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hurtfull words

kit kat's picture
kit kat
Posts: 56
Joined: Aug 2010

Durning a sonogram at the gyn office ,by the Tech. I was crushed by what she said. The is what she asked , "What kind Of breast cancer did you have?", I said" 1st stage'. Then she said," Well that's like not even having" Cancer" at all. I still can't believe this even happened to me after 3 years of cruling treatments, and attepted suicide.etc. My life and body will never be the same I told the doctor.  I cry oncve again.

Ritzy's picture
Ritzy
Posts: 4384
Joined: Aug 2009

I apologize for the ignorance of that tech.  I would like to slap her up side the head personally!  Sorry, but that is such a dumb and insensitive remark she made.

Breast cancer is horrible!  It doesn't matter what stage or grade you are, it is all breast cancer and it is a life changing disease that we have to fight with every part of our being.  Even if we no longer are having active treatment, we still have the dreaded tests and the anticipation of the results for the rest of our lives to go through.  It isn't a competition, or, it shouldn't be,  "as to I have it worse than you because..... "  None of it is easy and it should never be talked about so lightly as she did.  She is just dumb and I guess we should pity her.

Please don't cry.  Don't let someone who is stupid damper one second of your life!  You are a survivor, a warrior, a pink sister with an army of people that understand and love you right here! 

I hope that by coming here and telling us that it will make you feel better.  Move past the imbecile's remark and enjoy your day!  Don't let her steal your joy! 

Sue :)

DianeBC's picture
DianeBC
Posts: 3888
Joined: Jun 2009

I hope she never gets bc.  If she ever does, I think she will change her tune.  We are all sensitive to remarks about bc because we've ALL had a hard time, so, you aren't alone.  I am sure every one of us have had something dumb like this said to us, most without the people saying them even realizing what they are actually saying. 

Try to move past this and vent here when you need to, just like today. 

Sending you a big hug,

Diane

cinnamonsmile
Posts: 1049
Joined: Dec 2010

I would report her to her boss. That is inexcusable to do that to a cancer patient. I learned that things can change when you report things like that to the head of the departments (I have had a couple exceptions). You can also request to NOT ever have her at future appointments, but I would definitely tell her boss. Personally, I would also confront her either face to face or in a letter. I also learned that when revealing sub standard care my medical staff, that it helps not to sound emotional. You can state how it makes you feel without sounding all up in arms.

I agree that cancer is cancer. I am sure if she had stage 1 and had treatments she would be singing a different tune.

I just don't accept behavior from medical (un)professionals anymore.

I am so sorry it happened to you.

kmenurse's picture
kmenurse
Posts: 223
Joined: Apr 2013

You took the words right out of my mouth Sue.... That tech needs a lesson in "Bed Side Manners" Or maybe even find another profession…

jnl's picture
jnl
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

I don't know if you'd feel comfortable doing this, but if this had been me, I would tell her supervisor or the doctor she works for.  They really should know that she is making stupid and hurtful remarks to bc survivors and it is so wrong.  Or, if you don't want to tell them in person, write them a letter.  Seriously, they should know and hopefully stop her, I should say it lol, from voicing this to another woman.

Big hugs,

Leeza

Double Whammy's picture
Double Whammy
Posts: 2272
Joined: Jun 2010

It most certainly IS like having "cancer" because it IS cancer!  And if they left it alone (like you woud if you didn't have cancer), all of us Stage 1 people would not be here very long. The cells would do their thing and grow and travel and you know the rest of the story.   What a stupid remark.  Stage 1 certainly has a good prognosis after treatment, but it is NOT like not even having cancer at all.  Glad you told the doc.  Health professionals should know better.  Some of our friends make remarks like that in an attempt to make us feel better and I want to slap them, but thre is simply no excuse for our caregivers to say things like that.   I've seen lots of folks at all capacities since my diagnosis and each and every one of them takes their role and cancer seriously.

May you continue to do well and I hope her comments did not upset you for very long.  It's not ok to upset patients and I hope you can let this go now that you've reported her to the doc.  You may not be the first complaint.

