May 27, 2013 - 9:40 pm
Tomorrow is my 2nd round (of 3 rounds total) of chemotherapy. I don't want to go. I didn't care the first time I had to have it, but now I do. I don't want to have to get up early in the morning. I don't want the line inserted into my arm. I don't want to sit there bored for hours. I don't want to feel sick for the next week. I don't want hair loss. I don't want any long-term side effects or side effects that may show up months or years from now.
Can someone tell me why I am going to go do this?
I understand better the reason for the radiation. I see more clear cause and effect. It's like laser treatment to a mole or something. Every day they zap me with rads and every day the lump gets smaller and flatter. There's more of an immediate reward and, except for the loss of taste, the side effects to me aren't too bad.
But the reason for the chemo is less clear to me. I know it has something to do with killing off cells that may have metastasized, but that's about all. I went through it once, isn't that enough?
Somehow the suffering that chemo causes just doesn't seem worth it. Is it?