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The monster is back

laura25
laura25 Member Posts: 178
I found out yesterday at my one year check up that the cancer is back. The PET scan showed a spot on my lung and a para aortic lymph node lite up. The feeling of despair is overwhelming. My daughter turned 14 today and I can't bear the thought of leaving her. I have a meeting with a Thoracic surgeon on the 27th and my onc on the 29th. I am getting a second opinion at Sloan, trying to get all the paperwork over. My Dr told me this is bad. I was dx Jan 2011 with endometriod cancer, stage 3C1, had full surgery and 8 rounds of chemo. My poor husband is devasted, and we can bear to tell my daughter this horrible nightmare is back.
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Comments

  • Ro10
    Ro10 Member Posts: 1,561
    Laura sorry to hear your news
    I know how devastated you and your husband must be. I too was diagnosed with 3 c UPSC in Jan 09. I have had two recurrences and needed to have chemo both times. It is scary when the cancer comes back. I hope you get encouraging news from your thoracic surgeon and onc. Remember we are here for you. In peace and caring.
  • laura25
    laura25 Member Posts: 178
    Ro10 said:

    Laura sorry to hear your news
    I know how devastated you and your husband must be. I too was diagnosed with 3 c UPSC in Jan 09. I have had two recurrences and needed to have chemo both times. It is scary when the cancer comes back. I hope you get encouraging news from your thoracic surgeon and onc. Remember we are here for you. In peace and caring.

    Ro
    Thank you thank you thank you... I feel like I am trying to grab a life line and it keeps slipping threw my fingers. Thank you for your response, I feel so alone and scared.
  • paris11
    paris11 Member Posts: 159
    laura25 said:

    Ro
    Thank you thank you thank you... I feel like I am trying to grab a life line and it keeps slipping threw my fingers. Thank you for your response, I feel so alone and scared.

    Dear Sweet Laura
    Hi Laura,

    Don't panic. You are thinking way, way too far in the future. More and more cancer is becoming a chronic illness. More new approaches to cancer are constantly evolving. That said, if I had a young family I would be distraught. Your feelings are certainly legit.

    Ro and I have been "hanging" around this board for years. Ro gardens. I swim. We are living life.

    In January 2007 I was DX. My great worry was, "How will I ever explain to my Beautiful Emily (granddaughter) that I am leaving her?"

    Never had to explain - Em now helps me.

    I have had two recurrences - liver and para-aortic lymph node. I had carbo-taxol in 2008 and IP in 2010.


    Try, just for the week end, to refuse to let cancer interfere with YOUR LIFE AND THOSE WHOM YOU LOVE. TELL CANCER TO GO TO HELL!

    Come Monday - get back on it.

    Love you.

    Connie
  • nempark
    nempark Member Posts: 681
    Laura
    I remembered when I was going for my one year check up I was so devastated my grandson said to me "grandma if its back you will take care of it just like you did one year ago".
    That was so comforting to me. Laura, you are on the right track, you are going for a second opinion. The initial shock is always devastating. The Doctors always make it seem worse than it really is. Go for your second opinion and then they will set up a treatment plan for you. It is so normal to start thinking negative and thinking far ahead, but we do this all the time. Hang in there until you get there. Thank God you have a husband, and from what I gather, he is quite caring. That is a plus for you and your daughter. We will all be here praying and thinking about you.
  • laura25
    laura25 Member Posts: 178
    paris11 said:

    Dear Sweet Laura
    Hi Laura,

    Don't panic. You are thinking way, way too far in the future. More and more cancer is becoming a chronic illness. More new approaches to cancer are constantly evolving. That said, if I had a young family I would be distraught. Your feelings are certainly legit.

    Ro and I have been "hanging" around this board for years. Ro gardens. I swim. We are living life.

    In January 2007 I was DX. My great worry was, "How will I ever explain to my Beautiful Emily (granddaughter) that I am leaving her?"

