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Allow me a little closure....Please

Tethys41's picture
Tethys41
Posts: 1057
Joined: Sep 2010

I’ve been here a mere three years.  Some of you have been here longer than I.  Some here are new to me.  Some, who were here when I joined, are gone.  I deeply miss my dear friend, CarolenK (aka LaudryQueen), who I met here years ago.  I still cry when I think of her. She was an amazing, well-read woman.   

I’ve observed a lot of dynamics in my time here and on other “support” boards.  Some are amazing and magical, and a few are bitter and destructive.  I am amazed at the support and love so many of you offer.  When someone is in despair, this is definitely the place to come for support.  When someone comes with good news, this is a place to celebrate. 

I joined after I was NED.  I’ve tried to convey hope and possibilities with regard to this disease.  I’ve been blessed with celebration and joy by some, who find inspiration in my story and the information I’ve shared, and contempt by others, who, for whatever reason, have issues with my message.  Some have privately inquired to learn more.  Others have argued and attacked me for the things I’ve tried to share, things I’ve learned about cancer through research, through my contact with integrative practitioners (who look at the whole body, not just the tumor), and through oncologists from Mexico (who are not restricted by standards imposed by the FDA). 

It’s amazing, really.  Cancer holds little mystery for me anymore.  I feel no fear around it.  I see what causes it, how to manage it, how to stay NED.  It is not something that just happens, out of the blue, for no reason.  Many things lead up to it.  Dare I say that it even appears to me that cancer may be an evolutionary adaptation that is aimed at protecting healthy cells from too much of a bad thing?  Oops, that would be my education in evolution and extinction talking.  But I’m not a doctor, and many people tend to believe that only medical doctors can understand cancer.  Despite their poor success rate with treating it, doctors are still viewed by many as the only ones with answers.

I’ve tried to share some insights here and on two other boards.  But too often, I’ve been targeted as a result of my interest in helping others.  I discontinued posting on other boards months ago because of it, and have only occasionally been posting here.  I’ve been told that I think I’m a doctor, I’ve been told that the source of my  information is lying, I’ve been told that I’ll feel stupid when I recur, and the latest attack consisted of this person sending an e-mail to my ND telling her that I am posting “all over the internet” and am out of control. 

Honestly, I am tired; tired of the ridiculousness and cowardliness of these attacks; tired of being stalked and harassed.  I can see that this anonymous person, LoveCali, KitchenWitch, Tealperson, whatever the name du jour is now, is a very hateful person.  I’m sorry that she feels the need to lash out and very sorry that I am her target. 

But she has won.  As much passion as I have for helping women understand that they have options with regard to addressing this disease, I realize that I have nothing to gain by continuing to do so, and am putting myself at risk the longer I try. 

So, it is with great sadness that I leave this group, but with the hope that all of you find a way to get and stay healthy.  May you have many occasions to celebrate and few moments of despair.

kikz's picture
kikz
Posts: 1269
Joined: Jun 2010

I am so sorry for what you have experienced.  I had no idea this was going on.  I remember a couple of times when the posts got a little heated.  I even chimed in with others saying we want everyone to be able to express their thoughts and opinions.  I have admired your perseverance with the plan you have chosen to follow.  I have googled some of the things you have posted and admit I didn't think I had the resolve to follow them.  Not because I didn't see value in them, I guess I didn't want to give up my lifestyle.

I hate the thought that someone that has gone through what we all have can be so judgemental and unkind.  I am sure the other ladies will join me in asking you to stay.  This is not a place for bullies.  The only bully here is cancer and you know how we feel about that.

kimberly sue 63's picture
kimberly sue 63
Posts: 396
Joined: Apr 2012

I ditto that!! Kim

mopar
Posts: 1950
Joined: May 2003

I understand your weariness, but nonetheless sad to hear that this sort of drama has caused you to leave us.  This board is intended to forge friendships, share information, lift eachother up in the darkest of our hours.  In my 10 years here I believe it has done all that and more, but has not been without the occasional problem of certain individuals, not as a whole.  Aside from the 'spam' or 'quackery' that has infiltrated these discussions from time to time, I believe sharing our thoughts, tips and approaches to this horrible disease is instrumental in our emotional and physical healing.  And whether or not someone believes in what I choose to do or wants to follow suit, is irrelevent.  And I surely wouldn't put someone down for their own choices.  What works for me may not work for you, and vice-versa.  But how wonderful that we can be open to the multitude of possibilities!  Shame on those who use this forum (or any other) to criticize and condemn.

