I don't usually vent like this... but seriously...I need to blast!

taleena · February 2011

I'm sorry... I'm going to say this in advance just in case there are those that agree with this person and find offense to this ranting...but I really need to get this off my chest and this is the safest place for me to vent!! Again I apologise to anyone who takes offense to this...

In a conversation at dinner with a group of my husbands friends, the topic of bc came up, and my husband mentioned that this week I would have my "treatment" ... they asked what it was and I explained it to them... every 28 days it's an injection of a capsulized chemo drug called Zoladex that desolves in my system slowly over 28 days, and that every 28 days I go in for another dose.... for the next 45 minutes I proceeded to listen to the women tell me how thankful I should be that I don't and didn't have to go through "real" treatment! Of course, I smiled and nodded being the good little wife...but here's what I was screaming in my head...

Are you kidding me??? No, I didn't go through traditional chemo, I didn't lose my hair, though it is thinning... no I didn't sit in a chair for 5 to 7 hours at a time and go through what so many of my kindred spirits did with their "real" treatment... my stomach is constantly bruised, blue and purple, at times they can't tell where they put the lidocaine so they miss the numb area as a large needle big enough to push the capsue through is injected in an area that isn't numb.... I wake up with headaches so bad at times that I can't lift my head off the pillow...and have had to literally crawl to the bathroom and get into a tub... I have had my head hanging over a toilet bowl for several hours... I have had stomach upset that has made it nearly impossible to get to the bathroom in time... my bones ache on a constant basis and at times I find it hard to hold a cup of coffee... and walking upstairs to my bedroom takes everything I've got by the end of the day... I went through three surgeries, 35 rounds of radiation with 5 rounds of busters...blistered to the point that my rad onco thought we should stop for a few days and I wouldn't have it...I wanted to finish!

I have always been considered by my doctors to be a weird one and have even had them refer to me as an anomally, because any time they have put me on any medications from antibiotics to pain meds, my body gets a lot of the side effects, some serious and some rare... but that's just how my body is... I hate it, but I can't change it. So they are leary of giving me more meds to try to handle the se's because there will be more se's from those..and where does that stop?? I have considered stopping this treatment...and my husband and I have had very long in depth conversations about it... actually every month it's the same conversation... and I always go.. I have 15 treatments behind me, and have 45 to go... and sometimes I just don't want to.

I admit, I feel guilty posting this, because I know there are many of my pink warrior sisters fighting the beast and going through treatment that involves chemo... and I in no way comparing what I'm going through with their treatment, I know that is a difficult road... and my heart aches for those having to go through it... it's just I wish people were a little more educated on the various treatments... and would not make such ignorant statements...

okay I'm done... again sorry for the rambling.. but I had to get this off my chest.

Love & Hugs,

~T

smalldoggroomer · February 2011

It sounds like your
It sounds like your treatment is pretty hard on you. You go ahead and rant all you want to. cancer treatment is very hard no matter how you get your treatment. And to tell you the truth I had chemo 5 hours in a chair. And i have had one person say to me that all I have to do is sit there..... I don't remember exactly what I said but you can bet it was laced with smart-a-sysem.LOL So rant all you want no offence taken here. Take care Kay

Bella Luna · February 2011

I can relate
Sister T... don't feel guilty, your feelings are very much valid. Some people say the stupidest things. The smartest thing that woman could have done at the dinner table is kept her mouth shut. She does not know your reality. She does not know of what she speaks of and has no idea of what you are going through.

Sister... I can share some stories with you about stupid comments made by others. It is utterly mindboogling, but you know what T... we understand you, are hear to lend an ear, and a word of encouragement. Keep you eye on the goal... keep moving forward. I am cheering you on!

God bless.
BL

pbrndm5 · February 2011

Bella Luna said:
I can relate
Sister T... don't feel guilty, your feelings are very much valid. Some people say the stupidest things. The smartest thing that woman could have done at the dinner table is kept her mouth shut. She does not know your reality. She does not know of what she speaks of and has no idea of what you are going through.

