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Do you feel like this?

jnl's picture
jnl
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

While cleaning the house today, once again, I struggled with the idea of putting my bc "stuff" away.  By away, I mean in the attic.  I've been NED now for years, and, pray it is a lifetime of NED, but, it's like I am afraid if I move all of my "stuff", that it will jinx me somehow and something will happen. 

By my "stuff", I mean all of my cd results, test results, all of my wonderful cards from everyone, some information that I've received or gotten about bc that I felt was important and a few other things.

It isn't like anyone, unless they already know, would have any idea that it is there as one of my girlfriend's husband, who is a wonderful carpenter, made me a beautiful wooden box.  Everything fits perfect in it and it is a nice piece of furniture.  It isn't huge, just big enough. 

But I just keep thinking that I really need to put all of that away.  Not have it even in the wooden box as I am constantly reminded.

Does this sound strange?  lol  And, please don't everyone tell me I am strange.  I cry easily  lol

Love, Leeza

 

Ritzy's picture
Ritzy
Posts: 4384
Joined: Aug 2009

Now don't cry Leeza!  I was just joking!  I was just like you.  I had a big box that had everything in it and I hid the box behind a chair, so no one could see it, but, I had easy access to it.

Then one day, I just asked my hubby to please take it upstairs and put it in a closet.  I don't really know what prompted me to do it, but like you, I knew it was always there and it was a constant reminder and I didn't want that anymore either.

My hubby kept asking me if I was sure and I emphatically said a big YES!  He knew my feelings about it and knew that somehow it might be some sort of a security blanket.  Talk about strange, huh.  lol

So, it's all upstairs, hidden in a closet and I am glad I did it.  Nothing bad happened when I did it and nothing bad will happen to you either. 

From your post, it sounds like you're ready to put it away too, not to even have it in the box.  But if you're not, there's no harm in leaving it there. 

Not sure my post helped you any.  Just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in your feeling.

Sue :)

jnl's picture
jnl
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

Thanks Sue!  It's nice to know that others feel this way.  You almost got me crying until I read on.  hehe 

Kylez's picture
Kylez
Posts: 3765
Joined: May 2009

I understand totally!  Nothing strange or odd about the way you're feeling.  I've known bc survivors that said they kept their wigs for years and years, for fear if they donated them, that they would need them again.

You're normal!  Smile

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2204
Joined: Jun 2010

Well, I did keep mine but it has been 18 years since the first chemo (which I didn't loose my hair and never wore the wig).  However, my hair coloring has changed and so did the style of my hair.  The wig is fairly nice and when I am better at driving, I will take it over to a place that accepts wigs.

I wear turbans, hats, kerchief types and I do have bangs if I want to wear them, no wig this time.  I might still get one though.  However, there is no point in keeping your wig in case, because your style and color might change.

Best,

Doris

jnl's picture
jnl
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

Whew!  I am normal!  lol  Want to tell my hubby that? 

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2204
Joined: Jun 2010

I remember the box with all the tests results, all the information I gathered, the cards and etc.  It kept moving place according to importance.  One day, I said, "why on earth am I keeping this stuff".  I threw it out and truly never missed it.  It also had the previous crisis that had happen 4 weeks prior to being diagnose.  I had minor surgery that turned into a staph infection that nearly killed me, finally had a surgery to heal the area from inside to the outside.  All this was in a fairly large box.

I did have a regional recurrence followed by mets.  I truly never needed anything in that box.  I did keep a few things like the path report.  Everything else went.

Don't know if it helps you or not.

Doris

June Bugs
Posts: 169
Joined: May 2013

I have a box of everything too and hadn't even thought about throwing it away.  Maybe in a year or two, I don't know.  It actually has a lot of information that I would want to keep.  It's in our office, so, it isn't in the way.  I should probably at least put it in one of the file cabinets.  You do what you want and when you want.  There's no rule.

June

jnl's picture
jnl
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

If I do throw it out, I probably wouldn't miss it either Doris.  Darn cancer!!!  Look at what it does to us! 

Thanks, Leeza

Angie2U's picture
Angie2U
Posts: 2993
Joined: Sep 2009

It doesn't sound strange to me.  I've kept mine too Leeza, but, it is out of the way, so, I don't see it.  If your knowing that it is there, and, it really is bringing up feelings you don't want, then either throw it out or put it somewhere that you don't have to see it. 

