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Tim6003 Update and a few prayers could be used if you all don't mind

Tim6003's picture
Tim6003
Posts: 1490
Joined: Nov 2011

Hey All.

 

Sure have missed talking to all of you as well as missed keeping up.  I apologize in advance if I have not responded to posts to say I'm thinking about, whispering prayers and what have you.

Some of you may not know, I went to Daytona Beach to check on my mother, the visit was 10 days and upon the first day or two of arrival I knew there was trouble.  I have been keeping up with mom nearly every day since dad died two years ago, I knew she had been struggling with keeping her finances in order due to possible Alzheimers / dementia.  My time down there revealed just how bad it was.

 

Suffice to say mom did agree to come back with me from Daytona to Idaho for six weeks to "get examined" ...but boy is she really hostile to any mention of the big three (Parkinsons, Alzheimer's or dementia) .....mom had made multiple calls to the police dept about "the man in the attic" as well as other things.  He short term memory is absolutely shot.  She should not be driving and she can no loner cook.

The doctors office visit Monday with her newly established primary pulled me aside as we were leaving his office and stated to me "she should not return to Daytona or be left alone" ....we did an MRI today and will most likely see a neurologist soon.

My dad passed of acute Leukemia in May 2011, he was dx in January 2011 ...just two months before he died he apparently drew up Durable Power of Attorney papers that he had mom sign as well as him.  This has turned out to be a godsend as the attorney I spoke to today said with that POA and with a doctors determination that mom is unable to care for herself I could in fact take gaurdianship of her. 

Since my flight down to Daytona on May 25 I have been nonstop with mom (and a flight to Seattle in between for a meeting).  I guess I am going on here....

...bottom line here is if you all don't mind, I would like some prayers for mom and I and my family during this transition.  I don't want to pull the trigger to take gaurdianship, and the last few weeks I have not felt well...probably too getting a little scanxiety for my upcoming scan on June 21.

So again, my apologies if I have not responded to anyone, sent any words of concern or replied to any of your posts ...like I said, I sure do miss talking shop with you all....know I care, just have been running like crazy...

Whispered a group prayer for all my H&N forum friends as I hit post ...sorry this most recent post was more about me and my mom.....but hey, you all are like family.

Thanks guys ...I hope to get back on talking shop soon

John (skiffin) I still can't believe I was only a couple of hours from you and could not get down to see ya!

Tim

donfoo's picture
donfoo
Posts: 1146
Joined: Dec 2012

Thansk for taking the time for the update, Tim. I know how hard it can be to get even a few minutes of time to focus when on such an intense journey yourself. You did not mention siblings so it seems like you are the sole caregiver responsible for your Mom. If you happen to have siblings, I can only encourage you to reach out to them for the sake of your Mom. 

I am very glad the strategy of a short visit with Tim is working out. It seems by far the most effective and efficient way to ensure continuity of care during these transitions. Having only my Mother's own experience to draw on with Alz disease, you are likely making decisions, even though they may seem short term, that will likely be longer term solutionss. I am sure you have thought this through and God bless you have had this time away to think things through.

I know God and faith are strong components of your fiber so He is always there for your comfort and assurance. You will stay strong and be a great caregiver to your Mom, and Idaho with your family seems like a wondeful place.

The only challenge will be to see how long it takes you to retrain Mom in aminal skinning and meat trmming. LOL

God bless,

don

 

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 2809
Joined: May 2012

Hey Tim,

10 days on the road, you must be ready to be home.  I am sorry to hear about your Mom, just do what is right and the best you can (I know you will).

Good luck with your scan, my appointment (yesterday) came back all clear so we can be clean and cancer free together.

I’ll say a prayer for you and your Mom.

Matt

wolfen's picture
wolfen
Posts: 1170
Joined: Apr 2009

My heart goes out to you & your family as you try to peacefully take care of your mother & her affairs. I faced a similar situation with my mother when she had a stroke at age 90. She was an independent little fireball(I mean that in a nice way), but was forced to give up her home, car & independence.

No one is ever fully prepared to become their parent's "parent". I know it must be difficult for both of you, especially if she is mostly cognizant at this time. I was somewhat fortunate in that my mother didn't really understand what had happened to her. There was no anger in her, just confusion as to why she couldn't go home & there was no way to communicate with her.  It was heartbreaking, nonetheless.

Just try to keep things on an even keel the best you can. Try not to let the stress get to you(silly suggestion, I know).

I will be thinking of you.

