Lost my best friend because she can't handle it that I have cancer...

Don't ever apologize!
Vicki,

I'm not quite 3 months out from my diagnosis, and have found that it's indeed a bit of a balancing act between my needs and those of the people who care about me.

Having said that -- DON'T EVER APOLOGIZE FOR HAVING CANCER! It's NOT your fault that you have cancer, or that your friend's mom had cancer, or that your friend can't handle it. I think a true friend would have shared her feelings with you, cried with you, and stuck with you, even though it's difficult.

Hang in there, Vicki -- as a lot of women on this board have already said, you will in the coming weeks and months probably find people whose support you may not even expect. Not everyone will run away.

Traci

Not your Fault
Yeah, you do find out who your friends are, and family, too, when you get a cancer diagnosis. And you find out how much each person can handle, and what, if any, role he/she can play in your life now.

None of it is your weakness, or your fault. It hurts when someone you counted on reacts selfishly or weakly. But, other people will surprise you with their care and support.

Finally, I also feel heartsick for the pain I see sometimes in my husband's face, my sister's, and my dad's and stepmom's, and my friends. Cancer didn't just happen to me. The people I love and who love me are hurting,too. All I can do is be as strong as I can and as optimistic as I can. I can be a survivor. And so can you, Vicki.

Moopy23 said:

Not your Fault
Yeah, you do find out who your friends are, and family, too, when you get a cancer diagnosis. And you find out how much each person can handle, and what, if any, role he/she can play in your life now.

None of it is your weakness, or your fault. It hurts when someone you counted on reacts selfishly or weakly. But, other people will surprise you with their care and support.

Finally, I also feel heartsick for the pain I see sometimes in my husband's face, my sister's, and my dad's and stepmom's, and my friends. Cancer didn't just happen to me. The people I love and who love me are hurting,too. All I can do is be as strong as I can and as optimistic as I can. I can be a survivor. And so can you, Vicki.

Vicki,
I too have a girl
Vicki,
I too have a girl friend whose mother died of cancer and it brought it all back for her too BUT she has been by my side from the start. Give her a chance to digest the news and call her as she told you to and see if she is capable of being a true friend. I hope she comes around for you! Never apologize, this is about you now!!
K

Pillars & Confetti
Hi Reiki,
Welcome and I'm sorry you have to be here. You will find an amazing group of people here who are going to understand every single thing you go through - more than we can expect from even the best of friends or caregivers.

I'm about 3 1/2 mos into diagnosis and have been reminded of a valuable life lesson.
There are Pillars and Confetti. The Confetti shows up to spice things up, help let loose, celebrate and just add "fluff". But the Pillars...they are the ones who are easy to overlook but always hold you up, offer you a place to lean, assure you they will never, ever move and help you build your character (while continuing to build their own). I believe most of us need to have both in our lives. And, occasionally, we're blessed enough to find a pillar wrapped in confetti.

I'm not certain your friend's reaction is as much about your cancer as it is about her own challenges. You'll figure out her place in this. You have a lot on your plate right now, but as the days and weeks go by, perhaps your strength will help her to heal, as well. Also, I would sincerely suggest your friend reach out to other caregivers, as she is embarking on her own very difficult and scary journey.

The halls of this message board echo with Pillars. You've come to a good place.
Blessings,
KC

faithandprayer said:

Pillars & Confetti
Hi Reiki,
Welcome and I'm sorry you have to be here. You will find an amazing group of people here who are going to understand every single thing you go through - more than we can expect from even the best of friends or caregivers.

I'm about 3 1/2 mos into diagnosis and have been reminded of a valuable life lesson.
There are Pillars and Confetti. The Confetti shows up to spice things up, help let loose, celebrate and just add "fluff". But the Pillars...they are the ones who are easy to overlook but always hold you up, offer you a place to lean, assure you they will never, ever move and help you build your character (while continuing to build their own). I believe most of us need to have both in our lives. And, occasionally, we're blessed enough to find a pillar wrapped in confetti.

