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Hit the 1 year mark!

Cpnqueen
Posts: 29
Joined: Nov 2011

I know I should be really happy hitting the one year mark but I have to say in all honesty I don't. I am so emotionally and physically drained. My husband is still holding his own for the most part but everytime I feel optomistic the other shoe seems to drop. If it doesn't drop with him one of my 2 kids drops an emotional bomb of some sought. I feel I can never catch a break which seems to just make me angry and distant or I just cry at the thought of everything. To top it off my husband really hurt me a last week emotionally. He was finally having a port put in and before surgery I went to kiss him and he turned away. I know he was scared, I could see it on his face and hear it in his voice but that just killed me. Of course I can't say anything as I don't want to upset him but it just hurts. Uggg sorry about all this whining but I just feel "done". If I could pack up right now and disappear by myself I think I actually would. :(

grandmafay's picture
grandmafay
Posts: 1612
Joined: Aug 2009

We all feel like running away at times. The problem is we know that we can't really leave our emotions behind. Take a deep breath. Go for a walk. Go shopping. Do whatever you need to make you feel better. You do deserve some time to yourself. Hugs, Fay

nempark
Posts: 591
Joined: Apr 2010

Hi, when I was sick I did the same thing to my husband. I cannot tell you why, but I know that it is not fair to the caregiver. However, I feel that it is an anger and fear within us that makes us do ugly things to the people who care for us, and it does not mean that you are not loved and appreciated. I am now a caregiver to my daughter and she is just lovely and a good patient. Sometimes when she gets a little upset with me I feel horrible, but then when I give it some thought I remember that it is okay for her to be upset when I do anything that is not pleasing to her. Take a break and do some self examination, maybe you are unconsciously a part of some of the problems (I mean well). Please remember too, that your husband's illness affect the kids too, sometimes we think they don't care but they also hurt. To be honest with you, I sometimes feel like packing up and head for the hills, but honestly, where are we going? Please don't be too discouraged, this is part of life even though we never thought that it can happen to us. I pray God give you the strength and peace to care for you ill husband and to manage and cope with the children. By the way, speak up to your husband and let him know that you are hurting and that he needs to help you cope so you can be there for him, let him know that you are under stress and he should not add more to it. Please take care of yourself and try not to get too frustrated. I know how difficult it is, but God gives us peace and comfort if you pray hard and rely on Him. Be well and I know you are not going to pack up.

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