Sister... I can share some stories with you about stupid comments made by others. It is utterly mindboogling, but you know what T... we understand you, are hear to lend an ear, and a word of encouragement. Keep you eye on the goal... keep moving forward. I am cheering you on!

God bless.
BL

I can definitely relate
First off, don't think that your treatment is any less upsetting or less painful or mind boggling than others. People who do not deal with bc have no clue. My best friend said when I was originally diagnosed "just get it out and it will be OK' That was in November. Now 3 mos. later, she realizes that even though the tumor is gone, there is so much more to it. I, like you bit my tongue and didn't say anything. Now that I have had radiation and am moving on to chemo, she finally said something like, WOW, I didn't realize it was so involved.

I guess I was sort of guilty of the same thing(ignorance). Another friend was diagnosed 3yrs ago and while I was sympathetic, I just didn't understand what she was going through. Now she is my right hand person to go to with questions, even though we did not have the same type of bc. She is so supportive.

Hugs to you!!! Hope things get better for you
Denise

pokrydi · February 2011

Bella Luna said:
I can relate
Sister T... don't feel guilty, your feelings are very much valid. Some people say the stupidest things. The smartest thing that woman could have done at the dinner table is kept her mouth shut. She does not know your reality. She does not know of what she speaks of and has no idea of what you are going through.

Sister... I can share some stories with you about stupid comments made by others. It is utterly mindboogling, but you know what T... we understand you, are hear to lend an ear, and a word of encouragement. Keep you eye on the goal... keep moving forward. I am cheering you on!

God bless.
BL

Girl I can relate this is
Girl I can relate this is all new to me lump found in a physical in dec 2010 lumpectomy 1/14/11 will be facing 8 sessions of chemo and 6 1/2 weeks of rad. being a triple neg makes me different when it comes to some treatments. Some of the things said to me I think are you kidding? Finding this web site and seeing all the support is the best medicine and it doesn't matter what type of treatment any of us get it's all hard to even deal with the fact this is happening to you. 1 comment said to me was is good thing it wasn't me I don't have insurance. so it's ok that I get it and now have medical bills like never before because of deductible and that? My doc has been good at helping me by saying keep in mind people don't understand unless they experience it and they have no medical back round so try not to take the heart that they don't get it (easier said than done) hang in there and remember we are here for you =:)

fauxma · February 2011

Bella Luna said:
I can relate
Sister T... don't feel guilty, your feelings are very much valid. Some people say the stupidest things. The smartest thing that woman could have done at the dinner table is kept her mouth shut. She does not know your reality. She does not know of what she speaks of and has no idea of what you are going through.

Sister... I can share some stories with you about stupid comments made by others. It is utterly mindboogling, but you know what T... we understand you, are hear to lend an ear, and a word of encouragement. Keep you eye on the goal... keep moving forward. I am cheering you on!

God bless.
BL

Taleena,
I cannot understand
Taleena,
I cannot understand how someone can say osmething like that. "Real" treatments indeed. All of the treatments we receive are real. One person can have chemo with relatively likely side effects except possibly the hair loss which seems to be a given. Some have many side effects. Some have a hard time with rads and burning and blistering, some only brown and peel. Some take their arimidex, tamoxifen, etc and do well with little problems, for others it is horrible and they change meds or have to stop using something that they know would help prevent recurrences. Some have surgeries that go well and some have an awful time of it. As diverse as our cancers are, so are our treatments and our reactions to them. But that stupid, insensitive person needs to know that all treatment is very "real". I did not have to have chemo but in hearing what the ladies here have gone through with chemo and what you are experiencing with your "unreal" treatment, it seems that neither one is a walk in the park. I had lumpectomy, radiation and am on arimidex. I have had the great good fortune to have had no problems with any of this but I still felt angry when someone told me how "lucky" I was. I suppose in comparison I was but it's not a word I would use with anyone who has had cancer. I wanted to wish them "luck" someday but like you I rose above it. But it still pisses me off.
You are doing real treatment every 28 days. Even when we get to the point where we are all NED but going in to be checked every 3, 6, 12 months we are doing real treatment because cancer is now our reality.
Good for you for being the bigger person and I pray that this person never has to experience the "real" or "not real" reality of a cancer diagnosis.
Vent anytime. I feel your frustration and you need a place to unload and here is the safe place.
Stef

