Mar 18, 2009 - 11:12 am
I know we have all had this happen to us at one point or another in our battle against cancer but it just boggles my mind to think that after I too have had this happen to me it still affects me as much as it did the first time it happened. You would think that one would get used to it or at least have some coping skill that worked with insensitivity in medicine but maybe I'm the only one who hasn't found the secret to that skill.
I had a kidney stone several months ago and unfortunately it didn't pass, settled into my bladder and has to be removed. I was to have it out at the beginning of the year but I had heart issues and had to cancel and reschedule, only to find out the next date for the surgery wouldn't be til the first week in June. I started to realize that I didn't have certain questions answered like 1. how fast do the stones grow and 2. was the doc sure that it was the stone he saw on the xray he took at the time. The reason I wanted to ask that last question was because when I was in his office for the first time looking at my xray he said, when he first saw it, 'there it is. At least I THINK that's the stone'. WHAT THE HECK DOES THAT MEAN? With a history of NHL, guessing isn't in my best interest from a doc. So I said 'you think?' at which time he said ya he thought it was the stone and then later he said that the radiologist reading the report said yes it was a stone.
HOWEVER, he planted a seed of doubt in my head and that was enough for me. So I call his office last week and the secretary, even though I told her the story and my history, acted like I was totally bothering her and I had to work really hard to get her to ask the doc for the answers I needed. Apparently he was going away for spring break and so he only had that day to answer the questions.
No phone call and off he went I guess, for spring break. So I called today to get the answers and once again the secretary acted like I was bugging her but said she asked the doctor and he said the stone won't grow that fast (now it was 9 months from when I had the attack) and she said the doc said go ahead with the surgery in June BUT didn't answer the next question which was the important one 'was he sure it was a stone' or something else hanging around my bladder? She stopped for a minute then rephrased it and I said well if he says it is definitely the stone then fine to which she said 'yes'. I don't know but I got the feeling she just answered 'yes' to get rid of me so I am no further ahead. Since the wait was so long to pull that kidney stone out the question was a good one 'was that a kidney stone or SOMETHING ELSE' - 9 months is a long time to wait for analysis of a tumor if it isn't a kidney stone and that doc certainly put doubt in my mind.
With histories of cancer, as we all know, information is our only comfort sometimes and how long does it take someone in the medical field to give us that comfort? Does anyone out there know how to cope with this type of situation, once and for all? I am out of ideas. Thanks. Blessings, Blueroses.