His ship has sailed; raise a glass to the Captain

jojoshort
jojoshort Member Posts: 230 Member
My husband and best friend Stephen passed peacefully Friday night with his close family by his side after a long battle with Stage IVb esophageal adenocarcinoma due to Barrett's esophagus/acid reflux with mets to the lungs.
We all admire his courage, dignity and grace throughout this entire year. He fought this disease on his own terms right from the get-go.
When he found out in October that he had mets to lungs, he immediately booked a 6-week trip to the Florida Keys to a cottage with a sailboat. His friends and family joined him during this time, I got down for 3 weeks and the kids for the week of Thanksgiving. Friends made plans and flew down to spend quality "Steve" time. His doctor told him it was a brave and gutsy thing to do, and sent him with good wishes.
All Steve's choices were his own: The decision to take his good health and enjoy himself in the Keys, his decision for us to have a honeymoon week in Aruba in January. When we got back, he decided then to do the Big Cannons of chemo.
Enduring 6 sessions of one mix of chemo, he had to switch to another Big Cannon mix. Two sessions of that and he'd had enough. The results were only moderate: stable with perhaps a tiny amount of tumor shrinkage. The side effects had become too much.
Although the chemo regimen didn't offer the great results we had hoped for, it did allow us a pause in disease progression and some great sailing time during end May to end June. Late June found him unable to swallow his own saliva, so he opted for a stent, which gave him immediate relief and allowed him to eat and drink right up to the end. July found that the lungs were showing disease progression, and he had to go on home oxygen. Still, we got in some sailing time with the oxygen, but then it became too difficult for him to breathe in the hot summertime air, so it became necessary for him to remain indoors starting that first week of July. By end July, he opted to go to Hospice House, where the nursing staff gave him such a measure of relief that Steve picked up his art supplies and spent his time painting and using his graphics programs on his laptop. I can't say enough about Hospice House and their entire philosophy about having the resident be in charge of their own care, if they are able. Steve called all the shots right up til the last couple of days, when he slipped to sleep and eventually slipped away. But just like in the movies, which Steve loved, he got the chance to awake Wednesday night and spend a few minutes with each of his children, giving them his blessing and advice on life, and how proud he was of each of them. It was truly beautiful, and something they will carry with them for the rest of his life. After his evening of being awake, he told me "it's time to go, it's time", and he allowed himself to relax and let his body do what had to be done.
We are so thankful for the time we spent with him, and feel privileged that we were able to be there tending to him, especially in these past weeks. He made it easy for us, always with his beautiful smile and pleasant words to everyone who met him, be it his family, the nurses or the cleaning lady.
A true gentleman and wonderful human being.
Jo-Ann
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Comments

  • nancyann3
    nancyann3 Member Posts: 173 Member
    So sorry Jo-Ann
    I told you once it was like we were walking down the same road at the same time, but wow.

    I am so sorry for your lose. I wish you and your family peace and the best.

    Nancy
  • fredswilma
    fredswilma Member Posts: 185
    Jo-Ann and family
    I am so

    Jo-Ann and family
    I am so sorry to learn of your loss, I have closely followed yours and Steve's journey he does sound like one of lifes true gentleman, words will never be enough just wanted you to know that I am thinking of you and hoping that peace and eventually joy will come to you and your family.
    Ann
  • paul61
    paul61 Member Posts: 1,392 Member
    I am so sorry to hear about Steve
    Jo-Ann,

    I am sorry to hear that Steve has left us. But I am so very glad that Steve got to live his final days on his terms. I have great admiration in the way he conducted his final days. I am sure he is in a better place smiling down on you and his children with love.

    May God support you and your family during this difficult time.

    With my condolences,

    Paul Adams,
    McCormick, South Carolina
  • birdiequeen
    birdiequeen Member Posts: 319
    I'm so sorry for your
    I'm so sorry for your loss,and yet, so glad Stephen was able to have control over his care. He showed his family strength, that I hope will help you through this difficult time.
  • oriontj
    oriontj Member Posts: 375
    Your Steve was a wonderful person
    I was sorry to read that he has passed but the way he did it brought tears to my eyes. He choose how and what he would do. I admire you all and thinking good thoughts.

    jan
  • tb7
    tb7 Member Posts: 52
    What a beautiful posting . . .
    I was so struck with your posting, with its beauty and clarity, such a fitting tribute to your husband. I am saddened at your loss but happy at Steve's ability to do things the way he wanted. May he rest in peace and may you and your family have the comfort of knowing that his last days/months/years here were filled with love and beauty! Take care,

    Trisha
  • linda1120
    linda1120 Member Posts: 389
    I will keep you in my prayers
    Dear JoAnn,

    I have been following your story from the beginning and I thank you for such a beautiful posting for the wonderful husband and father of your children. He passed with dignity and I admire the courage he showed with his life choices.

    God bless you all,

    Linda
  • json_2011
    json_2011 Member Posts: 100
    Captain Steve it would be an
    Captain Steve it would be an honer to be upon your ship on the other side......Cheers brother. You fought the truest fight and it did go 12 rounds . May God be with all of your famiy and know your looking down .



