it just stays away.  We have a neighbor who had colon cancer, then liver resection.  He has been in the game for 25 years but has done so very well last occurrence was 8 years ago.   Can only say dont get to depressed and get ready to fight and add another 9+ years to your life.

    HUGS George & DyanSmileKiss

  • Nana b
    Nana b Member Posts: 3,030
    barbebarb said:

    Long day

    Dear Craig I am so sorry to read your posts with this recent cea report. Please know your 9 year accomplishment whipping this insidious disease has been an inspiration for all of us. Your writing accomplishment is awesome and so well deserved. This disease does not let allow us to let our guard down as Chelsea, said I believe. Its is so hard to live on call. Will be waiting to know what is happening and hoping for the best. For every downfall we envision there can be a victory. The lion roars and I am rooting for you. Fondly. Barb

    Sundance, Sundance... Are we

    Sundance, Sundance... Are we watching the same flippin CEA movie.  What the heck!   Too many CEAs going up.   Hang 

    tough!  Kiss arse!  Indeed, ROL!   

     

    Sending a big hug! 

  • wawaju04976
    wawaju04976 Member Posts: 316
    It sucks, you've kicked its

    It sucks, you've kicked its ars b4, you will kick its ars again. Get those boxing gloves out and be ready to put'em on if need be!

    Judy

  • lilacbrroller
    lilacbrroller Member Posts: 412
    bummer

    HI, Craig. I'm sorry to hear that. But nine years is pretty awesome to hang around. Hopefully you'll get another nine, to be sure. 

    Keep pluggin,

     

    Karin

  • janderson1964
    janderson1964 Member Posts: 2,215
    Craig you have helped me

    Craig you have helped me through some dark times last year and I am there for you although I hope you dont need my support. Nothing is carved in stone at this point. I know what your feeling after having cancer 3x and 3 false alarms. I often think about facing the beast again and mountain I would have to  climb.

    Recurrence is like climbing Mt. Everest. You make it all the way to the final campsite and bam a storm rolls in and forces you down the mountain rather than making the final push to the summit. Then you have to start all over again with a new plan of attack.

    Try and take everyones advice and dont let this uncertainty overshadow your 9 years and being published. Both GREAT accomplishments.

    You will be around for at least another 9 years. There are too many people counting on you here including me. Although you might have to put on your climbing gear again to do it.

  • johnnybegood
    johnnybegood Member Posts: 1,117

    Craig you have helped me

    Craig you have helped me through some dark times last year and I am there for you although I hope you dont need my support. Nothing is carved in stone at this point. I know what your feeling after having cancer 3x and 3 false alarms. I often think about facing the beast again and mountain I would have to  climb.

    Recurrence is like climbing Mt. Everest. You make it all the way to the final campsite and bam a storm rolls in and forces you down the mountain rather than making the final push to the summit. Then you have to start all over again with a new plan of attack.

    Try and take everyones advice and dont let this uncertainty overshadow your 9 years and being published. Both GREAT accomplishments.

    You will be around for at least another 9 years. There are too many people counting on you here including me. Although you might have to put on your climbing gear again to do it.

    my dearest friend

    i saw your post yesterday and have been pondering on what to say so here goes.first lets not put the cart before the horse.i know i have horses and it doesnt work very well.just try to stay positive and take one day at a time.dont be afraid to celebrate,as you know our celebrations are few and far between.now here comes my conflic.t you see ever since i found out i was inoperable(too many spots in lungs) and will be on chemo for life there has been this little voice in me saying WHY cant i be one of those people(like you and phil and others)that are stage 4 and be NED.even if it was just for a little while.but now i see the fear that you all go thru just waiting and waiting for cancer to show up somewhere.i dont know how you all can handle those up and down emotions.the only thing i look for is i know that someday  my body will say when enough chemo is enough and then i will stop.so my point being is are we better off being inoperable and knowing this cancer will never go away or are we better off having surgery after surgery to get rid of the cancer just to live in fear of when  and where is it going to come back.love you like a brother and i am so greatful to have you as a friend.do what you have to do ,your old school,first we get angry then we turn our anger into fight mode.whatever happens it happens for a reason.take care and Godbless....johnnybegood

  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071
    Bro

    You should celebrate, the fact that this |%&*( disease has not got you yet.