Suzanne

camul's picture
camul
Posts: 2034
Joined: Dec 2010

I certainly wish that were the truth!  Then I would be in a different position.  I certainly wouldn't let that twit ruin my day, and it certainly wouldn't warrant tears from me.  That is just another ignorant remark.  I think if every person who made these remarks had to endure, one chemo treatment they would certainly change thier tune!  lol wouldn't that be something!!

Go on with your day and don't look back, not worth the effort.  The effect of cancer regardless if it is stage I or stage IV is reflected not only in our bodies, but also in our whole outlook.  I really do hope you can look pass this and just celebrate that you are here 3 years later.  One thing we all learn when going through this God-awful disease, is that every day is precious, as are our family and friends. 

 

 

Lynn Smith
Posts: 1265
Joined: Mar 2011

This would be upsetting.I was Stage 0 non invasive.My doctor said this cancer won't spread but I can get other cancers. Since my dx almost 4 year ago  my lumpectomy 1 benign tumor was found as I was getting prepped,3 weeks later with my check margin surgery I found another tumor 2 days before that surgery and my 2 year mammo a benign tumor was found. I'm Stage 0 but I'm still am bothered by the benign tumors. That last one is watched.It was a fibroid tumor.

I know how you feel and wish you the best.

Lynn Smith

Pink Rose
Posts: 495
Joined: Nov 2012

Cancer is cancer!  I hope her boss talks to her and talks to her very firmly.  I'm sending a big hug to you!

 

Ritzy's picture
Ritzy
Posts: 4384
Joined: Aug 2009

My offer still stands to slap her upside the head!  Surprised

Angie2U's picture
Angie2U
Posts: 2993
Joined: Sep 2009

LOL Ritzy!  I think all of us would like that pleasure.

Nana Sue
Posts: 55
Joined: Jul 2013

This woman should have a zipper in place of her mouth and it should be closed all of the time.  I apologize also for what she said to you.  Please just move on and know that you have a lot of support here.  Look at all of the wonderful responses.

God bless you!

RozHopkins
Posts: 460
Joined: Dec 2010

She is in the wrong job.  Perhaps a prison officer!!!!  Thank goodness there are a lot of thoughtfull, well trained, sympathetic medical staff out there to make up for the bad eggs.  I agree someone should have a strong word with her and extra training on the subject.  Disgraceful.

Megan M's picture
Megan M
Posts: 3001
Joined: Dec 2009

Like Ritzy, I'd like to knock some sense in to her too.  She is in the wrong job, that's for sure, saying something like that.  Ignore her comment and don't let it bother you anymore.  She's a fool! 

Lots of hug,

Megan

Noel's picture
Noel
Posts: 3101
Joined: Apr 2009

Don't cry over someone that obviously knows nothing.  I can't believe she is even in this field as she doesn't seem to have much knowledge or any compassion.  We are all in agreement as to how stupid she is.  I hope that you're feeling better, have dried your eyes and realize you are stronger, smarter and loved by all of us.

 

flatpikr's picture
flatpikr
Posts: 11
Joined: Apr 2013

A lady in my local support group said to us early stagers "As soon as you hear the word "cancer" in your diagnosis, you're in the club" and it doesn't matter if you have DCIS or stage IV.  I agree with the others above that you should say something to this technician's supervisor so she will be more aware of patient's feelings in the future.  And she owes you an apology.

Lynne P
Posts: 165
Joined: May 2013

I hope you get an apology from her.  You deserve one.  Like someone wrote, don't let her stupidity get you down. 

Hugs, Lynne

Alexis F's picture
Alexis F
Posts: 3604
Joined: May 2009

I think my jaw dropped when I read this.  What a dumbie she is!  I hope she gets reprimanded good and I mean good, to where she never opens her mouth and says crap like that again.

Hugs to you KitKat,

Lex

mom62
Posts: 600
Joined: Mar 2004

Hi,

Don't let someones ignorance get you down.  She obviously has no clue.  Maybe you could have said, well all the treatments I had sure made it feel like cancer.  I hope you never have to go through it.  That would have put an end to that conversation.  It may have caught you off guard but don't be afraid to speak up for yourself and correct her.  It doesn't matter what stage, cancer is cancer is cancer. 

