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Worse news possible

Lisa0902
Posts: 3
Joined: Dec 2013

Well we got the news we never wanted to hear. At an appt the docs have told him they are going to stop treatment. The cancer is everywhere. They want him to be comfortable. They have turned his care over to hospice. They said he may have 6 months. How do I go on. He's my best friend. My whole world is going to change. I can't imagine him not being here. I am at a loss. How can I make life normal for him all while being completely worried. I don't want him to go...............

severina80's picture
severina80
Posts: 5
Joined: Nov 2013

I'm so sorry. 

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1625
Joined: Aug 2009

That is really hard news to hear. I remember when our doctor told us that the chemo was just making my husband sicker and not working. Losing our spouse is one of our greatest fears. My husband lost his battle a little over four years ago. We had known that he was fighting a losing battle, buying as much time as he could, but it still hit us hard. Hospice is wonderful. They do help the family as well as the cancer victim. Yet, there is no stopping the despair, the fear, or the deep sadness. You have already started the grieving process. it isn't fair. It isn't what we planned. Yet, sadly it is the reality. I can't offer any real advice. There are no words of wisdom. I can tell you that you are not alone. Many here have faced this. I could tell you to cherish what time you have, to hold tight to each other and say I love you often, but I'm guessing you already know that. My thoughts are with you. feel free to PM me anytime. I don't come here as often as I once did, but I get an email if I have a private message. Take care and cyber hugs. Fay

confused902
Posts: 11
Joined: Sep 2012

Thank you for your response. I can't begin to know what I should do next. I won't be able to afford the home we lease. I can't afford both car payments. The AARP insurance policy isn't in full effect yet so it will be a prorated pay out. I have no savings since he had to stop working suddenly months ago. I can't burden him with my worries of MY future since he will not have one. To make matters worse his family from down south is converging on my house. When all I want to tell them is to give ME alittle more time before they invade the house and my life. But I know that sounds selfish because I know they love him to and want to spend time with him also. I guess its just that we just found out last thursday and I need alittle more time. Trying to work a full time job doesn't help either. But thanks again for you kind words.

 

Lisa

Ladylacy
Posts: 515
Joined: Apr 2012

Yes it is hard news to learn that the doctors have done everything they can to no avail.  But remember they can't predict how long a person has.  My husband declined further treatment 11 months ago and to be honest he seems no worse today then when we found out.  Yes his energy level is low, don't get me wrong.  Pain level isn't too bad.  We elected to have hospice come in in September.  Our oncologist felt it would be better.  At times I feel it isn't necessary but as long as my husband is comfortable with hospice then so be it.  Hospice has been grest so far, I don't have any complaints just at times don't feel it is really necessary at this point.

Just remember everyone is different and no one can predict how long someone has.  It is all up to the man upstairs.

 

confused902
Posts: 11
Joined: Sep 2012

Thanks for your kind words and thoughts. I appreciate it. I don't know whether I am coming or going. How can't imagine myself alone again after all these years.

 

Thanks again

Lisa

here4lfe
Posts: 296
Joined: Jan 2010

Now before it's too late. Don't worry about afterwards at this point, just spend every waking moment with him. That's what I cherish about my final moments with my wife. The time they give is an estimate. They told us 2 weeks to 2 months and it was only 6 days.

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