Luv,

Wolfen

Ladylacy
Posts: 457
Joined: Apr 2012

So sorry to hear about your Mom.  Believe me I know how hard it is to deal with a parent.  Thankfully my mother still had her mind but during her last 3 years of life, it got to a point we couldn't leave her alone.  I had her for most of that time, or I should say my husband took care of her since I was still working but she did live with us.  At that time we didn't have my husband's cancer to deal with.  The extra stress for you is hard.  I do have siblings but at that time only one lived closed and she would take Mom on the week-ends or when we wanted to go out of town.  So that was a blessing. 

Please take care of yourself and know that you and your family have our thoughts and prayers.

Sharon

NoDuck
Posts: 132
Joined: May 2012

And your family.  Recently dealt with my 80 year old mom who needed back surgery. Lortabs and dementia plus steroids that made her talk nonstop created some new family history stories -- not sure how many are accurate but they were entertaining.

Dealing with aging parents is tough. We are used to them taking care of us, no matter how old we are. It is doubly hard that the dementia or Alzheimer's makes the parent a less than willing patient.  Remember, it is not her being unreasonable and mean-spirited, it's the disease.

Hang in there.

Deb

 

yensid683
Posts: 222
Joined: Apr 2012

Prayers, good thoughts and positive energy for you, her and the family.

My father in law suffered from vascular dementia for a number of years and finally passed away earlier this year.  It is very hard to watch a loved one fade away like this and even more frustrating for your mother.

It's never easy

Peter

rachel12yrsuv's picture
rachel12yrsuv
Posts: 429
Joined: Feb 2013

Tim,

dont apologize, life is full of ups and downs and busy cycles.  Your doing what any good son would do, taking care of Mom!  I will pray for all of you!

 

God Bless stay strong, no worties scan will be clean!

Rachel

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8053
Joined: Sep 2009

As well as your mother, Jennifer, Kohle, Georgia, Raylan, Jace, and West......phew, I think that I got them all...., LOL.

 

No problem on the get together, there's always time.... I just might have to come visit you sometime, LOL...

Stay in touch though, get done what you need to and get your family, and thoughts back to to some normaility...(abi-normal that is...).

 

~John

fishmanpa's picture
fishmanpa
Posts: 1098
Joined: Jan 2013

Tim,

I had a gut feeling something was amiss. Sorry to hear of the challenges your family is facing but at the same time it's a blessing you're there for your Mom. Nothing is more frustrating than being unable to help or be there for a loved one as many caretakers can attest to while we undergo treatment. 

Positive thoughts and prayers to you, your Mom and your family in this challenging time. 

"T"

luv4lacrosse's picture
luv4lacrosse
Posts: 1369
Joined: Jul 2010

Prayers and encouragement is on the way my friend. Sounds like you have allot on your plate, but thou are strong and will persevere. Your scan date is also my birthday so I hope some B Day mojo rubs off on your scan. My next scan is June 20 so I will either get a great gift or it will be a long day.

Stay strong

Best

Mike

hwt's picture
hwt
Posts: 1824
Joined: Jun 2012

Thanks for posting, both you and Billie have been on my mind of late. My sister and I just had a conversation as to how much more difficult it would be if there weren't 7 children to help with our 87 year old Mom. I know how difficult this must be for you.  We came close to losing my Mom last October as the doctor said she would not see morning and I recall my youngest sister crying and saying she wasn't ready to say good-bye. I told her "this time with Mom is a gift."  Mom bounced back and no matter what comes of the future, I will always be thankful for that time we had to share our feelings with Mom, it truly was a gift. Just last week, my brother told my Mom "our 1st priority is that you are safe and second that you are happy, and we really hope you can be both." I know you are a man of great faith. I pray for God to give you the strength to make the difficult decisions that may lay ahead for your Mom's care and well-being. I also whisper a pray, as you have so kindly done for so many, that your scan is good.

God Bless,

Candi 

MarineE5
Posts: 744
Joined: Dec 2005

Prayers Outbound for You, Your Mom and the rest of your family.

 

TracyLynn72's picture
TracyLynn72
Posts: 637
Joined: May 2013

for your entire family!! 

Laralyn's picture
Laralyn
Posts: 431
Joined: Apr 2012

It's great that you're taking care of your mom, and I think you'll feel better knowing she's safe. Great to hear from you--and I'm sure the scan will be all clear. :-)

CherieLW's picture
CherieLW
Posts: 395
Joined: May 2013

Prayers for you and your mom.  Hope things get less stressful and your mother improves! 

