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My Heart Is Breaking

wolfen's picture
wolfen
Posts: 1206
Joined: Apr 2009

My daughter & son-in-law arrived about 8 this morning. We met with the Pulmonologist & the Pallative Care team. The chances for my husband's recovery are slim to none. Too many systems are failing at once. If he is to stay on the ventilator, he will eventually have a trach & live in a nursing facility, which I know he would not want. If the ventilator is removed, we will bring him home, Hospice will keep him comfortable, but his heart will give out, even with the pacemaker. And of course, there's the 24 hr. dialysis machine.

Although he can't communicate, he understands he can't breathe on his own & shakes his head no to removing the ventilator. He is still fighting & we asked the doctors to give him more time to at least try & recover. He understands some of what's happening and was so pleased to see our daughter, although I'm not sure he understands why she has come. His tube became blocked with phlegm tonight & just for a few seconds, he couldn't breathe(the nurse cleared it right away) & the look of sheer panic in his eyes was almost more than I could bear.

As I do for all of us, I am still hoping for that miracle. In my mind, I see the end, but my heart won't accept it. I've been with him for 41 years & part of me is dying. If this decision should fall to me, I just can't make it yet. Nor can I stand to see him suffering. He wants to know when he is going home & we promised him, no matter what, we would take him home.

I was so glad to see my daughter. I have not seen her in 4 years. As ill as she is, she made the trip to be with us. This is so very hard on her. My son is trying to be brave for all of us, but inside he's just a little boy watching his dad die.

Must get some sleep now.

Love to all of you.

Wolfen(Karen)

Ladylacy
Posts: 514
Joined: Apr 2012

Karen, my heart is breaking for you and your family.  I really don't know the words to say other than my thoughts and prayers coming your way. 

Sharon

NoDuck
Posts: 134
Joined: May 2012

Prayers for strength for you and your family.

Deb

yensid683
Posts: 241
Joined: Apr 2012

for all of you

It is never easy to deal with these challenges, I know that it is devastatingly hard on all of you.  Know that we have all of you in our thoughts and prayers, that God gives you all the strength to deal with all that has happened and all that will be coming.

I pray that God eases your husband's pain, that his loving arms envelope you and your children and provide you comfort in such a difficult time.

donfoo's picture
donfoo
Posts: 1323
Joined: Dec 2012

Oh Wolfen,

I feel the sorrow and pain so much for you. It is great your family is now together and can experience these really difficult times together. Although this is a horrible time for you all, it seems like there is time to communicate openly with each other and come to some understanding on how to proceed forward. It is excellent your husband can communicate his wishes, you need to be able to understand and translate them for him. God Bless you all. don

Skiffin16's picture
Skiffin16
Posts: 8103
Joined: Sep 2009

My heart breaks with news as this also...

Miracles do happen, praying for one now...

Share the time you have, hold each other and love each other...

Thoughts, prayers and miracles...

John

rachel12yrsuv's picture
rachel12yrsuv
Posts: 432
Joined: Feb 2013

Karen, 

so happy your family is gathered to drawl strength from each other during this time of struggle, Jesus please bring the miracle of healing to this this suffering man, his family is gathered to pray in unity to you father for a healing of their beloved father,husband, and friend.  Lord you have said whenever 2 or more are gathered in my name there I shall be, wrap this fAmily in Your loving arms and bring them peace and comfort knowing that it is You calling the shots and no one else, if it should be the time you want your see ant home You will take him by the hand NAND walk with him if it is time for you to heal him you need only whisper it in the air and your Will will be done.  Lord you are a merciful and loving God and we thank you for what ever path you have chosen for you son,  in Jesus' name we ask.  Amen

 

love you Karen and hubby,

 

rachel

Patti1967
Posts: 186
Joined: Mar 2013

So very sorry Karen, prayers to you all.....

Patti

fishmanpa's picture
fishmanpa
Posts: 1131
Joined: Jan 2013

Oh Wolfen,

Definitely news I didn't want to see. Prayers and positive thoughts for you and your family. May you find the inner strength you need to face the challenges ahead. 

"T"

MarineE5
Posts: 762
Joined: Dec 2005

I'm sending my Thoughts and Prayers to you, and your entire family.

If you happen to get a warm flash doing the day, it is us giving you a HUG....

jim and i's picture
jim and i
Posts: 1676
Joined: May 2011

Praying for strength and healing for your family. May all of you feel God's presence in that space.

Debbie

HobbsDoggy
Posts: 165
Joined: Feb 2013

I can only tell you that I wish your husband, you and your family peace.  I cannot think of the right words to help, but do again offer my wish for peace for all.

