Hi, I am new here

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Megan M
Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Hi, I am Megan. I have been reading on here for awhile, but, never wrote anything. I had a lumpectomy and just finished rads. I was very glad to be done with them. They exhausted me. So, why am I up now? I think too much sometimes about my breast cancer and can't sleep. Does anyone else do that? I guess I am still so scared and not sure what will happen next. Well, I don't want to bring anyone down. I just wanted to introduce myself and say Merry Christmas. I pray that we all have a healthy New Year.

Megan
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  • aztec45
    aztec45 Member Posts: 757
    #2
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    Welcome Megan
    Welcome, Megan. Glad you have found this board. There are a lot of great men and women on this site to help us through the rough times and celebrate with us through the good times. I am up too. I took a hardy nap tonight. It is alright to worry and focus on your cancer. We all do it. Just don't forget to stop and enjoy the people and the world around you. Don't let the cancer consume you and win.

    Hope you have a Merry Christmas.

    P
  • mizcaldwell
    mizcaldwell Member Posts: 143
    #3
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    Merry Christmas, Megan
    Sorry you are up and worried. Cancer is a scary thing - but it doesn't define you. My Mom had a lumpectomy and radiation on her left breast when she was 49. Ten years later, she had a lumpectomy and radiation on her right breast. She was 73 when she died of heart related issues - not cancer. My grandmother had a similar story. People survive and go on to live long lives! That's the good news! I think it takes time, though, to get through the trauma. So take a deep breath, focus on a positive, and know that in time things will get back to a more normal pace. Give yourself the time to get there.

    I know that others will comment. I just wanted to let you know even on the holidays, someone is always here for you!

    Merry Christmas!

    Lori
  • ladybug22
    ladybug22 Member Posts: 646
    #4
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    Megan
    Hi amd Merry Christmas
  • lynn1950
    lynn1950 Member Posts: 2,570
    #5
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    Merry Christmas, Megan.
    Merry Christmas, Megan. There's much to be scared about and a lot to sort through. Many of us experience being extremely tired after rads AND having difficulty sleeping. Talk to your doctor. There is help. Merry Christmas and a healthy New Year to you! xoxoxoxo Lynn
  • roseann4
    roseann4 Member Posts: 992 Member
    #6
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    Merry Christmas Megan!
    Hi Megan,

    I'm glad you found us. I had the same treatment as you and finished up in Aug. I found it difficult to adjust to this, too. It does get easier. The fear I had about the cancer coming back has subsided. I just had my first post bc mamo on my treated breast and it was "normal". What a great Christmas present. I hope it continues to be less frightening with the passage of time.

    Roseann
  • jbug
    jbug Member Posts: 285
    #7
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    Hi Megan
    Welcome...I'm still in treatment w/rads but know just how you feel! Having BC and the treatment isn't like having your appendix out...a one time deal and your done. Knowing that I will be thinking about recurrence for the rest of my life is very frightening. You'll see that there are a lot of posts along this line, women worrying about the future. That's one of the great things about this site, I can read and realize that what I feel is not abnormal and that others have been thru what I'm going thru now AND they have made it out the other side.

    Our Thanksgiving and Christmas were more than subdued this year, but we are very thankful that my bc was caught very early and all that is required is radiation and tamoxifen for the long term. God has been gracious and I look forward to a new year filled with hope.

    Merry Christmas and A Healthful New Year!
    Julie
  • lanie940
    lanie940 Member Posts: 490 Member
    #8
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    Hi Megan, I can relate to
    Hi Megan, I can relate to you a lot. It has been the Year from Hell for me. From finding out I had breast cancer in July to having an idiot on a motorcycle running into me in a parking lot and I was basically blamed for it since I was going to make a left hand turn(but hadn't even turned yet) It was my Oncology surgery who found the hernia I had and sent me for a CT scan for that. Plus 2 lumps under my left axilla(my cancer was in my RT breast IDC. The left lumps were neurofibromas, so not cancerous. The hernia surgery was so much more painful than the lumpectomy! then I had more issues, was hospitalize 3 times in like a 5 week period. I have been dx-ed with Celiac.

