“What’s Happened to the Man Called Sundance?” – In the Eye of the Hurricane

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Comments

  • Brenda Bricco
    Brenda Bricco Member Posts: 579 Member
    Sundanceh said:

    Funeral Home Link
    I've always been one to share my heart with everyone on this site. Since I'm trying to start the enormous healing process, I thought I would share this link with you. I don't know how to create hyper links - but just copy and paste this address into your browser if you would like to view it.

    http://obits.dignitymemorial.com/dignity-memorial/obituary.aspx?n=TJ-Harrison&lc=2348&pid=157885732&mid=5125334&locale=en-US

    You can click on the Play Video and it is a little montage of photos I found that they put together for me. Pictures of my dad holding a cat when he was a small boy - other pics of him - and pics of me and my sister together:) As well as those of herself.

    There is also a guest book if you would like to sign it...you can show the 'evil church sister' that Kim and Craig have friends all of the U.S. and around the world...

    I would just ask that you make no reference to CSN or anything like that - I like to keep our world as private and sacred as I can...it asks for a name so I'll know who you are.

    It would be nice to see your smiling faces there...I'll show Kim as I'm sure it would give her some much needed strength.

    The Sundance Army is an army of two - but now we're calling all troops to active service to help us get through this.

    Participate only if you want to - I just wanted to make it available...and I'm trying to crack the door to my heart again.

    Love you!

    Craig & Kim

    I signed your Dad's Memorial
    I signed your Dad's Memorial Craig... I know how it feels to feel like you can't trust anyone, I have been there. I want you to know that I think there are lots of people in this world that deserve our trust but sadly a few can make us shy about giving that trust to anyone. You are in the a very tough time so soon after losing your Dad so I am not surprised your head is spinning with it all. Just know that you have people thinking about you and Kim and praying for your strength. GOD's blessing to you.
    Brenda
    P.S I loved the pic of you guys in your swim trunks... too cute!
  • lesvanb
    lesvanb Member Posts: 905
    Sundanceh said:

    "As the Final Curtain Closes"
    Still so lovely to see your faces on the guestbook. It just gives one a warm glow to 'just know' that someone has touched...just touched.

    Last night was good...I thought I handled myself well and made sure everyone felt appreciated for taking their time to stop out. The casket spray is unbelievable....I went all red roses - and no kidding, I've seen a few sprays, but this one is a stunningly beautiful....2 more pots of red roses, one on each side to frame it perfectly.

    A really incredible story happened last night...a really good one, but I'll have to circle back to tell it...heartwarming and reaffirming once again some trust in people - which right now, is worth more than its weight in gold. I've found that trust is such a 'volatile commodity.'

    So, Kim and I 'represented.' If dad could open his eyes, I don't see how he could not have been more pleased. I even got to the details where we placed a 'fork' in his hand...it holds some signifigance for him - yet another story to tell but not enough time right now.

    And then there was another good story as were leaving...I'll get to this one too.

    Exhausted this morning, but now showered and dressed, I find mysef ready to embrace the day and I know we'll see it through with the class and dignity that we've exhibited thus far. I'm so proud you know the story and therefore all of this carries more signifigance.

    And the why is because I've been carrying all of this around for fifty-years by myself - and even though we've not met, it lightens my load and empowers me to know that folks and friends of mine understand my position. It has really helped me.

    Hopefully, later this afternoon we'll finally be able to heave a sigh or two and just collapse. We've sure earned a breather. I've not been emotional at all, no tears shed. I talked, I said, I resolved temporarily what I needed to do.

    But, honestly, it has been such a montage of decisions, errands, and burning the rubber off the tires backtracking everywhere, that I've just been in business mode the entire time.

    Oh, one preview story.....the funeral director got a "Taste of the Lion"....and that's another good story.

    Kim and I have overcome much...it's been about the emotions, about the caregiving, about the crucial decisions, about walking in and handling another's life, it's been deceit and treachery in the churchouse, it's been about an obsessed woman bent on hurting us, and then finally it's about the last preparations.

    Six-months worth of stories and reflections that I'll just need time to go over...maybe I'll talk about some of those - they might be relevant for someone. And I learned more interesting things about the violations of the federal HIPPA act...and the unscruplous dealings I've seen in the hospital communities, and just so many things...concerning aging and healthcare etc.

    It's been an eye-opening experience...if I'm fortunate, there's another book there, LOL!

    I just peed my pants, LOL....no I didn't...let me check...no, I'm good, LOL!

    Well, I better wrap up and finish getting ready...I hope it's a lovely service and everyone gets what they need from it....I will go to bed tonight knowing that I did everything possible from the moral side all the way to my dad's wishes with his healthcare and his funeral.

    I did do it right - it was the only way - the right way - and the only way that I would ever be able to live with it....I need to be free from the emotional shackles now and begin the healing process.