    Jason
  • annalan
    annalan Member Posts: 138
    I am truly sorry to hear
    I am truly sorry to hear about Stephen. He was an inspirational man with his fighting spirit right to the end. God bless you and your family.
    Ann (2)
  • Daisylin
    Daisylin Member Posts: 365
    annalan said:

    I am truly sorry to hear
    I am truly sorry to hear about Stephen. He was an inspirational man with his fighting spirit right to the end. God bless you and your family.
    Ann (2)

    Jo-Ann
    Jo-Ann, I am so very sorry for your loss. I have followed your story closely from the start. If I remember, we both found this site at around the same time. Our dear husbands seem to be facing a lot of the same issues, and you have always been so helpful in your posts to me. For that I thank you.

    I am so glad that Steve was able to call the shots, and direct his life the way he wanted it to be. He is an inspiration to all of us. He knew when to party and have fun, and knew when to fold his cards and let nature take it's course. You must be so proud of him. What dignity and courage. I'm crying for you Jo-Ann, I hope you find comfort in memories and in the arms of your family. Please take good care of yourself.

    Chantal
  • Donna70
    Donna70 Member Posts: 852 Member
    Daisylin said:

    Jo-Ann
    Jo-Ann, I am so very sorry for your loss. I have followed your story closely from the start. If I remember, we both found this site at around the same time. Our dear husbands seem to be facing a lot of the same issues, and you have always been so helpful in your posts to me. For that I thank you.

    I am so glad that Steve was able to call the shots, and direct his life the way he wanted it to be. He is an inspiration to all of us. He knew when to party and have fun, and knew when to fold his cards and let nature take it's course. You must be so proud of him. What dignity and courage. I'm crying for you Jo-Ann, I hope you find comfort in memories and in the arms of your family. Please take good care of yourself.

    Chantal

    so sorry for your loss
    Dear Jo Ann,
    What a beautiful tribute to a wonderful caring man. So sorry you had to lose him like this but what a class act. So glad that he went peacefully and that he did so much with his time and chose to spend it with his family and friends. He did all he could to fight this monster but he did it with grace and love for you and your family. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. take care, many hugs from afar,
    Donna70
  • BMGky
    BMGky Member Posts: 621
    So sorry for your loss. It
    So sorry for your loss. It sounds like you and your family had a wonderful opportunity to share your love and feelings. May you all be comforted by his courage and by the prayers and wishes of us all here. Mary and Bill
  • rose20
    rose20 Member Posts: 258
    Jo-Ann
    What a beautiful tribute written of your husband.
    If death can be described as beautiful I guess Steve's would fit that description well.
    So glad for the beautifull time you all shared with him and were able to be at his side.
    Prayers are with you for the upcoming days.
  • TerryV
    TerryV Member Posts: 887
    Glad for a gentle passing
    I've quietly followed along. Your joy in your marriage with Steve seems so like my husband and I. I mourn your loss. It sounds as though you were taking care of each other to the end. I would expect nothing less of such a devoted partner.

    What a tribute to a fine man. Congratulations on having had him in your life, my sympathies for your loss.

    Terry
    wife of Nick, Stage3
  • unclaw2002
    unclaw2002 Member Posts: 599
    Jo Ann,
    I know words offer

    Jo Ann,

    I know words offer little comfort right now as you begin the journey of life without your husband and best friend. I am so sorry for your loss and will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. Your tribute to Steve was touching and wonderful. Reminded me of the Frank Sinatra song "I did it my way". He sounded like such a wonderful man and your love was evident in the words you shared with us.

    Hugs and prayers,

    Cindy
  • cher76
    cher76 Member Posts: 292
    Jo-Ann,
    I was so saddened

    Jo-Ann,
    I was so saddened to read of Steve's passing. I too have followed your postings, feeling a special kinship as a stage IV caregiver. Steve fought the good fight, all the while showing great courage and retaining his dignity. This disease has once again taken a good man too soon. My thoughts are with you and your family as you face the days ahead.
    Cheryl
  • NikiMo
    NikiMo Member Posts: 342
    Sorry for your loss
    Jo-Ann,

    Your post was beautiful and a tribute to the love you had for Stephen and I am sure the love he had for you. I hope you take peace knowing that he fought on his terms.

    Niki
  • sandy1943
    sandy1943 Member Posts: 824
    Jo-Ann, Like so many of the
    Jo-Ann, Like so many of the others, I have enjoyed reading this tribute to Steve. We get close through the post, but yours today gave us an idea of what a wonderful caring man he was. I know you feel a deep loss, and I am praying for God to comfort you and the family during these difficult times.
    Sandra
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  • Tina Blondek
    Tina Blondek Member Posts: 1,500 Member
    Heartfelt Sympathies
    Hello Jo-Ann and family,
    May I send to you all my sympathies on your loss of Stephan. May God grant you all the peace and strength you will all need in the months and years to come. My dad put up a 16 month battle with EC. May my dad and Stephan continue to RIP.
    Tina in Va