((hugs) Terry

DianeBC's picture
DianeBC
Posts: 3888
Joined: Jun 2009

Stupid is as stupid does and she is certainly stupid!  I agree with everyone here that cancer is cancer.  It doesn't matter what stage it is.  I hope you read these posts and realize that she is the one that is so wrong here. 

Hugs, Diane

JJDS
Posts: 259
Joined: Apr 2013

Thinking of you Kit Kat. 

Hugs, JJ

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5332
Joined: Oct 2010

wow...sorry to hear such an uncaring person (AND IN THE medical field)

 

ONE nurse did say to me some years back..OH YOU ONLY had surgery and radiation..then quickly said sorry I didnt' mean it like that...

 

I never thought of myself as a survior until i joined this site...since I had surgery and 8 wks radiation-but I FOUND OUT "I AM"

Thinking of you..

Denise

Ritzy's picture
Ritzy
Posts: 4384
Joined: Aug 2009

How are you doing Kit Kat?  I hope you will come back and read all of the supportive posts.

Take care,

Sue :)

Barb A's picture
Barb A
Posts: 101
Joined: Jun 2009

KitKat, I had an oncologist tell me that my first go around with cancer. I was stage 0, with widespread DCIS. I had to have a mastectomy with reconstruction because a lumpectomy would have left me disfigured. I was shocked when he said it and I never went back to him. He's lucky I didn't take his little bow-tie and tie it a little tighter.

As others have said, once you are told you have cancer, no matter what stage or grade, you are in that club. You know what you have gone through and you are a true warrior and survivor. We all are! Just remember how far you have come, how much you have overcome and learned in these last few years. My guess is, you have also helped plenty of other people who have received a similar diagnosis.

Just because some people don't "get it" doesn't diminish what you have conquered.

Barb A

 

 

survivorbc09
Posts: 4378
Joined: Jun 2009

What is wrong with people?  I still get shocked at things people do and say and this is one for the books.  Ignorance in this case is not bliss.  It is just ignorant.  I am very sorry that you got your feelings hurt.  I would have been upset too.  We are all, unfortunately, in the same boat with breast cancer.  Just hoping you're not going to let this upset you anymore.

Hugs, Jan

TexasCharlie's picture
TexasCharlie
Posts: 74
Joined: Nov 2012

If you ever have to deal with her again ask her, " Have you ever had to deal with cancer personally yourself?" I am betting she hasn't. If the answer is no, then you tell her that she isn't qualified to make any statement about the severity of any cancer. If the answer is yes then I would ask her," why, having been through it herself, she would make such an insensitive and cruel comment?". At any rate, as was stated before, I would report her to her supervisor. At the very least she needs some sensitivity training.

God Bless You and yours.

Kristin N's picture
Kristin N
Posts: 1969
Joined: Mar 2009

Yes, if you ever, which I hope you don't, see her again, ask her what Charlie wrote.  She couldn't have had bc or she wouldn't be so insensitive.

Anyway, put her remark in the past and move forward. 

Hugs!

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5332
Joined: Oct 2010

I never say I am a SURVIOR.....I just say I had cancer in 2008! This weekend is relay for life walk-survisor ceremony-never think OH I should go then...ODD I know...I think since I had it easy compared to many. (NOT that anything with cancer is easy -not sure if I am saying it correctly)

 

Denise

Ritzy's picture
Ritzy
Posts: 4384
Joined: Aug 2009

Denise, no one had it easy with bc.  You fought just like the rest of us did.  And, we love you!

Sue :)

JJDS
Posts: 259
Joined: Apr 2013

What a horrible person to say that!  I'd like to kick her in the pants! 

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5332
Joined: Oct 2010

When I was diagnosed 2009 I was not told cancer-I was told over the phone "it's not good but not bad" DCIS-make an appt with surgeon. I looked up DCIS and cancer popped up no matter what.

 

I was kind of ok until sitting in the surgeon's office and he was talking and talking but when he said "Survival Rate" I lost it.

Denise

survivorbc09
Posts: 4378
Joined: Jun 2009

Hoping your tears have dried up and you've got a smile on your pretty face by now!

Hugs, Jan

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5332
Joined: Oct 2010

When I was diagnosed 2009 I was not told cancer-I was told over the phone "it's not good but not bad" DCIS-make an appt with surgeon. I looked up DCIS and cancer popped up no matter what.

