The Sundance Book is NOW Finished! – “Let’s Talk About This…”

Sundanceh said:

CHAPTER I - "The Diagnosis"
Three words.

“You Have Cancer.”

With these words, your entire world has grinded to a complete halt as you try and sort out what you’ve just been told. You are trying to be calm and process this information that has been given to you by your doctor. You are trying to make some sense out of a situation that has just come out from under your control.

This is the sentence that none of us want to ever hear uttered in our lifetimes. It’s the type of news that is delivered to someone else, but not to you.

“This must be a mistake, right?”

Unfortunately, this is not a mistake, and this news has just become your new reality.

“What are we feeling and experiencing as all of this begins to wash over us”

Well, PANIC to start with. Your mind is scrambling and searching fast and furiously to try and find an answer to “Fix This.” When our brains cannot retrieve the information that is needed to put this fire out, then panic and fear are what we are left with.

The brain is a complex piece of machinery and wonderment. The way that we archive and retrieve data, information, and our own unique experiences are what we draw upon whenever a problem presents itself. We use what we have been through and the things we have learned and experienced in our lives to help us try and cope with the issue at hand.

I remember reading or hearing about how the brain works with regards to memories or events and how we retrieve them when we call upon them for reference or for a pleasant memory of some kind.

Obviously, when we learn something or experience a sensation or an event, the brain creates a “File” and archives it into the synapses of the brain that can later be used for recall when it is needed or desired.

When we come upon that situation again, our brains already have a pathway in which to retrieve that file for that particular experience or information. Therefore, we can replay that data and have a comfort zone or a field of reference that we have already experienced and that we can make some sense out of and take our cues from.

However, the brain, much like a computer, is only as good as the data that is contained within it. It operates under the principle of “Data In and Data Out.”

So, when we hear the word CANCER, our brains begin desperately trying to locate the “Cancer File.”

If this is your first time and you have had no experience with it, then there is no file available for our brains to reference, since the data does not yet exist. Then, that’s when the panic and fear sprout from.

Very shortly after that, DOUBT settles in and you begin to think about your mortality and the things you never got to do in life.

Questions begin to flash through your brain. What will happen to your family if you’re not there? Will I live to see my son graduate high school or college? Will I be there to walk my daughter down the aisle for her wedding? Will I still be here for the birth of my grandson or granddaughter?

I remember when it was my day to hear the news. My gastroenterologist had called me a day after my first colonoscopy and wanted me in his office the very first thing in the morning. I had never been “Sick Sick” before in my life and was very naïve about what had happened to me and what I was about to go through.

I later learned that doctors are trained to give you good news over the phone, but if the news is bad, then they prefer you to come into the office so they can counsel you in person and to lessen the shock of the news.

Me, I thought I was going to get an OK, even though I suspected it was probably cancer. You know, it’s a funny thing how the mind works and what we tell ourselves. I heard the ‘Three Words’ and I never blinked an eyelash – I really already knew it deep down inside but just had not come to terms with it for the reasons I explained above.

After the three words, everything just became sort of surreal. Part of my brain recognized and understood what the GI doc was telling me, but then a part of me was dialed out.

I could see the doctor’s lips moving, and I understood at a certain level what he had to say, but at the other end, my mind was racing along with all of these random thoughts while he was explaining away what was going to come next.

You always wonder how you would handle receiving such news as this. And since we’re all unique individuals from all walks of life, we all handle things differently on the outside, but on the inside we’re really all feeling the same thing and scared of what’s coming next – “The Unknown.”

The Unknown – now, that’s a very dark and lonely road even on the best of days. Mix in a cancer diagnosis and all of a sudden you are facing your own mortality. You begin to look in the mirror and you don’t like what you see.

That’s because what you are seeing are the “Faces of Yourself” that you’ve never had to look at before. All of a sudden, the things that looked so important and held so much value to you, have now shifted to a new and completely different set of values, along with a new level of understanding and acknowledgement.

It’s amazing how your values system does a complete “180” as you continually come to grips with your diagnosis. Mind you, none of this happens right away, it is also a process that evolves each day of your journey.