    Yes, RADS exhausted me. I think it lowered my resistance and made all my other isues worse!So hope you have a Happy New Year also!

    Yes, I think a lot about the cancer issues and the knowledge that if my Celiac wasn't found and treated I'd be more prone for lymphoma (cancer in my sm bowel) So, yes, it is on my mind. I do know that from all the ultrasound tests recently I'm ok, at least now!
  • marilyndbk
    marilyndbk Member Posts: 238 Member
    #9
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    Welcome, Megan, We have all
    Welcome, Megan, We have all had the same feelings you are having. This site has helped me so much. Sometimes it is a comfort just to know some of the feelings I am having is somewhat normal. I was dx with recurrance this year. I thank God that both times it was caught early enough to save my life, but I still fear the future. I try to put myself in God's hands and focus on the important things in my life I can enjoy now --my 4 awesome grandchildren-- Hang in there. This is quite a journey, even when it seems it should be over. It brings about changes. Have a peaaceful Christmas Day and take care of yourself. Marilyn
  • Calleen
    Calleen Member Posts: 411
    #10
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    marilyndbk said:

    Welcome, Megan, We have all
    Welcome, Megan, We have all had the same feelings you are having. This site has helped me so much. Sometimes it is a comfort just to know some of the feelings I am having is somewhat normal. I was dx with recurrance this year. I thank God that both times it was caught early enough to save my life, but I still fear the future. I try to put myself in God's hands and focus on the important things in my life I can enjoy now --my 4 awesome grandchildren-- Hang in there. This is quite a journey, even when it seems it should be over. It brings about changes. Have a peaaceful Christmas Day and take care of yourself. Marilyn

    as
    you can see your very normal at this stage!! I'm glad you found our group.. I couldn't have made my journey without the support of my friends on here!!! The worry I think will always be there lurking but we learn we have to go on and live or life to the fullest. o one knows the future so try not to worry and take each day as a gift!!!
  • lovelylola
    lovelylola Member Posts: 279
    #11
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    Merry Christmas Megan
    and Welcome to a sisterhood no one wants to join due to the BC initiation but the one place that will help save your sanity as you go through the process. You can vent, ask questions, answer questions, post joys and sorrows, and the great thing about it - IT'S OPEN ANYTIME! If you check the times posted and know some of the time zones, you will know that we all have had difficulties with the sleep. I'm 1 day post chemo and full of steroids still - so I've been up for awhile this early Christmas morning. Probably even beat Santa to Hawaii.
    Have a wonderful day and come back soon and often - Lola
  • Kat11
    Kat11 Member Posts: 1,931 Member
    #12
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    lovelylola said:

    Merry Christmas Megan
    and Welcome to a sisterhood no one wants to join due to the BC initiation but the one place that will help save your sanity as you go through the process. You can vent, ask questions, answer questions, post joys and sorrows, and the great thing about it - IT'S OPEN ANYTIME! If you check the times posted and know some of the time zones, you will know that we all have had difficulties with the sleep. I'm 1 day post chemo and full of steroids still - so I've been up for awhile this early Christmas morning. Probably even beat Santa to Hawaii.
    Have a wonderful day and come back soon and often - Lola

    Merry Christmas
    Welcome Megan, Everything is normal, we all do this from time to time. Don't know if it ever goes away.
  • Eil4186
    Eil4186 Member Posts: 949
    #13
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    Dear Megan, your fear is
    Dear Megan, your fear is natural. It does get better though. I was terrified for a long time. And for a long time cancer was always on my mind. Now more than 3 years later, it is still lurking there but not always in the forefront of my thoughts. Slowly, the things that you found joy and interest in before the cancer begin to interest you again. I am on an antidepressant and have seen a therapist for a while and will again. I feel that cancer has changed my life in many ways and emotionally I will probably never get over the emotional trauma completely. But I will enjoy my life and am very grateful to be alive.

