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Update: Hospice

daisy366's picture
daisy366
Posts: 1493
Joined: Mar 2009

Well ladies the decision is made. Doc admitted they "beat me up real bad" over last 8 months. I told him I felt 80% dead already. Blesses with little pain, my body can barely walk. I use a cane and essentially rest with eyes closed most of day. Appetite poor. Doc prescribed Magace to stimulate appetite, give energy, and hormone treatment that might slow things down, he then made referral to hospice. I will be admitted today. But will stay home.

ths bloating in abdomen is really tumor growth. They don't appear to be attached to organs.

it's been emotional. Planning funeral. Rudy visited a couple funeral homes. Saying goodbye to friends& family. friends helping to clean out garage! Now that's good kind soul! I struggle with paperwork that must get done. I am writing some family history down & making book to help Rudy with home maintenance which always fell on me. He's been apologizing for that. Guilt is haunting him. He's so good to me.

rudy's mother is dying too in ElPaso Tx. So he has lots going on. 

That's the latest. No high tea for me- God bless Linda! I'm tring to put closup up pix of me. But I' need to crop pix. 

I'll keepmyounposted. Love, Mary Ann

Kathy G.'s picture
Kathy G.
Posts: 144
Joined: Dec 2012

May Ann,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your dear husband. I am so sorry you are going through all this...saying final good-byes to loved ones has to be gut-wrenching!

May you continue through without pain.

Please keep us informed if and when you feel up to it.

You are on my mind.

(((Hugs & tears)))

Kathy

ConnieSW's picture
ConnieSW
Posts: 708
Joined: Jun 2012

It is said we live on as long as we are remembered.  Please know I will keep you with me.  You have had such a tremendous impact on those who use this board, and, like Linda, will continue to do so as future members seek help in the archives.  I don't know what to expect for myself but hope I will be able to deal with whatever comes with the courage and dignity you have modeled for us.  I thank you.

 

My heart goes out to Rudy too.  

 

Wouldlove to see your picture and put a face with your words.

 

Love, Connie, who lives in the most northeast corner of NYS, bounded by Lake Champlain, the Canadian border, and the Adirondack   Park.

jazzy1's picture
jazzy1
Posts: 1387
Joined: Mar 2010

You've always been "the force", never wandering off the battle field and keeping the vision to endure.  This news truly breaks my heart as I've always looked up to you for guidance and support.  God does work is mysterious ways and know he has a plan for you.  

Happy you have time to plan for good-byes and spend time with Rudy.  Wish I could be there as I'd give you a big hug and never let you go

You'll continue in my daily prayers for continued strength......plse keep us posted~~

Love always

Jan

 

Cindy Bear
Posts: 568
Joined: Jul 2009

You're post brings me to tears. Not because of cancer, or hospice, but because you're such a wonderfully strong, dignified, classy, articulate lady. I don' t know if you realize what a legacy you've left here on these pages. Always full of support, kind advice, and lots of great info. based on experience and research.  Though we never met, you're one of my personal heroes. Keeping you close in my thoughts and prayers.

 

Love,

CB

 

 

paris11
Posts: 132
Joined: Oct 2010

You are Magnificence personified.

All blessings and all love to you and your wonderful Rudy.

Connie

txtrisha55's picture
txtrisha55
Posts: 461
Joined: Apr 2011

You are such a strong lady and full of courage.  It is always hard to say those good byes but so necessary to do so, especially family and friends.  I pray you and Rudy find some peaceful moments together.  I am so sorry to hear this news but know that you leave behind a wonderful, caring legacy of support and encouraging words for all the ladies on this site. Giving you lots of cyber hugs to get through this.  Trish

txtrisha55's picture
txtrisha55
Posts: 461
Joined: Apr 2011

Received this from one of my friends today and thought I would share it

"Friendship isn't about who you have known the longest 

It's about those who came and never left your side ...."

 

Thanks Mary Ann for being there for all of us ladies and for sharing your journey with us.  trish

 

Stabler
Posts: 51
Joined: Feb 2013

Mary Ann,

I haven't been on this sight long but I've read your posts and I'm in awe because you are such a strong woman and a great insperation to us all.   I am so sorry that you and your husband have to go thru this.  You and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers daily.  Please keep us posted.  And I would love to see a pic of you.  God bless you.

 

Hugs and Tears

Debbie

NoTimeForCancer's picture
NoTimeForCancer
Posts: 744
Joined: Mar 2013

Mary Ann,

I was one of the newbies to this board but I have read many of your posts.  You have helped me so much with the things I read and I must say THANK YOU.  I pray for you and that God holds your family in His hands.  Not many people get to know what kind of impact they have made on this world but as you can see from this internet discussion board, you have touched many. 

