May 25, 2013 - 2:15 am
its only been a year. A year since I last saw was mom .
I was 16 a freshman in Highschool. you could say my family was already dysfunctional but that would be a understatement my life was already a roller coster before ... well before it happrned. you see My life was predetermined for me she set up everything for me i i did swimming, I did dance I played soccer. We didn't have money for a lot of the other things I did along with all of those things but she would do anything sacrifice anything to get me where I needed to go where I wanted to be. It was February 5th when that all changed. at first I didn't know what to think . I didn't even want to think so I didn't the day my mom died you know what I did . I went out and I got drunk . And the next weekend I did it again and again and it felt great. Made me forget forget that evertime I was home she wasn't there when my mom died it was my dad me and my little sister who wAs 13. My dad gave up on me the first month of summer I ran wild I did what I wanted whenever I wanted to . I hung out with the wrong crowd I did things I should have never done .... I try'd kill myself . I left home house jumped many times I would go in depth but that would take forever . Basically what I want to know is I'm here sitting here alone I'm always alone... And I'm wondering am I always gonna feel like this like noone loves me like I'm worthless that nothing is going for me that im a... fallure a junky As my dad says . Am I ever going to be able to get past this hole in my chest. Because if I'm not then I can't be here anymore I need to be with her Iif am going to feel like this my hole liFe. I can't take much more any longer..