I'm not certain your friend's reaction is as much about your cancer as it is about her own challenges. You'll figure out her place in this. You have a lot on your plate right now, but as the days and weeks go by, perhaps your strength will help her to heal, as well. Also, I would sincerely suggest your friend reach out to other caregivers, as she is embarking on her own very difficult and scary journey.

The halls of this message board echo with Pillars. You've come to a good place.
Blessings,
KC

what KC said
That was a very nice analogy. And I believe what KC says is true.
I personally have a friend who did not speak to me through my surgeries and Brachy. She finally came around after I started Chemo. I think she was in denial because she lost her step dad to cancer. It scares the people who care about us. She will probably come around, too.

tasha_111 said:

Yes
Vicki....... I lost a lot of my so called friends............they were NOT WORTH HAVING! Jxxxxxxxxxxx
]

Swimsuit
tasha, why on earth are you on the computer??? Didn't I read somewhere you were going to be in a swimsuit w/heels & tons of make up just enjoying the moment?

Smiles,
KC

aurora2009 said:

KC that was beautifully said!!!!
Vicky I just wanted to welcome you, and let you know that you are never alone. I'm sorry that your friend is having such a hard time with your DX, but this is in no way your fault. Like the others have said this is something that she'll have to work through her self, and I have a feeling she'll come around.

I just want to add that from this point forward you're going to go through many feeling of your own, some happy, some sad, but please don't let anyone bring you down unnecessarily. Keep your chin up and stay positive, You're going to get through this and we'll be here to help you walk down the path to recovery.

Please come back often and share your story, This is the best place you can come for support and understanding, so glad you found us.

God Bless

Aurora

Ok so maybe, she needs time
Ok so maybe, she needs time to. Maybe she loves you and also needs time to except your dx. Maybe she feels like she has the BC to. I know this sounds stupid, but. My best friend who has been by my side every step of the way has said to me. " I feel like I have This to " Its just a thought.

its not your fault
hang in there do what you have to do to take care of yourself!! its not your fault and a true friend would of been there no matter what!! i went through the same thing with a friend and its not worth it!! i understand she probally cant handle it because of her mom but my mom had breast cancer 2 years before i did and it made me stronger.. take care of yourself and it will be ok!!

outdoorgirl said:

Oh my word
P! I've heard some pretty rude things done and said about some of us on here(Tasha's ex being one of the worst),but I'd have to say-what your brother said takes the cake!!How rude and selfish can you possibly be-wanting you to shave your head so you don't shed! That totally pisses me off!!And I doubt very much if you could spread your fungus by sitting on their furniture-plus your onc has undoubtedly given you medication for it,right?!
When are people going to stop being selfish only thinking of themselves?!

Well Said!
Well said, outdoorgirl! I thought to myself..."goodness, what they are spreading is much worse than anything" Geesh.

outdoorgirl said:

Oh my word
P! I've heard some pretty rude things done and said about some of us on here(Tasha's ex being one of the worst),but I'd have to say-what your brother said takes the cake!!How rude and selfish can you possibly be-wanting you to shave your head so you don't shed! That totally pisses me off!!And I doubt very much if you could spread your fungus by sitting on their furniture-plus your onc has undoubtedly given you medication for it,right?!
When are people going to stop being selfish only thinking of themselves?!

P
I felt just like
P
I felt just like outdoorgirl when I read your post about your brother and sister-in-law. To expect someone to shave their head because they are shredding when they are in the middle of the toughest fight ever is inconceivable. And in regards to the fungus infection, are you sitting butt naked on their furniture. And even if you were these types of infections are not usually contagious. I am thinking it is a type of yeast infection. My sister got a fungal infection under her hair from her chemo. And I get these fungal infections in a variety of places from the diabetes (when my sugars are not in good control). Your body is simply out of balance. How incredible insensitive of these family members. And this is about the nastiest, lamest excuse I have ever heard for not being their for someone. They sound like they deserve each other. I hope your brother knows that if his wife won't support you during this, she probably won't be supportive or there for him should he ever need her. My thoughts and prayers are that you come through this well and stronger. So sad that they cannot put themselves in your shoes and be there for you.
Stef