It cannot be hurried or rushed, but must take root and blossom on its own timeline. It becomes part of the ‘new you’ and is sort of akin to having a new software program downloaded onto your hard drive of your computer.

What the Cancer Diagnosis does to you is that it changes you from the inside out. The “Transformation of Self” that you are about to embark upon is a by-product of cancer but its role is no less important, because ironically enough some good can come out of cancer if you remain open minded to the possibilities.

The irony of cancer is this – “What is Trying to Kill You Actually Makes You Stronger.”

Its biggest benefit, and we’re always looking for the silver lining, is how we view things now through our new ‘awareness.’ All of the material things that we clamored for previously in our lives now have little to no significance.

“Now, why is that?”

Simple. It’s because you have just taken your first steps towards enlightenment. That is our destination in our Cancer Journeys - that’s the ‘Nirvana’ that we wish to reach to become the people that we want to be – to become the people we might not have become if it were not for our diagnosis.

I suppose the simple truth is that we’re reminded that this world is not about the materialistic excesses that pervade and flood our lives. Very quickly, we are reminded that it’s about ‘memories and relationships’ that are important and not things.

I like to think of it in these terms – “There is No Luggage Rack on the Hearse.”

We cannot take ‘things’ with us, but our memories and the relationships that we form, and the bonds that we build and share with one another are what are really important. In the end, these are what we really take with us when our time is done here on this Earth.

I remember when I was first diagnosed and heading for my first major surgery. I truly thought I was going to die. I remember walking about my home making a ‘mental inventory’ of my things.

As I walked through the house, room by room, it became clearly apparent ‘how much these things meant to me’, but on the other hand, ‘how very little that they really meant to me.’

“Does that make any sense?”

I realized the sacrifices we had made to purchase the items, and how much time it took to pay for them. The biggest epiphany dawned on me as I realized how many more experiences I could have bought with that money that would have enriched and colored my life, instead of being a prisoner to debt, paying for things that I would not be able to take with me.

There are a lot of those types of thoughts that will be floating around your head as you begin to reassess your life and change your priorities. You will find that the quest for “Mo’ Money”, the “Bigger House”, the second “Vacation Home”, the “New Car”, or the latest “I Pad” are, to say the least, very overrated.

In the end, these are” False Idols” that marketers have convinced us are “Must Have” items in our lives to survive and be somebody in this world. In reality, they are really not and it is our cancer diagnosis that has so profoundly educated us and brought this back to the forefront of our attention.

Cancer teaches us to reach out beyond ourselves and to acknowledge and reaffirm that we are not the only “Victims.”

There are cancer wards and hospitals full of sick folks in every city in the world. We are not the only ones suffering here and once you understand that, you are better able to deal with all of the things with cancer that have to be dealt with.

I’m not sure what it is exactly about cancer, but for whatever reason, I never cried “Poor, Poor Pitiful Me.”

Oh, I’ve certainly had my days when I felt sorry for myself and sang “Woe is Me” and asked myself the age old eternal question – “Why Me?” Again, this is part of the process and this really is a perfectly normal human condition as long as we don’t stay there for too long.

You’re going to feel this way some days. And when you feel like that, you just have those moments privately and then you get back to the business at hand. You don’t let it dwell in your soul or dictate your outcome – you acknowledge and experience it when you need to and then you dust yourself back off and get on with it. It just all goes along with ‘being human.’

“The Diagnosis” is a very tough day indeed, but when you get on down the road a little bit further and look back at it, you will realize where it all started, so that when you get to the end of the journey, you will know how far you have really come – and how much you have really grown from the experience.

So, now that we know what we’re up against – “What Are We Gonna’ Do About It?”

Sundanceh said:

Thank You, Ann:)
Your review is glowing:)

I'm glad that you like the 'style' in which it was written. I wanted it to read like a conversation between friends. I think that this will appeal to everyone, as I like to "talk TO people, rather than AT them."

I'm trying hard to find an agent to represent me, who can give us the best chance to succeed.

Stay tuned to the Sundance Channel
"Story Matters Here"

Nice to meet you:)

-Craig