    Whatever happens you are a texan, and you can not keep a good southern man down.

    Love ya

    Your sis in the uk

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    A New Dawn...

    I just wanted to thank the entire community for their heartfelt responses in this post.  I wasn't expecting such an outpour of emotion and I sure didn't mean to rattle your cage - but, sometimes unexpected situations can make us dizzy - especially, if we can't see it coming.....and I expected things to pretty much be the status quo and see you in three months...

    It's wonderful to feel the love of the community - a community I have stood up for...

    So, you know, yesterday was like a Mental Ping-Pong match with thoughts flying over the net at a rapid pace etc. etc.

    I had my little parade rained on and in rather short order, my thoughts had been shifted from the present to some kind of 'future' future...

    I got home and did the treadmill and used that time to work out my thoughts - to more or less just let the random thoughts in and bang around inside my skull until we could find a place to store them.

    I was planning on going to bed early and sleeping this thing off....

    I think subconsciously that I really wanted to avoid an unpleasant meeting with my wife and just duck out from the responsibility.  But, I thought, maybe this is where I've made a mistake with her before when I should have been better to her.

    I thought about what LindaK told me about sitting down and having a talk with her when she got in.....at first, I dismissed the idea completely...I think mostly, because those have always been a source of tension - as I was looking for some form of nurturing and her idea was to treat me rough and hard and basically suck it up.....

    We'd end up in an argument and I'd end up having to leave the area...

    But, Linda's words hung with me....(see Linda, you're already making a difference:)

    So, I called her and told her I would wait up for her....told her I would not be up 'long'.....and she said she wanted to talk with me.

    Of course, their were hugs and tears...and I said, now remember all the things that were said this weekend?  Don't you feel badly about that now? Of course, we both did. 

    So, we actually had a civil, adult conversation about cancer and about what might happen IF....

    I told her not to get too emotional and too realize that we built our lives together and that I would have left and provided for here the best way that I could - and not too be swayed or rushed into any major decisions........

    I tried to lay out the business end of it and soothe her from that angle...a little while later, I heard her sobbing on the couch, uncontrollably.  I imagine its the 'realization' that she might have to face that came rushing back to her at 100 mph and hit her square in the face.

    And so, I just tried to keep it normal....and show strength to help calm her apprehensions...

    Deep down, I think she really does look to me...

    So, that was at least good....she actually let me express my thoughts and feelings....she didn't discuss hers too much, but I know what she is thinking and what she is fearing.  And I know all of you do to.

    Doesn't even have to be real, does it?

    Just the perception can make it real...

    As with any sucker punch, I was caught off-guard and stunned...but I told her that we needed to approach this week as we would any other....nothing is going to change.....and nothing can be changed...so we execute our plans as we planned...and deal with Monday Monday....and Wednesday Wednesday.

    Then, we go from there.....

    Thanks so much, Everyone!

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member

     

     

    image

    Cyn:)

    If only this picture could talk.....

    But, then again, maybe it already has....

    Thank you!

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    wolfen said:

    My "Second Son"

    Just got home from my appt. at the SS office & saw your post. This is NOT what I wanted to see. Although you are fighting the odds again, remember "It's not cancer till they say it's cancer".

    I know how hard it is to not let this throw a blight on your 9 year celebration, but as the lion has returned, I know you will take whatever comes in stride. That's just the way you are. We are all here to lift your spirits when need be. Hope is not extinguished. It is merely taking a well deserved rest and will be by your side once again.

    I understand the highs and lows all too well. For many years, I have been afraid to do anything that might cause enjoyment in my life, for I knew that some disaster would always follow. I suppose that's just the cycle of life for some. I have probably missed out on a lot of fun things, but, you know what, disaster came anyway. So don't be afraid to celebrate your 9 years or your accomplishments. At least, you will have those "good" memories.