Personally, I have found your posts to be inspirational and supportive.  And I am grateful that the methods you have chosen have been so beneficial to you - nothing 'out of control' about that.  Dare I say that those who choose to harrass you are actually bullies who probably have no peace or continuity in their own lives - how sad.

I would ask you to reconsider, but understand your need for closure.  Having said that, I will personally miss you.  I will continue to pray for you, and I hope that you will find renewed strength and peace.  

(((HUGS)))
Monika

 

JulieBelle's picture
JulieBelle
Posts: 61
Joined: Jul 2013

I too have always enjoyed your wonderfully considered and researched posts.   Your presence on this board is very important and I do hope you will reconsider leaving us.  I cannot understand the behaviour of the attacker(s) - please don't let them win - I am sure the majority of us would want you to stay.  A wide range of views and discussions is so valuable!

Whatever happens I wish you continued success with beating your cancer and hope you are NED for many many years to come.

scatsm's picture
scatsm
Posts: 236
Joined: Apr 2013

I took offense at one of the articles you posted and expressed my opinion. I do hope that this didn't contribute to your decision to leave the board. I was feeling very sensitive about the issue of Angelina Jolie's revelation as it hit so close to home. The article you posted was upsetting but I did not intend to drive you and your ideas away. If I did hurt you, I am sorry. We all deal with enough and I would not have wanted to add to your burdens. I hope you will reconsider.

Susan

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
Posts: 1206
Joined: Jul 2012

I am sorry that someone is cyber-bullying you Kate. It's fairly easy to trace an email, if you really want to confront her. But as they say "The best revenge is living well".

I hope you reconsider and stay; you have a lot to teach others. 

Best wishes,

Alexandra

MJensen
Posts: 93
Joined: Oct 2012

Very disturbing!   Hope you don't let he/she win and force you off the board!   Stay healthy and positive. Dont let the negativity of others bring you down.  Anyone can disagree with what you have to say and even say "I disagree" but no need for attacking insults!  Wish you all the best no matter what you decide to do going forward!    Wishing you bright sunny days always!  sincerely Michele

bosberg
Posts: 19
Joined: Aug 2013

I'm not sure if this will help you decide to stay, but please know these type of cyber bullies are everywhere. I belong to several horse forums and I can't believe  how ugly things can get over a difference of opinion and out right attacks on a user.

I tend to not read certain posts from people who've been outright ugly to others.  

Arn't there  moderators on here that would ban the harrasser in question from posting?

 

 

debrajo's picture
debrajo
Posts: 747
Joined: Sep 2011

My dear Kate,please take a break, but don't leave us!  Renew your spirit and come back to help educate us.  I know I am not from this board, but cancer has made us kin.  You have helped me so much with the diet and the reasons behind it.  I understand your wearyness and the blind-sideness of some attacts.  I belong to several "Pregnancy and Infant Loss boards(I lost three children) and some of the stuff that goes on is just pure evil, but it is everywhere. Stupid, hurtful and downright cruel things are done and said that it just makes you sad.  Hope you hang around!  Best, Debrajo

lovesanimals's picture
lovesanimals
Posts: 1235
Joined: Sep 2011

and so sad to learn that you have been the target of hatred and harassment.  While I totally understand and respect your desire to leave the board, I too hope that you will reconsider, especially after you've had a "break" and a chance to catch your breath.  You've been a blessing to this board and I have appreciated your information, perspective, and support.  You will be greatly missed.

Please take care,

Kelly

 

Hearty Pioneer's picture
Hearty Pioneer
Posts: 128
Joined: Apr 2013

Tethys, it is great you bring new information and a different approach to fighting this disease. I hope you stay.

