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Writing this through my tears-from Kateel

kateel
Posts: 29
Joined: Jun 2011

Hello everyone,

I haven't written for a while. As I sit here with tears running down my cheeks, I want to share with all of you that Bill remains in a deep coma since his stroke on Sept. 1st. He has had a few times of opening his eyes, but I have been told that he will never be able to swallow or eat again, never talk again, and never be able to think or know me. I have made a decision to remove Bill from life support this coming week. It has been long enough for him and he is so very tired and just wants to be with Jesus. Please pray for Bill as he goes through this struggle. I am worn out, but have strong faith to get through this.

God bless all of you,

Kateel

Ginny_B's picture
Ginny_B
Posts: 537
Joined: Sep 2011

My heart aches for you and Bill even though I don't know you.

mishti
Posts: 24
Joined: Mar 2011

Kateee....

May god give you strength. My eyes are wet and I don't know what to say . May god be with you

mishti
Posts: 24
Joined: Mar 2011

Kateee....

May god give you strength. My eyes are wet and I don't know what to say . May god be with you

paul61's picture
paul61
Posts: 1105
Joined: Apr 2010

Kateel,

I am so very sorry to hear about Bill. I know it must be an agonizing decision to let him go. It sounds like the doctors are telling you that Bill has already gone and the life support systems are just keeping the physical presence that he occupied while here on earth functioning. I am sure he will be thankful to be allowed rest after his long and difficult battle.

May God welcome Bill into his loving arms and provide you strength and peace during this very difficult time.

Best Regards,

Paul Adams
McCormick, South Carolina

DX 10/22/2009 T2N1M0 Stage IIB
12/03/2009 Ivor Lewis
2/8 through 6/14/2010 Adjuvant Chemo Cisplatin, Epirubicin, 5 FU
3/14/2011 CT Scan NED

oriontj
Posts: 390
Joined: Jul 2009

God will hold in his arms and your also through this time. Angels will guide him to heaven and you will see him again.

mardigras's picture
mardigras
Posts: 196
Joined: Sep 2011

I am so very sorry Kateel.
God will help you through this and hold you and Bill in his arms until you meet again.
Prayers andlove and hugs.
Marci X

cher76's picture
cher76
Posts: 302
Joined: Nov 2010

Kateel,
I am so saddened to read your post. I know how difficult this decision must be for you, as we went through something similar with Rickie's mom. We know that you have done all you can and now it is time to let him go with the angels. Will be thinking of you in the days ahead and praying for you, Bill, and your family.
Cheryl

LeeinLondon's picture
LeeinLondon
Posts: 108
Joined: Aug 2011

Hello Kateel;

I'm so sorry for what you're going through and that you had to make such a decision. We never want to see our loved ones go, but rest assured you've made the right decision in helping Bill finally find peace after his long battle.

Thinking of you both,

Lee

jojoshort's picture
jojoshort
Posts: 241
Joined: May 2011

Letting go is so very hard but so very right. Bill needs to allow his body to do what it must do.
You are wonderful to be there for him; what a comfort that must be.
Keeping you and Bill in my heart,
Jo-Ann

Daisylin's picture
Daisylin
Posts: 380
Joined: May 2011

I am so saddened to hear your news. May you find comfort in your memories, and find strength to face the days to come.
Chantal

BMGky
Posts: 666
Joined: May 2010

Prayers for Bill, for you, and for your family. I had to make the difficult decision to end my Mother's tube feeding as her dementia had progressed to a terminal stage. While it was heartbreaking in the one instance, it was also uplifting because we knew she could be pain free, in comfort, and at peace with God. May God continue to comfort you and give you strength. Mary Caregiver of my husband Bill.

Donna70's picture
Donna70
Posts: 920
Joined: Aug 2009

So sorry to hear this. Bill and yourself have been thru so much. This is the hardest, yet the most loving act, you will be doing as his caregiver. Just so sad that all of this has happened. My thoughts and prayers will be with you, Bill and your family. Hoping God will give you all the strength that you need.
Donna70

TerryV's picture
TerryV
Posts: 915
Joined: Jul 2011

I am so sorry that it has come to this decision for you, Kateel. I know how heartbreaking this is. My brother-in-law and I went through a similar choice for my ex-husband 2 years back after he suffered somewhere between 7 & 13 strokes. It isn't an easy decision.

I believe that at this point - Bill has left and gone to be with our Lord. The life support is only maintaining the shell that once was Bill. Still not an easy decision though.

My prayers are that you have peace, Kateel. Wrap the memories of your time with Bill around you and hold them close.