    Luv,

    "Mama" Wolfen

    Dear "Mama"

    I want you to promise me that you won't worry too much about me:)  I know you've got your hands full with everything and I don't want you to feel weighted down if this news is confirmed.

    It would be nice to have it be an aberration and just go away...

    "2nd Son" really choked me up.....does J know she's got another brother now, LOL! 

    I've got to get down to her post - as she really wrote me some pretty insightful stuff btw.

    I feel your hug! 

    Love/#2

     

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    Nana b said:

    Sundance, Sundance... Are we

    Sundance, Sundance... Are we watching the same flippin CEA movie.  What the heck!   Too many CEAs going up.   Hang 

    tough!  Kiss arse!  Indeed, ROL!   

     

    Sending a big hug! 

    Nana:)

    Same Bat Time - Same Bat Channel?

    Cool

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member

    Craig you have helped me

    Craig you have helped me through some dark times last year and I am there for you although I hope you dont need my support. Nothing is carved in stone at this point. I know what your feeling after having cancer 3x and 3 false alarms. I often think about facing the beast again and mountain I would have to  climb.

    Recurrence is like climbing Mt. Everest. You make it all the way to the final campsite and bam a storm rolls in and forces you down the mountain rather than making the final push to the summit. Then you have to start all over again with a new plan of attack.

    Try and take everyones advice and dont let this uncertainty overshadow your 9 years and being published. Both GREAT accomplishments.

    You will be around for at least another 9 years. There are too many people counting on you here including me. Although you might have to put on your climbing gear again to do it.

    Let's Talk About This, Jeff...

    "Recurrence is like climbing Mt. Everest. You make it all the way to the final campsite and bam a storm rolls in and forces you down the mountain rather than making the final push to the summit. Then you have to start all over again with a new plan of attack."

    Marie had mentioned me wanting to climb a mountain too tall - but I think my message was misinterpreted somewhat.  Having read your reply, it's more along the lines of what you are saying. 

    What I meant is that I fight hard to get myself back to a position where I can start all over again.....I don't know if you ever watched the movie Hamburger Hill?  It's the battle of the Ashau Valley.  The last bastion of resistance was this muddy, slippery slope that was very steep.

    The troops would attack wave upon wave - getting a little bit further each time - but only to literally slide back down the mudhill. 

    And that's sort of where I was going through that.  I'll never be a Mt. E kind of guy or even reach the heights of the Ragtop that Marie alluded to. 

    But, that's what I'm getting at.....never being able to move past...never being able to move forward....as you say, to make the final assault to where I can finally get a chance at doing something with this life....

    I just wanted to clarify that...

    My idea of hill climbing right now would just to be clear of cancer......to repair our house, which literally has boards falling off it now....to take a vacation of some kind...and to be able to continue sorting through our live and getting it back on some kind of normal track. 

    And of course, to try and help others with a cancer or regular life issue...

    Or, maybe the hill climb would be just to stop being tested - at least for awhile......to have a window of time that would be meaningful where I could just be....sort of like finding the eye in a hurricane...

    And yes, Jeff, you and I know what #3 felt like...and how truly hard it was for both of us to be here...and for all normal accounts, to be doing pretty good despite that. 

    So, what would #4 be....

    Neither of us want to know....but it looks like I've got the pole position right now...

    Cancer stuck a pin in my balloon on the timing of two nice events I had so much wanted to share with everybody.  And I feel that this was the source of my disappointment yesterday. It really stemmed from that.

    Thanks for your kind words....

    I'm glad you are here as well. 

    I've got a line I want to use....but will save it for the result post:)

    Take care buddy and thanks as always for your support!

  • LindaK.
    LindaK. Member Posts: 506 Member
    Sundanceh said:

    A New Dawn...

    I just wanted to thank the entire community for their heartfelt responses in this post.  I wasn't expecting such an outpour of emotion and I sure didn't mean to rattle your cage - but, sometimes unexpected situations can make us dizzy - especially, if we can't see it coming.....and I expected things to pretty much be the status quo and see you in three months...

    It's wonderful to feel the love of the community - a community I have stood up for...

    So, you know, yesterday was like a Mental Ping-Pong match with thoughts flying over the net at a rapid pace etc. etc.