    And if cancer eases up on me, perhaps Kim and I can begin a new life with hopes of brighter tomorrows combined with newfounded optimism that I find myself yearning for once more.

    I hope someone is reading this - because this is some pretty good stuff right here:)
    :)

    Take care once more and as I head out later, I'll take your presence with me comforted in the fact that you have been concerned. Once again, thank you for your friendship.

    Now, where's Ralph? (an inside joke for Phil should he pop in)

    -Craig

    love to you Craig and Kim
    CHERISH ORDINARY MOMENTS
    by Pema Chodron

    "In our most ordinary days we have moments of happiness, moments of comfort and enjoyment, moments of seeing something that pleased us, something that touched us, moments of contacting the tenderness of our hearts. We can take joy in that. I find that it’s essential during the day to actually note when I feel happiness or when something positive happens, and to begin to cherish those moments as precious. Gradually we can begin to cherish the preciousness of our whole life just as it is, with its ups and downs, its failures and successes, its roughness and smoothness. (From Taking The Leap)

    Ride on!
    Leslie
  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    Bro
    Hugs so sorry about your dad. Sorry for all that you are going through right now. But Craig you along with many on here, are one of the strongest people I know. You will get through this. Losing a parent is never easy, no matter what relationship you had. Just know what you are feeling is ok, just take each day as it comes and write when you feel up to it. When I'm down I draw or write, but then if my mood is up I don't feel the need to. Weird how our brains work, but I suppose it's why I'm studying psychology. Love ya.
  • steved
    steved Member Posts: 834 Member
    All the best
    SOrry to hear of your loss and all the inevitable family dynamics that get tied up with these events. I hope you find a way to grieve your loss and escape from any of the unhealthy vibes others may bring. Your strength and your immediate family will see you through and failing all else you know your colorectal family are always here.

    steve
  • mukamom
    mukamom Member Posts: 402
    steved said:

    All the best
    SOrry to hear of your loss and all the inevitable family dynamics that get tied up with these events. I hope you find a way to grieve your loss and escape from any of the unhealthy vibes others may bring. Your strength and your immediate family will see you through and failing all else you know your colorectal family are always here.

    steve

    Saddened
    to hear of your father. I pray for you strength, wisdom, patience to see you through the extra turmoil plaguing your family.

    God Bless
    Robert and Angela
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    mukamom said:

    Saddened
    to hear of your father. I pray for you strength, wisdom, patience to see you through the extra turmoil plaguing your family.

    God Bless
    Robert and Angela

    Angela and Robert:)
    So nice to see you again, Angela...thank you and thanks for signing the guestbook...give Robert my best.

    Thank you guys too: Steve, Sonia, Marie:)

    And Leslie:)....."ride on."

    -c
  • AlinaM
    AlinaM Member Posts: 18
    Sundanceh said:

    Angela and Robert:)
    So nice to see you again, Angela...thank you and thanks for signing the guestbook...give Robert my best.

    Thank you guys too: Steve, Sonia, Marie:)

    And Leslie:)....."ride on."

    -c

    Much love to you and your family
    You're in my thoughts. This makes your advice on my thread even more poignant and important. Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions, you're a true gift. Take things as they come, and let yourself feel what you need to feel. You'll be amazed at what comes up when you let yourself breathe. Take care of yourself and know that your presence is felt here even when you may not be able to write. *hugs*
  • thingy45
    thingy45 Member Posts: 632 Member
    AlinaM said:

    Much love to you and your family
    You're in my thoughts. This makes your advice on my thread even more poignant and important. Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions, you're a true gift. Take things as they come, and let yourself feel what you need to feel. You'll be amazed at what comes up when you let yourself breathe. Take care of yourself and know that your presence is felt here even when you may not be able to write. *hugs*

    Signed
    Dear Craig and Kim,
    Before I left for a short vacation I signed the guestbook. So well done. You are unbelievable strong in word and in silence. Rest assured that your CSN family is standing with you.
    One of my favourite quotes is:
    Life is nor measured by how many breath you take
    But by the moments that takes your breath away.

    I wish you many breath taking happy and memorable moments in the future.
    Love, Marjan
  • Phil64
    Phil64 Member Posts: 838 Member
    so sorry
    You have my deepest sympathy during this time of loss. I pray that you and your family will find Peace and Love during this time.

    Sincerely,

    Philip
  • Aud
    Aud Member Posts: 479 Member
    Sundanceh said:

    "As the Final Curtain Closes"
    Still so lovely to see your faces on the guestbook. It just gives one a warm glow to 'just know' that someone has touched...just touched.

    Last night was good...I thought I handled myself well and made sure everyone felt appreciated for taking their time to stop out. The casket spray is unbelievable....I went all red roses - and no kidding, I've seen a few sprays, but this one is a stunningly beautiful....2 more pots of red roses, one on each side to frame it perfectly.

