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Need help to understand so i can be supportive.

Posts: 1
Joined: Jan 2012

Hello everyone, i don't have cancer but someone very dear to me does.
So if im misusing this website i apologize upfront.

I started dating this girl a couple weeks ago, and i really like her a lot cause she is smart and funny and a really nice person, really honest and decent person.
but then a few days ago she told me she has masses on her brain and that she has been in treatment for a couple months now, she says she doesn't want to go to chemotherapy nor radiation. The kind of treatment she says she has is with really strong pills that she takes really often, since they are so strong they cause headaches and stomachaches.

All her family knows and they are supportive whit her decisions and the kind of treatment she has decided, so even if she doesn't tell me that much, i assume that kind of treatment is well enough.

Now she is a really strong person, and she loves life like the one who most and now that we are dating she says im really helping a lot, and that is great to have someone whit her that knows her situation cause she doesn't tell a lot of people.
she also says she does not want me to change my attitude towards her now that i know about her illness, cause she has experienced with other people that they start actin petty or they think she is weak and she hates that cause she is not, she is a really strong person, that even whit this she still has her job and is very independent and self-sufficient woman, she is one of the best persons i know!!

So what i do when im whit her is only talk about it when it is needed, or when she feels like talking about it, enjoy the rest of the time together as much as we can, and well, be there for her at any time or given situation.

But since i have to recognize that i have 0 experience in this kind of situation, i don't know if im doing too few or i could be doing something better.

So if someone here whit experience would be kind enough to give me some sort of advice, id really appreciate it.
Thanks again, and i also apologize if my english is bad cause as you may have noticed is not my native language.

Posts: 7
Joined: Jan 2012

Just give her the emotional support she needs and help her with daily life as much as she asks for. Try to find out exactly what kind of cancer she has and research it so you know how it is going to affect her. Give her space when she needs it.

Posts: 17
Joined: Jan 2012

All you can do is give her emotional support when she really needs it. You should tell her that if she wants to talk about it that you will be there for her. Don't treat her any differently than you would normally treat her if she wasn't sick, that could really upset her. You should probably just have one conversation with her and get everything out at one time. After that just abide by her wishes if she wants help, if not just be there for her.

When I was sick and my wife had to take care of me I felt powerless. I needed to do some things on my own to make me feel like I was not totally helpless. She needs to know you are there for her more than anything else. Support from loved ones makes all the difference.

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