E

Sisters three's picture
Sisters three
Posts: 159
Joined: Nov 2012

Hard times for you, loving actions by you. I can only pray that your time will be eased with the greatness of Gods love and knowing that another adventure is just through the next door. I am praying for you and yours! thank you for all your continued shared wisdom.

Write to us again soon!

Lisa

Audray's picture
Audray
Posts: 24
Joined: Jul 2012

I can only add to the above post, just to say you have helped me so much during the past year, even though I have not been able to contribute much myself. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the beacon that has lit the way for me. I too have an incurable cancer and are now trying a third line chemo, dont know how this will go. but I do know what I am facing.and once again, here you are lighting the way forwards for me.... I love an bless you and your family, and will always repsect your openness and help you have given so many desperate people. There is so little help in these things in life. Your acts of kindness have blessed so many of us, and is far reaching into those around us.  x God Blessings shower on you in sprikled love and contentment..Bless you over and over.....

 

HellieC's picture
HellieC
Posts: 485
Joined: Nov 2010

Hi Audray.  I don't want to hijack this thread, but I know that you are in the UK (so am I).  There is a really good support group on Facebook which you might like to look at joining.  There is a main information page and also a "secret" forum where we can post to each other without our FB friends seeing what we are writing or it appearing in any search engines.  I have found it a very supportive group of ladies.  Although it is run from the UK, we have ladies from all over the world.  The link is https://www.facebook.com/WombCancerSupportUK?fref=ts

Kindest regards, Helen

Fayard's picture
Fayard
Posts: 366
Joined: May 2011

 

Mary Ann,

 

I am going to miss you, even though we do not know each other in person. I cannot help it, but I am deeply sad.
You will always be in my prayers, as well as you family members who now need all the strength to live without you. It has been a real pleasure to meet you!

(((((HUGS)))))

 

Ro10's picture
Ro10
Posts: 1574
Joined: Jan 2009

My heart breaks for you and Rudy.  This is such a difficult time for both of you.  I am so saddened by your report.  We started our journey about the same time.  I have long admired you and been inspired by your courage and determination.  I am so sorry you have had such a rough time these last eight months.  I am so blessed to have met you and have called you my friend.  I am glad you will find comfort with hospice.  You have been a true warrior.

i can't imagine how difficult it is for you to say your good byes and planning a funeral.  It has to be very emotional.  Even though Rudy worked in hospice, this has too be more difficult for him now.  I am so sorry to hear Rudy's Mom is dying,too.

thank you for sharing your difficulties with us.  You and Rudy remain in my daily prayers.  I pray for peace and comfort for you and your family.  You will  long be remembered by many.  In peace and caring.

kansasgal's picture
kansasgal
Posts: 119
Joined: Aug 2009

Ever since my journey with this select group began in 2009, I have always watched for your posts. Linda, Deanna, Marge, Mary Ann, Ro, Diane, Jill, Annie, California Artist, our sister with the yen for a little gambling, and it goes on - all of you are so very special to me. I hold you all in my heart and think of you every day. I still have not developed a true appreciation for green tea or for a mixture of turmeric, black pepper and a little olive oil, but these, too have become a part of my daily life.

I send you and Rudy some gentle and loving hugs.

Sally

nempark
Posts: 666
Joined: Apr 2010

Dearest Daisy:  I have not been posting, but I have been reading on a regular basis.  There are times since I have lost my daughter that I cannot bring myself to write, but I find it extremely necessary to write to you at this time.  Daisy I remember when my daughter told me she was dying, I told her that "God gives us relief, even if it means death".  Devastated as I was I learned to lean on the Scriptures which I will share with you, and which has brought me great comfort.

Jesus compared death to a sleep. Speaking of the death of his dear friend he said: “Lazarus our friend has gone to rest, but I am traveling there to awaken him from sleep.” Then in explanation he said outspokenly to his disciples: “Lazarus has died.” (John 11:11-14, NW) Our new version shows where the verb “sleep” means death. When the martyr Stephen was being stoned and had said his last word, we read: “And after saying this he fell asleep in death.” Also, David “fell asleep in death and was laid with his forefathers”. 

Death as Jesus was explaining is just like sleeping, when we go to sleep, we do not even know when we fall asleep, the same is death... it is like a deep sleep awaiting a ressurection.  Revelation 21:4 "And he will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.  the former things have passed away." 