PinkPearl · February 2011

Oh T...
So sorry you had to listen to that trash! I don't know how you just listened and didn't defend yourself so to speak but you were above their level anyway. They just don't know! The pharmacist at the drugstore told me once "well...at least you don't have to do rads." That is true for sure but the reason I am not doing rads is because I elected a double mastectomy instead of lumpectomy so that is a big price to pay for no rads. I just didn't go into it all 'cause he meant well but just doesn't understand.
Your road is just as difficult as anyone's -more so than mine at this point. My mother (85) is just like you and has severe side effects to every medicine she has ever taken. Just super sensitive. Bravo for keeping on going when you don't want to at all. That takes a strong woman and you are one.

MyTurnNow · February 2011

I don't think the day will
I don't think the day will come when we will be free of ignorant comments. But, in defense of the ignorant ones, they luckily have not had bc and therefore are ignorant of the many types and treatments for such. It has been one and a half years since my dx and I still learn something new everyday. Not that I want to, mind you.

I had the "real" treatment and did not have ANY of the side effects you described. So, in my mind, I'm the lucky one. Yes, I lost my hair but didn't spend my time hanging out in the bathroom nor in pain.

T, you go right on and vent here because we do GET IT! Take care of yourself! (((Hugs)))

sbmly53 · February 2011

Oh, Taleena,
I am so sorry that this happened to you. I feel like I 'skated' thru bc when I see what others have had to endure. However, I have learned that bc is real and terrifiying and that it hangs over your head and it causes so much stress and anxiety and fear and in that, we are all equal.

Big hugs,

Sue

phoenixrising · February 2011

Taleena, Please don't
Taleena, Please don't apologize, you are going through a lot. I, like you have a sensitivity to meds, they even had to cut my chemo back to 75% and I had problems with the drugs given for the side effects. There is so much publicity about chemo and nary a word about zoladex. They had no idea. I probably would've wanted to scream too. I have found some people to be dismissive about breast cancer. Either they think it's easy to cure or it's cure can be found in alternative medicine and I take great pains to educate them...so I don't snap, LOL
Ramble away girl, that's what we're here for

hugs
jan

aztec45 · February 2011

Sorry T
Sorry T....we are always going to be surrounded by people that open mouth and insert foot or feet. These people say stupid stuff anywhere, anytime, and at every unopportune time. And when it comes to breast cancer or cancer, whew, the comments seem to get way more stupid.

My boss still wonders why I have to go to the cancer center so much...I mean...my treatment is finished and I am back to normal, right. Like you said, if they only knew how much **** and meds and things you go through just to be normal and function. At the same time, I have to admit I put on my game face so how could they know the bad and the ugly of it all.

To avoid getting arrested for punching him out, I try to focus on me and what I need to do to get up everyday and what I need and want to enjoy my life. I try really hard not to allow him or others to zap my energy with their negative comments.

And when I get a bit low....I remember the ones on this board who went through worse hell than me and are still going though hell. They do make me feel lucky.

So what is my point.....feel how you feel and rant all you want but don't give the ignorant one's too much of your time, focus, and energy. Life is too short to waste it on them.

aztec45 · February 2011

Sorry T
Sorry T....we are always going to be surrounded by people that open mouth and insert foot or feet. These people say stupid stuff anywhere, anytime, and at every unopportune time. And when it comes to breast cancer or cancer, whew, the comments seem to get way more stupid.

My boss still wonders why I have to go to the cancer center so much...I mean...my treatment is finished and I am back to normal, right. Like you said, if they only knew how much **** and meds and things you go through just to be normal and function. At the same time, I have to admit I put on my game face so how could they know the bad and the ugly of it all.

To avoid getting arrested for punching him out, I try to focus on me and what I need to do to get up everyday and what I need and want to enjoy my life. I try really hard not to allow him or others to zap my energy with their negative comments.