    I had my little parade rained on and in rather short order, my thoughts had been shifted from the present to some kind of 'future' future...

    I got home and did the treadmill and used that time to work out my thoughts - to more or less just let the random thoughts in and bang around inside my skull until we could find a place to store them.

    I was planning on going to bed early and sleeping this thing off....

    I think subconsciously that I really wanted to avoid an unpleasant meeting with my wife and just duck out from the responsibility.  But, I thought, maybe this is where I've made a mistake with her before when I should have been better to her.

    I thought about what LindaK told me about sitting down and having a talk with her when she got in.....at first, I dismissed the idea completely...I think mostly, because those have always been a source of tension - as I was looking for some form of nurturing and her idea was to treat me rough and hard and basically suck it up.....

    We'd end up in an argument and I'd end up having to leave the area...

    But, Linda's words hung with me....(see Linda, you're already making a difference:)

    So, I called her and told her I would wait up for her....told her I would not be up 'long'.....and she said she wanted to talk with me.

    Of course, their were hugs and tears...and I said, now remember all the things that were said this weekend?  Don't you feel badly about that now? Of course, we both did. 

    So, we actually had a civil, adult conversation about cancer and about what might happen IF....

    I told her not to get too emotional and too realize that we built our lives together and that I would have left and provided for here the best way that I could - and not too be swayed or rushed into any major decisions........

    I tried to lay out the business end of it and soothe her from that angle...a little while later, I heard her sobbing on the couch, uncontrollably.  I imagine its the 'realization' that she might have to face that came rushing back to her at 100 mph and hit her square in the face.

    And so, I just tried to keep it normal....and show strength to help calm her apprehensions...

    Deep down, I think she really does look to me...

    So, that was at least good....she actually let me express my thoughts and feelings....she didn't discuss hers too much, but I know what she is thinking and what she is fearing.  And I know all of you do to.

    Doesn't even have to be real, does it?

    Just the perception can make it real...

    As with any sucker punch, I was caught off-guard and stunned...but I told her that we needed to approach this week as we would any other....nothing is going to change.....and nothing can be changed...so we execute our plans as we planned...and deal with Monday Monday....and Wednesday Wednesday.

    Then, we go from there.....

    Thanks so much, Everyone!

    Craig,

    Things usually do look different each and every morning, especially after a long hard day like you had yesterday :-(.  I am so glad you took my advice.  My husband and I had those heart to heart talks in the hospital before we even knew the details of his cancer or if he would survive surgery.  They ARE hard, but those words need to be spoken between a man and wife.  I cried so many times, still do so easily (as I am right now) when I think of those conversations.  You're both scared and need to face it together.  You each handle it differently and that's OK.  You can be weak one minute and strong the next. 

    I'm glad you stayed up and asked her to come right home and I'm glad she was also willing to talk.  I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this crap once again. I'm not an overly religious person but just last week I met the woman chaplain at our campground (just by chance I held onto her dog while she did something) and we got to chatting.  She asked me what I was going through because she could tell I was in pain.  Her sweet kind blue eyes could see into my heart.  She told she had lost her husband to cancer two years ago, she took my hand and told me "I know what you're going through".  She invited me to stop by any time to talk.  That encounter and the dialogue I've had with you and others on this board give me hope.  It has a calming effect on me.  THANK YOU for that...

     I'm hoping your doctors are on top of things by having the scans and IF it is something, it won't be too bad. 

    May you feel safe,

    may you feel happy,

    may you feel healthy,

    may you live with ease

    Love, Linda

  • Lovekitties
    Lovekitties Member Posts: 3,364 Member
    Sundanceh said:

    Let's Talk About This, Jeff...

    "Recurrence is like climbing Mt. Everest. You make it all the way to the final campsite and bam a storm rolls in and forces you down the mountain rather than making the final push to the summit. Then you have to start all over again with a new plan of attack."

    Marie had mentioned me wanting to climb a mountain too tall - but I think my message was misinterpreted somewhat.  Having read your reply, it's more along the lines of what you are saying. 