 

I was kind of ok until sitting in the surgeon's office and he was talking and talking but when he said "Survival Rate" I lost it.

Denise

JJDS
Posts: 259
Joined: Apr 2013

I have been thinking a lot of you KitKat and hope you're ok and will let us know how you are now.

Hugs, JJ

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5332
Joined: Oct 2010

When I was diagnosed 2009 I was not told cancer-I was told over the phone "it's not good but not bad" DCIS-make an appt with surgeon. I looked up DCIS and cancer popped up no matter what.

 

I was kind of ok until sitting in the surgeon's office and he was talking and talking but when he said "Survival Rate" I lost it.

Denise

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5332
Joined: Oct 2010

sorry for so many postings-it was in limbo for long time and wham repeated over and over..

Denise

JJDS
Posts: 259
Joined: Apr 2013

It happens to me too Denise.  It just sits there and I keep hitting post and then it posts a few times. 

DianeBC's picture
DianeBC
Posts: 3888
Joined: Jun 2009

Thinking of you Kit Kat and sending big hugs!

Diane

ladybug22's picture
ladybug22
Posts: 647
Joined: Sep 2008

wish we could drop your tech a little note on cancer . hugs and love to you kit kat

KIMKATAOKA's picture
KIMKATAOKA
Posts: 11
Joined: Jun 2013

I just do not know what to say when someone say commits like that.  People do not know what to say to people with cancer so someithing stupid and evil comes out.

Ritzy's picture
Ritzy
Posts: 4384
Joined: Aug 2009

I hope you will post Kit Kat.  We are all here supporting you.

Sue :)

Cheryl 1
Posts: 42
Joined: Jun 2013

Some people don't know what to say and sometimes the wrong things come out of their mouth.  Although, what she said was really stupid.  Keep posting so we know you're doing well.

Cheryl

MrsBob's picture
MrsBob
Posts: 21
Joined: May 2013

My father in law (at the time) once told me how horrible his brother's cancer was and how horrible his chemo was and then he went on to say "it wasnt the easy kind like your breast cancer and chemo, this was the harder kind." I was absolutely floored!!!! I just had to remember how ignorant he is about cancer and chemo. He knew nothing of it but talked like he did. I never let people see me when I was sick and i always had a smile. He had been with his brother and saw him sickly so thats probably why he thought mine was the "easy" kind. I forgave and went on...

Alexis F's picture
Alexis F
Posts: 3604
Joined: May 2009

I hope you can forgive her Kit Kat in time.  She is just plain ignorant and for that, she is to be pitied.  I am hoping that you will read all of these wonderful comments and start to feel better.

Hugs, Lex

Kristin N's picture
Kristin N
Posts: 1969
Joined: Mar 2009

Kit Kat, hoping your tears have dried and you have moved past the rude comment of the nurse.  I hope you will post soon and update us on how you're doing.

burcu123
Posts: 70
Joined: Jan 2013

I agree with you those words were very rude. I think the technician had good intentions and wanted to make you feel better. I think if it happens again you should not hold back and stay quiet. You can say I know probably you are trying to comfort me but you have no idea what is stage 1 breats cancer means, in order to survive I had to accept , mutiliation , poisioning bu horrible medications. I lost a part of myself and my health. I may look very healthy to you but I am not the same person, physically and menatlly.

Or you can choose your own words but please do not stay quiet.

Ritzy's picture
Ritzy
Posts: 4384
Joined: Aug 2009

You're on my mind and hoping that your days are brighter!  Also wish you'd check in with us.

Sue :)

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2124
Joined: Jun 2010

I remember kit kat from last year when she had a problem.  She didn't come back until this year.  If you know her email 

address, you might want to inform her that many people want to know how things turn out.  Someone must have her email

address, one of her closer friends.

Best,

Doris

Megan M's picture
Megan M
Posts: 3001
Joined: Dec 2009

Stupid people are all over!  You certainly ran into one of them.  Even though her comment hurt you bad, I hope you've moved past it and are enjoying your life.

We're open all of the time here!

 

Hugs, Megan

survivorbc09
Posts: 4378
Joined: Jun 2009

I think we should still go with Ritzy's idea and get on the pink bus and pay her a visit. 

Jan

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