Aug 28, 2013 - 1:13 am
I’ve been here a mere three years. Some of you have been here longer than I. Some here are new to me. Some, who were here when I joined, are gone. I deeply miss my dear friend, CarolenK (aka LaudryQueen), who I met here years ago. I still cry when I think of her. She was an amazing, well-read woman.
I’ve observed a lot of dynamics in my time here and on other “support” boards. Some are amazing and magical, and a few are bitter and destructive. I am amazed at the support and love so many of you offer. When someone is in despair, this is definitely the place to come for support. When someone comes with good news, this is a place to celebrate.
I joined after I was NED. I’ve tried to convey hope and possibilities with regard to this disease. I’ve been blessed with celebration and joy by some, who find inspiration in my story and the information I’ve shared, and contempt by others, who, for whatever reason, have issues with my message. Some have privately inquired to learn more. Others have argued and attacked me for the things I’ve tried to share, things I’ve learned about cancer through research, through my contact with integrative practitioners (who look at the whole body, not just the tumor), and through oncologists from Mexico (who are not restricted by standards imposed by the FDA).
It’s amazing, really. Cancer holds little mystery for me anymore. I feel no fear around it. I see what causes it, how to manage it, how to stay NED. It is not something that just happens, out of the blue, for no reason. Many things lead up to it. Dare I say that it even appears to me that cancer may be an evolutionary adaptation that is aimed at protecting healthy cells from too much of a bad thing? Oops, that would be my education in evolution and extinction talking. But I’m not a doctor, and many people tend to believe that only medical doctors can understand cancer. Despite their poor success rate with treating it, doctors are still viewed by many as the only ones with answers.
I’ve tried to share some insights here and on two other boards. But too often, I’ve been targeted as a result of my interest in helping others. I discontinued posting on other boards months ago because of it, and have only occasionally been posting here. I’ve been told that I think I’m a doctor, I’ve been told that the source of my information is lying, I’ve been told that I’ll feel stupid when I recur, and the latest attack consisted of this person sending an e-mail to my ND telling her that I am posting “all over the internet” and am out of control.
Honestly, I am tired; tired of the ridiculousness and cowardliness of these attacks; tired of being stalked and harassed. I can see that this anonymous person, LoveCali, KitchenWitch, Tealperson, whatever the name du jour is now, is a very hateful person. I’m sorry that she feels the need to lash out and very sorry that I am her target.
But she has won. As much passion as I have for helping women understand that they have options with regard to addressing this disease, I realize that I have nothing to gain by continuing to do so, and am putting myself at risk the longer I try.
So, it is with great sadness that I leave this group, but with the hope that all of you find a way to get and stay healthy. May you have many occasions to celebrate and few moments of despair.