For the living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all. Ephesians 9:5.

Daisy, you have been through a lot and have faced it with great strength and dignity.  Death is not a bad thing, it is the ultimate peace.  You will see your loved ones again in the resurrection, when God will make all things new.

I wish you peace, comfort and most of all, I am happy that God has given you the opportunity to spend precious moments with the ones you love and can still take the time to write to us.  You are SPECIAL!!!! 

 

Alexandra's picture
Alexandra
Posts: 1299
Joined: Jul 2012

I wanted to let you know how much your strength, courage and wisdom helped me and others.

I am so sorry that your journey has been so difficult, especially lately.

Love and blessings,

Alexandra

sunflash's picture
sunflash
Posts: 159
Joined: Aug 2011

Dear Mary Ann,

I'm so sorry to read about the struggles you're having. You are one special lady, and will always hold a very special place in my heart. 

Please give Rudy our love...........I can only imagine how he feels dealing with everything he's faced with. He's as special as you are.

Hold on to God's hand and draw strength from Him....He is there for you.  I'm glad you've made the decision to remain at home...may you be comforted in your own familiar surroundings.

We love you, Mary Ann. Thank you for opening your heart to us.

May you feel  all the love we're sending to you..........

NorahS
Posts: 93
Joined: Dec 2012

I'm so very sad that the last road on your journey is not going to be as long as we thought it would be. You and Rudy should have had many more years together...

much love,

 

 

 

 

laura25's picture
laura25
Posts: 162
Joined: Mar 2011

People come into our lives for a reason.   They come to us in happy times; they assist us through difficulties, hold our hand and wipe away the tears.   These people leave footprints in our hearts and we are never the same.  We are better people for having known them.

This is how I feel about you Mary Ann, thank you for being there for me. xoxo   

ConnieSW's picture
ConnieSW
Posts: 708
Joined: Jun 2012

No matter how hard the days are, I hope you find one good thing on each one.    Was there something today?

janh_in_ontario
Posts: 110
Joined: Sep 2010

Someone said people come in your life as either a blessing or a lesson. I believe you have been both to me. I have learned from you, been supported by you and encouragdd so many times. I hope to meet you in the afterlife to give you a big hug!

love to you, Rudy and your families.

thank you so much for all that you do for us!

 

janh

 

 

 

HellieC's picture
HellieC
Posts: 485
Joined: Nov 2010

Oh Mary Ann.  I read your latest post with such sadness.  I hoped you would have much longer, but it seems from your words that you feel the time is coming nearer.

You have been such a great support to me and to other ladies on these boards and that is a legacy that will continue for a long, long time.  Please hold that thought - everything you have said and done to comfort others and to offer hope will never dim.

My heartfelt good wishes to you, Rudy and your family as you face such difficult times.  Saying goodbyes and making plans for your funeral must be so hard, but you are strong and brave and are tackling what must be done.  You have always been an inspiration to me and continue to be so.

May God bless you and keep you comfortable.

Helen

soromer
Posts: 130
Joined: Mar 2011

Dear Mary Ann,

I am so deeply sorry that you are so ill now, and that you feel you have very little time left. I wish it could be otherwise.

This struggle has been a protracted one for you; the last 8 months really have been tough all around. It is a blessing that you are in little pain, and I hope it continues to be so. 

Thank you for your kindness in posting this update for us. Thank you for all your encouragement and support for all of us during these past few years. Thank you for modeling courage and dignity facing the biggest challenge imaginable. I hope I can be as resolute and calm when the time approaches for me.

I hope you will rally and can gain a little more time all the same, and that you will continue to have good moments and good days for a while yet.

Peace and blessings to you and all who love you, Mary Ann. 

soromer/Kate

Double Whammy's picture
Double Whammy
Posts: 2448
Joined: Jun 2010

Please live the rest of your days in peace knowing that you have touched so many lives - and will not be forgotten.  Thank you for all that you have contributed to us hee on this board.  You have always contributed wisely to everyone and have taught us so much.

Sending my prayers to you and Rudy.

Suzanne

FourBee's picture
FourBee
Posts: 15
Joined: May 2013

Dearest Mary Ann, I changed my moniker so that I could post publicly and re-joined this website and even added a face shot all so that I could respond to you. We have already written each other privately but I wanted the world to know how positive I always found your comments and how supportive you have been of the other women on this site including to those that have passed away. It would be grand indeed if you could show us your beautiful face. We will hold you in our thoughts like those that have gone into the great beyone before you with a blue statue!