Rosamond M
Posts: 86
Joined: Apr 2013

"Tethys 41", please don't leave this group,

Take a little time, if you want, to recoup.

But please come back to post again soon

That cruel,nasty stalker is clearly a buffoon!

(I have already included you in "Just saying.....) 

 

mamajc
Posts: 22
Joined: Jun 2013

Hi,

I'm the new kid on the block, but I enjoy your posts; I think you are inspiring. I can understand how you feel, but I think you are a blessing.

Joan

mopar
Posts: 1950
Joined: May 2003

Hope you'll change your mind.  We'd miss you. :(

 

Monika

2timothy1 7's picture
2timothy1 7
Posts: 333
Joined: Jan 2012

So sorry you are leaving. I've enjoyed/learned from your discussion. you will be Missed! I you will will reconsider & join us again in the near future!!!

poopergirl14052's picture
poopergirl14052
Posts: 1151
Joined: Nov 2010

You are being bullied...this causes great stress..something we don't need battling this cancer. You do a lot of good for others and try your best to stay healthy. We have lost so many members on this board ..either from death or something else. I wish you well and have a lifetime of good health. Comeback if you want..you are always welcome here...and I speak for all of the ladies on this site....stay strong...Val 

wholfmeister's picture
wholfmeister
Posts: 249
Joined: Dec 2012

I have admired your great inner strength.  You have sought knowledge and answers, made huge changes in your nutrition and lifestyle. And then cared enough about others to want to share what you had learned With us.  It is a sad day for all members of this forum when one of us feels she must leave us to find peace.  I don't know if our friend will ever come back, or if she will even see our comments.  Please, be kind to everyone you run into. Treat everyone with dignity.  It's the least we can do to honor Tethys, to honor our teal sisters who have died, and to honor the humanity within us.

Cafewoman53's picture
Cafewoman53
Posts: 735
Joined: Jul 2010


You should reconsider, I don't know what you are going through but there must be a way to block and or report this person. If it is so bad I would consider legal action.

You are extremely well informed about this disease and are very helpful,similar to the late Hissy Fitz.

I don't  always agree with everything you say but I always read your posts because I know you are helpful and knowledgable. I take everything I read even medical reports with a grain of salt that is just me. This person is going to deprive the new people coming here for help of a great asset. You have to do what is best for you but we are your sisters and this is your home whatever you decide.

Colleen

JoWin615's picture
JoWin615
Posts: 136
Joined: Feb 2011

When I first joined in Feb., 2011, (and mostly lurked!), you and CarolenK were my favorites. You two were so smart and well-informed, and I learned a lot.  Thank you for that. 

Shine on!

Cheers, Jo

Pamela B's picture
Pamela B
Posts: 108
Joined: Jan 2013

This is terrible news. I have benefited immensely from your posts and appreciate all the information you have shared with me.  I don't think I would have the hope I do if it were not for your kind words and advice.  Please don't quit because of a few bad apples.  The rest of us need you!

Lisa13Q's picture
Lisa13Q
Posts: 683
Joined: Jul 2009

I don't come often anymore to this board.....as it stirs deep feelings of sadness and loss for me. The people who first saved me from myself the first night I posted,,,,,,, "is anyone out there?" and then prayed that there was. Then Saundra responded and many others.....and then there was loss...But no time during those days.did anyone ever bully or make someone feel bad about their approach to taking care of themselves while fighting the beast. Never. It is so sad to me that someone has done that to a beloved member of this sacred board. I would hope that this person could just let Tethys be......we all do things differently.....we all are trying to get by the best we can...and how we do it..well, I would suggest thats just ok.....Tethys, I hope your hurt can be soothed by a break and that we see you again......you are an integral part of this very important group....Take care of yourself......

pattysoo's picture
pattysoo
Posts: 173
Joined: Oct 2010

If someone has bullied you, I am sorry. Dealing with cancer is difficult enough without maliciousness. I have commented little on your posts because, truthfully, I find them a bit too strident. Although it may not be your intention, I find that there is an element of blame suggested by your posts. By that I mean a message that had one eaten better, lived calmer, subscribed to a better lifestyle, then the cancer would never have occurred. This is very difficult to process. I refuse to blame myself for this illness, and research I've done doesn't bear witness to any single diet, lifestyle, etc that is more or less susceptible to ovarian cancer.

