Mar 28, 2013 - 6:26 pm
Sorry I just wanted to start a post for anyone wanting to vent like I know I do. I always had the fear of my cancer returning and now that that fear has become reality i feel as if i might actually lose my mind this time. I had to have my port and liver pump flushed the other day and when the nurse stuck the needle in my chest the tears just poured. This sounds bad but it sometimes angers me to hear someone tell me that it will be ok. It doesnt feel ok, i dont feel ok, and none of this is ok. not for me or anyone else with cancer. it seems as if there are two worlds, this one here with everyone who has experienced and is experiencing cancer, and the one I live in where noone has experienxed cancer. I had a ddream the other night and seen someone very close to me that died of cancer 15 years ago. I woke up screaming. I thought she was there to take me. I have not once ever dreamed about her not even the last time i had cancer. And this dream all in itself makes me feel and sound crazy. I slept with all the lights and tv on the next night. Pardon me but I just want to say what I know everyone feels and please noone be offended but "FCUK CANCER." I had just returned to a normal happy life for about 6 months when cancer bared its nasty teeth again. Sorry for all this venting but i know everyone bere would understand me better.....