I read that you are planning your funeral and didn't know whether you realized that you could donate your remains? I don't mean any harm in the suggestion.

It brings me great comfort to know that you are generally comfortable physically (darned that abdominal swelling!) and that you have some time to be with Rudy and help him in this transition as he copes with your death and that of his mother. I hope that you encourage Rudy to develop a support network (maybe online) for his grief. You are a treasure and he will mourn a long time.

It truly is wonderful that friends helped to clean the garage. These things mean more than anyone realizes.

I hope that you post again as it is my greed in not wanting to let you go. Your happy energy has sustained me more than you will ever realize. In case you do not, goodbye dear friend and I am sending you love across the miles. Z.

debrajo's picture
debrajo
Posts: 815
Joined: Sep 2011

My dearest Mary Ann, I do not believe in goodbys, and I refuse to say it to you.  I would like to say I admire your courage, the way you have fought the beast and won on so many levels.  You and I have the same road to travel, this UPSC road and I find that you have smoothed so many of the bumps on this road for me, and for that I thank you.  You have fought this fight like I wish I could fight it, with determinmation, spirit,adventure, and grace and for that I thank you.  Your knowledge of this monster has taken some of the fear out of it for me, and I thank you for that. Thank you, dear Mary Ann, and I know we will get to meet in person some day, where ever that may be.  Sweet days and dreams, til we meet.  All my best, Debrajo

ConnieSW's picture
ConnieSW
Posts: 708
Joined: Jun 2012

Every one with you still here is precious.  Be comfortable.

TAyers's picture
TAyers
Posts: 49
Joined: Aug 2012

Mary Ann,

I've read a lot of your post and I have not posted enough in the 10 months I have been diagnosed. I can tell you are a very brave person to share your joourney with us. Not everyone can handle the thorns, but always wants to smell the roses. You are doing both, your hurting emotionally , but counting your blessings of not being in pain. My dear UPSC sister, this is not the end, but a magnificent eternity for you as long as you know the Lord Jesus Christ as your Savior. It's hard to let go of family and friends, but when you know there is comfort and peace in heaven it helps the transition. You are being a light for many of us to see the unknown in some of our own futures. I thank you for sharing your pain, your blessings, and your feelings. It helps us to cope with your sickness as well as ours. My heart goes out to your and your family I am lifting you up in my prayers. Tami

SUNGRANNY
Posts: 81
Joined: Dec 2012

Dear Maryann,

I am sending thoughts and prayers for comfort and peace to you, Rudy his mother, your family and loved ones.  

I  join with many others who appreciate and thank you for the information, thoughts and resources you have shared on your UPSC journey.

May you be at peace in the days ahead,

SG

SUNGRANNY
Posts: 81
Joined: Dec 2012

Dear Maryann,

I am sending thoughts and prayers for comfort and peace to you, Rudy his mother, your family and loved ones.  

I  join with many others who appreciate and thank you for the information, thoughts and resources you have shared on your UPSC journey.

May you be at peace in the days ahead,

SG

imackie48
Posts: 96
Joined: Nov 2011

Maryann, I just wanted to tell what a wonderful friend you have been to me, ever since I signed up for this website site, you were the first person to make contact with me, you asked me how I was doing, and ever since then you were always there during my entire treatment for UPSC. I had so many questions to ask, and you knew just the right things to say, and you had a calming effect on me. I want to thank you for being there for me and all the wonderful women on this site who's hearts you've touched. even when you were battling your own beast, you made time to answer our questions.  Mary Ann, I wish I could have met you, I talked about coming to visit you when I made my trips to Florida to see my family, I'm sorry I didn't make it,  but I want you to know you are  always in my prayers. Thank you again for being here for me and all your "sister friends". You are a true HERO in my eyes.

love you always, 

Irene

 

Kaleena's picture
Kaleena
Posts: 1335
Joined: Nov 2009

Mary Ann:

 

So sorry to read your post and I feel for you and Rudy.   I will keep you and Rudy in my thoughts and prayers.

There is so much I would like to say to you, but just can't find the words.   Just know, Mary Ann, that your strength and courage shines through.

 

Sending you hugs,

 

Kathy

Cynthia Rose's picture
Cynthia Rose
Posts: 35
Joined: Apr 2011

I LOVE you Mary Ann.Thank you for all the long talk's on the phone and the love and support you have given me.You are a Wonderful person and I am very grateful to have you in my life...

ConnieSW's picture
ConnieSW
Posts: 708
Joined: Jun 2012

I fret about saying the wrong thing but just want to remind you that you are being thought of.

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