    Never had to explain - Em now helps me.

    I have had two recurrences - liver and para-aortic lymph node. I had carbo-taxol in 2008 and IP in 2010.


    Try, just for the week end, to refuse to let cancer interfere with YOUR LIFE AND THOSE WHOM YOU LOVE. TELL CANCER TO GO TO HELL!

    Come Monday - get back on it.

    Love you.

    Connie

    Connie
    Your kind words mean so much. When I think of my sweet Sarah and the thought of her not having a mom it brings me to my knees. Thank you for reaching out, I really need to hear from the women who are "walking the walk". Much much much love to you.
  • laura25
    laura25 Member Posts: 178
    nempark said:

    Laura
    I remembered when I was going for my one year check up I was so devastated my grandson said to me "grandma if its back you will take care of it just like you did one year ago".
    That was so comforting to me. Laura, you are on the right track, you are going for a second opinion. The initial shock is always devastating. The Doctors always make it seem worse than it really is. Go for your second opinion and then they will set up a treatment plan for you. It is so normal to start thinking negative and thinking far ahead, but we do this all the time. Hang in there until you get there. Thank God you have a husband, and from what I gather, he is quite caring. That is a plus for you and your daughter. We will all be here praying and thinking about you.

    My Heart is so full
    I can not express enough how much this means to me... you reaching out and comforting me. I am trying so hard to pull myself up. My loving husband is a blessing.. and you are so right this is a plus for my dear Sarah. Thank you for the prays, I really need them now. God bless you.
  • sunflash
    sunflash Member Posts: 197
    laura25 said:

    My Heart is so full
    I can not express enough how much this means to me... you reaching out and comforting me. I am trying so hard to pull myself up. My loving husband is a blessing.. and you are so right this is a plus for my dear Sarah. Thank you for the prays, I really need them now. God bless you.

    Dear Laura,
    I'm so sorry to

    Dear Laura,
    I'm so sorry to hear you must face this monster again, and certainly understand the stress this brings. I'll be having my one year checkup in November for UPSC, which is actually the second time I've faced cancer. I was diagnosed with vaginal cancer in 2007, and four years later had to face uterine cancer. But I got through it and so will you...step by step one day at a time. I'm glad you're having a second opinion and know you'll feel better once a treatment plan is in place....and you'll get back into fighting mode! You can do this! I'm keeping you and your family in my prayers....please keep us posted. You're not alone....you have the support of all your sisters here.
  • janh_in_ontario
    janh_in_ontario Member Posts: 125
    Big hugs from Toronto
    Laura
    I am so sorry... it sucks and most certainly is not fair. I know the pain and fear you are experiencing - and I have no advice other than to tell you to seize the day and enjoy life to its fullest. Try to focus on the good and the positive and the pleasant things in your life and give the C word the minute slice of your thoughts that it deserves.
    And if you figure out how to do that... write a book and we will all buy it!
    Huge hugs and prayers coming your way...

    Jan
  • laura25
    laura25 Member Posts: 178

    Big hugs from Toronto
    Laura
    I am so sorry... it sucks and most certainly is not fair. I know the pain and fear you are experiencing - and I have no advice other than to tell you to seize the day and enjoy life to its fullest. Try to focus on the good and the positive and the pleasant things in your life and give the C word the minute slice of your thoughts that it deserves.
    And if you figure out how to do that... write a book and we will all buy it!
    Huge hugs and prayers coming your way...

    Jan

    Thank you Sunflash and Jan
    A million and one thank you's.... I really need you ladies, the posts give me the strength I need when my spirt is just so sad.
  • RoseyR
    RoseyR Member Posts: 471
    WE'RE HERE FOR YOU!


    LAURA,

    Am so sorry to hear of a quick recurrence; I have a one year post-treatment scan due fairly soon and may be facing the same news.

    Of course you're feeling devastated and scared, but take heart! Look back through our messages at all the women who have had recurrences in the lung a year to two ago and are still hanging in there!