Terry

noelles_jim
Posts: 12
Joined: Dec 2010

May God be with you and Bill. My heart aches for you both. Take comfort in knowing that we all feel for you and yours, you are never alone. Your faith is already showing its strength to get you through the future.

May God Bless, your are in our prayers.

Jim

fredswilma's picture
fredswilma
Posts: 196
Joined: Mar 2011

Kateel
So saddened to hear about Bill, hoping that you will find peace and comfort in the weeks to come.
Ann

chemosmoker's picture
chemosmoker
Posts: 525
Joined: Aug 2011

Kateel,
I am so sorry about Bill's condition and no improvement. I know this will be the hardest decision in your life. My heart aches for you and I wish I could do anything to lessen the pain.

I will pray for you, and I know that Bill will BE with his Jesus finally, no more pain, and if he is meant to go now, he will and will also be in peace. ALL of my strength to you my friend.

God bless you and we are all here for you, for s long as you want. May God bless you.
-Eric

sandy1943's picture
sandy1943
Posts: 883
Joined: Jun 2010

Praying for God to give you comfort in the days ahead. It's hard for us to let go, but it's so comforting to know that Bill will be with Jesus.
Hugs and prayers, Sandra

ritawaite13's picture
ritawaite13
Posts: 249
Joined: Aug 2011

Hi Kateel,
I'm so sorry that Bill's stroke was so severe. Please know that you are both in my prayers. He is at peace with the Lord.
Rita

K_ann1015's picture
K_ann1015
Posts: 555
Joined: Aug 2009

so very sorry to hear the pain you are going through. May you feel & be guided by God's love & wisdom during these so difficult times. I have tears for you---wishing it could make it easier for you.... Iwill pray for you & Bill-- I feel your sadness

prettywoman513
Posts: 23
Joined: May 2010

I am so sorry for your pain. Please know you are being selfless right now and making the best decision possible for him. I understand as I have been in your shoes. Please, no regrets. By doing this for him you are loving him more than ever. I am praying for you and will keep praying in the weeks to come. Know that God will hold you and keep you in His loving arms as he welcomes Bill into His kingdom.

unclaw2002's picture
unclaw2002
Posts: 664
Joined: Jan 2010

Kateel,

My thoughts and prayers go out to you, your family and to Bill. These are such difficult times for those of us left behind but I can feel your love for your husband and how you want to do the right thing.

We faced something very similar with my dad when he developed a severe infection that could not be treated - at the time he was still on a feeding tube but he was slipping in and out of a coma and the feedings were not being assimilated by his body and he was puffing up like a balloon and it caused him much discomfort. After speaking with the Hospice nurse, the doctors and then discussing it as a family we decided that we would not force feed him with the feeding tube. We still gave him water and other fluids and tried to get him to eat what he could. When we made that decision we knew it was only a matter of time before he would pass away but they made sure he received pain medication and was comfortable. After we stopped the feeding he actually became more conscious and seemed much more comfortable and spoke --- his body was trying so hard to absorb the nutrients it no longer needed that he wasn't able to have any comfort. Although, letting him go was the hardest thing any of us had to do I know that it was the right thing. He told me several days before he passed I am so tired I want to go ... and I held his hand and kissed his check and told him I loved him and it was okay he could go to heaven we would take care of mom.

I cried and I kept crying and was so worn out like you --- I still miss him so much - but these days I am more likely to smile when I feel sad and remember him it isn't easy and I am crying as I write you and there will always be an empty place. And my mom told me the other day she keeps his picture by her bed and says Good Morning to him every day and Goodnight when she goes to sleep. God bless you and hold you in his arms.

Hugs and prayers,
Cindy

rose20's picture
rose20
Posts: 282
Joined: Jan 2011

Kateel, I can't even imagine having to make a decision like that to stop life support. I'm so very sorry. I know it is your faith in God who is giving you the strength. My heart goes out to you. Keep talking to him as I'm sure he hears you.
I was by my dad's bedside when he went on to be with the Lord. We talked to him and sang to him. He never opened his eyes but at the last he opened his eyes and looked at my mom and then he was gone.
Will be praying for you.

francma's picture
francma
Posts: 60
Joined: Jun 2011

Kateel

You are proving your strength and love for him. This is what he would want you to do....to be at rest and peace with Jesus. He will always be in your heart and watch over you now. God Bless you and give you more strength to carry on with your life.

Fran

rmitchell
Posts: 95
Joined: Dec 2010

I am so sorry. My prayers are with you as you go through this difficult time.
Reba

json_2011
Posts: 110
Joined: Jul 2011

Deep prayers for Bill and you , Kateel. I can not begine to imagine but we all must go through. I know he was grateful for haveing you and him to you. God bless you.

Jason

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