    What I meant is that I fight hard to get myself back to a position where I can start all over again.....I don't know if you ever watched the movie Hamburger Hill?  It's the battle of the Ashau Valley.  The last bastion of resistance was this muddy, slippery slope that was very steep.

    The troops would attack wave upon wave - getting a little bit further each time - but only to literally slide back down the mudhill. 

    And that's sort of where I was going through that.  I'll never be a Mt. E kind of guy or even reach the heights of the Ragtop that Marie alluded to. 

    But, that's what I'm getting at.....never being able to move past...never being able to move forward....as you say, to make the final assault to where I can finally get a chance at doing something with this life....

    I just wanted to clarify that...

    My idea of hill climbing right now would just to be clear of cancer......to repair our house, which literally has boards falling off it now....to take a vacation of some kind...and to be able to continue sorting through our live and getting it back on some kind of normal track. 

    And of course, to try and help others with a cancer or regular life issue...

    Or, maybe the hill climb would be just to stop being tested - at least for awhile......to have a window of time that would be meaningful where I could just be....sort of like finding the eye in a hurricane...

    And yes, Jeff, you and I know what #3 felt like...and how truly hard it was for both of us to be here...and for all normal accounts, to be doing pretty good despite that. 

    So, what would #4 be....

    Neither of us want to know....but it looks like I've got the pole position right now...

    Cancer stuck a pin in my balloon on the timing of two nice events I had so much wanted to share with everybody.  And I feel that this was the source of my disappointment yesterday. It really stemmed from that.

    Thanks for your kind words....

    I'm glad you are here as well. 

    I've got a line I want to use....but will save it for the result post:)

    Take care buddy and thanks as always for your support!

    Dear Craig

    I don't want you to think that I meant you should not aspire to the ultimate challenge of getting to top of that highest mountain.  I just want you to remember that is not the only summit to reach.

    If we only concentrate on that one we miss the fact that we have had other successes.

    You have had many. 

    You never slide all the way to the bottom because of the knowledge and experience you have gained in the climb.

    Hugs and love,

    Marie who loves kitties

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member

    my dearest friend

    i saw your post yesterday and have been pondering on what to say so here goes.first lets not put the cart before the horse.i know i have horses and it doesnt work very well.just try to stay positive and take one day at a time.dont be afraid to celebrate,as you know our celebrations are few and far between.now here comes my conflic.t you see ever since i found out i was inoperable(too many spots in lungs) and will be on chemo for life there has been this little voice in me saying WHY cant i be one of those people(like you and phil and others)that are stage 4 and be NED.even if it was just for a little while.but now i see the fear that you all go thru just waiting and waiting for cancer to show up somewhere.i dont know how you all can handle those up and down emotions.the only thing i look for is i know that someday  my body will say when enough chemo is enough and then i will stop.so my point being is are we better off being inoperable and knowing this cancer will never go away or are we better off having surgery after surgery to get rid of the cancer just to live in fear of when  and where is it going to come back.love you like a brother and i am so greatful to have you as a friend.do what you have to do ,your old school,first we get angry then we turn our anger into fight mode.whatever happens it happens for a reason.take care and Godbless....johnnybegood

    My Dearest J:)

    Love you too, "Sis"

    I'm glad to be riding along with you this time through...

    You've said some pretty amazing things in this post.  I'm finding alot of insight and I can literally hear your questions as you're contemplating all of life's many intricate issues.  And they are numerous....

    I really feel your angst right here...

    "WHY cant i be one of those people(like you and phil and others)that are stage 4 and be NED.even if it was just for a little while.but now i see the fear that you all go thru just waiting and waiting for cancer to show up somewhere.i dont know how you all can handle those up and down emotions."

    See, that's the thing, J....and it's as perplexing a question and thought today - as it was yesterday - and will be tomorrow...

    Everybody things "Get NED..."

    And everything will be okay...it will all work out...

    To some physical degree (and for that period of remission) things are okay....with cancer on hiatus, it gives the body and the mind some much needed time to heal.  We weren't geared to be in fight mode 24/7. 