    I hope you are seeing a good integrative doctor who can get you through chemo with few side effects and perhaps even enhance the treatment effects, as well as your regular oncs; if you don't have one, Google "integrative doctors" in your region and look for an M.D. if you are conservative--although SOME naturopaths are also quite knowledgeable if they have long dealt with cancer patients and done their research.

    Love,
    Rosey
  • daisy366
    daisy366 Member Posts: 1,458
    RoseyR said:

    WE'RE HERE FOR YOU!


    LAURA,

    Am so sorry to hear of a quick recurrence; I have a one year post-treatment scan due fairly soon and may be facing the same news.

    Of course you're feeling devastated and scared, but take heart! Look back through our messages at all the women who have had recurrences in the lung a year to two ago and are still hanging in there!

    I hope you are seeing a good integrative doctor who can get you through chemo with few side effects and perhaps even enhance the treatment effects, as well as your regular oncs; if you don't have one, Google "integrative doctors" in your region and look for an M.D. if you are conservative--although SOME naturopaths are also quite knowledgeable if they have long dealt with cancer patients and done their research.

    Love,
    Rosey

    Laura
    I'm right there with you, sister. I was diagnosed Sept 08 and now dealing with second recurrence of UPSC. Like Ro and Connie, I've been on this board for years. It is truly scary and discouraging.

    I try to step one foot in front of the other now. I'm taking an alternative route (diet, supplements and meditation) for the next 3 weeks till I have next PET scan and then need to regroup and see what is the next step.

    Laura, take heart and like others have said, try not to let cancer define you or take over all your life and thinking (hard to do sometimes, I know). God will lead you to the best path. You will have many years with your daughter and wonderful husband.

    Hugs, Mary Ann
  • laura25
    laura25 Member Posts: 178
    RoseyR said:

    WE'RE HERE FOR YOU!


    LAURA,

    Am so sorry to hear of a quick recurrence; I have a one year post-treatment scan due fairly soon and may be facing the same news.

    Of course you're feeling devastated and scared, but take heart! Look back through our messages at all the women who have had recurrences in the lung a year to two ago and are still hanging in there!

    I hope you are seeing a good integrative doctor who can get you through chemo with few side effects and perhaps even enhance the treatment effects, as well as your regular oncs; if you don't have one, Google "integrative doctors" in your region and look for an M.D. if you are conservative--although SOME naturopaths are also quite knowledgeable if they have long dealt with cancer patients and done their research.

    Love,
    Rosey

    Rosey
    Thank you Rosey, from the bottom of my heart. I am currently seeing my gyn/onc and onc/hematologist. They want me to see a thoracic surgeron asap. I have an appointment with a dr they recommended and I am trying to get into Memorial Sloan and see what they think. My hematologist told me that both lesions had an SUV of 4 and are about 1cm which he said if the SUV was 3 they would wait acouple of months and redo the scan. Is that good, who knows... I was shaking so much I had a hard time asking questions. I will look into integrative doctors in my area. I live on Long Island in NY so I'm sure there is one by me.
  • laura25
    laura25 Member Posts: 178
    RoseyR said:

    WE'RE HERE FOR YOU!


    LAURA,

    Am so sorry to hear of a quick recurrence; I have a one year post-treatment scan due fairly soon and may be facing the same news.

    Of course you're feeling devastated and scared, but take heart! Look back through our messages at all the women who have had recurrences in the lung a year to two ago and are still hanging in there!

    I hope you are seeing a good integrative doctor who can get you through chemo with few side effects and perhaps even enhance the treatment effects, as well as your regular oncs; if you don't have one, Google "integrative doctors" in your region and look for an M.D. if you are conservative--although SOME naturopaths are also quite knowledgeable if they have long dealt with cancer patients and done their research.

