Im fine............perhaps

2»

Comments

  • Sonia32
    Sonia32 Member Posts: 1,071 Member
    Clift
    Hugs my dear sweet online bro. Ok you know what I've been through etc, and how bloody hard it's been. I'm finally divorced, it happened on April 26th, but I only got the paper work on the 17th May. I don't have children, I'm 35, I want to have children I worry with the cancer coming back and that it will never happen. Buzz you say you verbally abused your wife, I, we all know that was not you. You have gone through hell and back with this beast, and that does horrible things to the mind of a cancer patient. I suffered from serve panic attacks, anxiety, depression the works during my treatment, and I just hated what was happening how much I was relying on him. He started to resent me, he wouldn't say it to my face, but after wards I found out he was saying snide things about how I had another panic attack, and oh joy. The majority of cancer patients marriages suffer greatly, those who whether the storm are lucky, but even then for some there may be still doubts. But those who are still together, they have strong partners and I admire them greatly.

    So Buzz please stop blaming yourself, it's your wife who made the decision, excuses will come and go as to why this all happened. She probably does love you, but maybe she stopped loving you as her partner. Maybe if things calm down, she might see things in a more clearer light and see that how much of a fantastic person you are, but you've gone through hell. Your children are so young, and I know as a child I was going through what my parents did. But with your children and how good you are, I know they will be ok.

    Please, please, please keep letting us know what goes on, it may be off topic but Buzz we are your family and we care. I just don't want you to bottle up how your feeling, I know how hard that is. If you feel you can't talk here, please consider the PM I sent.

    Hugs, will be praying for you and your family.
  • ron50
    ron50 Member Posts: 1,723 Member
    Hey Buzz
    My first wife took my two little kids. She had some nasty habits,I consider constant affairs bad habits,but she was a good mother if that makes any sense. So I just paid for my kids until they were 18 and saw them as often as i was allowed and as long as it did not disrupt their lives. I get by pretty well on my own ,all I need is fishing. It took another ten years before I met my second wife. I guess I should have known better but some times alone can get a bit self destructive. Sue got tired of me being sick all the time and found solace in the company of an old flame. I's been a few years now.I lost my house and pretty well everything else.We never divorced just a property settlement. I talk to her a lot on the phone and have stayed friends with her. The old flame is gone and I think she has genuine regrets. I don't think I can go back. The third strike and your out. So for me it's fishing alone. I haven't had much luck there either . Ray was my best friend and fishing companion. We have been fishing togeather for over 32 years,,,I gave the eulogy at his funeral yesterday,,he was only 62......I consider myself a seriously tough person. Not mean nasty tough but wade thru crap neck deep tough. You have done it with ca Buzz now you got to do it with life. Same deal,one day at a time.If you don't know what to do,do nothing, One day you will wake up and you will know what to do. It just takes some time and the realization that we are human. Good choice,bad choice theres a 50/50 chance to get it right and sometimes being right is wrong. Go with the flow mate you have my best wishes,hugs Ron.
  • tanstaafl
    tanstaafl Member Posts: 1,313 Member
    best wishes
    'fraid you're going to have to invest time, money and effort to win her back. Girls still want to have fun, best foot forward. Hope wife-mom sees the light and comes home. With kids in an increasingly crazy world, it's important. In 30 years, your kids may still be considering their parents' choices today.

    And heaven forbid, the situations can still reverse. Over a course of 2 yrs, it did for us, and my wife appreciates me a lot more now. My journey turned out to be preparatory for hers.
  • ron50 said:

    Hey Buzz
    My first wife took my two little kids. She had some nasty habits,I consider constant affairs bad habits,but she was a good mother if that makes any sense. So I just paid for my kids until they were 18 and saw them as often as i was allowed and as long as it did not disrupt their lives. I get by pretty well on my own ,all I need is fishing. It took another ten years before I met my second wife. I guess I should have known better but some times alone can get a bit self destructive. Sue got tired of me being sick all the time and found solace in the company of an old flame. I's been a few years now.I lost my house and pretty well everything else.We never divorced just a property settlement. I talk to her a lot on the phone and have stayed friends with her. The old flame is gone and I think she has genuine regrets. I don't think I can go back. The third strike and your out. So for me it's fishing alone. I haven't had much luck there either . Ray was my best friend and fishing companion. We have been fishing togeather for over 32 years,,,I gave the eulogy at his funeral yesterday,,he was only 62......I consider myself a seriously tough person. Not mean nasty tough but wade thru crap neck deep tough. You have done it with ca Buzz now you got to do it with life. Same deal,one day at a time.If you don't know what to do,do nothing, One day you will wake up and you will know what to do. It just takes some time and the realization that we are human. Good choice,bad choice theres a 50/50 chance to get it right and sometimes being right is wrong. Go with the flow mate you have my best wishes,hugs Ron.

