Feb 28, 2013 - 7:59 pm
I have scans this upcoming Wed. (march 6). I am SO scared. I've had 4 rounds of doxil after first recurrence. (approx. 7 months remission). I changed drs. after 3 rounds of cistplatin/taxol. Scans after those showed mild growth in the nodes. My new medical onc. did not think the costplatin/taxol was the right regiment for me. Anyway, I am scared the scans are going to show this beast going crazy. Why do I do this every time? I feel well. I am substitute teaching. Appetite is great. (sometimes I think it's too good). My vitals are good. Bowels and everything are working great.
Tonight I watched a webinar about recurring ovca. Of course the dreaded stats were put up. I try to never look at those things. (I'm stage 3C clear cell). Anyway, I saw those grim stats and thought Oh no! I only have a year,maybe if I'm lucky two years left. I hate it when I do this. Do any of you do these things? I know that we're all so different. No one can predict what will or will not happen in the future. Perhaps part of my problem is the fact that two friends with ovca are just about at the end of the battle. One is not responding to chemo, it's in her liver. They are giving her a few months only. Another friend is now on hospice after a 7 year battle.
I hate feeling this way. Every twinge, bump, bruise, anything, I'm like Oh no! it's spreading like crazy. Wish I wouldn't do this.
I wanted to come vent at the one place where I know everyone truly understands.