Hugs, Angie

 

SIROD's picture
SIROD
Posts: 2204
Joined: Jun 2010

Some of the postings made me smile.  It is ok when you only have one bout with breast cancer to keep it.  Just imagine the boxes I would have if I kept all the paper work, scans, blood tests, doctors notes, cards and etc for almost 19 years of living with active breast cancer.

I would need to rent one of those storage lockers.  I do think after a while one just throws most of it away.  

I do keep what is important for me to have.  I have scanned most of my recent scan's and the oncologist notes on to my computer as PDF files, so I don't have to search through the paper file if I want to know something.  I keep a backup of it.  

I recorded my blood tests since 2007 on a spreadsheet.  Easy enough to plug in the numbers after you receive a copy.  This way I know how to compare the blood values - at a glance.

Good luck to all,

Doris 

RozHopkins
Posts: 477
Joined: Dec 2010

Two and a half years after bilateral, we are going on Australian vacation and my son said I need a hat for the unrelenting sun.  To snorkel men and women burn their scalps easily just on the way to reef by boat.  Couldn't believe that two of my chemo hats looked really perfect for the job.  They are caps but are just a bit nicer than the off the shelf ones we see everywhere. Kept a few nice scarves which I also have used in colder weather.  

Pink Rose
Posts: 495
Joined: Nov 2012

Wish I could help you with this decision Leeza, but, you'll put it all away when it feels right.  Don't worry about it.

Hugs, Rose

disneyfan2008
Posts: 5520
Joined: Oct 2010

I just hit  5 yrs-The only thing i keep out is my little framed radiation certicate. IT is not very big, no one in the family notices it..but on occassion i just pick it up-(that is the ONLY exact date I remember) JUNE 28-2008 was my last day!

 

We all handle things differently-I wish you luck

 

Denise

TraciInLA's picture
TraciInLA
Posts: 1862
Joined: Jul 2009

Leeza,

Yes, you are strange...but we're all strange too, so we love you! Kiss

About 10 months out of treatment, I moved, so I carefully boxed up all of my hats, scarves, ACS brochures, and other mementos from my treatment, labelled it "Cancer Resources," and let the movers put it in the garage with my other storage boxes.  That was 2 1/2 years ago.  

One of my health goals right now is to be more diligent about protecting my skin from the sun, especially my face, so I've bought hats to wear when I go walking.  I keep thinking that a couple of the hats I wore during chemo looked good on me, I should get them out of that box and wear them...

...but I can't open that box.  I see it when I'm out in the garage, but I can't go near it.  It's almost like I feel it's Pandora's box -- if I open that box, the cancer will come back.  If I keep it taped shut, the cancer will stay in there.

Yes, it's crazy...but cancer makes us crazy!

Traci

 

JJDS
Posts: 259
Joined: Apr 2013

That is another way to look at it Leeza.  Never thought of that Traci.

Pink Rose
Posts: 495
Joined: Nov 2012

I tend to agree with your thought Traci that cancer makes us crazy.  Undecided

Alexis F's picture
Alexis F
Posts: 3604
Joined: May 2009

I agree that you are strange!  Just kidding..  If you are, then so am I.  I have so much stuff stuck in a box that it is ridiculous and I won't throw it away.  Guess I am afraid it might jinx me too.  We all hold on to different things for different reasons.  There's no wrong or right, just the way we are.

Hugs, Lex

Lynne P
Posts: 165
Joined: May 2013

What we hang onto, whether it is everything or nothing is fine.  I keep all of my test results as I always want a record of everything.  I also have all of the cards, letters, notes and gifts that everyone sent to me and still do.  It makes me feel good knowing how many people cared and were concerned for what I went through. 

Good luck in your choice,

Lynne

Noel's picture
Noel
Posts: 3101
Joined: Apr 2009

Leeza, I still have all of my stuff too and will hang onto it as I feel exactly the same way.  No crying, your're normal.  hehe

DianeBC's picture
DianeBC
Posts: 3888
Joined: Jun 2009

Nothing crazy about it.  I am the same.  I bet if they will admit it, most are Leeza.

 

pegalina
Posts: 42
Joined: May 2013

Hi, I just hit 5yrs. and I have my wig in a box with white paper around it..lol..the thing is..5 yrs. ago my husbands ins. said I'm only allowed 1 wig per lifetime..so I bought the best wig out there..lol..its just so funny now..but you all know..we dont know if it will come back..I'm very positive..no matter what..I got my wig..lol!!!!