    This comment has been removed by the Moderator
  • Fight for my love
    Fight for my love Member Posts: 1,522 Member
    It's heartbroken to see your
    It's heartbroken to see your post.As all of us can see,you are a good man for sure.Don't be too hard on yourself either,you have to think about yourself too.Please take good care of yourself,so you can be there for your children.Pray for both of you and your family,wish you and your family the best.Take care,my buddy.
  • dorookie
    dorookie Member Posts: 1,731 Member
    Life is hard
    I am so sorry you are going through this Buzz, break-ups are hard on everyone, I am very sorry for your pain. Please know you are not the sole reason this relationship is having problems or may not work, it takes TWO to make or break a relationship.

    Like others have said, just love those kids, and be as grown up as possible with your wife, that will help those kids.

    I am here if you need anything buddy....

    Please grab on to that rope and let us help you as you have helped so many of us here.

    Love you buddy...

    Beth
  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    Buzz
    Sometimes people have a tough time handling someone else's illness.
    Sorry you are going through this. You know you are highly regarded on here.
    -phil
  • christinecarl
    christinecarl Member Posts: 543 Member
    PhillieG said:

    Buzz
    Sometimes people have a tough time handling someone else's illness.
    Sorry you are going through this. You know you are highly regarded on here.
    -phil

    I have to agree with Phil,
    I have to agree with Phil, you are very highly regarded here. You have helped so many of us and you continue to do so. Everyone has their flaws. But know that we are all here to help you, just as you have us. Relationships are tough work, honestly it took me many years to realize I am better off alone. Hug those kids and keep present in their lives.
  • johnnybegood
    johnnybegood Member Posts: 1,117 Member

    I have to agree with Phil,
    I have to agree with Phil, you are very highly regarded here. You have helped so many of us and you continue to do so. Everyone has their flaws. But know that we are all here to help you, just as you have us. Relationships are tough work, honestly it took me many years to realize I am better off alone. Hug those kids and keep present in their lives.

    oh buzzard
    this just breaks my heart.you have always been a fighter but when it comes to something like this i know it tears on your heart,i am on my 3rd marriage.it took me along time to find that right one for me.we are here for you bud dont forget that.....Godbless...johnnybegood
  • pete43lost_at_sea
    pete43lost_at_sea Member Posts: 3,900 Member
    praying for your kids
    hi buzz,

    horrible news, another problem caused by crc. just keep on being the great dad you are, love the kids, have some fun with them and keep on seeing the beauty of the world through the tears of sorrow from your marriages troubles.

    don't give up hope for a cure for crc and your marriage.

    hugs and love,
    pete
  • mukamom
    mukamom Member Posts: 402

    praying for your kids
    hi buzz,

    horrible news, another problem caused by crc. just keep on being the great dad you are, love the kids, have some fun with them and keep on seeing the beauty of the world through the tears of sorrow from your marriages troubles.

    don't give up hope for a cure for crc and your marriage.

    hugs and love,
    pete

    Buzz, so sorry to hear this
    I really hope things work out the best for all. It's hard to deal with even under better circumstances. Remember your kids will always love their dad.

    hugs,
    Angela
  • baldwin
    baldwin Member Posts: 25
    mukamom said:

    Buzz, so sorry to hear this
    I really hope things work out the best for all. It's hard to deal with even under better circumstances. Remember your kids will always love their dad.

    hugs,
    Angela

    I am a caregiver and I just
    I am a caregiver and I just lost a reply where I spilled my guts to you. I too,sometimes, get frustrated, but it is because I cannot fix things for my husband who is a stage 4 colon cancer survivor with mets to the brain, bones, liver and lungs. I, too, sometimes, wish my husband would speak gentler, kinder to me, know that I am in this fight with him also, but then, when he is sleeping, and I can hear him breathing, I thank God that he is still beside me and pray that this treatment will work and he will be healed. I am not a fool, I know that things do not look good, but I fight this negative attitude constantly and pray that things turn around. Saying this, Cliff, you are one of the people on this board that has REALLY helped me get through this process. I do not know you, but I DO KNOW YOU, no what I mean??? Sometimes people run away when they do not know any better, it is easier that way. Take one day at a time, do NOT blame yourself for what is happening, and by all means, DO NoT back down from living life and beating this horrible disease. Best, Joanne
  • Marianne313
    Marianne313 Member Posts: 124
    ron50 said:

