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a year ago

mr steve
Posts: 286
Joined: Sep 2009

I lost my wife a year ago, went on a date and it feels like I have cheated on her. Does the hurt ever end?

VivianLee5689's picture
VivianLee5689
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

I don't know what the future holds.  I lost my husband on April 4.  He told me before he died to find love again that he wanted that for me since I am only 42, but I can't imagine someone else.

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2055
Joined: Oct 2009

Sorry I don't have much to offer.  I lost my husband of a 42 years in October, 2012 after a 3 1/2 year battle with colon cancer.  Perhaps this is one of the steps you go through in trying to move on.  You feel guilty in finding some enjoyment in life and finding a new you.   I caught myself laughing at some silly TV show the other night then felt so very guilty for laughing and started crying.  Life alone is so very lonely, eating alone, sleeping alone, cooking for one, etc. is so very hard.

If you have reached the point of wanting to get out and get life moving again you should do just that.  Wanting to have some companship to share a movie with, have a nice meal with, is very normal human behavior and human need.  I hope that at some time in the future I will be able to do that.  Please don't feel guilty for being alive while your love is not.  It does not mean that you don't still love your wife, that love has just moved to a different part of your heart, she will always be there. I know, easier said then done. 

Anyway, wishing you the best as you move forward. 

Tina

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

In answer to your question - No, I don't think the hurt ever ends. I lost my husband in 2009. The hurt is still there. It has mellowed and I can accept that it will always be there in some form. His life and death are a part of who I am. I'm not looking for someone else, but if someone happens to find me, I'm ok with that. Companionship and sharing is what I miss the most. Dating is a little scary, but I don't think you should feel guilty about it. We miss those we lost  because they were wonderful people and they loved us. I don't think they would want us to be alone for the rest of our lives if we found love and companionship with another. Life here goes on. The guilt feelings acknowledge your love and loss. I'm guessing that is pretty normal. You will find a way past them. Fay

mr steve
Posts: 286
Joined: Sep 2009

My wife told me she wanted me to go on. I have and I will. I have learned to live with the pain. At times I feel short changed and never thought that death would do us part. I miss that girl so much.

angelsbaby's picture
angelsbaby
Posts: 1157
Joined: May 2008

I know the feeling

 

michelle

 

VivianLee5689's picture
VivianLee5689
Posts: 546
Joined: Aug 2012

I am so glad you put in your input Fay.  This loss is so great and it almost feels insurmountable.  I know my spouse wants me to find someone to love me and care for me, but I am almost afraid when it is time that I will be afraid to let myself love.  I sure didn't think a healthy 47 year old would die of cancer.  Now I can't trust anyone will live.  I don't know how I will get over that.

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