And when I get a bit low....I remember the ones on this board who went through worse hell than me and are still going though hell. They do make me feel lucky.

So what is my point.....feel how you feel and rant all you want but don't give the ignorant one's too much of your time, focus, and energy. Life is too short to waste it on them.

aztec45 · February 2011

Sorry T
Sorry T....we are always going to be surrounded by people that open mouth and insert foot or feet. These people say stupid stuff anywhere, anytime, and at every unopportune time. And when it comes to breast cancer or cancer, whew, the comments seem to get way more stupid.

My boss still wonders why I have to go to the cancer center so much...I mean...my treatment is finished and I am back to normal, right. Like you said, if they only knew how much **** and meds and things you go through just to be normal and function. At the same time, I have to admit I put on my game face so how could they know the bad and the ugly of it all.

To avoid getting arrested for punching him out, I try to focus on me and what I need to do to get up everyday and what I need and want to enjoy my life. I try really hard not to allow him or others to zap my energy with their negative comments.

And when I get a bit low....I remember the ones on this board who went through worse hell than me and are still going though hell. They do make me feel lucky.

So what is my point.....feel how you feel and rant all you want but don't give the ignorant one's too much of your time, focus, and energy. Life is too short to waste it on them.

lynn1950 · February 2011

Dear T - Go ahead and rant.
Dear T - Go ahead and rant. Those who haven't experienced how brutal cancer treatment is just can't imagine what we go through. Each of us has our own, individual road. I for one, am so glad that you are here and able to rant! xoxoxoxo Lynn

chenheart · February 2011

~T....sweet, sweet, venting
~T....sweet, sweet, venting ~T! Isn't it wonderful that we have this amazing place to be real???? I hope, hope, hope that I was never as foolish of tongue during the days when I was blissfully ignorant about BC and any of its treatment and side effects.

This is one of those "Hogwarts Moments", isn't it? We, the wizards and sorceresses, are once again called upon to forgive/ignore the ramblings of the Muggles amongst us. Not that these ramblings don't affect you. Just try and not let it infect you. The Kindred Spirits get it...and you are loved and nurtured here.

There is no easy cancer treatment; just different cancer treatments. We would never negate those who "only" have radiation, or who have no node involvement, or are stage 1. We are a BC fighting family...and we both rejoice and lament the news of all of the members of the family. And regardless of the treatment we do or do not receive, everyone of us is emotionally in treatment.

(((((hugs)))) and peace to you!

Chen♥

dyaneb123 · February 2011

lynn1950 said:
Dear T - Go ahead and rant.
Dear T - Go ahead and rant. Those who haven't experienced how brutal cancer treatment is just can't imagine what we go through. Each of us has our own, individual road. I for one, am so glad that you are here and able to rant! xoxoxoxo Lynn

I think we're all just
I think we're all just thankful that there is treatment , no matter what kind it is! I'm very thankful for my chemo that took my hair and made me sick...and you have every right to be thankful for your treatment. I'm sure the ladies taking regular infusions for mets are thankful for their treatment too. Whatever helps us fight the beast is something to be grateful for, but that's not something someone who has never had cancer would understand.So rant away.....This is the place to do it!
Dee

CR1954 · February 2011

My Dearest T...
First off, it is my humble opinion that you are far too nice! I couldn't have sat & listened to anyone, especially a person who has not faced the challenges and well, horrors, of having and treating bc.
Ask my hubby how I tend to ummm, blast a person from one room into the next now. I, as you, have faced cancer and I have no patience for people who are experts when their only involvement with bc, has been reading an article in Redbook or discussing the subject at their book club. Having no experience in the world of cancer, they should simply "shut up"!

Now, you and everyone else, had better believe that you and your treatment are as stressful and unpleasant as any bc treatment can be! You have to face the fear and the dread, and the body aches and pains....the whole unhappy deal. We all do. To lessen what you have to go through is to minimize the challenges that you have to face. And your challenges are as great as anyone else's, my dear.