    Love,
    Rosey

    Rosey
    Thank you Rosey, from the bottom of my heart. I am currently seeing my gyn/onc and onc/hematologist. They want me to see a thoracic surgeron asap. I have an appointment with a dr they recommended and I am trying to get into Memorial Sloan and see what they think. My hematologist told me that both lesions had an SUV of 4 and are about 1cm which he said if the SUV was 3 they would wait acouple of months and redo the scan. Is that good, who knows... I was shaking so much I had a hard time asking questions. I will look into integrative doctors in my area. I live on Long Island in NY so I'm sure there is one by me. I feel so luck to have you women to lean on, I really am such a mess. Thank you
  • laura25
    laura25 Member Posts: 178
    daisy366 said:

    Laura
    I'm right there with you, sister. I was diagnosed Sept 08 and now dealing with second recurrence of UPSC. Like Ro and Connie, I've been on this board for years. It is truly scary and discouraging.

    I try to step one foot in front of the other now. I'm taking an alternative route (diet, supplements and meditation) for the next 3 weeks till I have next PET scan and then need to regroup and see what is the next step.

    Laura, take heart and like others have said, try not to let cancer define you or take over all your life and thinking (hard to do sometimes, I know). God will lead you to the best path. You will have many years with your daughter and wonderful husband.

    Hugs, Mary Ann

    Mary Ann
    Thank you for giving me hope, it seems like such a huge huge black hole right now. The thought of spending many years with my daughter and husband brings tears to my eyes. She starts High School in 2 weeks and I just feel like a girl needs her Mom during these years. I need to get my feet back underneath me and start the battle again. Thank you and all you ladies for helping me. Your kind words fill my heart <3
  • Sara Zipora
    Sara Zipora Member Posts: 231
    Monsters...
    2010 Dx Endometrial, Adenocarcinoma Stage IVB grade III. Surgery, Carbo Taxol, Doxil.Megace as maintainance..
    Buggers Returned 8 months later with 8 cm tumor. Again surgery in October 2011, colon resection, where tumor was lying on colon as a cat on a pole, same gyno onc surgeon took off 15 cm of colon and sewed it together. Went onto Genzar Carbo. Body, low white and red blood cells couldn't tolerate. Also two months later Pet Ct found tumor in lymph nodes in pelvic area. Had IMRT radiation 27 times. Went on trip to Hong Kong and Australia. Returned home April, new PET CT showed peri ventricular, aortic area near stomach and stomach wall, lymph nodes tumors. More radiation to those three places. July 4 took off for Long Island, took thrice a week yoga, twice a week learned Spanish, oodles of company's swimming daily, rest twice a day.
    Hemoglob down to 8.3, may have transfusion this week.
    Pet Ct scheduled for two weeks hence. And we'll see where the buggers are.

    All this to tell you keep on trucking, smiling, learning, exercising, and resting, getting back up and start all over again.

    We're all with you and with each other!
    God Bless,

    Chaya Sara
  • HellieC
    HellieC Member Posts: 524
    laura25 said:

    Rosey
    Thank you Rosey, from the bottom of my heart. I am currently seeing my gyn/onc and onc/hematologist. They want me to see a thoracic surgeron asap. I have an appointment with a dr they recommended and I am trying to get into Memorial Sloan and see what they think. My hematologist told me that both lesions had an SUV of 4 and are about 1cm which he said if the SUV was 3 they would wait acouple of months and redo the scan. Is that good, who knows... I was shaking so much I had a hard time asking questions. I will look into integrative doctors in my area. I live on Long Island in NY so I'm sure there is one by me. I feel so luck to have you women to lean on, I really am such a mess. Thank you