    Hey Buzz
    My first wife took my two little kids. She had some nasty habits,I consider constant affairs bad habits,but she was a good mother if that makes any sense. So I just paid for my kids until they were 18 and saw them as often as i was allowed and as long as it did not disrupt their lives. I get by pretty well on my own ,all I need is fishing. It took another ten years before I met my second wife. I guess I should have known better but some times alone can get a bit self destructive. Sue got tired of me being sick all the time and found solace in the company of an old flame. I's been a few years now.I lost my house and pretty well everything else.We never divorced just a property settlement. I talk to her a lot on the phone and have stayed friends with her. The old flame is gone and I think she has genuine regrets. I don't think I can go back. The third strike and your out. So for me it's fishing alone. I haven't had much luck there either . Ray was my best friend and fishing companion. We have been fishing togeather for over 32 years,,,I gave the eulogy at his funeral yesterday,,he was only 62......I consider myself a seriously tough person. Not mean nasty tough but wade thru crap neck deep tough. You have done it with ca Buzz now you got to do it with life. Same deal,one day at a time.If you don't know what to do,do nothing, One day you will wake up and you will know what to do. It just takes some time and the realization that we are human. Good choice,bad choice theres a 50/50 chance to get it right and sometimes being right is wrong. Go with the flow mate you have my best wishes,hugs Ron.

    Ron
    I like that line:

    If you don't know what to do, do nothing.



    Buzz, I'm truly sorry for all you are going through. Someone here said something like "give it time, often when things are too hard it's just easier to leave" MAYBE that's true in this case with your wife. I know dealing with someone you love having cancer is hard, and yeah, I wish I could find a cabin in a remote area and just hide, but my need to be "there" for my family is stronger in my case. Try not to fault her too much if she can't "deal", some are just too weak. Hope that makes some sense.

    Marianne
  • BettyJoM
    BettyJoM Member Posts: 82
    what can anyone say
    what a terrible time for you. I am so sorry.
    I remember many years ago when my husband died, somewhere down the road when I was feeling better someone said to me, being widowed is easier than divorce and she was right, it is.

    You are concentrating on your children and I would too. Its not their choice.

    In the middle of my treatment I alienated just about everyone there for a while. Don't be too hard on yourself, its the cancer.

    Not much anyone can do except send you love and prayers. there are so many wonderful people on here to talk to, dont be afraid to reach out. I just read sometimes and I feel better. Makes you feel, your not alone.

    Love, Betty Jo
  • Sundanceh
    Sundanceh Member Posts: 4,392 Member
    Buzz....
    I've been thinking about what to say since this post opened. I can't really find any words that would be adequate or meaningful to say.

    I start to type and then erase it all. I do understand how relationships can be "strained." This past year has been particularly hard on us as well...mine is just tired with this stuff and not having a partner available during those long years of being sick.

    Bitterness and Resentment does set in whether we can see it coming or not. Sometimes, they just check out. It could be me next, but we're working on it.

    It is hardest on the children. They just don't quite understand what is happening and what changed. I was a by-product of divorce in the mid-70's. As a child then, the initial thoughts are "What did I do that Mommy and Daddy aren't together anymore?"

    I remember how contentious it was between the 2 of them. As soon as I got home, the 3rd degree interrogation began and it was just awful and I was in the middle of it. That's not a good situation.

    So, as was suggested, try and keep it as civil as you can when the kids are around and can see. Kids see alot more than they are given credit for - and they remember it always. I've never forgotten all that went on.

    I'm terribly sorry, Buzz. I really, really am. I'm out of sight, but available if you ever need to email or talk.

    -Craig
  • eibod
    eibod Member Posts: 160
    So sorry to read this. You
    So sorry to read this. You were one of the first people to welcome me to this site, and
    always had answers to questions asked. My prayers and thoughts are with you now.
    I've always heard that it is best not to make too many plans, while the soil is still shifting.
    Like someone else said, maybe it is best to not make too many decisions yet. Wishing the best for you, Brenda
  • Kathryn_in_MN
    Kathryn_in_MN Member Posts: 1,252 Member
    Sorry
    I've been there - it's tough. You could teach my ex a thing or two. Your kids are lucky to have such a great dad.

    Sending a big hug your way.
  • thingy45
    thingy45 Member Posts: 632 Member
    I got the boot too
    Hi Buzz, Last year before I was even diagnosed, after years of looking after my husband, hard valve replacement, 3 major heart attalcs, stroke, etc etc, in the end lower left leg removed, 6 years of hospitals for 6 months at a time, he told me to go and visit my daughter and not to come back, because he had nothing to say to me anymore. YES, he verbally abused me also, but that was the illness and not the man I loved. He started to totally ignore me. That was the worse part. I then found out he was addicted to Oxycodin, made big debts, I sold the house and paid of the debts.
    So..... Now I have moved to be closer to my kids, after almost a year I was dx with coloncancer. You see, there is a reason for everything, I met a very nice man in oktober and he is sticking with me, even after my operation etc. He is momentarily looking after me.
    The sun will shine for you again I can promise. And O Yeh... by the way. listen to Kathleen, put everything in your kids name, just in case. Not one man should profit from what is rightfully for your kids. But remember kids need Daddy the most. So hang in there.
    You were my first friend here on the board and I still need you so on my journey.
    So Buzz, head up, grap the wrope and hang on in the end it is worth it.
    Hugs,
    Marjan