    You will begin to feel more like your old self and remember to be patient with your emotions. You will get there:)
  • marywest
    marywest Member Posts: 132
    #14
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    Kat11 said:

    Merry Christmas
    Welcome Megan, Everything is normal, we all do this from time to time. Don't know if it ever goes away.

    Your not alone Megan
    We battle cancer, go through the chemo treatments and then finish radiation, and then we face the battle of our minds. Its still all new to you what your going through. After finishing radiation you look back and think oh my God, I dont' ever want to go through this again, I hate it, I hated what it did to me. You will probably be tired for a few months after raditaion, maybe longer maybe shorter, dont' know, but what i do know is, its important to turn it around. Be thankful, with every scary thought, with every negative thought, turn it around and cause yourself to be thankful. I asked God to help direct my heart, fear kept creeping in, I would be brave one minute and scared the next. Thankful then fearful. I needed help mentaly to sort this through, I didn't want to live in an emotional rollercoaster. I know God directed me to tell my doctor what I was feeling. She prescribed me some medicine, she said there is a built up of chemicals that lay in the brain etc, literaly she explained it all medicaly to me. to make a long story short she said take it, it will get you through the ups and downs and mellow you out. for that I was so grateful, and it has worked. I dont' cry like I used to, fear doesn't control my thinking and each day I am getting more and more thankful. Now I want to know what I can do to keep myself healthy and cancer free. I also reach out to others in my home town. We have a very small cancer support group here. New ones show up and are so scared and tired of what other people are telling them. Its a chance to give, and the more I give the less I think of myself. Megan your gonna go through phases, I dont' know if its possible to ever erase the thought of cancer returning, but now, I dont' dwell on it. I am praying for God to direct your heart also, he is big enough to do that and will. What ever it takes to get a pieceful heart, do it. Will be thinking of you, and will keep you in my prayers.
  • Gloria09
    Gloria09 Member Posts: 190
    #15
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    Megan
    When I was first diagnosed I lost a lot of sleep due to stress and worry. But I found the more I read about my type of cancer the better I felt ... knowledge is power. It is still scary ... just not as bad when you know a little more about what is happening and/or going to be happening with surgeries and treatemnts.

    Hope you had a Merry Christmas.
  • Taina
    Taina Member Posts: 166
    #16
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    me 2
    hello, Megan....
    I was dx with BC in June, had a lumpectomy, 4 tx's of chemo and 30 rads which ended November 20th, 2009. I just started on Tamoxifen for 5 yrs...I have an appt with my oncologist on Monday for a f/up on my new meds and result on blood work(tumor marker) which they are going to do every 3 months....
    Even do i feel a lot better than before the thought of everything i have gone thru for the last several months is very tiring....physically and mentally...i think the thought of cancer will always be on my mind....i'm sure as time goes i will feel stronger and all i can do for now is pray for God t give me the strength that i need and health...i also pray for all of the ladies and guys with cancer and all there families....
    I suggest to keep yourself busy, follow your doctors instructions and keep a healthy routing, exercise, diet, and don't forget your doctors f/up's every 3-6months...
    Happy New Years and lots of health and peace this new years...
  • jk1952
    jk1952 Member Posts: 613
    #17
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    Taina said:

    me 2
    hello, Megan....
    I was dx with BC in June, had a lumpectomy, 4 tx's of chemo and 30 rads which ended November 20th, 2009. I just started on Tamoxifen for 5 yrs...I have an appt with my oncologist on Monday for a f/up on my new meds and result on blood work(tumor marker) which they are going to do every 3 months....
    Even do i feel a lot better than before the thought of everything i have gone thru for the last several months is very tiring....physically and mentally...i think the thought of cancer will always be on my mind....i'm sure as time goes i will feel stronger and all i can do for now is pray for God t give me the strength that i need and health...i also pray for all of the ladies and guys with cancer and all there families....
    I suggest to keep yourself busy, follow your doctors instructions and keep a healthy routing, exercise, diet, and don't forget your doctors f/up's every 3-6months...
    Happy New Years and lots of health and peace this new years...