Billie67's picture
Billie67
Posts: 834
Joined: Jul 2012

I'm so very sorry that you find yourself in this situation. Like you, I am continuing to pray for a miracle. I'm also praying for peace and for your husband to be pain free so he can relax. I will continue to pray....
Billie

katenorwood
Posts: 1861
Joined: May 2012

Wolfen,

Oh if only there were more than just words.  Family united is a wonderful thing.  And yes mircles do happpen, I have seen them with my Mother's fight.  You are such a loving wife, you're man has been blessed to have you fighting by his side.  Listen to what he wants, and do your best to make it happen if you can.  Oh Karen, know we are here.....even just cyber friends....but we are sending any and all positives to help hold you all up right now.  Luv sent,  Katie

phrannie51's picture
phrannie51
Posts: 3847
Joined: Mar 2012

for you and your kids....I am so grateful that they are there with you, tho.  It is true that as children, no matter our age, inside we are still youngsters losing our parent....but we are also grown up, with lives of our own.....our loss is not the same as our mom's.  I remember getting so protective of my mom when my dad was so sick.  I wanted her to lean on me....your son sounds like he may feel some of that, too.    

You know we will travel this path with you....

p

peggylulu's picture
peggylulu
Posts: 367
Joined: Dec 2012

Your post are bringing sadness to my heart and tears to my eyes . There are no words that will really help you . Just know we are all thinking of you and praying for you and your family to find peace. Please get some rest and take care of yourself .

Peggy

debbiejeanne's picture
debbiejeanne
Posts: 2590
Joined: Jan 2010

dear karen, my heart is breaking 4 u.  i'm glad your whole family is together and you have someone to lean on.  i will continue to pray for you and your family. 

God bless you,

dj

Sunshine60
Posts: 76
Joined: Apr 2013

So very sorry Wolfen for you and your family; I hope things go smoothly and you can get him home where he wants to be.   Sending angels your way....

VivianLee5689's picture
VivianLee5689
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

Karen I think of you several times a day.  Your situation seems so familiar.  For me I was luck David made the decision for hospice and to decline treatment.  I was like you.  Even though I hate seeing him suffer I wasn't really ready to let go.  To be honest I still don't feel ready.  It has been four weeks since David's passing and I wish I could say it is getting better.  I pray your husband pulls out of this, and stays with you for many more years, but I also pray for mercy for your husband and your family.  It is hard to watch someone you love as much as yourself suffer.  Feel free to contact me.  I will pm you my cell number.  Call me if you just need someone to hear you.  Vivian

CivilMatt's picture
CivilMatt
Posts: 3083
Joined: May 2012

Karen,

I am sorry for this difficult time and these difficult decisions. Prayer, hope and family will help each of you.  I am still praying for a miracle.

Matt

Pumakitty's picture
Pumakitty
Posts: 653
Joined: Mar 2010

Karen,

 

My heart is breaking so much for you.  I am so sorry you are faced with these horrible things.  You remind me of my mom and how she feels about my father.  Please know I am praying for both of you and all of your family.

 

Kathy

Threelittlebirds
Posts: 39
Joined: May 2013

I am sending prayers your way.  This must be so very hard.

michdjp's picture
michdjp
Posts: 200
Joined: Sep 2011

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family which I am so glad you and your husband are surrounded by in your time of need.  

God bless

michelle

Duggie88's picture
Duggie88
Posts: 565
Joined: Feb 2010

I'm not one for the soft spoken words, I am more of the jokster that allows me to trek through lifes rough terrain. But my heart goes out to you and your family. Being with family always helps getting through those rough times. I hope you find comfort in days ahead.

      Jeff

Noellesmom
Posts: 1315
Joined: Aug 2010

To help you all through this very difficult time.

NJShore's picture
NJShore
Posts: 411
Joined: Nov 2012

Karen,

l am so saddened to read your update. And tonight I am praying for your dear husband, that his body can meet the strength of his mind. Please know your entire CSN family is sending you energy and strength.

hugs, and love,

kari & Dan 

Tim6003's picture
Tim6003
Posts: 1497
Joined: Nov 2011

I said a praye similar to Rachels as I hit post......I pray this miracle would happen for you and your family....I truly care and wish I could do more ....

 

Tim

D Lewis's picture
D Lewis
Posts: 1546
Joined: Jan 2010

Karen - holding you and your family in my heart.

Deb

brenda728
Posts: 2
Joined: Apr 2013

Karen, just wanted to send you some prayer and say you are a very strong women... I hope it Iam ever faced with this kind of circomstances I can be strong.  Hold it togather and love him and hold him like never before.. so sorry Karen. God Bless You All !!

 

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