Lynne P
Posts: 165
Joined: May 2013

We have to stay positive as I think that's a huge part in our general all around health, mentally and physically.  Do what you love to do, enjoy every day and cherish your loved ones.

Lynne

Adrajk
Posts: 1
Joined: May 2013

Why is that?seems like I hear that a lot,I too cry easily,people are always asking me why I cry so often .? (I don't know ,does anyone really know why.)  I have another question, does anyone feel like they lost base line concerning their health ? I feel like I can't trust my body to  tell  me what's going on  with it. (What's normal anymore)?. Is this what happens 2years out of  chemo , herceptin , and radiation. Adra.

Ritzy's picture
Ritzy
Posts: 4384
Joined: Aug 2009

Adra, we all put ourselves through so much, physically and mentally, that it's a wonder that we can still function.  Hearing those 3 words, going through surgery's, chemo, rads, hormone therapy and all of the tests year after year, it does take a toll on us.  We just have to think positive, enjoy each and every day and stay on top of our health.  Life is meant to be lived, not meant to live in fear of cancer. 

Take care,

Sue :)

Alexis F's picture
Alexis F
Posts: 3604
Joined: May 2009

It's really sad to see how many of us feel this way, but I guess comforting in another way, to know that so many pink sisters do feel the same way, if that makes sense. 

Lex

survivorbc09
Posts: 4378
Joined: Jun 2009

Very understandable, as I have kept everything too for the same fear, that if I throw it out, the cancer might come back.  I don't look at it anymore.  I just put new test results with it is all anymore. 

Jan

peanutcat's picture
peanutcat
Posts: 104
Joined: Mar 2011

jnl,

I keep my stuff in the top of my closet because I feel the same way you do. I don't want to be  jinxed. With me it is always in the back of my mind it will come back because there is so much of all kinds in my family. I keep UPBEAT tho

 

 

jnl's picture
jnl
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

Well WHEW!  I knew I wasn't strange.  lol  Thanks for reassuring me of that!  I almost drove myself nuts thinking I should put it all away, but, was just too afraid too.  So for now, it will remain where it is and I can relax about it. 

Thank you sweet sisters for helping me with this.  I was really struggling with it, even though I know so many of you have so many more important issues now.  This was important to me and you are all the best!

I love all of you,

Leeza

June Bugs
Posts: 169
Joined: May 2013

I bet it feels good to come to your decision.  It sounds like it isn't in the way or bothering anyone, so your choice to leave it there is the best for you, at least for now.

June

CypressCynthia's picture
CypressCynthia
Posts: 4017
Joined: Oct 2009

Leeza, I don't think you are strange at all.  When I was diagnosed, I was working on an enormous cross stitch and was about 75% done.  I kept having this silly superstitious feeling that, if I finished the project, I would die.  Completely crazy!

But I talked to my daughter about it at some point.  She asked why I had never finished it.  She understood and said, "Never finish it Mom."

I know it is crazy but feelings are feelings.  Do what is right for you!

Angie2U's picture
Angie2U
Posts: 2993
Joined: Sep 2009

The time just isn't right now, and, it may never be.  Nothing wrong with that as you can tell from all of us that are the same way. 

Hugs, Angie

Ritzy's picture
Ritzy
Posts: 4384
Joined: Aug 2009

Mine may be in the closet Leeza, but knowing I still have it, still gives me that "safe" feeling.  Very glad you're feeling better and are keeping everything. 

Sue :)

RE's picture
RE
Posts: 4630
Joined: Feb 2004

Sounds pretty normal to me!  I am 6 years out from my last episode and I keep all my medical stuff at the ready.  Now that said it took me two years to donate my wigs and hats to someone in need, I just could not take that step.  I will tell you that once I did it was actually nice not to have them where I could see them often and be reminded, it was kind of freeing.  Do it when you are ready.

 

Hugs,

 

RE

jnl's picture
jnl
Posts: 3873
Joined: May 2009

Thanks Re!  Sounding a sigh of relief that I am really normal.  lol

Leeza

DebbyM's picture
DebbyM
Posts: 3294
Joined: Oct 2009

I keep all of my stuff in a box too in our closet.  I have the same feeling, that if I throw it out, I might be jinxing myself too.  lol  Guess we all have a lot more in commen than we realized. 

Hugs, Debby

Alexis F's picture
Alexis F
Posts: 3604
Joined: May 2009

Leeza, from reading all of your responses, it is obvious now that you are NORMAL!  lol  You breathe that sigh of relief and hang on to whatever you want.

Hugs, Lex

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