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My George - RIP

geotina's picture
geotina
Posts: 2042
Joined: Oct 2009

Well, it was not to be and my precious husband George Chris Gerges passed away cradled in my arms today like a newborn baby, 10/29/12 at 3:22 p.m. Our hearts are broken and we are totally devastated and lost. You come home knowing it is over and just walk from room to room not knowing what to do, it is heartbreaking, touches of him are everywhere.

I had the monitors disconnected an a couple of hours or so before his passing and when I saw that he was only taking a few breaths, put the sides of the bed down, got in the hospital bed with him and just cradled him talked to him, kissed him to pieces. He had his eyes closed all day and no sounds except for breathing. About 3 to 5 minutes before he died, he opened his eyes staring at me and moved his mouth as if to say something then it was all over. No gasping, no aggitation, he closed his eyes and it was over. A very peaceful and loving environment. I then called the nurse in to pronounce him.

On Sunday I made the decision to move on to palliative care. George did receive fluids and a very slow morphine drip which aided with his breathing and to insure he was comfortable. All week whenever he was asked if he was in pain he said no and he was not in any pain and I am thankful for that. I did give the hospital our 5 page Durable Power of Attorney regarding Medical Decisions and they adhered to it to the letter. Nothing was given to him without asking me first. They did tell me what they were giving him, what it was for and asked if it was ok to do. There were no extraordinary things done, just comfort care. I could have changed my mind and told them to throw everything they had at him but truly felt that would have been the wrong decision so I have no regrets.

The last words he mumbled late last evening when I was leaving were I love you so very much too. I will carry that forever.

Love and hugs to all - Tina

Grace14
Posts: 60
Joined: Sep 2011

I am so sorry for your loss!! May your darling husband RIP!!

Brenda Bricco's picture
Brenda Bricco
Posts: 549
Joined: Aug 2011

Tina, this post hit me hard, I am so sorry for you loss. The day my husband was dx (in our local ER) I crawled into bed with him, held him while we both cried. I was so broken hearted and was completley in shock. I don't know what your faith is and it doesn't matter, I just want you to know that there is someone praying for your strength and peace.
GOD bless you.
Brenda

fatbob2010's picture
fatbob2010
Posts: 359
Joined: May 2012

Tina there is no words that can describe my emotions at the passing of your dear George. The love that was your obvious hallmark brought tears of joy and sadness at the same time. Prayers of comfort....

jjaj133's picture
jjaj133
Posts: 857
Joined: Mar 2011

Dear Tina,
I am so very sad for you. My first husband died after 33 yrs of marriage. i met him when I was 15. So I understand, what you are feeling.
You were a wonderful wife, friend, and caretaker.
How I hate the pain this beast causes. I am sending prayers for strength and peace for you.
Hugs to comfort you,
Judy

pf78248's picture
pf78248
Posts: 206
Joined: Jul 2008

My Dear Tina,

It's been a long time since I've come to this board and was so saddened to learn you lost your precious George. I know exactly how you feel. I lost my David two years ago September 14 and remember when you first posted. I've followed your journey long after David's ended.

It was a long and very difficult journey and your grief is immeasurable right now. Take time to mourn and know that you took such wonderful care of George. I considered giving care to David to be an honor nd privilege and I know you feel the same.

From time to time I check the board, always sad when there is a loss. You and George were very special. If there is anything I can do to help you, please let me know.

Hugs and Healing,
Priscilla

Varmint5's picture
Varmint5
Posts: 371
Joined: Feb 2012

I am so, so sorry for your loss. I have been where you are, when I lost my husband Bill to cancer in 2000. These first few days pass in a blur and then reality sets in... grief is a roller coaster. Sometimes you just take it one hour, one minute at a time. Just remember to breathe and remember the love - you did everything right and were so good to George and made his journey so much easier. I hope you will be comforted by that. Thinking of you.

Sandy

SharonVegas's picture
SharonVegas
Posts: 189
Joined: Feb 2012

Tina, I'm so sorry for your loss. May peace be with you in the days ahead. Ron

KathiM's picture
KathiM
Posts: 7864
Joined: Aug 2005

I am putting my arms around you...I have no words, only joy through my tears that George was in no pain....

Life will go on, dear soul, but it will be a different one for you...remember him, keep him close in your heart...and know that we who have walked the walk you are now starting on will be here for you, whatever you need...

hugs, Kathi

sharpy102's picture
sharpy102
Posts: 334
Joined: Apr 2009

you brought back memories, Tina...I did the same thing with my Mom. I crawled into her bed too and I told her "let's sleep"...I was "sleeping" with her for like an hour before I went over to the neighbor to help me what I should be doing now. I am so sorry to hear that you lost your husband, and I can completely understand when you say you walk around the house like a stray dog and the house is more empty then ever. It is a horrible feeling...and it won't go away for a while. But I do tell you, as annoying as it may sound (I was really annoyed to hear it), but time does have a way of healing the wound. And although everybody is different, but eventually you'll notice that he'll come back...no, not the same way. You won't see him, but you'll feel his presence. And that will be very very rewarding. It could be a while, for me it took one and a half years to notice my Mom around...but ever since I am very very happy as I know she is with me. Please, be strong! You need to! For your husband! He would not want to see you collapse!! That is what was my driving force at the time too....Hugs to you, and please take care of yourself!
- Sophie

mukamom's picture
mukamom
Posts: 357
Joined: Oct 2010

This hit me especially hard, since your George and my Robert were Dx about the same time and followed about the same treatment plan...

Our prayers for strength and comfort during this most difficult time.