 

I learned from a wise friend long ago to temper my statements with "I think" or "I believe", or "in my opinion." I prefer that kind of honesty.

Nevertheless, I am probably in the minority on this board and do not want to salt your wounds. Why don't you stay and decide who to read and who to ignore? 

LuckyDuckee
Posts: 2
Joined: Dec 2012

PattySoo, you are not in the minority.

tealme
Posts: 3
Joined: Sep 2013

comment deleted

kimberly sue 63's picture
kimberly sue 63
Posts: 396
Joined: Apr 2012

Do not feel sorry for what you have shared...but rejoice in what you have shared... it is a part of you that has given to others. It is a gift! Everyone has opinions and remarks of advice. Remember, you are speaking to a blog....board...commuinity of those who have exposure to the unusual. As we all gather knowlege to help us understand where we are at and how we go about managing these isssues, you provide some insight to open up our box and look for all options in our care. We need your voice and we all have the power to accept it or say it is not for me. Be happy you have made a difference! Kim

mom2greatkids's picture
mom2greatkids
Posts: 512
Joined: Jun 2011

I'm sorry for what you have endured.  I wish you might reconsider leaving our group.  You are a wealth of information.  Your leaving is the group's loss. 

 

Thanks for the help and support you have given me.

 

Carla

RoseyR
Posts: 464
Joined: Feb 2011

 

As a three-year survivor of a highly aggressive strain of uterine cancer, I seldom peruse "Ovarian Cancer" messages--UNLESS I am lookig for Tethys' latest posts.

Why?  She is an incredibly intelligent, astute, and sophisticated researcher who knows how to integrate the best from all treatment modalities--both the traditional (chemo/radiation) and the integrative and naturopathic.

She is one of few who shares the premise of the few oncologists SUCCESSFUL in treating the most lethal cancers--including Keith Block and Nicholas Gonzalez--that cancer is not merely a tumor, but a systemic disease that gains a foothold when our terrain (body chemistry and metabolism) conspire to support its growth.

Until we ALL understand that, chemo and radiation alone will gain us, at best, a few extra months here and there, not longterm remissions.

But whatever our view of Tethys' eclectic approach to treating her own disease, it is cowardly and bullying to "attack" posts aimed at helping others to prolong their survival.

Ladies, if we see a post from someone whose views we don't share, we are free to IGNORE it.

ATTACKING a poster makes no sense--unless she is obviously and deliberately trying to harm others by disseminating what one can PROVE to be factually incorrect information.

When someone posts advice that runs counter to our cherished (or rigid) beliefs and proclivities, we will, if immature, become defensive.

"How DARE someone suggest that traditional treatments may not always be good for us? How DARE someone suggest that too many CT tests can damage our DNA?  How dare anyone suggest that taking these three supplements, which I don't want to do because I'm lazy, might help me?  How DARE someone suggest that this supplement might help when my own oncologist (who never had a single course in nutrition in medical school) never suggested it?  How DARE someone suggest that a certain diet, which doesn't appeal to me, might improve my resistance to ovarian cancer?"  

Such is the immature mindset of cyberbullies.

So Tethys, I too suggest that you take a break from the Board--and reconsider, when you've healed, sharing once again your insighrs and information.

And when you return, the rest of you here at CSN should act as vigilantes--letting bullies KNOW that their behavior is unacceptable.

Oh, and P.S.: Thank you for introducing me to a naturopath whom I was willing to fly across the nation to visit and whose phone consultations, I am convinced, have kept me in remission for another year and a half.   (My cancer typically recurs within two years of diagnosis.  It has now been three, and I remain NED.)

You GO, girl!

Rosey

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hearty Pioneer's picture
Hearty Pioneer
Posts: 128
Joined: Apr 2013

Thank you Rosey! Very well said.  We are in the fight for our life.  Different treatments, meds, supplements, etc work for different people.  It is good to hear what works! I hope Tethy comes back.

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