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Joined: Jul 2010

I was over at the Esophageal cancer board the past 11 months. I've guess you'd say I've graduated? two weeks ago today my father passed away from esophageal cancer.

This whole grieving thing is really, really hard. Not so much the dealing with the sadness, but the unpredictability of when those wave of tears is gonna sweep in and blind side ya! Why is it always in public or while your driving??? Ugh.

Anyway, my heart goes out to each and every one of you that is dealing with a loss. I knew it would be hard to lose a parent, I just didn't think it would be literally, so painful. There are times my heart physically feels like it's gonna crack in half.

Thanks for listening.


mswijiknyc's picture
Posts: 421
Joined: Oct 2010

As someone who has lost a parent, been married to a man who lost both of his, and lost my husband (wow that sounds so depressing) I fully understand the feelings. I have been doing pretty well and keeping the despair at bay when I'm in public, but at some point I'm sure it will happen.

I know my husband never truly stopped grieving for his father, and it was many years that he had passed. For Patrick that pain was always a raw hurt, one that he never dealt with or let go. For myself as my husband recently passed, my pain is like a puffer fish. I never know when it will come with its spines and overwhelm me.

Each day, each hour, each moment as it comes.

Pennymac02's picture
Posts: 336
Joined: Aug 2010

I'm struggling with those waves of sadness, too. They tend to blindside me at the least opportune moment. My husband passed on January 14, and all in all, I'd say I'm doing better. Then I'll be in the middle of something,not feeling depressed or sad, and BAM! I'm a crying, blubbery mess. Thank God for waterproof mascara, cause its happened to me a work quite a few times.

Last night my son called me from Texas, all excited because he recieved an early promotion from the Navy and will be moving on to training for helicopter pilot, which has been his lifes goal. Of all three of my boys, he was the closest to Mike, and I was able to keep it together while I was on the phone with him and he was so excited. But after we hung up, I had a good cry. Mike would have been the one he called first with such good news.

The pain does get better, though. I don't think it ever goes away, but it gets softer somehow, not so sharp.

Posts: 829
Joined: Aug 2010

It's so soon since your dad passed away. People told me to go to a mall to try and get my mind off from Tom's death a year ago this month. Didn't help, cause I did go and only went into one store & the tears started. You never know when the emotion is going to hit you, so guess if it happens in public, there's nothing you can do about it. Since the one year anniversary of Tom's death is coming on March 25th I find myself tearing up alot. We just have to take one day at a time & although we will never forget the one we lost, it does get easier. Hang in there! Carole

debbieg5's picture
Posts: 170
Joined: Nov 2010

I know....when it happens in public it's a little embarrasing. I have never been one of those women to carry tissues in their purse, but I think I need to start.
I ride a commuter bus to work and last week the driver took a slightly different route. all of a sudden he stops at a stop light, I look out my window and realize we are in front of the church steps where my husband and I had a picture taken for our engagement announcement. Next thing I know the tears are streaming down and I'm trying not to make any noise. Had no tissues and I kept wiping my face. Note to self...keep extra makeup in my office desk drawer.

Posts: 221
Joined: Oct 2010

Sally, I am very sorry for the loss of your father. I loss my Dad on Oct. 31, 2001 from prostrate cancer. He was a great guy, him and my Mom had six of us kids and we had a great time growing up together. We were all close to both of our parents and I can tell you I had some of the same experiences you speak of. I can tell you that for me, it did get better to where now when I think of my Dad, I smile.

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