    That's why I hurt so much for you!  I know you need some rest so you can recharge and refocus your energies. 

    On the other hand, you get clear...and then you're right....you wait....and you wait....

    And I was just getting to the point where I was trying to break the gravity of one world and settle into orbit in the next one...

    And see, that's where Cancer will always win...it knows how to 'hold' us in place....gives us just enough rope to think we are free to manuever....and then the free-fall back to earth if the news hits....or even a hint of news...

    Fear is a hard thing to overcome....my fears are different than they would be if I were absolutely at my last stages...if that happens, I"m going to tell you now.....lock up your back doors and run for your lives:)

    We try to live in the moment....we try and live life to the fullest...and if enough time goes by, you don't fear cancer every second, but then as your scans approach, it seems like our tests act as some kind of a judge, that is ready to sentence us back to more hard time.

    I've been hung out between the Land of the Living - and the Land of the Living  Dead....

    We were making plans again....my niece and nephew are getting married next August....as close as I'll get to seeing 'my son & daughter' married, like so many of you get to do.  Now, I'm concerned that I'll be too sick or even worse by that date.

    We talked about finally getting a vacation...LMS's sister won a Make A Wish and selected DisneyWorld....the date is still being determined......last year at the funeral, I talked to 'the kids' about going there with their family one day and how great that would be....it still remains The Happiest Place on Earth!   

    Then this opportunity presents itself and it might be possible for us to meet them there for a couple of days or something...a chance to be with my little girl LMS with Mickey and Cinderella....

    So, cancer can so much derail us from our lives - because we can't really plan too far down the line....and timing and scheduling is everything in this world. 

    You're right, J, fear plays an even bigger role the longer you survive.  I know that sounds contradictory in nature, and I've tried to it explain it to folks the best way that I know how.

    But, there is a PRICE for living too...

    I had hoped that the fear would dissipate the further I got.....two years was right about the point, where you think to yourself, hey, I think I'm gonna' make it....or at least, I've got a chance.......

    And that's where the biggest disappointment came from.....I climbed the hill as Jeff said, but couldn't push to the summit. 

    I can only imagine what those going 3-4-5 years all clear must feel......I'm sure they still carry fear to a certain degree, but they have gone far enough out to the point, where they fear it, but probably feel that they are in the clear.

    Anywhere from 0-2 is a bad time......hung out in both worlds as I said above...

    I want you to get clear too, if only for awhile...because, I want you to taste it and savor that feeling....it's fleeting, but it's what we fight for.   

    But, as for which camp is best? 

    To get clear, is to open yourself to another world of challenges, which can be equally challenging on their own...it's a time that can't really be measured against cancer....because, there is nothing more dire than a life and death scenario. 

    But, what if you live through it? 

    That's a post I want to talk about in its entirety - and perhaps now coming sooner than I originally planned.

    I've often wondered too if I should have passed quickly...and not had to wade through all of this.....

    But, through my explorations into spirituality, I'm finding that He chooses people and then tests them and uses their examples to teach, nurture and encourage others....

    And that's my conflict, J.....

    I "surrendered" my life recently, J....and it's been a whirlwind having done so....God is hard...He is tough

    Dr. Stanley has taught me alot this year and even in my infancy, I'm learning a great deal about a good many things.  So, my questions to the Father right now are...

    Why would you allow one of my stories to be published and then a couple of days later, test my will and resolve with the threat of cancer returning? 

    What is Your purpose with me?

    How does it help people when I'm ill - haven't I already done that enough?

    What possible example could I bring?

    And then I got this funny thought, J....God uses people for His purpose and as examples to others...what if He selected me to allow the cancer back - so that I could be an example of how to die with cancer?

    That was some pretty big thoughts to wrestle with as I turned in last night...

    Perhaps, you summed it up best when you said..."whatever happens it happens for a reason" ~JGB

    Something is afoot and we'll just have to play it out....if things are what they look like, I'm going to rely on Trust & Faith - two missiles in my arsenal that I've never launched. 