    Your fear is very normal. I
    Your fear is very normal. I think you are especially feeling it now because you are not in an active treatment phase. When you were going through the lumpectomy and radiation, you were doing something to fight the beast. Now, it probably feels like you are through with the battle, and you're not sure who won. I know that's the way I felt.

    Taina's advice is good: I found that if I could keep busy, I could tame the cancer fear for a while. I also found that if I could really concentrate on something, the fear would be gone for a while. And, prayer is very powerful: at times, I've felt God calming my fears and helping me to sleep.

    I had a lumpectomy and radiation nine years ago, and there is a good life after BC. It does get better, and your doctors will do everything they can to make sure that if you have a recurrence, it will be found early, so it will be treatable.

    Joyce
  • Megan M
    Megan M Member Posts: 3,000
    #18
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    jk1952 said:

    Your fear is very normal. I
    Your fear is very normal. I think you are especially feeling it now because you are not in an active treatment phase. When you were going through the lumpectomy and radiation, you were doing something to fight the beast. Now, it probably feels like you are through with the battle, and you're not sure who won. I know that's the way I felt.

    Taina's advice is good: I found that if I could keep busy, I could tame the cancer fear for a while. I also found that if I could really concentrate on something, the fear would be gone for a while. And, prayer is very powerful: at times, I've felt God calming my fears and helping me to sleep.

    I had a lumpectomy and radiation nine years ago, and there is a good life after BC. It does get better, and your doctors will do everything they can to make sure that if you have a recurrence, it will be found early, so it will be treatable.

    Joyce

    Thank you
    You all have made me feel very welcomed, and, like I am not alone in this. It is good to know that being scared isn't strange and that the rest of you feel that way too sometimes. I can't thank you enough for your support. I think since I just finished rads that I just feel kind of lost now. I hope you all had great holiday.

    Megan
  • susie09
    susie09 Member Posts: 2,930
    #19
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    jk1952 said:

    Your fear is very normal. I
    Your fear is very normal. I think you are especially feeling it now because you are not in an active treatment phase. When you were going through the lumpectomy and radiation, you were doing something to fight the beast. Now, it probably feels like you are through with the battle, and you're not sure who won. I know that's the way I felt.

    Taina's advice is good: I found that if I could keep busy, I could tame the cancer fear for a while. I also found that if I could really concentrate on something, the fear would be gone for a while. And, prayer is very powerful: at times, I've felt God calming my fears and helping me to sleep.

    I had a lumpectomy and radiation nine years ago, and there is a good life after BC. It does get better, and your doctors will do everything they can to make sure that if you have a recurrence, it will be found early, so it will be treatable.

    Joyce

    Hi Megan. As everyone else
    Hi Megan. As everyone else said, we were and some of us are still scared. But, just do whatever it takes to fight the beast and we will help you! Just take it one day at a time.
  • DianeBC
    DianeBC Member Posts: 3,881 Member
    #20
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    aztec45 said:

    Welcome Megan
    Welcome, Megan. Glad you have found this board. There are a lot of great men and women on this site to help us through the rough times and celebrate with us through the good times. I am up too. I took a hardy nap tonight. It is alright to worry and focus on your cancer. We all do it. Just don't forget to stop and enjoy the people and the world around you. Don't let the cancer consume you and win.

    Hope you have a Merry Christmas.

    P

    Welcome Megan. I am glad
    Welcome Megan. I am glad that you found us as we will offer you support and encouragement for as long as you need us. Being afraid is natural with the diagnosis of bc. You are not alone. If you need to talk about your fears, just post and we will respond. Have a happy holiday Megan and welcome again.
  • Katz77
    Katz77 Member Posts: 598
    #21
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    Scared
    Yes Think it's common to be a little obcessive and lose sleep over this cancer thing. I try not to think to far ahead. I leave it to the drs that care for me. I have a very good group. I did a little checking up on them and the treatment they suggested. Seems like they now what their doing. Helps me sleep a little bit easier.
    When were you diagnosd and what type of ca?

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