So, in closing, write down this reply on a little card & carry it in your purse..."Sir or Madam, when you yourself have been diagnosed with breast cancer, have been frantic with the fear, have faced innumerable tests and doctor appointments, have suffered the pain, the sadness, the sense of loss. Have had to accept the insecurities and sense of doom, have tried to bolster your family and be strong, all the while not knowing what tomorrow will bring, THEN, and only THEN, can you give me your opinion on the trials of cancer and its treatment."

Love ya,
CR

natly15 · February 2011

Getting It Off Your Chest
Taleena, so happy you did!! Thank God we have these boards to do just what you did. I never understood it until I got it. People dont get it unless they have it and have to deal with it, and my prayer is that no one ever has to get or deal with it. I cant begin to tell you the number of times family members in an effort of kindness and concern simply pissed me off!! As tough as my treatment was to my body, I feel fortunate I didnt have to go for 45 treatments every 28 days. God bless you girl.

I found the support and understanding I so desperately needed right here on these boards. I thank God I was fortunate to stumble on this website early on in my treatment. It's cancer and whatever the treatment, the name of our dx does not change.

We need to be bigger than those who do not undestand, and as hard as it is, we need to forgive them for their stupidity and misinformation. I find I can only overlook what has been said if I first vent it.

sausageroll · February 2011

natly15 said:
Getting It Off Your Chest
Taleena, so happy you did!! Thank God we have these boards to do just what you did. I never understood it until I got it. People dont get it unless they have it and have to deal with it, and my prayer is that no one ever has to get or deal with it. I cant begin to tell you the number of times family members in an effort of kindness and concern simply pissed me off!! As tough as my treatment was to my body, I feel fortunate I didnt have to go for 45 treatments every 28 days. God bless you girl.

I found the support and understanding I so desperately needed right here on these boards. I thank God I was fortunate to stumble on this website early on in my treatment. It's cancer and whatever the treatment, the name of our dx does not change.

We need to be bigger than those who do not undestand, and as hard as it is, we need to forgive them for their stupidity and misinformation. I find I can only overlook what has been said if I first vent it.

Taleena
Please never apologise for venting here. No matter what the treatment...there are always side effects. This is a battle we all have to fight and I hope you know we are all fighting it with you in our hearts. Keep going and take care. Pat

survivorbc09 · February 2011

sausageroll said:
Taleena
Please never apologise for venting here. No matter what the treatment...there are always side effects. This is a battle we all have to fight and I hope you know we are all fighting it with you in our hearts. Keep going and take care. Pat

I have always chosen to not
I have always chosen to not let what others say bother me. They have a right to their opinion, no matter how dumb it is. They are just words, and, can't hurt me. I know what I have been through, and, my husband is my biggest cheerleader. That is all that I need!

Megan M had a great post on here titled grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. You ought to read it. There were a lot of good responses on it.

Take control of your life Taleena and try not to be upset over others dumb remarks. You are wasting minutes, hours, maybe even days letting someone else's ignorance affect your life, and, it isn't worth it.

We only have today, so don't waste it being upset over this. Hug your husband, enjoy your day, and, try to move past this. It is not worth it.

Hugs, Jan

LadyParvati · February 2011

Your Cancer Treatment is REAL--
every bit as real as mine was with the "traditional" chemo-through-a-needle and rads.

Just because you get your chemo in the form of a pill doesn't mean it isn't real chemo. It IS REAL CHEMO; it IS REAL CANCER TREATMENT.

I too am so glad that you felt you could vent about this here, and I admire your restraint in not letting that woman have it for her lack of empathy. Ignorance I can forgive, but her insensitivity is incredible! If I had been the one hearing that statement, I would have been sooooo tempted to detail for her all of those painful, horrible consequences you suffer from that little pill that seems to her like nothing much. sheeeeeesh

Hang in there. Keep marking those treatments off the calendar and looking ahead to the day when you can say, "That's the last one I need to take--I'm finished with chemo! Hooray!"

You inspire me!

Sandy

I don't usually vent like this... but seriously...I need to blast!

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