    You will get through this
    I can't really add to what these ladies have already said. I have been fighting this beast since 2001 and I am on my third recurrence. I am still here, still active and living a "normal" life (whatever "normal" is once you've been told you have cancer!).
    To hear that the beast is back is truly crushing news. But your mind will put all this into some sort of order in the coming days and then you will feel able to get back up and fight. There are many possible treatments still left in the armoury for you - further chemo, surgery, hormones, radiotherapy. Try not to think too far into the future - take baby steps towards the time when you will be NED (no evidence of disease) again.
    We're all here for you, sending positive vibes and prayers for your health.
    Kindest wishes
    Helen
  • laura25
    laura25 Member Posts: 178

    Monsters...
    2010 Dx Endometrial, Adenocarcinoma Stage IVB grade III. Surgery, Carbo Taxol, Doxil.Megace as maintainance..
    Buggers Returned 8 months later with 8 cm tumor. Again surgery in October 2011, colon resection, where tumor was lying on colon as a cat on a pole, same gyno onc surgeon took off 15 cm of colon and sewed it together. Went onto Genzar Carbo. Body, low white and red blood cells couldn't tolerate. Also two months later Pet Ct found tumor in lymph nodes in pelvic area. Had IMRT radiation 27 times. Went on trip to Hong Kong and Australia. Returned home April, new PET CT showed peri ventricular, aortic area near stomach and stomach wall, lymph nodes tumors. More radiation to those three places. July 4 took off for Long Island, took thrice a week yoga, twice a week learned Spanish, oodles of company's swimming daily, rest twice a day.
    Hemoglob down to 8.3, may have transfusion this week.
    Pet Ct scheduled for two weeks hence. And we'll see where the buggers are.

    All this to tell you keep on trucking, smiling, learning, exercising, and resting, getting back up and start all over again.

    We're all with you and with each other!
    God Bless,

    Chaya Sara

    Sara
    God Bless Sara, thank you for responding. I live on Long Island and we boat all along the South Shore. Before my scan we took a trip and spent a week at the beach. I'm so glad we did that, the weather kept calling for rain but the rain always stayed north of us. I like to think of it now as a special gift. I'm going to try and get back to the gym today, I'm still having problems sleeping and hope that getting back to my routine will help. Good luck on your scan please keep me posted, you and all the ladies are in my prayers and feel so blessed that we have each other to talk to.
  • laura25
    laura25 Member Posts: 178
    HellieC said:

    You will get through this
    I can't really add to what these ladies have already said. I have been fighting this beast since 2001 and I am on my third recurrence. I am still here, still active and living a "normal" life (whatever "normal" is once you've been told you have cancer!).
    To hear that the beast is back is truly crushing news. But your mind will put all this into some sort of order in the coming days and then you will feel able to get back up and fight. There are many possible treatments still left in the armoury for you - further chemo, surgery, hormones, radiotherapy. Try not to think too far into the future - take baby steps towards the time when you will be NED (no evidence of disease) again.
    We're all here for you, sending positive vibes and prayers for your health.
    Kindest wishes
    Helen

    Helen
    Thank you Helen, getting my mind to stop thinking about the future seems to be the hardest right now. I wish there was a switch I could flip to stop it. I am slowly getting myself together, taking a deep breath and trying to keep busy. My husband plays bass guitar in a band and will be performing at a street fair tonight. I'm forcing myself to go and take my daughter and her friends. I told him he needs to do this, that the time is going to go by no matter what so we have to try to make the best of what we have. Thank you for sending your prayers and positive vibes, it means so much.
  • Sara Zipora
    Sara Zipora Member Posts: 231
    Sleep depravation makes all seem worse
    Speak to your doc about sleeping pills.
    You'll worry about addiction years from now, but now you and your family need you to have sleep to fight another day.
    Chaya Sara
  • laura25
    laura25 Member Posts: 178

    Sleep depravation makes all seem worse
    Speak to your doc about sleeping pills.
    You'll worry about addiction years from now, but now you and your family need you to have sleep to fight another day.
    Chaya Sara

    Sleep
    I've tried acouple of things, but will call the Dr and have him suggest something alittle stronger. Thank you for checking in on me <3