    A really incredible story happened last night...a really good one, but I'll have to circle back to tell it...heartwarming and reaffirming once again some trust in people - which right now, is worth more than its weight in gold. I've found that trust is such a 'volatile commodity.'

    So, Kim and I 'represented.' If dad could open his eyes, I don't see how he could not have been more pleased. I even got to the details where we placed a 'fork' in his hand...it holds some signifigance for him - yet another story to tell but not enough time right now.

    And then there was another good story as were leaving...I'll get to this one too.

    Exhausted this morning, but now showered and dressed, I find mysef ready to embrace the day and I know we'll see it through with the class and dignity that we've exhibited thus far. I'm so proud you know the story and therefore all of this carries more signifigance.

    And the why is because I've been carrying all of this around for fifty-years by myself - and even though we've not met, it lightens my load and empowers me to know that folks and friends of mine understand my position. It has really helped me.

    Hopefully, later this afternoon we'll finally be able to heave a sigh or two and just collapse. We've sure earned a breather. I've not been emotional at all, no tears shed. I talked, I said, I resolved temporarily what I needed to do.

    But, honestly, it has been such a montage of decisions, errands, and burning the rubber off the tires backtracking everywhere, that I've just been in business mode the entire time.

    Oh, one preview story.....the funeral director got a "Taste of the Lion"....and that's another good story.

    Kim and I have overcome much...it's been about the emotions, about the caregiving, about the crucial decisions, about walking in and handling another's life, it's been deceit and treachery in the churchouse, it's been about an obsessed woman bent on hurting us, and then finally it's about the last preparations.

    Six-months worth of stories and reflections that I'll just need time to go over...maybe I'll talk about some of those - they might be relevant for someone. And I learned more interesting things about the violations of the federal HIPPA act...and the unscruplous dealings I've seen in the hospital communities, and just so many things...concerning aging and healthcare etc.

    It's been an eye-opening experience...if I'm fortunate, there's another book there, LOL!

    I just peed my pants, LOL....no I didn't...let me check...no, I'm good, LOL!

    Well, I better wrap up and finish getting ready...I hope it's a lovely service and everyone gets what they need from it....I will go to bed tonight knowing that I did everything possible from the moral side all the way to my dad's wishes with his healthcare and his funeral.

    I did do it right - it was the only way - the right way - and the only way that I would ever be able to live with it....I need to be free from the emotional shackles now and begin the healing process.

    And if cancer eases up on me, perhaps Kim and I can begin a new life with hopes of brighter tomorrows combined with newfounded optimism that I find myself yearning for once more.

    I hope someone is reading this - because this is some pretty good stuff right here:)
    :)

    Take care once more and as I head out later, I'll take your presence with me comforted in the fact that you have been concerned. Once again, thank you for your friendship.

    Now, where's Ralph? (an inside joke for Phil should he pop in)

    -Craig

    Dear Craig
    Craig, I am so sorry for the loss of your Father and all that you and Kim have had to endure.
    You talked about not being able to write. After my Grandmom died, more than 13 years ago, my brother had told me later how he was unable to play his upright bass for awhile. My brother plays jazz bass (not his primary occupation but should be; he loves it and he is an excellent musician) and has played with a community (semi-professional, if there is such a thing) orchestra. For writers, such as yourself, and musicians, like my brother, I believe that grief can express itself this way.
    Holding you and Kim in the Light.
    ~Aud
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    craig,
    sorry your dad's

    craig,

    sorry your dad's passed away, but in another way now you can focus on you. As you have got a few cells being a pain in the ****, literally for crc. the chance to focus on you is essential.

    so i know you owe your existence to your dad and its bitter sweet, seems more bitter than sweet. but thats your life.

    smile, breathe and grief. get your emotions written down when they come. its proven therapy that helps me cope well with the unlimited challenges that this life gives us.

    hugs,
    pete
  • k1
    k1 Member Posts: 220 Member
    so sorry for your loss
    Craig and Kim,

    I am so sorry for your loss. The loss of a parent brings so many mixed emotions and the numbness of grief you describe. Wishing you peace.

    k1
  • kristasplace
    kristasplace Member Posts: 957 Member
    So sorry!
    Hi Craig! It's been a while since i've come to CSN, and i'm glad to see you're still on here, checking in and keeping us updated. I'm sorry about what you're going through w. ith your dad and sister. What a nightmare. You seem to be handling it very well under the circumstances. I wish you much luck with that, sweetie. Keep your chin up! You will rise above it..

    Hugs,
    Krista
  • karen40
    karen40 Member Posts: 211 Member
    Craig
    I previously posted to your dad’s guest book. Even though, I don’t post very often, I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. I hope things are moving along and that peace finds you soon.
    Karen