Reflections

Today my husband and I celebrate 52 years of marriage (we have been together since I was a junior in high school -- he is older than me and mother tried to talk me out of marrying him straight out of high school.  But you know back then that is what we did) and during this time we have been thru many trying times.  But by far the worse has been the last four years, when he was first diagnosed with laryngeal cancer (SCC).  I have watched a once very active man become almost bed bound and watched his struggles with the beast.  He has survived this beast longer than the doctors thought he would especially since being diagnosed with a second primary at the cervical of his esophagus and then after treatment a return at that spot and spread to his lungs.  He has been on in-home hospice for a year now and I doubt seriously that we will see our 53rd anniversary as he has been going downhill and more so in the last two months.  He used to love to go to Lowe's and Home Depot's for yard supplies, but doesn't anymore.  He doesn't drive his truck either, in fact, I would say he is home bound something I never thought I would see happen.  Our oldest son cuts the yard for him and Joe used to watch him and tell him what he was doing wrong, this has always been a big joke -- you know no one can do it as good as you can -- now he just sits in the house and sleeps.

This forum has provided me with a great amount of information, others stories that have led me to tears while reading them and happiness for all those that have survived this monster.  I have seen many come and go from this site during our fight with this beast.  And as far as my husband's second primary it is rare and the survival rates are very low.  Surgery was ruled out due to the fact that he had already been thru radiation, chemo and surgery for laryngeal cancer in the past year before the second primary was found and that was during a procedure for a TEP.  Then after more radiation and chemo he was NED for about 7 months when we found out that the second primary had reoccurred and spread to his right lung and he decided enough was enough and refused more treatment.  He said he would rather have quality over quantity.  I told our sons that this was his decision and his alone and not to talk him out of it.  While I wished he had tried more treatment, I told him and his doctors, I was just a long for the ride and that I would support him in every way I could.

Thanks for letting me ramble and I wish all on this forum, the best in the years to come -- Sharon