Angela and Robert

Lorikat's picture
Lorikat
Posts: 551
Joined: Jul 2011

God bless you in the days to come..... Cry if you need to, beat up the couch pillows, whatever helps ... Have been there and will pray for peace and serenity for you... LoriKat with hugs

spainmum
Posts: 29
Joined: Apr 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss. My tears are falling.

Love and big hugs.

karguy's picture
karguy
Posts: 1024
Joined: Apr 2009

I'm very sorry to hear the bad news,may he rest in peace.He will be greatly missed.

Dyanclark's picture
Dyanclark
Posts: 245
Joined: Apr 2012

My husband is also named George fighting cancer. Your story gives me such a sick feeling, I hope you can go on and be happy again.

Aud's picture
Aud
Posts: 476
Joined: Oct 2009

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband George. Holding you in the Light for comfort.
~Audrey

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3387
Joined: Apr 2010

Each time I open this post I am overcome with tears.
What brings these tears is your bravery. I had been off the board for three days and regretfully didn't see your first post about going to the hospital, and I'll regret not being there for you in your time of need for a life time.
George was in the best and most capable hands ever; yours. You should not have a single regret for being with him every step along the way. You made George a real living human being to us, your concerns, heartbreak over the cancer and love with him.
I can not begin to even imagine your sorrow, even though you allowed us in to see it and feel it along with you.
I will forever remember your words of snuggling with him, being next to him, giving him all your love and strength and can only hope that someday my husband would dare to give me the same devotion and love that you gave your George.
As you walk from room to empty room, we are there with you in your sorrow, lending you the strength you will need to get you through the upcoming days,weeks, months, we will not fail you.
You gave us so much in understanding of a loved one watching from the outside in, your caring, your love, your heartbreak.
If there is anything I can do, or anything we can do, PLEASE DO NOT HESITATE TO ASK!!!
You and George have always been there for us, please allow us to be there for you,
Our love, our heartbreak,
Winter Marie

herdizziness's picture
herdizziness
Posts: 3387
Joined: Apr 2010

We send you our love to you.
Winter Marie

jasminsaba
Posts: 149
Joined: Jul 2011

I am very sorry to hear about your George's passing ... I am sure you miss him terribly, but I hope you can find some comfort in the memories and the wonderful life you shared together.

tanstaafl's picture
tanstaafl
Posts: 936
Joined: Oct 2010

I'm sorry about George's passing. Hopefully the good memories of him will displace the loss and pain over time. He appreciated you.

thingy45's picture
thingy45
Posts: 567
Joined: Apr 2011

So sorry Tina, I have been away and just checked in at the board, and find your message. Here I am with tears on my cheeks, so sorry for you and the family. Cherish your memories, for me it has been 6 years since the passing of my husband and I stil see his smile to me the day he passed.
Hugs, Marjan

have2believe
Posts: 135
Joined: Dec 2010

My mom has been fighting for close to 3 years and I believe we are nearing the end. I don't think I can honestly fathom it. Like I know it's going to happen, but the idea she won't be here is too difficult to believe. So I cannot even imagine how difficult this loss must be for you. I am so so sorry. You were with him every step of the way. I hope you find comfort in those around you and that in times of grief, you can also feel the love. Again, my deepest condolences.

traci43's picture
traci43
Posts: 411
Joined: Jul 2007

Tina - George fought valiently with you by his side. It's so sad to hear he lost the battle, but it sounds like he was at peace at the end. May the sad times give way to memories of your lives together. YOu are in my prayers, Traci

Godlovesus's picture
Godlovesus
Posts: 6
Joined: Nov 2012

Tina, its devastating news. I didnt know you or George but my heart breaks for your loss. May his soul rest in peace and may you find comfort in knowing you had his love, cared for him and he is still with you.

Prayers and hugs

Trisha

amyb15's picture
amyb15
Posts: 108
Joined: Jun 2009

I havent been on the boards in months and was so saddened to hear about George. You were so lucky to have had eachother. You took great care of him. You were a great support to me when Brenda was sick. You are a teiffic person. You will see George again.
With love and sympathy
Amy

ktlcs's picture
ktlcs
Posts: 360
Joined: Jan 2010

Tina, I don't post that often since I lost my Henry 2 years ago, but have kept up with everyone's stories since then. I am so sorry to hear about your George. Your story is quite a bit like mine, we went to the ER on a Sunday for back pain and he was gone by Friday. I guess what I am trying to say is that I know your pain, I know the feeling of the empty house, a favorite tv show, the automatic instinct to tell him something and then remember he isn't there to tell. I can only say that with time your pain will lessen and your memories will be of the good times.

When a a loved one becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. You will always have the treasure of having had George in your life.

Again, I am so sorry

K

marqimark's picture
marqimark
Posts: 242
Joined: Jun 2011

I too have not been here for a while and it is with heavy heart that I read of of your loss. A great loss to this community also.

Love and peace to you

Mark

Patti1
Posts: 109
Joined: Feb 2006

Tina,

I am so sorry for your loss of George, I know that he will be missed. I am sorry that I have not posted in a while since I lost Dennis 9/2/11, it has been a journey, but we can go on. I love you and share your loss.

Patti

Phil64's picture
Phil64
Posts: 411
Joined: Apr 2012

Tina, I wish you peace and love as you go through this time. I'm very sorry for your loss.

Phil (fellow Michigander)

elizabethgd
Posts: 146
Joined: May 2009

So sorry for your loss. It sounds like a peaceful passing.. and you were so loving.
thank you for sharing your story of love.I am sorry for your sadness. May your love bring you comfort.

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