May 01, 2014 - 12:26 am
Way back in 1990, I married my love. I was 22, he was 27. We had a comfortable life and have 2 beautiful children (now 16 and 19). In 2010, I had stage 2 breast cancer, lumpectomy, reexcision 2 wks later, 6 rounds of chemo, 33 radiation treatments, followed by surgery to have ovaries removed (I'm BRCA positive).
This experience rocked my world. During treatment I was too weak and sick to realize what was happening, but as I got better, I reflected on life and how my family handled my illness. My husband took me to each surgery and when we got home, he would help me upstairs and help me into bed, then hand me a cell phone and say 'call the house phone if you need anything'. I felt sequestered and alone. My family continued on with their daily lives while I was in bed fighting for my life. During chemo, my husband also move out of the bedroom. His reason? My snoring kept him awake. My theory-he couldn't face my illness. He never once went to any treatment, he never once saw me bald, he never once hugged me and expressed any encouraging words of how to get through this. He and my kids also don't believe in the chemo brain that I know I have. I'm frustrated with it myself, but feel worse when I know they think it's not real. I asked him to go to marriage counseling, which he did for about 5 times. He felt he was going for me, not for him or the marriage. When the questions from the counselor got hard, he said he wasn't going anymore.
For me, cancer was the eye opener I needed. After 22 years of marriage, I realized everything I did was to make my husband and kids happy. Now it was time for me to be happy. I filed for divorce and it should be final soon. As much as I know its the right decision for me, I have mixed emotions about what the next chapter in my life holds.
Can anyone else relate?