Grandmax4's picture
Grandmax4
Posts: 577
Joined: Dec 2011

Tim, I'm very sorry to read about your Mom..I feel demincia/altzheimers is one of the most devastating diseases out there. It robs your loved one of their life, their memories,their souls~~~as for their kin, to watch your dear one, especially parents, fade into another world is almost unbearable.

Tim, you're a kind, Christian man and I know you'll do the best you can for your mama~~my prayers are with you and your family as you begin this sad journey.

Best wishes and God's blessings on you as you take your scan..I just know in my heart it will be okay.

Love

 

Duggie88's picture
Duggie88
Posts: 519
Joined: Feb 2010

Back in order in due time.

Thoughts and prayers

      Jeff

hawk711's picture
hawk711
Posts: 525
Joined: Jan 2010

Sorry to hear of the troubles with your mother.  Always tough to deal with, no matter how old we are, they are still our parents.  Selling my moms home this month, (hopefully) and she is in a small secure apt now with assistance if needed. 

Prayers coming your way that this all works out for you and your mom.  Go get the NED report on the 21st !!

Steve

Joel4's picture
Joel4
Posts: 209
Joined: May 2010

Praying for your situation.  Your mother undoubtedly has a great advocate in you.  i will pray that you have the strength to take on these new challenges while going through "scanxiety".  The challenges we face are often great but our God is greater.

Ingrid K's picture
Ingrid K
Posts: 810
Joined: Mar 2011

Hi Tim:

It sounds like you did the right thing bringing Mom back home with you.

I am going thru the same thing here with my Mom...luckily she lives only 4 doors away, but it still a very hard thing to deal with.  I can't imagine doing it from across the country.

Wishing you all the best.

Stay strong.

Ingrid

p.s. (I sent you a private message on Facebook the other day as well. Maybe we can help each other)

jim and i's picture
jim and i
Posts: 1561
Joined: May 2011

Jim's mother lived with us for several years. We brought her to Daytona Beach to live with us. It was very hard on Jim and I because of the added stress. Jim was an only child so he had the entire burden of managing finances, health care and living arrangements. When we had to place her in an assisted living facility it was very hard on Jim. You didn't mention other family but if you have someone to share the burden then use them. Stress is not good for anyone's health, especially those battling the Beast.

cureitall66's picture
cureitall66
Posts: 837
Joined: Aug 2012

Tim,

Sorry to hear about this with your mother. Sounds like you're getting a handle on it the best you can.

Let go of the scanxiety....it will be ok...Laughing

Prayers for your mom and your worries to subside...

~C

alligatorpointer's picture
alligatorpointer
Posts: 130
Joined: Jul 2012

Tim, you have already passed the test by enduring and surviving brutal cancer treatments and side effects with amazing strength and grace.  It is a blessing that you have now recovered enough to be able to help your mom.  Dementia is cruel and it saddens me to know that you are facing the heartbreak of caring for your mom as she falls prey to this devastating condition.  It happened to my mom, too, and also to my grandmother and my husband's mother and grandmother.  I fear that I will not escape the family pattern and will very likely need expensive and exhausting care if/when it occurs.  I wish there were some way to spare my own children the inevitability of seeing this happen to me.  Your mom would not want this for you either, Tim, but she could not have had a better son to take on the role of caring for her.  In some ways, dementia is a worse diagnosis than cancer since there is no cure and the pain associated with it is born by the loved ones of the patient and cannot be numbed with narcotic pain meds.  You are among those who are fortunate enough to have deep spiritual wells from which to draw strength, compassion, and a positive mindset.  As difficult as it will be to make decisions in the best interest of your mom, it is good that those decisions are being made by you because you love her.  I feel so sorry for elderly people who have no children or surviving relatives to help them when they become too frail to take care of themselves.  Your mom is very fortunate that you are there for her.  My wish for you, and her, is that there will be many moments of lucidity and joy as you hold her hand and gently guide her along this difficult path. 

katenorwood
Posts: 1808
Joined: May 2012

I understand your trepidation with decisions with your Mother.  First and foremost you are an excellant son.  My Father was dx'd with parkinson's 9 months after we lost Mom to ovarian.  It was very hard to accept this strong independant man now needing every day care.  We are a large family and everyone pitches in.  But with my health concerns I feel like I'm dropping the ball more than not.  I believe with the help of your wonderful wife, things will work out the best in concerns of your Mom.  Don't take to heart if she gets angry, or says things she normally wouldn't.  It's the disease not her.  I will keep you all in my prayers and in my thoughts Tim.  We are always here anytime you need us.  Hugs sent !   Katie

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