    I want to personally thank you and give you a big hug for a very thoughtful and insightful observation in your reply....made my day:)

    Love/Craig

    "Mama's" Other One:)

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member

    Dear Craig

    I don't want you to think that I meant you should not aspire to the ultimate challenge of getting to top of that highest mountain.  I just want you to remember that is not the only summit to reach.

    If we only concentrate on that one we miss the fact that we have had other successes.

    You have had many. 

    You never slide all the way to the bottom because of the knowledge and experience you have gained in the climb.

    Hugs and love,

    Marie who loves kitties

    How Blessed I Am, Marie....

    ...to have such loving and caring friends as you all are to me. 

    This post is a real conversation, isn't it?  If we were sitting across from one another in person, I'd be bending your ears back about now, LOL!

    I think that there are things that I see - and things that I cannot see.....and at times when I have my blinders on, I rely on the (in)sight of my precious friends to help steer me back in the right direction.  And perhaps, this is the message that is being reinforced within me yesterday and today.

    I haven't talked this much in awhile....truth be told, I miss the intimacy among everyone.  This post has got some meat on the bone, I can tell you that.

    I was touched yesterday by what you said...and it holds true reading your words...."Ours is a bond - that cannot be broken..."

    And if that be the case - then all will be well in our universe....

    The only way I get to the top of a mountain will be in a HOVEROUND, LOL! 

    My back and necrotic hips won't let me keep up....

    As always, thank you for being such a good friend and sounding board for Life's Echoes - anyone who puts up with me has cetainly earned their stripes:)

    Love you - Craig

  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    LindaK. said:

    Craig,

    Things usually do look different each and every morning, especially after a long hard day like you had yesterday :-(.  I am so glad you took my advice.  My husband and I had those heart to heart talks in the hospital before we even knew the details of his cancer or if he would survive surgery.  They ARE hard, but those words need to be spoken between a man and wife.  I cried so many times, still do so easily (as I am right now) when I think of those conversations.  You're both scared and need to face it together.  You each handle it differently and that's OK.  You can be weak one minute and strong the next. 

    I'm glad you stayed up and asked her to come right home and I'm glad she was also willing to talk.  I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this crap once again. I'm not an overly religious person but just last week I met the woman chaplain at our campground (just by chance I held onto her dog while she did something) and we got to chatting.  She asked me what I was going through because she could tell I was in pain.  Her sweet kind blue eyes could see into my heart.  She told she had lost her husband to cancer two years ago, she took my hand and told me "I know what you're going through".  She invited me to stop by any time to talk.  That encounter and the dialogue I've had with you and others on this board give me hope.  It has a calming effect on me.  THANK YOU for that...

     I'm hoping your doctors are on top of things by having the scans and IF it is something, it won't be too bad. 

    May you feel safe,

    may you feel happy,

    may you feel healthy,

    may you live with ease

    Love, Linda

    Linda - You Make Me Smile:)

    Even a Lion can learn new tricks:)

    That was a beautiful story that you shared today, Linda.....empathy is a wonderful quality:)

    I was not overly religious either...last several months I've been listening to Dr. Stanley...and one of his prevalent messages is how some of us are allowed to endure things - so that we can empathize and help someone else with the same or similar issue.  It took cancer to wake me up to this fact, but apparently that's what we're all supposed to be doing for one another. 

    We're to be used for a greater purpose - and I'm happy that I've been repurposed to be here with someone like you and so many others as well. 

    Cancer hardwires a direction connection between us - provided that the Sender/Listener data flows both ways.  Only in this way, do we truly grow to try and reach more of our potential.  It seems that true growth can only come from putting aside some of our own troubles - to listen and be there for someone else from time to time.

    I'm so glad to be a part of your plan and feel privileged to be sharing so deeply with you....keep it up!

    Love/Craig

     

  • YoVita
    YoVita Member Posts: 590
    So sorry you couldn't celebrate your 9 years as you hoped

    But you are still here to celebrate.  So very true what you wrote:

    "how truly special it is - and how very hard it also is - to make it 9-years with a cancer diagnosis"

    I'm hoping for a clear ctscan for you, and if not, at least a minor issue.  

    My best to you Craig.  You've been a rock for this group.